USA has announced the return dates for Suits, Colony, and Smackdown.
January 7, 2016 will kickoff the arrival of WWE’s Smackdown to the USA Network with two-hours of wrestling on Thursday night at 8 PM. With the move of Smackdown from Syfy, wrestling will now be able to get all their wrestling needs under one roof at USA.
Colony, USA’s new series premiering on January 14, centers on one family’s struggle to survive and bring liberty back to the people of an occupied Los Angeles. Colony stars Josh Holloway (Lost) as former FBI agent Will Bowman and Sarah Wayne Callies (The Walking Dead) stars as his wife, Katie, in the series which takes place in a dangerous world of divided ideologies. While some choose to collaborate with the occupation and benefit from the new order, others rebel and suffer the consequences.
Rounding out the month of January for USA will be the return of Suits, airing its remaining six episodes starting on January 27. A short synopsis of the remaining episodes can be found below:
In the wake of his arrest for conspiracy to commit fraud, Mike finds himself at the center of an investigation – led by a ruthless government prosecutor, Assistant US Attorney Anita Gibbs (new recurring guest star Leslie Hope, “24”) – that threatens to bring down the whole firm. Harvey, having resigned from the firm in order to protect it, must tred lightly if he’s going to help Mike, or incur the wrath of Charles Forstman. Together with Jessica and Louis, Harvey must figure out how to build a defense for Mike, knowing full well that he’s guilty of the crime for which he stands accused. Meanwhile, Rachel must come to terms with the fact that her fiancé, and everyone she’s close to, could soon be in prison as Donna finds herself at a crossroad.
The highly anticipated return of Black Sails is much closer than anticipated! Starz has announced the premiere date for season three of Black Sails for January 23, 2016.
According to Starz, season three will open in the wake of the destruction of Charles Town, where the world lives in fear of Captain Flint. When his campaign of terror crosses over into madness, it falls to John Silver to locate the man within the monster. Meanwhile, with Eleanor Guthrie gone, Jack Rackham and Captain Charles Vane struggle to secure Nassau for the ages.
Black Sails, which is already renewed for a fourth season, is about to begin production on its fourth season in Cape Town, South Africa.
The ten-episode third season of the authentic high seas drama follows the most feared pirate of the day, Captain Flint (Toby Stephens), and takes place twenty years prior to Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic “Treasure Island.” Ray Stevenson (‘Rome,” Insurgent,Divergent) joins the cast as the iconic pirate ‘Blackbeard,’ and Luke Roberts (“Wolf Hall,” Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”) joins as historic figure ‘Woodes Rogers.’ In season three, all are tested when a new threat arrives in Nassau, one the pirates could never have anticipated. It knows them. It understands them. And in the blink of an eye, it will turn them against each other.
Deadline is reporting that Syfy has picked up a 13-episode order for Van Helsing, with writer/showrunner Neil LaBute heading the series.
Instead of concentrating on a male vampire hunter from gothic history, Syfy’s version of Van Helsing will follow the legendary hunter’s daughter, Vanessa Helsing, who finds herself “resurrected five years in the future to find out that vampires have taken over the world.” According to Deadline, Vanessa will realize she possesses an unique power over the vampires which will allow her to serve as humanity’s last hope against the undead threat.
Van Helsing will begin production in January 2016.
WARNING: Major spoilers from last night’s episode of Homeland, “Better Call Saul.” Go call someone else if you don’t want to be spoiled.
I warned you.
Okay, we good?
Good.
Last night’s episode gave viewers a few revelations to mull over: notably, the realization that Allison is so much more than the CIA’s Berlin Station Chief. We know now that she is working in some capacity with the Russians and we have to ask ourselves why. I think after last night, the reason for the hit on Carrie became apparent: killing Carrie (whom they deem responsible for the CIA document leaks) means no one is left to warn Saul about the impending danger facing him and the CIA. Of course we also know that Allison and the Russians failed in that regard because Carrie does meet up with Saul (and whether or not he believes her is another matter entirely).
Even though Peter Quinn’s life is hanging in the balance and I’m distraught at the prospect of losing him, I want to discuss the more important matter at hand: Allison’s end game. Seriously, what is she playing at?
The easiest answer: Blackmail
Given Allison’s frightened state at meeting with Ivan, someone less familiar with the twists of Homeland might guess that Allison is being blackmailed by the Russian SVR spy agency. It wouldn’t be against the show’s portrayal of the Russians to have them hold a loved one ransom to get what they want. Allison did react strongly to potentially being sent back Stateside at the beginning of the season, but these plans seem to be a long time in the making and I doubt that any connection Allison has to the SVR is new.
Which means she could be Russian herself.
Allison has already proven to the viewers that she is adept at playing the fool and covering up an accent. Allison very well could have been an SVR agent from the start and now her intelligence operation has extended into CIA destabilization missions. The relationship between Allison and Ivan as they sat behind their respective cars came across as more than just an unwilling partner in the Russians’ schemes. She even goes so far as to ask Ivan to sit with her for a few more minutes, quietly sharing a cigarette. Something romantic, perhaps?
Or she’s playing both the SVR and CIA and working with ISRAEL
Homeland is very good at toying with a person’s allegiances, even having some people question the loyalties of both Saul and Peter Quinn. Allison seemed distant toward the Mossad agent Etai at dinner and maybe Allison is keeping her distance from him to keep eyes on Saul’s relationship with him. How else would Etai know about the coup that totally-isn’t-a-coup?
But my number one explanation for Allison’s actions would be…
Saul and Allison have a plan
This would be incredibly Saul and Carrie-esque but we know from past seasons that Saul is not above putting his agents in harm’s way for the sake of intelligence. Early on in the season, Allison lashes out at Saul for not protecting her from Dar Adal the way he would have protected Carrie. Is this out of romantic jealousy or because such a move would put a dent in all her efforts with the SVR? I imagine that in order to obtain some legitimacy with the SVR, Allison would need to keep some plans a secret, like the bombing of Gen. Youssaf’s plane, in order to reach the long-term goal.
What is that goal, exactly? Well, hear me out. I think Saul and Allison plan to expose a connection between Dar Adal and the SVR. Dar Adal is the one who wants to hurry up and go ahead with the coup, even when Israeli allies are against the power shift, and even when overthrowing dictators has ended horribly in nearly every instance for the United States. Why would Dar Adal create such a situation in the middle east? Because it gives Russian the destabilization it needs to take control of the area. Ivan mentions to Allison that he needs her to create suspicion surrounding Saul. Why? Because the SVR already has Dar Adal in its pocket and Saul is the only one wise enough to recognize Adal’s suspicious behavior. I mean, have we already forgotten Adal’s behavior in seasons two and three and then that car ride with Haqqani at the end of last season?
Using Quinn’s hit list, knowing he wouldn’t hurt Carrie would have been the only safe way for Saul and Allison to attract her attention, to bring her back to the CIA without raising red flags. And then with their powers combined, they can take down the corruption from the inside out. Exposing Dar Adal’s true nature has been a long time coming and I think things will finally come to fruition by the end of the season.
It’s a good morning to be a Trekkie as CBS has announced Star Trek is returning to television!
Premiering in January 2017, the newest television endeavor in the Star Trek universe will “introduce new characters seeking imaginative new worlds and new civilizations, while exploring the dramatic contemporary themes that have been a signature of the franchise since its inception in 1966.” Next year the franchise will mark its 50th anniversary since it debuted on Sept. 8, 1966 – originally airing for three seasons
Alex Kurtzman, who co-wrote and produced on Star Trek (2009) and Star Trek Into Darkness (2013), will serve as executive producer for the new Star Trek television series..
“There is no better time to give ‘Star Trek’ fans a new series than on the heels of the original show’s 50th anniversary celebration,” said David Stapf, President, CBS Television Studios, in a press release. “Everyone here has great respect for this storied franchise, and we’re excited to launch its next television chapter in the creative mind and skilled hands of Alex Kurtzman, someone who knows this world and its audience intimately.”
The new series will broadcast on CBS Television Network. The premiere episode and all subsequent first-run episodes will then be available exclusively in the United States on CBS All Access, the network’s digital subscription video on demand and live streaming service.
HEROES REBORN -- "June 13th - Part One" Episode 107 -- Pictured: (l-r) Masi Oka as Hiro Nakamura, Jack Coleman as HRG -- (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
Heroes Reborn
Season 1, Episode 7: “June 13th, Part One”
Original Air Date: October 29, 2015
This week’s Heroes Reborn was a biggie as we discovered what killed the cheerleader and how it all ties to the world being (possibly) saved. We also saw a few more old characters return and I just really wanted Peter Petrelli to show up as a super secret guest, but I digress.
So Claire Bennet is really truly dead. How did she die if she could regenerate herself you may ask? She had a cardiac arrest while giving birth to twins. I still don’t really understand how that was possible, but Mama Petrelli (now Great Grandma Angela Petrelli) sort of implied that she lost her power because of childbirth.UPDATE: Claire was unable to regenerate since Phoebe’s shadow negated the all other Evo abilities in the area as a part of Erica’s plan to blow up the summit (Thanks to reader Monica Dawson for pointing this out).UPDATE: Tommy had absorbed Claire’s powers and so she was unable to regenerate. Hiro had said that preventing Claire’s death would lead to worse events and so she must remain deceased. Does that mean though that her true purpose this whole time was just to give birth to the saviors? Bummer.
But let’s get back to the twins. At the very end of the episode we found out that HRG names the girl Malina after his mom and Angela names the boy Nathan after Nathan Petrelli (she says Nathan is the son she lost, so that means Peter is alive??). Malina is obviously the young Evo whom we first met in the Arctic Circle and Nathan is actually teleporter Tommy Clark! That’s why Farah had given her young charge a picture of Tommy so when they eventually reunite the Wonder Twins can activate their powers even more and save the world, or something like that.
HEROES REBORN — “The Needs of Many” Episode 104 — Pictured: Robbie Kay as Tommy Clark — (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
HRG realizes that he made himself forget about Claire’s kids in order to protect them from Erica. Angela had visions that the kids would one day save the world and somehow the Renautas CEO finds out. Cleverly, Noah recruits Hiro to hide the children in the past so that Renautas would not be able to find them and it would also throw them off the scent (aka they are hunting for babies when the kids are actually teens now). Angela says she’ll go back into the past with Hiro to help look after her great-grandchildren.
They must have separated at some point in the past because neither knew of each other’s existence in the present. It’s all very Luke and Leia (from Star Wars). Twins check, one boy one girl check, powers check, prophecy to save the world check. I suppose that would make Erica the Emperor and Harris is Darth Vader.
At the hospital I almost didn’t recognize the nurse as being present day Tommy’s mom (she had straight hair in the past). There was a little moment between Hiro and Anne Clark, which gives us a clue on how she becomes Tommy’s adoptive mother. In a previous episode as well Anne tells Nathan/Tommy that she was afraid that he would go looking for his father, which would be Hiro? I’m guessing that the time traveler stayed with the Anne and the baby for a few years and left before Tommy could remember him.
Additionally it’s interesting that Primatech had the teleporter at some point when he was a child because past Noah would have met his future grandson without even knowing it. Though it does make me wonder how they weren’t able to link Tommy to Claire genetically since they must have had blood samples from both.
HEROES REBORN — “The Lion’s Den” Episode 105 — Pictured: Danika Yarosh as Malina — (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
Meanwhile, how does Angela raise Malina? Did she arrange for the child to grow up with foster parents as well? From the preview clip for episode eight, Malina is shown sitting in a very fancy looking estate. Did great-grandma use her own formidable resources to bring up the child herself in secret since the other Angela Petrelli was out there? Guess we’ll find out in this upcoming episode. Eventually the young girl gets taken to the Arctic Circle with Farah as her guardian to practice her abilities and stay hidden from Renautas. Somehow they managed to survive out there with what looked like very meager supplies.
Final thoughts:
Time was cleverly used in this episode where HRG had to go back to the past to create the present as it is on the show. But still, why did he tell The Haitian to kill him if he ever returned after the memory wipe? Wouldn’t that have prevented future him from returning to the past to enact this whole plan in the first place?
Hiro also doesn’t have the Kensei sword with him since getting out of EverNow, where’d it go? And has anyone noticed how his Japanese accent isn’t quite as strong as it was in the original Heroes? He’s slowly transitioning to the future Hiro who sounds American.
With the latest James Bond thriller, SPECTRE, set to explode onto movie screens on November 6th, The Workprint did its due diligence to rank the characters of this longest running franchise in movie history. First, we tackled the Bond Girls and then we ranked the Villains followed by the Henchmen and the secondary Bond girls. But now it’s time to tackle the ultimate task – ranking the films as a whole.
As a massive Bond fan this is a bit like making me rank my own family members but for those of you who are new to Bond I genuinely believe if you start at the top end of this list you’ll find yourself having a really good time. Naturally, this list is limited to the 23 official James Bond films leaving off the first few attempts at cracking Casino Royal and the rival studio Thunderball remake, Never Say Never Again.
But without further ado let’s get started…
23. The Living Daylights (1987, Directed by John Glen)
Best Scene: Bond and Kara escape the Soviet Union using her cello case as a sled.
I hesitate to call The Living Daylights “the worst” James Bond film because I honestly believe there is something to love and enjoy within every entry in the series, but this is definitely the one that leaves me the most cold. From a dull villain with an unexciting plot to a tap water-esque Bond girl, this first effort from Timothy Dalton is a bit too self-serious and stylistically flat to register many thrills.
22. Diamonds Are Forever (1971, Directed by Guy Hamilton)
Best Scene: Bond takes on the gymnastic female bodyguards, Bambi and Thumper.
Sean Connery might be my favorite Bond actor but this final outing from him in the official series (the less said about Never Say Never Again the better) just doesn’t quite work. For starters, they only vaguely reference the tragic death of Bond’s wife in the previous film, which makes my blood boil. But there is also a severe tonal shift toward 70s cheese with campy villains and a kind of humor that only Roger Moore could later handle with believability. Oh and why does it look like Connery aged 30 years between this and You Only Live Twice which came out just four years earlier?
21. Moonraker (1979, Directed by Lewis Gilbert)
Best Scene: The excellent pre-titles sequence with Bond taking on Jaws and other henchman in mid-air without a parachute.
Moonraker is truly Bond at his most ridiculous. Laser guns and space battles dominate the last third of the film, but those aren’t the only things to blame as being silly. The film also boasts a gadget laden gondola ride in Venice, a love story for the cartoonishly unstoppable Jaws, and a gloriously over-the-top fight in a glass factory. Throw in an extremely wooden Bond girl named Holly Goodhead and you’ve got what amounts to cinematic Bond’s biggest detraction from his literary origins.
20. A View to a Kill (1985, Directed by John Glen)
Best Scene: Bond teams up with May Day to get the bomb out of the mine shaft and turn the tables on Zorin.
Roger Moore’s final film as 007 is essentially a remake of Goldfinger that substitutes microchips for gold bullion, but it never manages to meet that film’s level of quality. And honestly, that’s kinda shocking when you consider that A View to a Kill boasts Christopher Walken and Grace Jones as villains – a casting coup if there ever was one. And don’t even get me started on the comical age difference between good old Roger Moore and his female suitors in this flick…
19. The Man With the Golden Gun (1974, Directed by Guy Hamilton)
Best Scene: The final duel between Bond and Scaramanga with the dramatic islands of Thailand in the background.
The Man With the Golden Gun is a weird Bond film for it’s time because it actually gives 007 an enemy on a more personal level than the typical madman out to destroy the world. In this case he faces Francisco Scaramanga (the great Christopher Lee) as a rival in the business of killing. This naturally sounds intriguing but the screenplay never quite nails the potency of that rivalry in a way that you might see in the more personal, gritty films of the Daniel Craig era. The film also feels a bit rushed and lacks the high quality production values usually found in every entry of the series. I have a confession though: that ultra cheesy theme song by Lulu is a major guilty pleasure for me.
18. Die Another Day (2002, Directed by Lee Tamahori)
Best Scene: Miss Moneypenny uses a virtual reality machine to finally realize her 007 fantasies.
Pierce Brosnan’s final film as 007 starts out promisingly enough with a storyline featuring Bond being imprisoned and tortured in North Korea before getting traded for a terrorist who becomes person #1 on Bond’s hit list but then…the rest of the movie happens. What follows is an increasingly absurd flick featuring extreme plastic surgery, a palace made out of ice, a diamond studded satellite weapon, and Bond windsurfing away from a melting glacier. In other words it’s from the Moonraker school of James Bond adventures and that ain’t easy to pull off with a straight face anymore. Let’s hope this was the last time they try to go that route.
17. Quantum of Solace (2008, Directed by Marc Forster)
Best Scene: Bond and Camille plummeting to their possible deaths in a plane crash over the Bolivian desert.
Everyone expected big things from the followup to the phenomenally successful Casino Royale but this second outing for Daniel Craig didn’t quite match those expectations. For all of the rough and tumble Bourne-style editing, the film is actually a bit of a lightweight that never adds up to much more than a string of fight scenes loosely held together by a revenge story. By time it reaches the climax you’re left asking, “Is that all?”
16. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997, Directed by Roger Spottiswoode)
Best Scene: Bond and Wai Lin race through the streets of Saigon on a motorcycle while handcuffed to each other.
At first glance, James Bond versus a media baron doesn’t sound all that compelling, but when said media baron is trying to prompt a war between the UK and China for ratings the stage is set for a surprisingly fun 007 adventure. The film has a sense of playfulness about it that doesn’t beg to taken seriously but is still rested firmly enough in reality that it never gets too silly. But when dealing with Bond, who doesn’t like the tiniest bit of cheese?
15. Licence to Kill (1989, Directed by John Glen)
Best Scene: The finale’s tanker truck chase through the mountain roads of Mexico.
007 has had to “go rogue” multiple times in the series’ history but never has it been quite as potent as what plays out here when Bond’s best buddy, Felix Leiter, loses his wife and gets maimed by drug lord Franz Sanchez. As he quits the secret service to seek revenge Bond must insert himself into Sanchez’s business and try to destroy it from the inside, which makes this unlike any other Bond film. Major bonus points are awarded for Desmond Llewelyn’s Q joining Bond in the field for the first time for more than just dropping off a gadget or two. If this didn’t have such a flat, workman-like directorial style it would probably be one of my favorites.
14. You Only Live Twice (1967, Directed by Lewis Gilbert)
Best Scene: Bond checks out the volcano with his mini helicopter, Little Nellie, and takes on four enemy helicopters with some of the best gadgetry ever.
If anything is true in this world it is that the Austin Powers films are roughly ten times funnier if you’ve seen You Only Live Twice. It is a Bond film that epitomizes the tropes of the 60s spy genre and does them bigger and wilder than any other film of that decade. Hidden volcano lairs, ninja training schools, rocket launching cigarettes, and gadget-laden mini helicopters are just a few of the things that make this Sean Connery’s most outrageous Bond adventure. It’s a damn fun watch but probably not for those who like the more serious side of 007.
13. Live and Let Die (1973, Directed by Guy Hamilton)
Best Scene: The epic boat chase that dominates the middle act of the film.
Roger Moore’s first time out as 007 doesn’t quite nail what would become his signature lighter touch in the role, but watching him here makes it easy to see why he would go on to become the longest running Bond actor. This entry also gets points for the surprising-for-its-time supporting cast made up almost entirely of African American actors. And let’s not forget that killer theme song from Paul McCartney and Wings.
12. Dr. No (1962, Directed by Terence Young)
Best Scene: Bond’s iconic introduction at the casino where we first hear him utter the immortal words, “Bond. James Bond.”
It’s not often that the original film of a series lands at only the halfway point in a ranking of said series, but even with a heavy dose of iconic moments the franchise was still very much a work in progress with this inaugural effort. The plot isn’t particularly thrilling but simply getting to know 007 and his world is enough to make this a worthwhile viewing experience. And if you ever think some of the other films under use the classic James Bond Theme, your ears will not be disappointed here.
11. Octopussy (1983, Directed by John Glen)
Best Scene: Bond blasts his way through some thugs by sliding down a long stairway railing with machine gun roaring.
Even though this film boasts my least favorite theme song of the series, it’s hard to deny how fun everything else about it is. Striking a nice balance of cold war dramatics and exuberantly fun action set pieces, Octopussy is a Roger Moore Bond film firing on all cylinders. And with roughly three or four different action climaxes to the plot, those looking for pure spectacle will not be disappointed.
10. Goldeneye (1995, Directed by Martin Campbell)
Best Scene: Bond rips apart a big chunk of St. Petersburg, Russia in a tank.
Pierce Brosnan’s first Bond film comes so painfully close to perfection it hurts. It’s got great villains (with a clear and palpable evil scheme), an excellent leading Bond girl, pulse-racing action, and the sterling debut of Judi Dench as M, but another major aspect of the movie is so off-kilter that it actually keeps it from moving higher on this list: it’s score. Composer Eric Serra’s score is so painfully stuck in early 90s stylings that it makes this one of the few Bond films to actually feel dated. Had John Barry or even future Bond composer David Arnold lent their talents to this flick it could quite possibly be at the top of this list. It is seriously that good.
9. The World Is Not Enough (1999, Directed by Michael Apted)
Best Scene: Elektra tortures Bond with an antique chair designed to snap his neck.
I realize it’s a little controversial putting any of Pierce Brosnan’s other Bond films ahead of Goldeneye but The World Is Not Enough clicks for me in a way that edges out that first film of his and it is largely in thanks to the music. David Arnold’s big, brassy score makes this film feel truly Bondian and pairs nicely with the other elements of the film that make this quintessential 007. The less said though about Denise Richards’ Dr. Christmas Jones the better.
8. For Your Eyes Only (1981, Directed by John Glen)
Best Scene: Bond escapes his pursuers in a series of winter sports-themed obstacles that culminates in him going down a bobsled run on skis.
After 007’s blatantly absurd trip into space in Moonraker the producers of the series wisely decided to bring James Bond back down to Earth in every manner of speaking and the result is the best Bond film of the 80s. Roger Moore strikes the perfect balance of humor and ruthlessness in this outing with an adventure that rockets along with perfect pacing and some of the best action sequences of the Moore era. And to top it all off, a parrot flirts with Margaret Thatcher at the end. What more could you want?
7. Thunderball (1965, Directed by Terence Young)
Best Scene: Bond and a horde of marines wage an underwater war against Largo’s forces in order to halt their nuclear blackmail plot.
Stealing nuclear weapons and holding the world hostage may have been a punchline in Austin Powers for what all evil organizations attempt to pull off but Thunderball was really the first to explore such a plot line and nobody has done it better since! The villains, the women, and the Bahamas setting are all so perfectly Bond that you really couldn’t ask for more but then they throw in some truly groundbreaking underwater action and this achieves classic status.
6. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977, Directed by Lewis Gilbert)
Best Scene: Bond skis over the edge of a mountain only to reveal a Union Jack parachute to take him to safety.
This third film to star Roger Moore as 007 is hands down the reason why he’ll remain ranked as one of the best James Bonds of all time and helped assure that he would remain in the role for a record-breaking seven films. The plot might be shockingly similar to You Only Live Twice but the relationship that develops between Bond and the ultimate Russian spy codenamed Triple X is so palpable and fraught with rivalry that it takes the proceedings in an entirely new and exciting direction. Also major props go to the introduction of Jaws, the stunning pre-credits sequence, and Carly Simon’s classic theme song. Nobody does it better indeed.
5. From Russia With Love (1963, Directed by Terence Young)
Best Scene: Bond and Red Grant finally come to blows on board the Orient Express – one of the best fight scenes in the series’ history.
Even though Dr. No outs himself as a member of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. in the first Bond film, it isn’t until this second, outstanding film in the series that we truly get to see what that evil organization is capable of. What makes this film so spectacular is how closely it adheres to Ian Fleming’s original source novel, which delves deeply into serious spy territory unlike the more fanciful adventures that would follow it. The Cold War comes front and center here as the East and West are pitted against each other by Blofeld and his cohort of schemers. Exotic locations, mysterious train rides, and a poison-tipped shoe blade all paired with John Barry’s masterful score make this an absolute must see.
4. Casino Royale (2006, Directed by Martin Campbell)
Best Scene: Le Chiffre interrogates Bond using a method best described as “ball-busting”.
Casino Royale, Ian Fleming’s first novel starring Agent 007, has a long history of adaptation. From a 1950s television version with an American “Jimmy” Bond to the 1967 comedic spoof starring the likes of Peter Sellers, David Niven, Orson Welles, and Woody Allen, the rights to this original Bond story didn’t land in the lap of the official film series’ producers until the early 2000s when it was deemed time to slightly reboot the series with a fresh approach. It took a long time but the resulting film is a stunner. Daniel Craig gives a captivating debut performance as 007 in a film that tosses out the classic formula (the main villain doesn’t even make it to the final act!) and gives new life to my favorite fictional character.
3. Skyfall (2012, Directed by Sam Mendes)
Best Scene: Judi Dench’s M gives a defiant speech to a government committee as enemies move in attempting to kill her.
For the 50th anniversary of James Bond’s big screen debut, the producers truly pulled out all of the stops for Skyfall. Acclaimed director Sam Mendes led the charge with a film that not only paid tribute to Bond’s past but paved the way for an exciting new future with a new M, Moneypenny, and Q all finally coming together for the modern era. The cast is across the board exceptional in every role and that Oscar-winning song from Adele is just icing on the cake.
2. Goldfinger (1964, Directed by Guy Hamilton)
Best Scene: Bond is strapped to a table as Goldfinger’s impressive laser comes ever so close to taking away 007’s best gadget.
Not gonna lie – choosing between this and my number one selection was borderline traumatizing. Both films are equally masterful and if you ask me again a week from now I might switch them around, but what makes Goldfinger so outstanding is that it really is – and forgive the pun – the gold standard for what a Bond film is. The third film of a series rarely sets the mold for the films that follow but Goldfinger took the great aspects of the first two films and blended in the tropes that ultimately made the character we know of love today. The grand schemes, the henchmen, the girls, the elaborate set pieces, and a glorious soundtrack all come together here to make a Bond film that became a blueprint for all that followed.
1. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969, Directed by Peter Hunt)
Best Scene: Bond proposes marriage to Tracy while hiding out from Blofeld and Co. in a rundown, frozen barn.
What ultimately puts this film on top of the heap for me is an aspect that most entries of the series seem to neglect: heart. For the one and only time in the entire series, James Bond falls hard enough for a girl to actually ask for her hand in marriage. And it isn’t just your standard spy meets girl kinda story where they meet cute and everything falls into place neatly; there are complications on multiple fronts and their genuine love happens slowly and believably in a way that makes the film’s tragic final scene all the more powerful. But don’t confuse this as just a love story – it’s also a rollicking traditional Bond flick with Telly Savalas as the best iteration of Blofeld thus far and some stunning ski action in the Swiss alps. And as always, John Barry’s musical score perfectly epitomizes the genre and its style at the time.
But of course the elephant in the room here is the man who played Bond for this one and only time. George Lazenby was a relatively unknown model when he was cast as Bond and for a first time actor the results are actually quite remarkable. Sure, he’s no Sean Connery, but I genuinely believe that if he had stuck with it for more films his talents would have grown to give him more comfort in the role and ultimately rank him as one of the best actors to ever order a martini shaken, not stirred.
Now, how will SPECTRE rank on this this? Check back later this week for a full review!
Back in June, I reviewed Arkham Knight on the PC and while I tried my damnedest to be objective and respect the ethics in journalism and all that nonsense, that game was a train wreck. Not long after, due to poor response, terrible optimization, and a slew of refunds, Warner Bros. pulled the game from PC shelves with the promise that it would be fixed.
Yesterday, Warner Bros. released an apology and announced they were sorry for all the mishaps and boo boos and they would make it better by offering PC owners free stuff. You can find the full announcement here, but the gist is this:
“If you own Batman: Arkham Knight for PC or purchase it before November 16, 2015, you will get:
Free digital copies of games from the Batman: Arkham library.
The “Community Challenge Pack” DLC.
The Batman: Arkham inspired Team Fortress 2 items created by the Batman: Arkham community.”
A patch or ten were put into place and Arkham Knight was finally back in the hands of PC gamers. All was right with the world.
Except it wasn’t.
I’d love to debate what WB offered gamers as a peace treaty and how most gamers who pre-ordered Arkham Knight probably already owned the previous Arkham games so free games means squat, but that’s not even what I’m most upset about. The problem lies in the fact that WB didn’t actually fix the problems plaguing PC gamers.
We are still working with our GPU partners to add full support for SLI and Crossfire. In addition, we are working with these partners to address stability issues on certain cards related to the latest drivers.
After extensive testing, a hard drive paging issue with some GPUs on Windows 7 may occur after extended gameplay sessions. If you encounter this, simply re-launching the game will resolve the issue.
For Windows 10 users, we’ve found that having at least 12GB of system RAM on a PC allows the game to operate without paging and provides a smoother gameplay experience.
Did I read that correctly? Twelve, as in ten plus two, gigs of RAM are a MINIMUM for playing this game on the PC? What other game requires such a monumental amount of memory? I’ve modded Minecraft to hell and back and not needed that much memory. MINECRAFT, PEOPLE. The King of the Memory Drain!
Players are reporting the game to still be unplayable with dropping frame rates, stuttering gameplay, bugs, and down right freezing. On top of requiring more RAM than all newly released games currently on the PC, WB didn’t even bother fixing the memory leak issue or bugs halting players from finishing side quests. The latter is exactly why I stopped playing Origins and it looks like WB poor solutions will keep me from finishing Arkham Knight as well.
On top of this, because WB “technically” pushed back the game’s release date, all those negative reviews detailing the failings of the game are filed under Steam’s “pre-release” category, so technically they don’t “count.” Talk about shady marketing.
I know there are some gamers out there who will probably make snide remarks about playing only on consoles (ahem, Rob), but this is a huge deal that we, as consumers, should not ignore. The Xbox One and PS4 versions respectively can only use, at MOST, 5GB of RAM. The developers took the lazy route when it came time to port to the PC and nearly doubled that minimum and then sold that poorly optimized game to PC users without even a hint of hesitation.
And don’t let that price tag fool you, either. At $49.99, the game may be $10 cheaper than at launch but I can almost guarantee you that if the game hadn’t been pulled, it’d be selling for $30 average on Steam and this re-release is another marketing ploy to try to con PC gamers into believing the issues have been fixed.
Luckily, I was able to beat the game back when I first reviewed it (not without many, many complications) so the only pull I have to load up the game again is to try to complete all those pesky side quests. That being said, I tried playing the game last night with the new patch and it’s still a hot mess. Twenty minutes now constitutes an “extended gameplay session”, forcing me to restart the game to fix the paging issues. Driving the batmobile still remains the bane (heh) of my Batman existence because no amount of graphics setting changes seem to improve that FPS drop. Overall, the FPS issues seem improved but band aids don’t do much for a broken leg and this game is crippled.
Long story short: Warner Bros. and Rocksteady should be ashamed and no amount of Team Fortress 2 hats are going to make up for what they’re doing to PC Arkham fans right now. At this point, WB seems more focused on getting out DLC than fixing a broken game and we should all be outraged.
Yesterday Nintendo held their annual investors meeting. While nothing ground breaking, it did shed some light on Nintendo’s current state, as well as their future for WiiU, 3DS, mobile, and NX. It appears that new President has things under control.
On the hardware sales side, it is roughly where we expected it. Lifetime WiiU sales have finally passed the Dreamcast mark, sitting at 10.73 million units. The 3DS continues to be strong with 54.34 million units sold in its lifetime. However, it will probably never pass the lofty bar set by the original Nintendo DS.
As for software, Mario Kart 8 is the most popular game, passing 5 million in sales. Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer also surprised, as it has passed over 2 million in sales since its launch in September. Amiibo have been extremely popular, selling over 21 million units. With the launch of the new Amiibo cards, I have a feeling that number will continue to grow.
Outside of sales, Nintendo let us peak behind the curtain at what’s in store for their immediate future. Three unannounced WiiU games will release between now and the end of the year, with those in the know predicting it will involve at least: Project Guard and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess HD. I guess we’ll find out at the upcoming Nintendo Direct.
On the mobile side of things, Nintendo let investors down by revealing that their new smart phone game, Miitomo, has been delayed until March 2016 (after this announcement Nintendo’s stock took quite a hit). While little is known about the title, it will feature Mii’s, and allow users to learn new, personal information about their friends. Mario, this is not.
So what will tie all of this together you ask? Nintendo announced their new account system, “My Nintendo”. It will allow you to connect your Nintendo Network ID between your WiiU, 3DS, mobile, and the future NX. It can also connect to Facebook, Twitter, Google, and other social media accounts.
This new system will allow you to transfer data between systems, as well as offer a special point system. The points will be used for physical and digital goods. As an added bonus, you can earn points by playing games. Could this be an achievements system on a Nintendo device?! What a glorious future, indeed!
So are you happy to see that Nintendo is still alive and well? Or are you worried about their future? Let us know in the comments down below!
Season 5 Episode 9: “Say No To The Dress” Air Date: Monday, October 26, 2015
This week on Awkward: Just never drink red wine in a white dress.
Jenna and Tamara are getting dolled up for prom. All of the plucking, tweezing, crimping and curling result in Jenna looking like a Geisha and T looking like a Russian mob wife. They are very much regretting getting their Prom look done at a mall salon named “IVana Haircut.”
As they leave the salon, the two promptly run into Matty and Jake who are on their way to their male prom prep which is literally just picking up their rental tux and figuring out what a cumberbund is. Jenna inner-monologue’s that even though she isn’t wishing she was going to prom with Matty, all that she wants is for MATTY TO BE WISHING HE WAS GOING WITH HER. Is that so much for her to ask?!?! Not for Jenna it’s not.
The girls get home, fix their hair and makeup and Jenna slinks into her prom-court-mandated attire: a white floor length dress. Her dad proposes a toast to this huge milestone his daughter’s life with the enemy of all white clothes everywhere, red wine!. Stupid dad! Red wine stains! Lacey instructs her husband to go downstairs and get a sippy cup for Jenna to drink from. Even though Pops has already raised a child, he has no idea how to put a top on a sippy cup which results in Jenna spilling red wine all over her dress. Suffice to say, Jenna’s dress is ruined. What is Jenna to do? Finding a white floor length gown the night of your prom is an impossible task. That is, it is an impossible task ONLY if you don’t have a former HS bride-to-be as your best friend. Tamara calls up her personal bridal shop owner to procure a dress for her bestie.
So yes, Jenna is wearing a huge white foofy wedding dress to her Senior Prom. The dress is so iconically wedding-esque that when Jenna enters the prom hall, the DJ promptly plays “Here Comes the Bride” (because honestly, what prom DJ worth his weight in gold doesn’t have that diddy stored in his back pocket). The dress is so big she can’t even figure out how to go to the bathroom, and when she leaves the bathroom stall and sees herself in the mirror she starts bawling. This isn’t the prom that she dreamed of. Even in her worst nightmares she could never have anticipated her prom experience being this bad. T tries to cheer her up by grabbing some nail scissors and going all Project Runway on that dress’s ass, but it ends up just looking more of mess hot mess than it did to begin. Then the two start crying and decide it is time to ditch prom presumably to go watch Sex and The City. Just as they are about to leave, Adam comes floating into prom he and T reconcile and Tamara is elated. She is all smiles, and when Tamara smiles, I smile because honestly, look at this face.
Sadie is at Lissa’s house taking prom pictures with her two hunky dates (Matty and Jake) when her devil mother Darlene shows up with her boyfriend Ted. She tells mom that she knows that she is only pretending care about Sadie because her new boyfriend would only marry a woman who puts her kids first. Darlene does nothing to deny this and is instead more concerned about whether or not Sadie will blow her cover.
When the crew arrives at prom, Matty and Sadie have some amazing best banter about trying to make the most out of senior prom. I love Matty and Sadie scenes for two main reasons. First, it is one of the few times you get to see a fun playful side of Sadie instead of her usual bitchy snarky self. Second, I really like how it shows a deep and meaningful friendship between a guy and a girl without any sexual undertones. They are just two really good friends who happen to be opposite sexes. God I wish there were more Sadie and Matty scenes.
When the two finally walk into the prom hall, they realize that this isn’t the fairytale themed prom they were expecting. Instead, the prom is basically a My Little Pony princess theme with a pink castle behind the stage, fluffy cotton ball clouds hanging from the ceiling and melted pink ice cream as the only beverage. Matty and Sadie decide to peace the fuck out and head to their limo, leaving Jake to fend for himself (which is fine because Jake’s storyline is pretty lame). In the limo, the two get drunk from sharing a small flask of whiskey and have a heart to heart. Although it physically pains Sadie to admit it, she tells Matty that he is still in love with Jenna, and that since it is prom he needs to confess his love. He then commands Jeeves (the driver who he just forced to drive his limo through a drive through) to drive them back to prom. This poor driver, I hope they tip him well!
What happens next? You have to tune in next week to find out!
Sadie Quote of the Week:
Sadie: “Have you ever worn Spanx? It’s like a tourniquet for your internal organs.”
Season 2, Episode 4: “The Fury of Firestorm” Original Air Date: October 27th, 2015 Grade: C-
Much like Arrow, The Flash has now become a show to watch with my sense of humor turned way up. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing since one should never take any comic book property too seriously, but with all the disjointed plots, one-dimensional villains, and over-the-top acting I can’t, in good conscience give The Flash a positive review of late. That being said, I can talk about all the wall-crashing antics on the show.
In season two’s fourth episode, “The Fury of the Firestorm”, Team Flash is desperately trying to find another half to Professor Stein’s F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. Meanwhile, Iris and Joe West are dealing with revelations about Iris’ mother.
Let’s get into the nonsense, shall we?
Saving Professor Stein
I’m a fan of Victor Garber’s Professor Stein. I’ll admit that he and Jesse Martin are out of The Flash’s league, but they work well on the show. That being said, I felt the whole rescue ordeal to be too disconnected to make any sense. The first matter is the show’s tendency to talk over the heads of most viewers (e.g. me). I appreciate the science in the show but I’m increasingly feeling like they treat science and anything at S.T.A.R. Labs as a catch-all for intelligence. There is nothing that Cisco and Caitlin don’t know about and when they talk it’s like they’re speaking another language.
I’m not sure I understand how they even found potential matches for Professor Stein because by their logic, everyone in Central City is a metahuman and boy, does that make the show exciting. Or not. They ran some Tinder app for metahumans and Caitlin swoons over the metahuman scientist and the whole thing was so cringe-worthy my eyes rolled out the back of my head.
Mommy Issues
Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for the setup to having Wally West on the show (even though I think they’re introducing way too many characters too soon), but the way they’ve done so with Iris’ mother has been chaotic and cliche. She’s dying so she wants to reconnect with her daughter? Boo hoo. I don’t buy it. She kept her son a secret because of what, spite?Guilt? I do like the way Joe and Iris have both handled the situation, and Iris has been surprisingly likable throughout the whole ordeal, but Francine needs to go.
Patty and Barry sitting in a tree
I like Patty, I do, but this whole forced relationship thing they’ve got going on is too much. It’s like the writers are smashing the two characters faces together proclaiming, “YOU WILL LOVE EACH OTHER.” Goodness guys, that’s not how romance works. Either kiss and get this started or just be friends but I cannot sit through another agonizing “dad” conversation with Joe where he’s like, “You need to get over Iris and get out there and get some love, Barry!”
Seriously though, Patty’s pretty adorable.
You chose this guy?
Henry Hewitt as a villain was awful. I don’t think they could have made it more obvious and caricatured if they tried. I know that The Flash isn’t well-known for having great weekly villains but Hewitt seems worse than the usual fare. They didn’t even do a thorough background check before inviting him to S.T.A.R. Labs? So much for that upgraded security from earlier in the season, amirite? But hey, none of that really matters because they’ve got Hewitt locked away in the pipeline. Even though he made the news, it’s completely normal that he just…up and disappears.
I guess nothing is sacred anymore
Okay, this is a big one. The BIGGEST one. I know that I harp on Team Arrow A LOT for divulging their identities to anyone and everyone, but good grief, did Team Flash just have a casting call and tell everyone that Barry Allen is The Flash? Oh, sure, they didn’t overtly tell the viewer that’s what they were doing, but anyone with a brain is going to realize the tall, lanky white dude who looks kind of like the Flash is the Flash (I mean, did we see him on TV without his face blurred??). Maybe we shouldn’t just broadcast we’re looking for super heroes without doing a more thorough background check. Also, Joe and Barry are both ON the CCPD payroll. Maybe, you know, they could help.
On top of that, the security in S.T.A.R. Labs is almost as atrocious as the security in Mercury Labs. Harrison Wells just goes wherever he pleases with his awesome bed hair these days without so much as a shrug from anyone on the show. “I know he’s supposed to be dead and all and maybe we should be worried since he’s a genius villain with super speed, but dude, guys, there’s a shark out there. WALKING.”
But hey, it’s not all bad. That King Shark was pretty….cool. Maybe King Shark and Gorilla Grodd will fight to the death!? HECK YEA.
Last night’s stellar Agents of SHIELD episode, “4,722 Hours,” took viewers back to the final moments of the show’s season two finale, where Jemma Simmons was swallowed up by the monolith. The episode followed Simmons from the moment of her abduction to the moment of her rescue by Fitz.
While we already know Simmons was transported to another planet, the episode detailed her time and survival in the unknown system. The episode left me with two questions:
Can I get Fitz to fiddle with my phone to get that super battery life?
Who the hell is the super creepy reaper on the planet where Simmons was trapped?
After thinking about it, I came up with three possibilities from Marvel’s comic book history on who the reaper could possibly be.
Death
Who is Death?
Death is well, Death. Death (or Lady Death) is the cosmic manifestation of death in the Marvel Universe. Thanos the Mad Titan, and ultimate big baddie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, has an obsession with her, to the point where he will do anything to please her. This is even hinted at in the credit scene from the Avengers where Thanos smiles when he hears the phrase “to court death”.
Why it could be Death:
I mean, come on, look at the picture. The reaper looking hooded figure looks exactly like the comics. Plus, who could resist having some Marvel TV/Marvel Cinematic Universe tie-in? Also, the previous episodes allude to the various cultures having labeled the obelisk with the word “Death”.
Why it might not be Death:
Anything tying into Thanos is just a bit too much for Agents of SHIELD at this point. Thanos is the endgame and Infinity War doesn’t come out until 2019. In addition, why would Lady Death care about this planet? Yes, it’s obviously special because the obelisk wouldn’t just be here for no reason, but there has to be some reason for a cosmic being to be there. Why would they build a portal to a place like that? It simply just doesn’t make a lot of sense. In the comics Death hangs out in a cosmic mausoleum in deep space and keeps thralls of the half dead as her only company. She doesn’t stand for anything living, which would make it hard for Simmons and Will to hang around as long as they have.
Probability of the reaper being Death: 1%
Ego, the Living Planet
Who is Ego?
Ego, as per the name, is a living planet. Funnily enough, it also had a moon, called Id. The entire planet houses a consciousness and the planet acts as a body, with the collective geography and biome in control of Ego.
Why it could be Ego:
Have I mentioned the Ego has vast psionic powers? Psionic powers to the point that they rivaled those of Galactus. Manipulating the minds of humans would be child’s play. In addition, Will Daniels had previously mapped the planet, and the canyon gap seemed to widen at an impossible rate. That, and the fact that he commented that the planet didn’t want them to go and it seemed to be “alive” are all pretty big tells indicating that it could be Ego. Oh, and that portal? Gee, I wonder if it could be a part of a living planet that it can control.
Why it might not be Ego:
Let’s be honest, the concept of a living planet is not very TV friendly. It’s a pretty out there concept, and the execution would be pretty tough. I originally also thought that Ego started out in the Fantastic Four so there would be a rights issue, but Ego showed up in Thor first, so I guess that won’t be a problem. However, Simmons is on record saying that the planet has multiple moons, so that would be a conflict. Also, it is said that Ego was born in a “black galaxy”, and the setting in the episode clearly shows otherwise.
Probability of the reaper being a psionic manifestation of Ego: 30%
Maximus the Mad
Who is Maximus?
Maximus the Mad is the brother of Blackagar Boltagon (aka Blackbolt). Blackbolt is the head of the Inhuman royal family, a king by right, and ruler of Attilan. Maximus is therefore a prince and second in line to the throne. His Inhuman ability is extremely powerful mind control.
Why it could be Maximus:
There’s a reason he’s Maximus “the Mad”. He is a psychopath who has tried multiple times to manipulate Blackbolt into murder in order to usurp the throne for himself. This has led to him being jailed. His bloodline is the only reason he hasn’t been executed. With the huge Inhuman focus for this season, this would be an incredibly reasonable way to introduce the audience to the “real” Inhumans. It would also make sense that this world is his prison, and the Obelisk the only way to his “cell”. This makes even more sense if you think of the hidden Inhumans as those who support Maximus in his claim for the throne of Attilan. Oh, and the scientists going crazy, Simmons visions at the end of the episode, totally within Maximus’s M.O.
Why it might not be Maximus:
The folks at Marvel Studios have already been on record about being less than happy about Agents of SHIELD doing the Inhuman bit. Maximus is a huge character and has been a main source of conflict in the comics. To allow Marvel television to have first crack at what should be an integral character to the movies would be crazy. Also, Maximus is usually better dressed than the reaper.
Possibility that the reaper is Maximus the Mad: 40%
Also, I kept thinking originally that the place Simmons was transported to was the Blue Area of the Moon, which would’ve been SO cool, but the sky quickly told me that was a lie, oh well.
Have theories of your own? Chime in by adding them to the comments section below!
Agents of SHIELD airs Tuesday nights at 9 PM on ABC.
After last week’s episode of Jane the Virgin, the love triangle between Jane, Michael, and Rafael is becoming a bigger plot point on the show and eventually, Jane is going to have to choose between the two men. But how does one choose between two adorably devoted characters?
With numbers and pro/con lists, of course. All that neurotic list-making behavior is finally paying off, Jen!
Let’s go ahead and break it down based on what we’ve seen through season 2, episode 3:
#TeamMichael
Pros:
Knows Jane better than anyone:
+10 pts
THE ADORABLE DIARY:
+15 pts
Risked his job to save Mateo:
+5 pts
Knowledge of the Villanueva women:
+5 pts
Relationship with Rogelio:
+5 pts
Stable job:
+5 pts
Cons:
Put Mateo at risk because of his connection to Sin Rostro:
-20 pts
Seems like the “safe” choice for Jane:
-5 pts
Jealous of Rafael:
-5 pts
#TeamRafael
Pros:
Mateo’s father:
+5 pts
Passionate connection with Jane:
+5 pts
Willing to give up job and worldly possessions for Jane and Mateo:
Has a horrible track record with telling the truth:
-5 pts
Told Jane he didn’t love her:
-10 pts
Doesn’t know her family/traditions that well:
-5 pts
Poor relationship with Rogelio:
-5 pts
TOTALS:
Michael:15 pts.
Rafael:10 pts.
Projections:
Season two has definitely skewed the lines in favor of Michael but Rafael being the biological father could still swing things for Jane at the last minute. Who knows? Since things have been in Michael’s favor lately, it seems like the next episode is going to have to give us more good Rafael moments to keep that tension going. I’m willing to bet Rafael earns at least 15 more points in next week’s episode.
Things have been somewhat quiet on the Playstation front lately, but that changed today as Sony had a press conference at Paris Games Week. While it mostly covered games we already knew about, it did have a few reveals to get Playstation fans hyped. To quote Sony, “Tonight is no time for nostalgia. Tonight is about looking forward, and tonight is all about games.”
The press conference kicked off with a ton of trailers which included Call of Duty: Black Ops III, Star Wars Battlefront, Ratchet & Clank, and Street Fighter V. The big announcement for Street Fighter V was the unveiling of Dhalsim as a returning character and that Street Fighter V will be getting six extra characters over the course of its first year (which you will be able to unlock throughout the game or through paid DLC). Not to be the only fighting game at the show, Sony revealed that Tekken 7 will be coming to the Playstation 4 in what they called, “The most complete and enhanced version to date”.
Those looking forward to Battleborn will be happy to know that PS4 owners will get early access to the Battleborn beta, however, the start of the beta is still to be determined. Gearbox also showed off the game’s multiple gameplay modes: Meltdown and Incursion. Battleborn will release February 9, 2016.
Speaking of release dates, Sony did announce that No Man’s Sky will be appearing sometime in June of next year.
As for new content, Sony had a few surprises up their sleeves. They started off with a new game from Wonderstruck called Boundless. Little was shown in the trailer, but the game seemed to have a somewhat Sci-fi Minecraft look to it. Next came the new game from HouseMarque called Matterfall. While the trailer looked cool, much like Boundless, little is known about this new project. Both trailers were more of a tease than anything else. Look forward to hearing more about these games as we head into 2016.
New trailers were shown for games we already saw at this year’s E3 as well as DLC was announced for games that have already been released. This includes The Old Hunters DLC for Bloodborne, new Bikes DLC for Drive Club, multiplayer content for Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, and new combat footage for Gravity Rush 2. The one stand out presentation would have to go to the near 8-minutes of footage for Horizon: Zero Dawn. That is one game that definitely has me excited.
The conference ended with 3 big hits right in a row. First up was Grand Turismo Sport. This is a more competitive GrandTurismo, where the focus will have you race for your favorite manufacturer and nation. It was also hailed for its compatibility with the upcoming Playstation VR headset. Other games announced for Playstation VR included RIGS (a mech sports game), Tekken 7, and the much rumored Until Dawn DLC, Rush of Blood.
The 2nd game in this 3-hit show ended combo was for Wild. Wild, “an action adventure game about the relationship between man and nature”, has you playing as a human, but has you jumping between different animals in the wild. It will be interesting to see more of this game in the future.
The presentation ended on what I thought was the best game at the show: the new game from Quantic Dream, Detroit: Become Human. The game takes the ideas from Quantic Dream’s tech demo Kara, that was shown off back in 2012. You play as a futuristic robot name Kara, learning what it means to be human. If you enjoyed Heavy Rain or Beyond: Two Souls, this is definitely one to keep an eye on.
So what are you most excited to see from Sony in 2016? What games would you like to learn more about? Let us know in the comments down below!
Those who are crafty and imaginative will be able to stretch their creativity a bit farther on November 4th. Nintendo announced an update will be coming for Super Mario Maker for WiiU, and will bring 5 changes with it. Here’s a trailer highlighting the new changes.
One notable improvement is checkpoint flags. Simply shake an arrow, and it will turn into a checkpoint. Now participants can take your hard-as-nails course in chunks, instead of starting over at the beginning after every failed attempt. This even applies to yourself, as you must complete your course before you can upload it.
The update also allows you to stack power-ups. If you happen to stack a mushroom on a fire flower, when Mario hits the block, he will receive a mushroom if he’s small and a fire flower when full-grown. In other words, this makes your question blocks context-sensitive.
Other features include an updated version of the Gnat Swatter mini-game, an “Official” category for courses made by Nintendo VIP, and “Event” courses. According to Nintendo, “Event courses will feature levels from partner creators outside of Nintendo”. The first course in this category will be “Ship Love”, the winning level from the Hackathon contest held at Facebook headquarters this past summer.
Are you excited for the new update? Do you already have devious level plans in mind? Let us know in the comments below!
Those unhappy with the current Xbox One dashboard have a reason to celebrate. Microsoft has announced that the new user interface, or “Xbox Experience” as they prefer to call it, will launch on all Xbox Ones on November 12. It has been available to select preview members for awhile, but now everyone will get to enjoy the new Windows 10 centered interface.
Not only will the look of the dashboard get an entire overhaul, it will also bring with it backwards compatibility of Xbox 360 games, and the voice-activated Cortona. The great news about Cortona is that you will be able to use your gaming headset to activate it. No Kinect required!
Are you looking forward to the change? Or have you grown accustomed to the current Xbox One interface? Let us know in the comments down below!
Season 5, Episode 4: “Why is This Night Different?” Original Air Date: Oct. 25th, 2015 Grade: A
After last week’s mismanagement of Carrie’s illness, I feared the worst for Homeland. I was afraid that we would be treated to some kind of insane plot line where Carrie was a kind of super hero while off her medications. Thank goodness it didn’t keep going because a continuation of that plot would have been too hard to swallow.
This week, let’s break down the good and the bad, the ups and the downs in Homeland’s fourth episode, “Why is This Night Different?”
The Ups
Let’s just go ahead and get my favorite part of the episode out of the way: Carrie’s video to Frannie. We know that from last season, Carrie hasn’t exactly been the best parent or role model, but it seemed like this season she was ready to make amends. Everything about this video felt real and Carrie didn’t need to go off her meds to make us empathize with her. I know I harp on the writers’ use of Carrie’s disease a lot but that’s only because I think it weakens such a strong character.
I especially enjoyed Carrie’s determination in the video. She slips up a few times when she says, “I’m doing everything I can to get back to you” when Peter reminds her that “getting back to Frannie” isn’t much of a possibility.
Speaking of Peter, reuniting him with Carrie has been fantastic. I know that I was worried about his mental well-being, but he appeared to be somewhat normal around Carrie. I just hope that they skip the romance between the two because I still remain adamant they’re BETTER AS FRIENDS.
THE TENSION! Ho, boy! I haven’t felt that knocked around by a Homeland plot in a while. Following Carrie and Quinn around Berlin is exhilarating. Of course the obvious answer to Carrie’s woes is that Saul put the hit out on her, but like Carrie, viewers were baffled–has Saul really gone so far as to try to kill Carrie? I mean, he still defends their relationship to Allison early on in the season. Throughout the episode I went from suspecting Saul to Dar Adal to even Allison and now I don’t know who to trust and that is when Homeland is at it’s best.
Though we should all know by now to never, ever trust the Russians. Krupin, Gabe H. Coud’s friend, unfortunately learns this lesson the hard way. It was a gruesome scene but an important one in setting up the Russians as this season’s “bad guys.”
I haven’t been invested in Saul and Allison’s plot this season, mostly because it felt meandering and over-the-top in its own way but it definitely hit a high note tonight. I did NOT see the ending coming and Saul’s reaction tells me he didn’t have the slightest clue he might be betrayed either.
(Goodness, I really want Allison to be the bad guy. She has to be in league with the Russians, right? She knew about Quinn and Saul’s relationship and used it to her advantage. It seems too easy for Homeland though.)
The Downs
The portrayal of “hackers” feels almost laughable on the show. I’m not sure what I expected with such a story line but for Laura Sutton and her new hacker friend, Sabine, to be able to go into a chat room and ask for Gabe H. Coud feels a bit far-fetched. This is a guy with a target on his back. The CIA knows that he is the one responsible for the leak (though we haven’t seen anyone go after him) and so for him to just blindly and naively respond to someone asking for him makes him look like an idiot. Granted, his judgment hasn’t been the best so far. (Note: I want Sabine to be in more of the show.)
Jonas. What the what? He seems pretty nonchalant for a dude whose girlfriend has gone off the deep end, knowing that there’s a powerful someone out there who wants her dead.
The lack of Otto During. I know he isn’t exactly “in” this part of the story, but I just really like his character.
That’s it. There really weren’t many lows in this episode.
Needless to say, this was a roller coaster of an episode and with three out of four episodes of Homeland being solid this season, I’m excited to see where this ride is going.
The Leftovers Season 2, Episode 4: “Orange Sticker”
Original Airdate: 10/25/15
Grade: B-
“Orange Sticker” returns us to Jarden at the time of the earthquake where the Murphy’s realized Evie was missing. Though nonlinear storytelling was a staple of last season as well, the development of season 2 has felt much more spasmodic, making it difficult to be invested week to week. This time, however, the focus is on Nora and her ensuing panic upon realizing Kevin is missing and unreachable. Despite her assertion later in the episode that the departure was a one-time event, Nora is undeniably driven by the fear that the disappearances will continue and that Jarden will fail to deliver on its promise. She confronts her brother Matt about these fears and in response he asserts that his wife Mary experienced a brief and miraculous recovery from her catatonia the first night they stayed there. Whether or not this actually happened, the audience should know by now that “there are no miracles in miracle.”
While Nora wrestles with her insecurities, Kevin sets out to retrieve his phone from the pond where Evie and her friends disappeared, and figure out how the hell he got there in the first place. Simultaneously, he joins the recovery effort and learns that a palm print (his) was lifted from the window of the girls’ sedan. Ironically, however, John Murphy (freshly off the wagon) sees the palm print as some menacing calling card from Isaac, whose house John burned down the day before. John drags a weary Kevin along to confront Isaac and ends up getting shot by the would be soothsayer. Kevin escorts John to his wife’s clinic, and beyond the urgency of triage, she doesn’t seem to bat an eye at the incident. She goes on to explain the mania which grew in Jarden following the departure and hints that she believes Evie is now one of the departed herself. To cap everything off, Kevin walks into the town-square and finally engages with the vision of Patti that’s haunted him since moving to Miracle. In classic Patti fashion, she reveals that the girls have departed and the “true” reason Kevin found himself tied to a brick in the pond was a subconscious desire to kill himself.
Patti’s presence this season has been particularly unsatisfying. In season 1, Patti (Ann Dowd) was a disciplined nihilist, whose existence was a perfect foil for Kevin’s efforts to keep Mapleton, his family and himself from succumbing to madness or anarchy. Kevin’s refusal to submit to Patti’s taunts to kill her was both a personal victory and a narrative win for the show’s promotion of persistent hope against absurdity. It might simply be the difficulty of moving beyond the constraints of the original source material, but to see Patti return this season as some wisecracking hallucination in Kevin’s now recurrent battle with psychosis seems to be a big step backwards for his character and the show.
As a fan, I fear that in The Leftovers debut season, the implications for humanity of so big and mysterious an event as the sudden departure were probably explored exhaustively. While the departure was always just a narrative hook for a myriad of deeper character studies about how loss and disconnection affect people, this season’s emphasis on actual mysteries in Jarden is a little disappointing. The Leftovers is no stranger to the slow burn of storytelling, so with six episodes left, there’s certainly still room to thread the needle and make the journey worthwhile…it just might take a miracle.
Parting thoughts:
* Something is definitely being built between Jill and Michael, but at this point overly direct dialogue like “Thanks for saving me” doesn’t generate much interest for me.
* We get more hints about Virgil (Steven Williams) in this episode, who seems to know more about Nora than he should. Allusions to ancient poets aside, I’m anxious to see (as with countless other characters in this show) whether he possesses something truly transcendent or is just another crackpot.
The Walking Dead Season 6, Episode 3 – “Thank You” Air Date – October 25, 2015
There’s only one question on everyone’s mind after tonight’s episode of The Walking Dead, and it’s a big one. The sort of question that makes the rest of “Thank You” feel largely irrelevant, and the sort of bombshell that any late watchers will have a lot of difficulty avoiding. This episode might as well have been fifteen minutes long, with the rest of the content saved for after the audience has had a chance to process what they’ve seen.
Rick’s plan to herd the zombies away from Alexandria is derailed by the Wolves raiding the town causing things to go downhill very quickly. As Rick and the others rush to Alexandria’s aid, they’re also trying to find ways to redirect the horde now heading towards its walls. Overall, “Thank You” is imbued with a terrific intensity and suspense. With the zombie horde at their backs and Alexandria’s uncertain fate ahead of them, our group has no choice but to push forward despite their increasingly bleak odds. The desperation and forward momentum really sets “Thank You” apart from the chaos of “JSS”, but the episode is also much darker as the season continues to cut down its sizable cast of characters.
Right from the start, the naive and inexperienced Alexandrians are immediately dropping like flies in what feels like a condensed montage of every clichéd death in the show so far (friendly fire, broken ankle, running away like a coward, being dragged down while trying to climb a fence). The depths of their ineptitude borders on comedy, and Michonne gets the lion’s share of characterization simply because the others aren’t around long enough to really command any sympathy. As casualties accumulate and the group inevitably slows down in a small abandoned town, Glenn and Nicholas attempt to set a building on fire to serve as a distraction, but they ultimately find themselves stranded on a dumpster in an alleyway. Nicholas, despite his admirable redemptive arc, finally gives up and puts a bullet in his own brain. His falling body takes Glenn down with him into the hungry mouths below.
So, did The Walking Dead really just kill Glenn? It’s hard to say with absolute certainty, given how little telegraphing the episode provided. Glenn has been there from the start, and a main character like that doesn’t meet such an abrupt end without a proper send off. It doesn’t feel right, because as an audience we’ve come to expect the drawn out goodbyes, the moving final words, a noble sacrifice, or some dramatic song with lyrics. Glenn’s death seems almost dismissive, and despite delivering the biggest gut punch of the episode, it isn’t even the final scene (though we are given some slow motion shots of his screaming, bloodied face). If Glenn is really and truly dead, then The Walking Dead deserves a lot of credit for pulling it off so boldly and catching everyone off guard.
For those still desperately grasping at any shred of hope that Glenn might still be alive, there is the (very slight) possibility that he was being shielded from the walker onslaught by Nicholas’s corpse. The fountain of blood and viscera we see might be coming from Nicholas, serving both as a distraction for the horde and disguising Glenn as a potential meal. The Walking Dead seems more than eager to indulge wild speculation; the scene is choked with zombies and the camera angles are just ambiguous enough to offer that glimmer of hope.
While Michonne, Heath, and Scott finally make it to the walls of Alexandria, Rick finds himself trapped in an RV while trying to redirect the horde. He fights off a surprise attack from the Wolves that Morgan let escape last episode, but isn’t able to start the RV again before the walkers reach the vehicle. It’s been an absolutely brutal and relentless couple of episodes–it’s almost hard to believe that the season’s just getting started.
Before reviewing Yoshi’s Woolly World for The Workprint, it wasn’t even on my radar. Who could blame me? With epic releases such as Fallout 4, Rise of the Tomb Raider, and Halo 5: Guardians hitting in the same time frame, and with Nintendo’s lackluster holiday release schedule, I nearly forgot it’s existence. After playing it, however, I realized how much of a travesty that really was.
The first thing you will notice when booting up Yoshi’s Woolly World is the unique design. Nintendo and company Good-Feel took what they had learned with Kirby’s Epic Yarn, and raised it to the next level. The game is absolutely gorgeous and pushes the WiiU to its peak, oozing with charm out of every seam.
The characters and world look like they have been ripped straight out of a scrap-book–with small details such as the fuzz that sticks up from Yoshi and his enemies, and Shy Guys carrying around crochet hooks as weapons–truly making this one of the most adorable games you will ever play. I almost feel like the charming look may actually hurt the game in some cases, causing some to look at the cute exterior and not realize the gem that is waiting inside.
Speaking of gems, Woolly World takes a page from the Epic Yarn playbook, and has you collecting multicolored gems, as well as other collectibles, during your trip through the 6 different game worlds. Gems act in the same way as coins in previous Yoshi’s Island games. Where in past Island games you would collect coins hoping to find the red coins hidden throughout the level, Yoshi will be looking for 20 special “stamp gems” hidden throughout each world.
Other collectibles include the always present sunflower, hearts, and the new Wonder Yarn. If you find all 5 Wonder Yarn throughout a stage, you will unlock a new pattern for Yoshi (he definitely doesn’t have a lack of pattern choices). While some range from adorable to ugly to “I don’t know what they were thinking”, you will absolutely want to collect them all to see what crazy ideas Nintendo has thought up.
While many talk about the look of the game, the unique design is only part of why it is one of the best platformers of the year. Every level holds something unique, keeping you on your toes throughout your adventure, and always keeping things fresh. The game starts off somewhat slow, teaching you the basics, giving you an eye of what to look for to uncover every nook and cranny the world has to offer; however, it definitely ramps up as the game goes on.
Just a few examples of what you will experience: In one level Yoshi may turn into a motor bike; in another he may be sticking to conveyor belts and riding up walls in a factory; in the next level he may be hanging onto a curtain for dear life as it speeds down rails into the great beyond; and in yet another level Nintendo takes a unique approach with shadows. I don’t want to spoil too much, just know that the level design in the game is top-notch. I wouldn’t expect anything less from Nintendo.
The difficulty of the game is what you make it. If you are the type of person who needs to find every collectible and get that long sought after 100%, you will definitely be in for a challenge, and will get the most out of this game. If you are just looking to experience the worlds and see what the game has to offer, you may breeze through it rather quickly, which may be a disappointment to some. I feel that Nintendo has handled the difficulty conundrum very wisely, since this allows for both experienced and more casual gamers alike to enjoy what the game has to offer. The game also offers a special “mellow mode” for the younger audience.
As far as controls go, you have just about every control scheme under the sun. You can play with the gamepad, the pro controller, the classic controller pro, and the Wii remote turned on its side. The reason I bring this up, is that I tried all of the control schemes, and must say that I was very surprised to find that I enjoyed the Wii remote the best. Since the game is a 2D side-scroller, the lay out felt perfect.
The best part of the Wii remote control scheme is the egg throwing. Normally, you would hold down the A button and watch as the arrow ticks along a path, letting go when it lines up with the proper trajectory. With the Wii remote, it uses motion control. You simple hold down the A button and tilt the remote to aim. While this may sound difficult, in practice it feels fast, fluid, and made egg throwing a much smoother experience. This just reminds me that the WiiU is what the Wii should have been all along.
As for the music, it is the best Yoshi music in a long time. The music covers a wide variety of styles and features many different instruments, and you will find yourself humming along as you sleuth out the many hidden gems and sunflowers. It definitely add to the adorable experience, and fits the game perfectly. It is greatly improved over the disaster of a soundtrack that was Yoshi’s New Island on the Nintendo 3DS.
I must also mention that Yoshi’s Woolly World features Amiibo support. Each Amiibo will add to the number of patterns that Yoshi can select from. While not game-changing, it definitely put a smile on my face to play through stages as Donkey Kong Yoshi. If you have a Yoshi Amiibo, either the specific Woolly World Yoshi’s or the standard Super Smash Bros. Yoshi, you can add a doppelgänger that will copy every move you make. This is very similar to the Double Cherry power-up in Super Mario 3D world and Toad’s Treasure Tracker.
There are a few downsides to the game, however. The boss battles are hardly worth mentioning. They are extremely easy and can be beaten on the first try every time. You do unlock a special Boss Battle mode after completing game, which speeds up the boss battles to a more frantic pace, but it is too little, too late. The other complaint is with the co-op. While Nintendo has been advertising the special co-op mode, these stages were absolutely made for single player. Player two, more often than not, just gets in the way, making easy portions of the game much more difficult.
While Mario’s faithful companion may have had some rough patches along the way, Woolly World sews up the loose ends, fixes the frays, and buttons the lips of the naysayers. In other words, Yoshi’s Woolly World brings greatness back to the Yoshi series. It is one epic yarn, indeed.
HEROES REBORN -- "Brave New World / Odessa" Episode 101/102 -- Pictured: (l-r) Henry Zebrowski as Quentin Frady, Jack Coleman as HRG -- (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
Heroes Reborn
Season 1, Episode 6: “Game Over”
Original Air Date: October 22, 2015
Six episodes deep into Heroes Reborn, we’re finally starting to learn more about the massive threat that the world will soon be facing as well as the secret plans of Renautas CEO Erica Kravid. But with a global catastrophe underway and sinister plots afoot, the body count continues to grow from unknown Evos to a gaggle of Harris clones. Still, the deaths of more notable characters have been sudden and unsatisfying so let’s take a moment to remember those who have passed on so far.
The Original El Vengador – the masked vigilante El Vengador was actually Oscar Gutierrez, a mechanic in Los Angeles with the ability of enhanced strength. He is the father of Jose and brother of Carlos (who becomes the next El Vengador). Oscar was trying to help a woman being chased down an alley by two men, however it turned out to be an undercover police operation meant to lure him out in the open. He gets shot but manages to get back to his auto shop where Carlos finds him. Dying, Oscar asks Carlos to don the mask as his successor. El Vengador had also been helping Evos get out of the country to safety.
HEROES REBORN — “Brave New World / Odessa” Episode 101/102 — Pictured: (l-r) Jack Coleman as HRG, Jimmy Jean-Louis as The Haitian — (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
The Haitian – also known as Rene, he was one of the major characters from the original Heroes and a loyal partner to Noah Bennet (HRG). He was an integral member of The Company and had the ability to remove people’s memories as well as negate powers. At some point between the end of Heroes season four and the beginning of Heroes Reborn, HRG had asked him to wipe parts of his memory. Noah then comes to Lumiere Opthamology and encounters his old friend. The Haitian tells him to wait across the street under a bridge and then tries to strangle HRG to death. In their scuffle, Rene accidentally gets shot. When Noah asked why he was trying to kill him, the dying man answers that HRG had instructed him to do so if they ever met again.
******UPDATE: Rene is BACK!! When present HRG went back to 2010, he told his past self to use Caspar instead of The Haitian to wipe his memory and so boom, our favorite mind manipulator is alive in 2015 and working for Hero Truther.
HEROES REBORN — “Under the Mask” Episode 103 — Pictured: (l-r) Cle Bennett as Harris Clone, Francesca Eastwood as Molly Walker — (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
Molly Walker – no Evo has had a more tragic life than Molly Walker. Constantly hunted and used since childhood, it seems that Renataus’ latest exploitation was the last straw. Her abilities were somehow used to create the E.P.I.K. system, which could identify and track down every Evo on earth. When HRG, Quentin, and Taylor Kravid find her in the super secret basement of the Renautas Midian headquarters, she passionately tells Noah that she will not help Erica kill seven billion people. Molly takes HRG’s gun and kills herself. I was really rooting for her to have a better ending. For more on Molly’s background click HERE.
HEROES REBORN — “Brave New World / Odessa” Episode 101/102 — Pictured: Henry Zebrowski as Quentin Frady — (Photo by: Christos Kalohoridis/NBC)
Quentin Frady – Quentin Frady was a former Renautas employee who’s Evo sister Phoebe goes missing. He tracks down HRG to find out what actually happened on June 13 in Odessa, believing that he would have answers. Quentin has played the bumbling sidekick to HRG’s man with a mission, but sadly he has also met an unfortunate end. In episode six he finally is reunited with his younger sister who has changed significantly if you watched the Dark Matters web series that focused on the Fradys. Quentin tries to convince Phoebe to not to harm him, HRG, Miko and Ren, but the younger girl is completely convinced that Erica is in the right. He reluctantly tackles her and she sends her shadows into him before being knocked unconscious by Noah. Near death, Quentin asks HRG if he managed to save his sister and the other man answers, “You did good buddy.”
******UPDATE: Because of present HRG’s attempt on Erica’s life in 2010, he caused the Renautas CEO and Quentin to meet at the hospital that day forever changing the course of Q’s life as he is reunited with his sister Phoebe and becomes a bad guy. On the plus side he is very much alive in 2015.
Those who are probably/possibly dead:
Claire Bennet – how did the cheerleader with the regenerative powers actually die? That is the big question that we will hopefully find out next week. Claire was supposedly killed during the June 13 terrorist attack in Odessa but she can heal herself so what gives? One way is that she was completely blown to bits, but based on security camera footage at the Texas hospital there was definitely an intact body. Looks like mission “save the cheerleader, save the world,” failed.
Farah Nazan – an evolved human with the power of invisibility as well as guardian to young Evo Malina. We first meet her in the Arctic Circle where she has been protecting the young girl from the clutches of Renautas. When the duo make their way down to Quebec, they are spotted by a Harris clone and other henchmen. Farah gets shot in the back and gives Malina an envelope and to leave her and continue her mission. The fate of this Evo is currently unknown, but it is unlikely that she survived the encounter.
HEROES REBORN — “Brave New World / Odessa” Episode 101/102 — Pictured: (l-r) Peter Mooney as Francis Culp, Francesca Eastwood as Molly Walker — (Photo by: John Medland/NBC)
Francis Culp – Taylor Kravid’s boyfriend and an evolved human with telekinesis, we first met Francis when he was sent in to retrieve Molly Walker. After not being cleared to get on the Renautas plane back to Midian, we don’t see him again until the secret basement where he and other Evos were kept sedated and hooked up to machines. Taylor tries to rescue him but is too late as he has either been moved or possibly killed already.
HEROES REBORN — “Under the Mask” Episode 103 — Pictured: Kiki Sukezane as Miko Otomo — (Photo by: Ian Watson/NBC)
Miko Otomo – Episode six was a big one for Katana Girl as she discovered that her mission wasn’t to rescue her father but the master of time and space, Hiro Nakamura. While infiltrating the secret underground Renautas facility, HRG and Quentin find out that Miko isn’t actually real. One of the scientists explains that the real Miko died when she was a child and that Hachiro Otomo created this version as a program in Evernow in an attempt to rescue Hiro. Hiro in the meantime was kidnapped and placed there by Erica Kravid in order to use his time travel ability to transport goods into the future as means to rebuild humanity. Despite knowing that completing her mission will likely end of her life, Katana Girl is determined to go through with it. Miko battles an evil version of herself inside the video game and manages to decapitate it. Hiro is freed but she does not re-appear in the real world with him. Somehow I don’t think this is the last we’ll see of her.
There have been a lot of tragic deaths and there’s bound to be more before the end of episode thirteen. As long as Hiro makes it until the end, I’ll be happy. Though he’s only in it for three episodes, please don’t kill him.
With the latest James Bond thriller, SPECTRE, set to explode onto movie screens on November 6th, The Workprint is doing its due diligence to rank the characters of this longest running franchise in movie history. First, we tackled the Bond Girls and then we ranked the Villains followed by the Henchmen. And now we turn toward the other ladies that have found themselves in the arms of the world’s greatest secret agent.
As hard as it is to believe, after sleeping with all of the leading ladies from our Bond Girls list, most of the female henchwomen, and even one of the villains, there is still at least one woman from each of the films that Bond managed to get romantic with on some level. Hell, some movies even had more women in that position but I picked the most prominent one from each film and made them duke it out below. It is clear that Bond is a man-whore of the highest order but what maybe makes this list even more frightening is that 11 of these 23 ladies ended up dead.
So on that happy note let’s get this countdown started!
23. Bibi Dahl (Lynn-Holly Johnson – For Your Eyes Only) Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Nowhere…much to her chagrin.
How can this ranking not begin with the one woman in the series’ history who threw herself at Bond and got rejected? Yes, you read that right. The world’s biggest man-whore actually turned down a perfectly nice looking female! One reason to rejoice though – the age difference between her and good old Roger Moore was beyond disturbing.
22. Caroline (Serena Gordon – Goldeneye)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In Bond’s classic Aston Martin DB5 after a driving test.
There’s no question that Bond’s libido never rests but did he really have to get it on with his driving assessor? This poor lady looks and acts more like a kindergarten teacher than one of Bond’s typical bombshell conquests. I hope he didn’t give this nice lady crabs or anything.
21. Linda (Belle Avery – The Living Daylights)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: On a boat off the coast of Gibraltar.
This very 80s-looking chick was just chilling on her boat and dreaming about finding “a real man” when Timothy Dalton’s Bond dropped in on a busted parachute. 007 delayed returning to HQ for a debriefing to have a little fun with her but I kinda think he shoulda kept it moving.
20. Felicca (Olga Bisera – The Spy Who Loved Me)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: A contact’s house in Cairo, Egypt.
It’s no secret that 007 has some kind of special sway with the ladies but it gets a bit extreme in this case when Felicca literally gives her life for Bond mere minutes after meeting him. Roger Moore is charming, but he’s not that charming.
19. Pola Ivanova (Fiona Fullerton – A View to a Kill)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: A Japanese spa in San Francisco.
Bond has gotten it on with a number of Russian spies over the years but this one doesn’t quite hold up as well as the others. Bond easily fools her by stealing some intel from right underneath her nose, which doesn’t bode well for her skills as a spy. She does earn bonus point though for admitting that the hot tub bubbles tickle her…well, you know.
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In her quaint little house in rural Turkey.
I couldn’t tell you a single thing about this woman other than she appears to be super hot and must have been interesting enough to keep Bond around for a few months. That ain’t nothing.
17. Rosie Carver (Gloria Hendry – Live and Let Die)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In the middle of some island foliage after a light picnic.
Worst. Double Agent. Ever. But there’s something stupidly charming about her. Or is that charmingly stupid? I can never remember.
16. Andrea Anders (Maud Adams – The Man With the Golden Gun) Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Bond’s hotel room while Mary Goodnight hid in the closet.
Andrea Anders is an intriguing character because her film’s entire plot essentially kicked off thanks to her sending Bond a golden bullet with 007 engraved on it. Her plot to have Bond set her free from Scaramanga may not have gone exactly to plan but actress Maud Adams made enough of an impression to go on to play Octopussy, which marks the only time an actress has played two significant Bond Girls.
15. Corinne DuFour (Corinne Clery – Moonraker)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Hugo Drax’s lush California estate house.
This poor thing got a raw deal. She was pretty, French, and wonderfully helpful to Bond. What did she get out of the deal? One night of passion and eaten by dogs.
14. Plenty O’Toole (Lana Wood – Diamonds Are Forever)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In Bond’s hotel suite in Vegas.
It goes without saying that Plenty O’Toole is one of the best Bond Girl names of all time and that alone gets her as high as she is on this list. Why doesn’t she go higher you ask? Because she’s a total ding dong.
13. Miss Taro (Zena Marshall – Dr. No)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Her bungalow in the hills of Jamaica.
To put it simply, Miss Taro is a little minx. As a conniving underling for Dr. No she tries her best to keep Bond occupied in the sack (without ruining her nail varnish), but we all know he’s too smart for that and instead gives her a quick trip to the police station.
12. Dr. Molly Warmflash (Serena Scott Thomas – The World Is Not Enough)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: The good doctor’s exam room at MI6 headquarters in Scotland, of course.
When Bond gets put on the inactive roster to recover from injuries sustained during a nasty fall from a hot air balloon, you would think he might just take it easy and get some well-earned rest. But alas duty calls and in order to get off the sick list he seduces the doctor. He doesn’t exactly have to twist her arm but when all is said and done I think only Moneypenny is bitter about it.
11. Magda (Kristina Wayborn – Octopussy)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Bond’s hotel suite in India.
Magda is an interesting character in that you’re never really sure where her loyalties lie. She starts off being the right-hand woman to Kamal Khan and sleeps with Bond in an effort to get the Faberge Egg back but then she ends up being a good girl in Octopussy’s cult. Confused loyalties aside, she gets to utter the famous line, “That’s my little octopussy!” Indeed.
10. Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton – Quantum of Solace)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Bond’s hotel suite in Bolivia
007 straight up took advantage and corrupted this innocent field agent who was supposed to just escort him back to the airport. But with her naive charm and British sass how could you blame him? What makes her truly memorable though is her gruesome demise that is reminiscent of a lady we’ll be discussing later on in this list…
9. Solange (Caterina Murino – Casino Royale)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Makeout session at Bond’s villa in the Bahamas.
From a purely physical point of view, Solange wins major points for being one of the most stunning women to ever grace the celluloid of a Bond film. She loses points for her cheesy as hell entrance on a horse and choice of husband. But seriously though, she’s really gorgeous.
8. Paris Carver (Teri Hatcher – Tomorrow Never Dies)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Bond’s hotel suite in Hamburg, Germany.
Only so rarely do we get to meet a character from Bond’s past and naturally this sort of character ends up meaning a lot more to 007 than the average lady. Unfortunately, this one was married to the film’s main villain and well…it didn’t go too well for her. But based on Bond’s reaction he actually felt something and that’s truly rare.
7. Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike – Die Another Day) Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Inside and outside of the Ice Palace.
Before she was a ‘Gone Girl’ Rosamund Pike was a classically evil turncoat who betrays Bond in favor of a crazed North Korean zealot. But before she went bad, Bond got a chance to melt her frosty demeanor a bit with a romp in a frozen hotel. How appropriate.
6. Lupe (Talisa Soto – Licence to Kill)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In Bond’s guest room in Sanchez’s luxurious home.
Poor Lupe almost, ALMOST, became the leading lady of Licence to Kill but got pushed to the side at the last moment in favor of Pam, the CIA agent. I’m not saying Bond chose poorly, but in the looks department Lupe definitely wins out over Pam AND she betrayed a ruthless drug lord to help him! I’m on Team Lupe and think she deserved better than being pawned off on the older president of a fictional country.
5. Patricia (Molly Peters – Thunderball)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: The steam room of a health clinic.
How can you not love Bond’s nurse, Patricia? She’s got that wonderful mix of sex appeal, looks, and a contempt for Bond that makes their interactions funny as well as steamy. It’s a wonder that Bond didn’t want to spend more time at the hospital.
4. Dem Hos of Piz Gloria (Angela Scoular, Catherine Schell, Joanna Lumley, and many more – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service)
Where Did They and Bond Get It On: Various rooms in Piz Gloria on top of the Swiss Alps.
Ok so this entry is a bit of a cheat because it’s obviously not limited to a single lady but how can you possibly separate this batch of ladies brought together by Blofeld for terrorism purposes under the guise of allergy treament? Ruby is the real standout here but we also gotta give a tip of the hat to Joanna Lumley who would go on to become Absolutely Fabulous’s Patsy Stone. I mean, these ladies had to have been pretty great to make Bond cheat on his future wife, right? What a slimeball.
3. Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi – You Only Live Twice)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: In the very Japanese home of that country’s chief spy.
We lost a good number of the ladies on this list to premature death but perhaps none of them stung quite as much as losing Aki well over halfway through the film. Her playfulness, intelligence, and abilities made her a perfect match for Bond and through most of the film you expect her to be the leading lady, but alas we lose her to some poison meant for Bond. Kissy Suzuki made a relatively decent substitute leading lady, but if we’re being honest we wish Aki had stuck around.
2. Jill Masterson (Shirley Eaton – Goldfinger)
Where did she and Bond get it on: A hotel suite in Miami, Florida.
When it comes to Bond’s sexual encounters they really don’t come more iconic than Jill Masterson. Introduced to Bond in her unmentionables while helping Goldfinger cheat at cards, she quickly falls prey to his charms only to end up painted solid gold as a warning for Bond not to mess with Mr. Goldfinger. And so even though Jill was short-lived, the imagery of her demise will live on forever.
And the number one non-leading lady of James Bond series is…
1. Sylvia Trench (Eunice Gayson – Dr. No & From Russia With Love)
Where Did She and Bond Get It On: Bond’s flat in London and the English countryside.
She may not have the flashiest name or the most thrilling time on screen but Sylvia Trench is the ultimate non-leading lady in Bond’s life for two huge reasons: 1. By introducing herself to him as “Trench. Sylvia Trench.” Bond is prompted to utter his famous introductory line for the first time. And 2. She is the absolute only girl to appear in more than one film as an object of Bond’s affection. In fact, she was originally intended to appear in every film as Bond’s girl back home in London, but when she didn’t appear in the script for the series’ third film, Goldfinger, the idea wilted away even though she remains strong in our memory. I hereby vote for this character to make an appearance in a future Bond film!
That does it for our character lists but come back next week for a definitive ranking of the Bond films as a whole!
Season 5 Episode 8: “An Indecent Promposal” Air Date: Monday, October 19, 2015
This Week on Awkward: It is the most romantic time of the high school year… promposal season!
Jenna is walking around school internal monologuing about how being adult means being miserable and how everyone but her is able to enjoy prom season. So basically a normal Tuesday. In order to avoid witnessing even a glimpse of her classmates joy, she decides to put her hand blinders on. This results in her knocking into a unicycle riding highschool mime, subsequently ruining his promposal. Seriously, if you ask your date to prom wearing a tophat while riding a unicycle, you kind of deserve to be knocked over.
Jenna meets up with Tamara just in time to hear T rant about how prom is the devil’s creation. While Jenna understands that Tamara’s hatred of prom stems from being heartbroken over Adam, she ignores her friend’s cry for help. Instead she steers the conversation right back to herself by telling Tamara that she is thinking of asking Matty to prom. This stops Tamara right in her tracks. T finally tells her the truth, that Jenna is a Matty addict, and then paints Jenna a prom portrait (this is too good to paraphrase)
Tamara: “You and Matty go as ‘just friends,’ and then the first Adele ballad in you start spilling your feelings. You make out and then you start dating. Oh! Hooray! No, not hooray. All summer long the dark cloud of long distance will loom over you and you’ll be stressing so you’ll get in tons of fights. Then, you’ll be at Wyckoff in Maine, and Matty will be at Berkley. You’ll fly cross-country on the weekends, therefore you won’t be making any friends as your new school. And then when Matty finally does come visit you, he’ll go snowboarding, he’ll break his leg, and he’ll be walking with a limp. Not only have you ruined his soccer career, but everyone will call him Matty McLimpin’. ALL BECAUSE YOU SHARED YOUR FEELING AT PROM.”
If any other character were to say these lines it may have felt expositiony and forced, but I completely believe that Tamara has thought out every possible outcome of the ‘Jenna and Matty Saga’ and is just trying to spell it out to her naive, self-centered, friend.
Tamara, via Jenna’s offhanded suggestion, decides to make a prom “Do Not Ask List.” If your name is on the “Do Not Ask List” no one is allowed to ask you to prom.
I am not sure how this would ever be enforced, but I’ll just go with it. Jenna is psyched because this list somehow solves all of her life’s prom-blems. That is until she finds out she was voted into prom court. Also voted into the court, Matty and Kyle (oh I miss this budding friendship!). Jenna decides that she has conquered her Matty addiction, therefore posing with him for prom pictures would not cause a relapse. Boy was she wrong. She is unable to handle the close proximity to her drug of choice and she runs off to take prom pictures with Kyle.
Jenna’s awkwardness continues when Lissa forces Matty and Jenna to practice their Prom Queen and King slow dance. While dancing Matty tells Jenna that he gets all the hints Jenna is giving, Jenna hates him for reasons that are unclear. These reasons are unclear because Jenna is fucking insane. While she watches Matty run out of prom court rehearsal actually says
“The only person I hated was myself, for putting us through this.”
No she didn’t say she hates herself for putting Matty through this, she said putting US through this. As if her actions are causing equal amounts of confusion and pain for both her and Matty. Us through this? I have no words for you Jenna. No words at all.
Jenna pulls her head out of her ass for about a second, and realizes that her best friend Tamara is still in pain and would be really upset if she actually missed prom. She decides that what she needs to do is go to prom with someone she loves, so she promposes to Tamara. Tamara says yes and then informs Jenna that she will be sending her a Pintrest board with dress options for Jenna.
In Sadie News:
Sadie is still reeling from last week’s revelation that her mom is still an actual monster, and takes all her anger out on Sergio, who has no knowledge of Sadie’s new Momma Drama.
When Sergio comes to pick up Sadie after school, he does it in his new ride/ business… a brand new food truck! Sadie freaks out because she thought he understood the future that she planned for the two of them. He was supposed to come with her to NYC and stay in her Columbia dorm room single. Later, after the blowout, Sadie goes to apologize to Sergio but he is not having it. He is fed up with Sadie treating him like a shit, and knows that his needs will never be a priority in this relationship. Sadie begins to plead to Sergio, promising that she will try harder, she will be better for him. Seeing Sadie plead pulls at my heart strings! When does she ever show so much vulnerability? In the end, her words fell to deaf ears and Sergio called in quits.
Sadie heads over to her best, and most reliable friend, Matty, for a comforting shoulder, and the two decide to go to prom together as friends.
Other Random News:
Cole has a new cute boyfriend (who I have never seen on screen before) are going to prom together which pisses Theo off. This leads to Theo asking Lissa to prom, to destroy it from the inside.
Quote of the Week:
Tamara: 90% of the prom going public expect Pretty in Pink, and they get Carrie. And who profits? Jenna: Dry Cleaners? Tamara: It’s the big corporations! It’s the prom industrial complex.
Season 4, Episode 3: “Restoration” Original Air Date: October 21st, 2015
I love Arrow, but there have been parts of this season that have absolutely bananas, and not in a good way. I want to like where the show is going because it has a ton of promise but if I want to continue enjoying it, I have to stop taking it so seriously. That’s why I’m pointing out its worst flaws of the week so we can all hate-watch together. I’m all about the bonding.
Felicity “hacking” a construction crane
So Felicity just happens to have access to all construction equipment in Star City and then has the ability to remotely start and control said crane? I know that when it comes to shows with superheroes there is some suspension of reality but this move was so jarring I couldn’t take the rest of the fight seriously. Why then, hasn’t Team Arrow amassed a robot army all over Star City? Alert all of the construction equipment and use it to fight those slippery Ghosts!
I still love you, Felicity. You’re adorable.
But you’re also on this list twice.
Diggle and the worst hiding spot ever
Diggle Diggle Diggle. I know we’ve already established that Team Arrow is the WORST when it comes to being stealthy, but solo, I thought you’d be better. Look at all that convenient lighting right behind your big head! Did you not see that when you decided to hide behind the paper thin scaffolding? And don’t you roll your eyes at Baddie #7 for finding you. He probably heard your loud ass phone vibrating from down the street.
And where is your Dollar General Magneto knock-off mask? Felicity told you not to leave home without it and then you go off and pretend like you’re better than the helmet.
Laurel trying to resurrect Sara
I know that Laurel is still grieving and all that nonsense and I also know that really this story line is more to set up Original Black Canary’s transition to the Legends of Tomorrow but it all feels so forced and fake that I can’t buy it. Thea’s journey to understanding her time in the Lazarus Pit is more realistic, especially since it gives us time with the always beautiful John Barrowman, but Nyssa is the only voice of reason when it comes to Sara and it’s really frustrating to watch Laurel act like a child.
There isn’t really even a “miss” in this section but it’s just so frustrating to watch on a narrative level that I couldn’t help but include it.
Felicity’s ability to shoot a gun
Felicity has been on Team Arrow for what? Four years now? I find it extremely hard to believe, especially now that she’s dating Oliver, that no one would have taken the time to teach her how to properly hold and fire a weapon. I don’t expect Felicity to be a professional by any means, but they have a rack of LOADED weapons just chillin’ there in the event of an attack. What good are those weapons if Felicity is going to comically CLOSE HER EYES while firing off an automatic weapon?
Felicity, baby.
Step into my office.
Oliver taking a “bullet” for Diggle
It was important for the show and Team Arrow to rebuild the trust between Oliver and Diggle but the “how” of it is another matter entirely. Oliver takes a “bullet” (AKA a meta-human tattoo playing card) for Diggle. However, there’s absolutely zero danger in this moment, no life-threatening injury. Diggle punches Double Down into a coma and Oliver’s pretty kevlar armor is a little dinged up.
Glossing over that fact, it completely goes against what was said earlier in the episode. The issue has never been if Oliver would take a bullet for Diggle, but instead if Diggle trusts Oliver enough to put his life on the line for the Arrow, the man who kidnapped his wife. Oliver taking a card-shaped bullet for Diggle doesn’t actually fix the fact that Diggle won’t still return the favor because he doesn’t trust Oliver.
What do you think? Were there any moments I missed? Let me know in the comments!
Alberto’s dog is pretty good!There is Harry’s tarantula FACE!Or perhaps Matt’s snail is more to your liking
And Kat’s centipede thing!Dom takes it up a notch with his coyoteEmeraude admits this doesn’t look like anything 🙂But c’mon Isaiah’s BATMAN clearly wins.
Watch it all unfold below:
Shadowhunters will be premiering on ABC Family/Freeform on January 12, 2016 with a special “Making of Shadowhunters” episode airing beforehand on December 6.
Marvel’s Jessica Jones trailer is here at last and we finally get to see David Tennant, who plays the villainous Kilgrave.
I see you Mr. Tennant! (Source: Marvel/Netflix)
Earlier this month, lucky New York Comic-Con attendees were treated to an advanced screening of the first episode of Jessica Jones and it was incredibly dark and intense.
Official synopsis:
After a tragic ending to her short-lived super hero stint, Jessica Jones is rebuilding her personal life and career as a detective who gets pulled into cases involving people with extraordinary abilities in New York City.
The series stars Krysten Ritter as Jessica Jones, David Tennant as Kilgrave, Mike Colter as Luke Cage, Rachael Taylor as Patricia “Trish” Walker, and Carrie-Anne Moss. “Marvel’s Jessica Jones” is Executive Produced by series Showrunner Melissa Rosenberg (“Twilight”, “Dexter”) and Liz Friedman (“Elementary”), along with Jeph Loeb (“Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” “Smallville,” “Heroes”), who also serves as Marvel’s Head of Television.
“Marvel’s Jessica Jones” is produced by Marvel Television in association with ABC Studios for Netflix.
The series will be released November 20 on Netflix.
Room Directed By: Brad Bird Written By: Emma Donoghue Starring: Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay Rated: R Grade: A
Room tells the story of a five-year-old boy, Jack (Jacob Tremblay), who since the day he was born has never left Room. Room, and everything inside of it, is all he knows of the world. He does not know that he and his mom are actually being held captive in a shed or even that other people exist. That is until his Ma (Brie Larson) shatters his only reality and tells him that there IS a world outside of Room and devises a plan to escape.
I was very nervous about seeing Room for a few reasons. How do you adapt a book about the horror of a mother and son being held captive in a shed, told through the eyes of a five-year-old, into a powerful, yet heartwarming motion picture? How do you ask a young child to play the role of Jack, a boy who goes from only knowing one room his whole life to being introduced to the entire world? The answer is you have Emma Donoghue write the script and Lenny Abrahamson to direct the film and finally bring in Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay to play Ma and Jack respectively.
I am always worried about seeing a movie that centers around a young kid because, let’s be honest, quality child actors are few and far between. But wow, did Jacob Tremblay utterly amaze me. There was not a single point in the movie that Jack annoyed me in a way that was not intended. His amazement when he sees the sky for the first time, the wonder in his eye, the surprise on his mouth, is so raw, honest and perfect. Throughout the movie his anger, his fear, his bewilderment, his joy are all believable. And then there is the chemistry between Jacob and Brie as Jack and Ma which was just out of this world.
The movie also does a great job of portraying Ma’s emotions and thoughts, which is not present in the book due to Jack being the narrator. In the book Jack often overlooks Ma’s reactions or misses the pain that she is hiding because he is five. Watching Ma’s facial expressions when her back is turned to Jack gives the film another dimension. It allows the viewer to be captivated by the naivete of Jack’s love of Room while also experiencing the fear that Ma tries to hide about being in Room.
There were only a few aspect that I found disappointing in the film adaptation of Room. The first is with the downplaying of Ma breastfeeding Jack, a five year old who by societal norms is way past breastfeeding age. In the book, Jack’s breastfeeding was a physical representation of the bond between the two. When Jack was worried or scared, or needed to be comforted, he asked for “some”. When the pair entered the world, people were aghast and appalled that Ma would still breastfeed a five year old (if you do a quick search, you would find that many readers share in this disgust). In the movie, Ma is only shown breastfeeding Jack once while in Room. The next time breastfeeding is brought up is when they are in the real world and Ma tells Jack that her milk has dried, so he can’t have any. That is it. If they were not going to actually give this plot point its due, they should have just scraped it all together. My only other criticism is that i felt that second half of the movie was rushed. I would have liked to see more scenes of the process of Jack adjusting to this new world, and learning how to navigate it.
Despite my very few qualms, this movie delivers on every level.
DANCING WITH THE STARS - “Episode 2106” - At the end of the night based on the lowest combined judges' scores and viewer's votes from the "Switch Up" and "Most Memorable Year" performances, Paula Deen and Louis Van Amstel were eliminated from the competition, on MONDAY, OCTOBER 19 (8:00-10:01 p.m., ET) on ABC's "Dancing with the Stars." (ABC/Adam Taylor)
EMMA SLATER, HAYES GRIER, PAULA DEEN, LOUIS VAN AMSTEL
Oh, what a fantastic week on Dancing With the Stars! It was “Iconic Dance Week”, where the couples did modern recreations of famous dances from films, TV, and music videos. This was unbelievably entertaining, and featured show favorite, Leah Remini, filling in as co-host for Erin Andrews this week. It also featured the icon Olivia Newton John sitting in as a guest-judge, and loads of wonderfully inventive choreography. But before we get to this week’s episode, last week, I was unable to fulfill my duties as your trusty TV reviewer, due to a prior commitment. So, here now, for your reading pleasure, is a one-paragraph highlights version of what happened on last week’s show:
Guest judge Maksim Chmerkovskiy showed up with oddly 1980’s feathered hair. Stars were put with different pro dancers, voted by audience, for “Switch Up” Week. Host Tom Bergeron returned after being home the week before to be with his ailing dad. Hayes went through puberty live on the show when his voice cracked like Peter Brady over and over. Bruno used the term “Kangaroo-ish”, to describe someone’s dancing style. Paula Deen was a pain in the butt with her new pro dance partner Mark, immediately demanding hugs and love and patience from him. Paula then flashed the judges by lifting her skirt/dress up, and they almost fainted. Bruno told Alek to “caress” the Rumba. Tom Bergeron asked “Can we keep Bindi for next season too?” Tom Bergeron ended the show by saying that this was his dad’s favorite show and he never missed an episode, and he would like to think “that he is still watching now.” We are so sorry for your loss, Tom.
Now, onto this week’s show …….
Hayes / Emma: They were assigned Grease, and Hayes literally said “What’s that?” OH MY GOD. Whats that?? Whats that??? Are you serious, kid? I know you are 2 years old and know nothing about anything that happens over 6 seconds, but how do you not know this play or film or SOME version of it? How have you never even heard of it, ever? Ugh. Anyway, they recreated the famous last scene from the film, to the song “Youre the One That I Want”. The set and costumes were pretty much right on, and it was a great recreation. Olivia said “you kept in all the elements, great job!’ Horny Carrie Ann told Hayes “you are such a stud!” Um, relax there, lady. He is FIFTEEN years old, and besides, he can only do things for 6 seconds before he peters out. Get it? That was a VINE joke. Backstage, Leah said the word “amazing” literally 14 times. Scores were 8/8/8/8. Len woke up from his nap he was taking last week, just in time for this weeks show. Upon seeing Hayes and not knowing who the hell he is, he promptly fell right back asleep.
Andy / Allison: This was probably my favorite dance of the night, personally, just because it had so many elements, and I loved the way Allison’s choreography managed to include so many different dance moves and moments from the film, all in one dance routine. She included the raincoats, the couch, and even two sets of stairs for them each to dance/walk up and down as part of the number. It was awesome. The song, was, of course, “Good Morning”, from the famous and wonderful film Singing In the Rain. The couple had the honor of meeting Gene Kelly’s widow, Patricia, for some tips and history on her husband’s legacy. So cool. Julianne told Andy “the other guys need to watch out!”, while Carrie Ann said it “felt just as good and fresh as the original!” Backstage with Leah, Andy said: “If you’re listening, Gene, I had a great time getting to know you this week. It was an honor.” Very sweet. Even sweeter were the perfect scores. 10/10/10/10. Len was at home dancing around his living room with a bottle of prune juice.
Alexa / Mark: They did the famous Britney Spears performance from the Video Music Awards, of “I’m A Slave 4 U.” This, of course, includes a real live snake, which I’m actually surprised they pretty much forced upon Alexa. Cant they just use a fake one? Is it really necessary to make this woman dance with a live snake around her neck? I’m sorry, but if I was on the show and they said I had to dance with a snake, I would be runnign so fast for the door, you wouldn’t even see me. During rehearsals, Mark said “the most important thing is to not upset the snake.” How about the most important thing being DONT USE A SNAKE!!!!??? Bergeron hilariously said: “Say hello to their little friend!” Mark worse the worst wig of all time for this dance, and apparently the judges didn’t find the dance as sexy as it was supposed to be. Carrie said “you missed the essence of Britney with that” Leah said backstage that people online had already started a drinking game to drink each time she says “amazing.” So it wasnt just me noticing that. Scores were not quite as amazing at 8/7/7/8.
Bindi / Derek: “Nobody puts Bindi in the corner”. That is what Derek said to Bindi, upon learning they would be re-creating the classic, iconic “Time of My Life” dance from Dirty Dancing. And to help them out a bit with the all-important lift above the head, was the original “Baby”, Jennifer Grey. In footage, Derek said he had never been more nervous for a dance in his life, because lifts are not his specialty. But just like in the film, the two took to the water to rehearse the lift again and again, and they got the dance down to perfection. I felt like I was watching the movie all over again. Olivia called Bindi “enchanting”, and Bruno stood up and screamed “My little star has gone SuperNova tonight!” Alrighty then. Scores were perfect at 10/10/10/10. Len changed the channel at home to “Murder She Wrote.”
Paula / Louis: I don’t know about you, but whenever I think Paula Deen, I think MADONNA! It’s almost like they are the same person … except not at all. Whoever gave her “Vogue” for her song must have been high on lead paint at the time, because even SHE knew it was a bad idea. “We don’t have one thing in common, y’all. I don’t wear cones or pose in the nude. Nothing.” Also, she dances, while you are forcibly dragged across the dance floor in your bloomers. Basically, they recreated the performance from the MTV Awards, so Paula was able to hide in the larger than life costumes and the many people performing with her She did lots of hand movements – her wrists got a good workout, and her legs shuffled along as usual. Tom Bergeron hilariously mocked Louis’s short tight shorts by announcing “men’s shorts now available at stuffasockinit.com “. The judges seemed speechless at this point, Paula kept cracking up laughing at absolutely nothing, y’all, and backstage, she screamed about 7 times in a row to nobody: “We did it! We did it! We did it! We did it!” Did what? Walked across the dance floor to music? Also backstage, when Louis randomly went underneath Paula’s dress and poked his head out during the Leah Remini interviews, Leah yelled “Yeah Paula! Ride it! Ride it!” Paula then motioned physically as if she were … well …. riding Louis. It was even more disturbing than it sounds. Why? Just …. why? Scores were 6/6/6/6, and Len turned the channel back just in time, then promptly upchucked in his vegetable soup.
Carlos / Witney: So, their assigned song was from the film Magic Mike, and it was the song “Pony.” As Carlos so poignantly said in the footage: “It’s a song about a bunch of dudes stripping.” He was very hesitant to do this at all, because he felt uncomfortable with the graphic nature of the song and lyrics and movements he was doing. He brought up having a strong faith and God in his life, and how it felt wrong to be so raunchy. Witney convinced him he is playing a character, and it would be fine if he embraced it. The dance was pretty darn hot, as he thrusted about shirtless and oiled up with a few other male dancers too. Bruno was on his feet and experiencing a standing ovation in his pants, if ya know what I mean!!!! “On your knees and beg for forgiveness. Repent!!!” I don’t know about you, but you’ve answered MY prayers!” He is hilarious Julianne said he nailed it, and Olivia joked that maybe he missed his calling and should have been a stripper. Backstage, Leah opened by saying: “So, whats up with church tomorrow?” So funny. Scores were 10/9/9/10, and Len had to have his eyeballs removed so he could no longer see such shocking things on TV.
Nick / Sharna: This couple got to re-create the epic dance number from Saturday Night Fever, to the song “You Should Be Dancing”, by the Bee Gees. I gotta say, the live performance , both singing and musically, by the show’s band, was right on with this one. It’s not easy to recreate Bee Gees songs, and they did it in the exact tone of the original. This dance was a total blast, and again, it felt like I was watching the movie all over again. Nick loved playing Travolta’s role, and he did great with it. Carrie Ann said some crap about him going in and out of character, which I did not see at all. Julianna called it a “true reinvention of what that was. Outstanding.” Bruno simply called it “brilliant.” Scores were 9/10/10/10, because Carrie Ann is a party pooper.
Alek / Lindsay: They were assigned Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock”, which was another classic scene, and in this number, Alek did capture the look of a young Elvis. The dance itself felt a bit low energy, or it seems like he isn’t as into being on the show ever since the Oregon shooting. And who could blame him? I could be wrong here, but he just seems off somehow. Scores were 8/8/7/7.
Tamar / Val: This was so beyond cool. Their assignment was the awesome music video version of Janet Jackson’s “Rhythm Nation.” Aside from the drama that always seems to come from Tamar, (this week she was sick all week-long ), this was really cool on many levels. The judges loved it, and Bruno told her that he couldn’t tell her apart from the actual pro dancers – it felt like she was leading. Scores were perfect ten across the board.
GOING HOME: Sadly, or maybe not so much, it was Paula Deen who was sent home this week, y’all. Her parting words, other than to laugh like a hyena for no apparent reason over and over, were “Ummm soooo excuuuuhhhted ” (that would be “I’m so excited ” in Paula-speak). “I get to go see my grandbabies!!!!” Okay then Paula. Enjoy those grandbabies. Be well.
COMING UP NEXT WEEK:
Len wakes up from another nap and flips on “Wheel of Fortune.”
Hayes makes a 7 second VINE video by accident, and is shunned by his millions of fans.
Somebody tries to put Bindi in the corner. It’s not pretty.
Erin Andrews returns and can’t get into her dressing room. All the locks have been changed and Leah Remini’s name now appears on the door. The producers ask her to leave the studio immediately, as she has been randomly replaced for no reason, with no explanation. She wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing she must have had a bad dream. Or was it? Brooke Burke Charvey is holding a microphone and standing over Erin’s bed. She yells at her over and over through fits of sobbing: “You’ve been replaced. How does that feel? How does that feel??”
The Leftovers
Season 2, Episode 3: “Off Ramp”
Air Date: October 19, 2015
Grade: A-
“Why are we losing?” “Because they’re giving them something…”
“Off Ramp” was a great return to form for The Leftovers and, so far, my favorite episode of the season. Rounding out our check-in with the Garveys, this episode focused tightly on Laurie (Amy Brenneman) and Tom (Chris Zylka). The mother and son pair reunited at the end of last season following disillusioning partings with the beliefs and practices of both the Guilty Remnant and “Holy” Wayne Gilchrest. In an effort to rebuild their lives and free others from falling under cult influence, the two embark on a campaign to infiltrate Guilty Remnant chapters and deprogram its followers. Tom acts as the mole and identifies potential defectors, while Laurie facilitates their rehabilitation. On the side, she’s developing a manuscript depicting the Guilty Remnant’s operations from the inside, how she fell under their sway and the pain it inflicted on her family.
Even more so than last season, The Leftovers is putting a focus on the myriad ways in which the Sudden Departure has been commodified. So far, this has been exemplified by all the commercial activity surrounding Miracle, ranging from selling small trinkets at farmer’s markets to high stakes bidding for housing in Jarden. The name of Jarden itself may even be a subtle layering of this theme, given that in the real world The Jarden Corporation is a Fortune 500 company, which produces everything from Rawlings baseball gloves and Yankee candles to crockpots and playing cards.
In “Off Ramp” we see some different examples, like a call center hawking “Departure Insurance” – which could actually be fairly practical – and the more abstract effort to sell Laurie’s story. The latter incident comes on the heels of Laurie learning that one of her recent defectors killed herself, and her family, in the wake of returning to a banal life that insufficiently acknowledged the departure.
The first clue to how bad this meeting is going to be starts with “I think this is going to be the next What’s Next?,” referring to an opportunistically published self-help book about moving on from the departure. For Laurie, her writing went beyond a crass attempt to cash-in; it was a cathartic confessional that aimed to prevent similarly distressed leftovers from making the same mistake she did. Amy Brenneman is wonderfully emotive here, transitioning from subtle expressions of irritable disappointment, to full out rage. The editor-in-chief of her would be publishing company (Mark Harelik) is transparently rapacious at the prospect of selling this story and his fumbling attempts to recount her narrative – that he likely read only half of – with the suggestion it needed more clarity around her feelings and emotion releases the anger Laurie’s kept simmering below the surface the entire episode.
Of course not all the profit is financially oriented. There’s no shortage of characters in The Leftovers whose new sense of self in a post-departure world is wrapped up in exploiting their perceived abilities or knowledge, and the influence it affords them. After this week’s episode, Laurie’s Guilty Remnant protégé Meg Abbott (Liv Tyler) may prove to be the most disturbing example yet of these figures. Having lost her mother the day before the departure, she was denied a personally oriented grief, feeling powerless and cheated, as it was subsumed by the world’s larger loss. We saw this anger gestate last season, expressing itself in fits and starts. Now, as the Guilty Remnant’s presumable new leader, that fury has melded with a lust for maintaining power. Her rape and threatened immolation of Tom are aggressive rebukes to Laurie’s efforts, which inherently threaten her new standing.
“Off Ramp” ends with Laurie and Tom crafting a messianic persona for the latter Garvey, something they believe can help fill the void in recently deprogrammed defectors. It’s a fairly shortsighted move from two people who should know how badly an appeal to the basest human insecurities could play out. Having said that, it’s not quite what I would have expected and in a world where NCIS is the number one rated drama, that’s more than enough to satisfy me.
Parting thoughts:
The 80’s sitcom cameos keep rolling here. This week Bill Kirchenbauer played an assistant editor in Laurie’s meeting with the publisher. If that doesn’t strike you as a household name, then you clearly aren’t familiar enough with Growing Pains or Just the Ten of Us. It’s okay, I forgive you.
Great music again this week; an instrumental of “Where is my Mind?” plus apt use of Buddy Rich and “Figure Eights”.
The Walking Dead Season 6, Episode 2 – “JSS” Air Date – October 18, 2015
The Walking Dead struggles occasionally with clumsy characterization; characters will debate, wallow, or make dumb decisions for the sake of some thematic statement or added drama. These moments are particularly problematic when they interfere with the story’s plot or pacing–few things derail an episode as quickly as a pointless death or a lengthy ethical debate. What “JSS” accomplishes especially well is weaving the characterization into the action in a way that doesn’t diminish either or interrupt the pacing of the episode. From its simple, chilling cold open to the pandemonium of Alexandria being raided by the Wolves, the tension ramps up quickly and the episode is infused with plenty of small, effective character moments that don’t weigh it down.
The Alexandrian’s utter lack of experience is on full display as the are caught off guard by the raid, but of particular note is Deanna’s apparent cowardice. Her son Spencer’s unwillingness to enter the walls and help is more straightforward, but Deanna carefully explains to Maggie the many reasons why she should hide instead. Others get similarly concise character moments. Jessie has difficulty dealing with her sons after Pete’s execution, but all that frustration and desperation boils to the surface as she manages to kill one of the Wolves invading her home. Denise, the anxiety-ridden new doctor, undergoes a trial by fire as she attempts to tend to the wounded during the raid. She fails to save her first patient. but there isn’t much to say in terms of reason or comfort. Tara simply reminds her, “make sure you get her brain.”
The greatest strength of “JSS” might be its willingness to embrace ambiguity without dwelling too long or pick apart on any single conflict (there’s plenty of time for that after the dust settles). Take the parallel storylines of Carol and Morgan–while the former is a cold, hard realist, the latter avoids killing with the belief that all life is precious. Neither have the time or luxury to debate worldviews (nor would Carol have the patience) as they rush to save Alexandria, but the episode nevertheless manages to do the complicated issue justice through actions rather than words. Both succeed in driving off the attackers, but neither solution turns out to be perfect. Carol sees too much of the Wolves reflected back in herself as she tries to wipe the bloody W from her forehead, and Morgan is taunted by the Wolves he’s unwilling to kill (one ominously picks up a gun before retreating). Their arcs this episode are simply shown, conflicts and all, without unnecessary dialogue or any attempt to dissect the nuances. The episode ends with the two crossing paths on their way way home, without exchanging a single word.
The title of the episode refers to a mantra that Enid lives by: “Just Survive Somehow.” Although heavily featured in the cold open, the meaning behind the letters “JSS” isn’t revealed until well after the raid is over. Its meaning resonates in a way other philosophies haven’t in The Walking Dead–the three simple words evoke a sense of resignation to the horrors of this new world. It’s not quite acceptance or defeat, but rather, an assertion that all of the ethical conflicts, moral quandaries, guilt, and frustration don’t really matter. Just survive somehow.
So many bones in that turtle!
Great cold open, showing Enid’s life before arriving at Alexandria. Quick cuts, nice pacing, and excellent acting by Katelyn Nacon. I particularly liked how she seemed less fearful with each scene in the wild, only to tense right back up as she walks through the gates of Alexandria.
“Miss Peletier, you are an honest to goodness hero.”
“Your dad used to hit you and then he got himself killed. It happened, now it’s done. You live with it or it eats you up. Go home.”
Gabriel is ready to start helping, and wants to learn how to handle weapons. Later, he is saved by Morgan, and is particularly fascinated by his non-lethal methods.
Aaron finds the backpack he lost during the ambush last season, and realizes that his pictures led the Wolves to the community.
