YOU'RE THE WORST -- "Fists and Feet and Stuff" -- Episode 110 (Airs Thursday, September 18, 10:30 pm e/p) -- Pictured: (L-R) Chris Geere as Jimmy Shive-Overly, Aya Cash as Gretchen Cutler -- CR: Byron Cohen/FX..
FXX has announced that September 9th will be the premiere date for the final season of The League and the second season of acclaimed comedy You’re The Worst.
Wednesday nights will be the home of the seventh and final season of The League, which will premiere on FXX on Wednesday, September 9th at 10 PM.
Following the The League will be the premiere of the second season of You’re The Worst at 10:30 PM. Originally aired on FX, fans of You’re the Worst will need to tune into FXX this year in order to watch.
Full press release below:
FXX SETS PREMIERE DATE FOR THE LEAGUE
AND YOU’RE THE WORST
September 9th Return for Seventh and Final Season of Hit Comedy The League, Followed By the Second Season of the Critically Acclaimed Comedy You’re The Worst
Twitter Pitch: Get excited! The seventh and final season of @TheLeagueFXX and the second season of @YTWFXX premiere on September 9th, starting at 10pm on FXX!
LOS ANGELES, July 21, 2015 – FXX is the destination for comedy this fall with the seventh and final season of its hit comedy series The League and the second season of the acclaimed comedy You’re The Worst, it was announced today by Chuck Saftler, President of Program Strategy and COO, FX Networks. Season seven of The League will premiere on FXX on Wednesday, September 9th at 10 PM e/p, immediately followed by the second season of You’re The Worst at 10:30 PM e/p.
The League – Wednesdays at 10 PM e/p on FXX, beginning September 9th
To be a fan of FXX’s The League, you don’t need to know much about fantasy football, or sports at all. You just need to have friends that you hate. The ensemble comedy follows a group of old friends in a fantasy football league who care very deeply … about beating each other for bragging rights.
The League was created by the husband-and-wife team of Jeff Schaffer (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld) and Jackie Marcus Schaffer (Disturbia, Eurotrip) who serve as executive producers and directors. The series is produced by FX Productions.
The League features an ensemble cast of rising actors/comedians. Stephen Rannazzisi (Paul Blart: Mall Cop) is “Kevin,” a happily married father and commissioner of the league. Katie Aselton (The Sea of Trees) plays “Jenny,” Kevin’s wife and his better half – especially when it comes to Fantasy Football. Mark Duplass (Togetherness) plays “Pete,” the perennial league champ who is struggling to become an adult. Jon Lajoie (Let’s Be Cops) is “Taco,” Kevin’s little brother, a part-time musician and full-time stoner with little interest in fantasy other than hanging with his buddies (whom he struggles to remember). Nick Kroll (Kroll Show) plays “Ruxin,” who believes he is the smartest of the group but can’t figure out how exactly the other guys are screwing him over. “Andre,” played by Paul Scheer (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp), has continued to be the punching bag of the group since their high school days – a fact that hasn’t changed despite the fact he is now a successful plastic surgeon.
You’re The Worst – Wednesdays at 10:30 PM e/p on FXX, beginning September 9th
You’re The Worst is a modern look at love and happiness told through the eyes of two people who haven’t been very successful with either. It’s the story of Gretchen and Jimmy, fear, heartbreak, romance, sex, food, Los Angeles, Sunday Funday, friendship, and the fact that sometimes the worst people make the best partners.
An original comedy from writer and executive producer Stephen Falk, You’re The Worst puts a dark twist on the romantic comedy genre.Narcissistic, brash, and self-destructive Jimmy Shive-Overly, (Chris Geere), has inadvertently found himself paired up with cynical, people-pleasing, and stubborn Gretchen Cutler (Aya Cash). After a whirlwind courtship that culminates in Gretchen burning her apartment down with a faulty “back massager,” she and Jimmy are forced to take their relationship to the next level by moving in together (which neither of them are particularly thrilled about). Now they must learn how to live with each other when they can barely live with themselves.
Rounding out the cast is Desmin Borges, who plays Edgar Quintero, Jimmy’s once homeless, war veteran roommate who’s on a mission to redefine his relationship with Jimmy; and Kether Donohue as Lindsay Jillian, Gretchen’s best friend and former partner in crime who’s now struggling to find her identity after being dumped by her “lame, soft” husband.
We are “24 hours removed” from Battleground, a show that really would have been great had we not had an angle instead of a main event. WWE spent weeks building up a rematch between Seth Rollins and Brock Lesnar — only to have the match go eight weak minutes before a complete non-finish featuring The Undertaker. Apparently, he leads off the show this Monday. Let’s get going…
We start with clips of last night’s World Title match at Battleground.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Kansas City, Missouri for WWE Monday Night RAW!!!
JBL, Cole and Byron Saxton are the guys on the mics.
And The Undertaker does, indeed, lead us off. The crowd cheers for him as he looks around. He growls into the mic. He says he stands in the ring as a relentless, remorseless, cold-blooded Grim Reaper. Streaks are made to be broken, he says. He says that’s the painful truth. But Lesnar had to keep rubbing it in for over a year. He says, “ENOUGH”. He says that Lesnar turned smoldering ashes into a raging inferno. Last night was his true resurrection. He says that Lesnar cannot kill what won’t die. He says that unleashed forces set their careers towards new destinies. He says that he will conquered what hasn’t been conquered. And just like life, be it like man or beast…Lesnar will rest in peace.
Not a bad promo and about 7 days shorter than anything presented by The Authority.
Triple H and Steph are backstage. He’s so excited about ‘Taker being back. It’s a SummerSlam match. He says that he’s gonna set it all up. He’s gonna call Heyman and tell him to stay away because he has no idea what Lesnar will do. Steph will set up the marketing.
TONIGHT: John Cena, Cesaro and Randy Orton vs. Kevin Owens, Rusev and Sheamus.
NEXT: Charlotte vs. Brie Bella
Tamina, Naomi and Sasha Banks are “on commentary”. Boy, the more things change, the more they stay the same, huh?
MATCH #1: Charlotte (w/ Paige & Becky Lynch) vs. Brie Bella (w/ WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella & Alicia Fox) Brie won’t let go of a headlock. Charlotte does everything to break out as Naomi talks about how her and her Divas are “bad like Michael Jackson”. Finally, Charlotte breaks the headlock. Brie escapes outside. Charlotte dives at Brie. Brie moves and Charlotte hits nothing but pavement in a spot that looks like what wasn’t really intended. After an unnecessary break, Charlotte gets out of an armbar. Brie does YES kicks because, suddenly, she’s the face here. She kicks Charlotte hard and pins her for two. Finally, Charlotte rolls Brie up for a two count. Brie retaliates with a dropkick for two. Brie puts on a chinlock but Charlotte breaks that shit immediately, so that saves two minutes. Brie immediately hits a Missile Dropkick off the buckle and gets two. And it’s another headlock spot by Brie. Charlotte breaks, catches Brie’s leg and starts hitting Flair Chops which looks like somebody attempting to swat at a spider without actually touching it. She knocks Brie down and goes for the Figure Eight. Nikki leaps on the mat but Charlotte knocks her off. Brie runs at Charlotte. Charlotte clotheslines her and hits the Figure Eight for the win at 9:00. WINNER: Charlotte via Figure Eight
RATING: **. This was like watching Natalya and Brie when Natalya was good. It’s still not great.
AT SUMMERSLAM: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
TONIGHT: Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper
Triple H is backstage, talking to Paul Heyman. Miz tries to interrupt. That’s not happening. Triple H tells Heyman that Lesnar has the night off. The Miz asks wants Triple H to know he’s pissed at Big Show for what happened last night. So, Triple H says that Miz is going one-on-one with the Big Show. Miz protests. Triple H doesn’t care and says, “Get out of here, Obi-Wan.” (DANIELLE: I love this segment. Five stars.)
MATCH #2: Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) (w/ El Torito) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young) (non-title) Young starts. He hits a forearm and legdrop. Another forearm by Young and another charge but Young ends up on the bottom rope. A splash by Matador #1. Tag to #2. Quick moves and a double team. Two count. #1 stomps at Young. #2 comes in for a Twin Legsweep. Two count. Finally, Young hits a belly to belly. Hot tag to Titus. He desroys #2 and tosses him across the ring. Titus splashes him in the corner and shoulderblocks him. Young hits a Side Suplex on #1 — and The New Day interrupts. #2 hits the Backstabber. The end at 4:04. WINNERS: Los Matadores
RATING: *1/2. This match was gonna be that regardless of the interference. And would it kill WWE to tell us which Matador is in the ring?
Post-match, The New Day celebrates.
TONIGHT: Luke Harper vs. Eric Rowan
ALSO: The Big 6-Man Tag
MATCH #3: The Miz vs. Big Show Miz leaves the ring. Show lifts him back in. Miz kicks Show and stomps him. Show comes back with a shoulderblock and chest slap. Huge slam by Show. Huge elbow drop off the ropes. Done at 1:27. WINNER: Big Show
RATING: n/a – squash
Post-match, Show has a mic. He wants Miz to clarify his insults from last night. He says that Ryback has the Championship. Crowd cheers for Ryback. Show barks about getting the title.
Painter Rob Schamberger is backstage with a new painting of John Cena. Triple H and Steph want another one for SummerSlam for the big main event…and then they spot Paul Heyman backstage. They stop him and ask “What the fuck”. Heyman says that Lesnar isn’t in the arena. He accepts the Undertaker’s challenge. Heyman’s just here to deliver Lesnar’s retort. Triple H and Steph don’t trust Heyman. They say they need more security…and the entire locker room.
Steph and Triple H suddenly care about everyone. Steph lets everyone know about what’s going on. Triple H says that he needs help to put bodies between ‘Taker and Lesnar. They all bark at one another.
Paul Heyman’s in the ring. He says his client is not the WWE Heavyweight Champion of the World because of The Undertaker — and not because of his domination of Seth Rollins. He says that Brok Lesnar was the one to conquer The Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania. He says he knows that this pisses off The Undertaker. Heyman acknowledges bragging about it. Why wouldn’t he? So many people before Brock would have had they beaten The Undertaker. Brock didn’t fail. He succeeded. And, now, ‘Taker’s back and looking for retribution. So, now, it’s The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. Since The Undertaker wants this to be personal, he’ll make it personal, too. He yells about breaking the streak over and over — until ‘Taker shows up in the ring after the bell tolls.
‘Taker corners Heyman in the ring — and Lesnar’s music hits. Lesnar runs down to the ring and it’s on. Lesnar is all over ‘Taker with a press. ‘Taker reverses and it’s just a good ol’ fight. Suddenly, “Security” runs out to stop Lesnar and ‘Taker…but that’s like stopping a bullet with a piece of paper. Triple H calls out every single wrestler in WWE and TNA. They get between the two but Lesnar and ‘Taker STILL manage to get their licks in. After a few misfires, we go to commercial.
When we come back, Lesnar and ‘Taker were moved backstage. But they still manage to fight. Finally, Lesnar is subdued and cuffed with plastic wiring. Lesnar is removed from the arena.
And after another break, we get a MOMENTS AGO segment, showing everything we just saw.
Triple H is with Steph. He says he’s not “pressing charge”. (DANIELLE: For…?) Seth Rollins shows up, laughing. Seth wants to say stuff to the WWE Universe. The Authority allows it.
Cole runs us through the Wyatt/Reigns match.
Then we get one of those Wyatt sauna promos where you basically say, “That’s nice” after it ends.
Harper and Reigns come out for their match…but Dean Ambrose interrupts. He tells Roman that he’s got Reigns’ back.
MATCH #4: Luke Harper (w/ Bray Wyatt) vs. Roman Reigns (w/ Dean Ambrose) Reigns clubs Harper ten times and works Harper in the corner. Harper comes back with an Irish Whip but Reigns clothesline him. Harper regroups and works Reigns in the corner but Reigns retaliates wiht shots in the corner, an Irish Whip and a running clothesline. Reigns hits a suplex. After a break, Reigns breaks a headlock but Harper traps him again. Reigns breaks but Harper sends him outside. Reigns breaks the count at nine and gets back in the ring. The two fight but Harper runs Reigns’ arm into the ringpost. It’s another clutch by Harper. Reigns breaks and hits forearms. Harper runs at Reigns but misses and falls out of the ring. Reigns kicks Harper and hits a huge uppercut. Reigns hits a big clothesline and hulks up. He whips Harper into the corner. Harper comes back and runs into the Samoan Drop. Reigns goes outside for the Drive-By Dropkick. Bray gets in the way. Reigns beats up Wyatt and hits a Double Drive-By. Bray fights back for the DQ at 13:02 after all of that. WINNER: Roman Reigns via DQ
RATING: *1/2. This was long, clunky and boring. I don’t give a rat’s ass about Harper. I don’t give a shit about Wyatt or this feud. None of this is interesting.
Post-match, it’s a Pier 6 with the Wyatts dumping Ambrose and attacking Reigns. They set him up for trouble. Ambrose gets back in the ring and attacks Wyatt. Harper gets to Ambrose. Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline. Wyatt attacks Ambrose but Reigns comes alive and hits the Superman Punch. The Wyatts ditch the ring and the faces stand tall.
We get another reminder of what happened between Rollins and Lesnar at Battleground.
Rollins comes out to speak. He tells the arena they were wrong about him. He says that everyone bought into the “Suplex City” thing with their shirts. He says that everyone doubted him when his entourage got roughed up — but here he is. He’s still the champ. He says that Lesnar may have ended The Streak. But he beat Lesnar. He tells the fans they never will begin to understand what Rollins’ life is like. His life is being the champion. He is the end-all, be-all of WWE Champion history. He says he was robbed last night and he wants to fix that. He calls Lillian Garcia into the ring to announce that he won. Garcia does so after being corrected.
John Cena’s music hits. He comes down to the ring. He sends Garcia out of the ring and tells the fans not to put up with Rollins’ crap anymore. Rollins congratulates Cena on his win at Battleground and tries to leave the ring. Cena calls him back and says that him and Rollins won the title on the same night. The difference between him and Rollins, however, is that Cena defends the title. Rollins is just a suck-up. The crowd chants “USA”. Rollins tells them to shut up and says that Cena’s just beating anyone who comes down to the ring. He says that the crowd hates Cena’s guts and his constant title defenses are sad attempts to cover that up. He tells Cena to issue his challenge. Rollins tries to leave. Cena calls him a coward and says the real champ is here. He says the man makes the title. As a man, Cena says that Rollins is a joke. Cena takes off the cap and shirt. Rollins takes off his shirt as well. They tease a fight…but Rollins bails.
TONIGHT: The 6-Man Tag Match
Cole recaps Steph single-handedly “rescuing” the Divas Division.
Another Divas match — with the Bellas on commentary. Yaaaaay.
MATCH #5: Paige & Becky Lynch (w/ Charlotte) vs. NXT Divas Champion Sasha Banks & Naomi (w/ Tamina) Lynch and Banks start. Lynch hits a couple armdrags. Tag to Noami and she tees off on Lynch in the heel corner. Naomi shoves Lynch to the mat Two count. Lynch breaks and starts hitting legdrops. Two count. Tag to Paige. Paige hits an Irish Whip and Naomi trips over her. Naomi gets up and tags Banks. Paige slams her and tags in Lynch. Paige hits a high knee. Lynch follows with a high kick in the corner. After a break, Naomi has slammed Lynch and hit an elbow drop. Two count. Naomi puts on a Front Facelock. Lynch breaks free. Naomi hits a back elbow off a charge to get two. Tag to Banks who slaps Lynch on a run. Banks turns and hits a forearm on Paige. Banks turns and tags in Naomi. The two hit a double elbow. Banks back in after that. Banks hits a Backstabber on Lynch. Lynch breaks and tries to tag Paige. She finally does after three attempts and Paige comes in to roll Naomi with clotheslines and dropkick. Paige hits a Superkick and the PTO. Sasha comes in with a high kick to break it. Paige sends her out of the ring. Tamina climbs up on the mat. Paige dispatches her as well. Naomi tags Banks who gets to her feet. She comes in with a Backstabber and Banks Statement to get Paige to tap at 13:30. WINNERS: Banks and Naomi
RATING: **. Far too long. I don’t feel one way or the other about any of these people. Lynch doesn’t impress me and neither does Naomi. And do we really have to have every single new Diva at ringside from here on out?
WWE promotes Jake Gyllenhall in “Southpaw”. Lita, Booker and Billy Gunn all compare his training to Tough Enough. I kinda doubt it.
ON SMACKDOWN: Sasha and Naomi face The Bella Twins. Yay.
EARLIER TONIGHT: The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar got into a fight.
AT SUMMERSLAM: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
2 WEEKS AGO: Rusev and Ziggler cross paths and Ziggler suffers a broken ankle.
Renee Young has Lana backstage. She says that Ziggler is recovering. No damage to his windpipe. He’s talking now, too. Summer shows up, looking like Lana. Summer says she’s keeping the look. Rusev shows up and he’s entranced. Rusev loses about 80 percent of his accent fawning all over Summer. Rusev tells Lana that she looks tired. Summer slaps Lana in the face and leaves.
MATCH #6: Cesaro, Randy Orton & WWE United States Champion John Cena vs. Kevin Owens, Rusev (w/ Summer Rae) & Sheamus Cena faces Kevin Owens but Owens chickens out and tags Rusev. Cena flies at Rusev who catches him and hits a Fallaway Slam. Owens is tagged in and he punches at Cena. Owens calls himself The Man after stomping at Cena. Cena immediately hits the STF. Owens escapes it and hits a DDT. Owens misses a Cannonball. Tag to Cesaro and Sheamus. Cesaro hits a cross body and uppercuts in the corner. He goes for the Swing. Owens tries to make a save. Cesaro drops him. Rusev comes in and hits a Superkick. Cesaro goes down. When we come back from a break, Sheamus has Cesaro in a headlock. Cesaro counters into a suplex. Tag to Owens. He ambushes Cesaro who boots him in the face. Tag to Sheamus who splashes him in the corner, hits a running knee and a lariat. He pushes Cesaro into the heel corner. Tag to Rusev but Cesaro punches at him and drops him. Tag to Owens. Cesaro uppercuts him and tosses Owens into Sheamus. Owens hits a Gutbuster. Sheamus is furious and asks Owens what he was doing. The two shove it out. Sheamus drops him and leaves with the MITB case. Rusev is still down. Owens has nobody to tag. He quickly hits a Reverse Senton. Owens and Rusev get into it. Owens tags Rusev and calls him an idiot. Rusev shoves him. Owens nails him with a Superkick and HE leaves. It’s the faces vs. Rusev. Cesaro hits a hot tag to Orton. Orton hits the Powerslam in Stride after a couple clotheslines. Orton hits an Exploder and goes for Vintage Orton. He hits that and goes for the RKO. Rusev dodges and hits a Superkick. Out comes Lana. She removes her heels and attacks Summer, kicking the shit out of her. Rusev tells her to leave. Lana does after getting what she wanted. AA by Cena to Rusev. Swing by Cesaro. Cesaro slingshots Rusev into Orton for the RKO and the win at 14:57. WINNER: Cena/Orton/Cesaro
RATING: ***. This was basically a SNME match on Monday. Liked watching it.
The faces celebrate as we go off the air.
OVERALL: A lot of talking and filler this week. The only upside was the great ‘Taker/Lesnar segment and the main event which mostly delivered. Solid show for what it was.
Ballers
Season 1, Episode 6 – Machete Charge
Grade: C+
And the slow down happens again.
Ballers has managed to squander all the momentum it gained from last week’s episode. It’s almost as though the showrunners don’t remember that there’s a “Previously on” sequence before each episode. They have to re-hash the details of each plot line over and over ad infinitum. Maybe they don’t have faith in their target demographic to have a capable short-term memory, but I digress.
Ricky is still fuming after his Ferrari was towed and his wheels were boosted. At the mechanics while he’s getting his car fixed, he talks to his wife Bella about how things are coming to a head with Alonzo. Of course, he skirts carefully around the issue that he’s been sleeping with another woman. When asked, Ricky claims that this row is because of a uniform number dispute, while Bella looks at him incredulously. Trying to allay suspicion, Ricky quickly pivots to try to recruit Bella’s Uncle Frank. When he mentions him, Bella tries to convince him otherwise, as Frank always takes it too far.
Ricky, in all of his genius for interpersonal relationships, decides to squash his beef by taking Alonzo to a strip club, because you know, ass and titties solve everything. Alonzo decides to take everyone who was slightly related to him to the strip club and have Ricky cover everything. This of course runs him thousands upon thousands of dollars. However, Alonzo gets enamored with a dancer and takes her out to his car for some extracurricular activities. While Alonzo hotboxes his car, the smoke is seen by a passing squad car. He immediately gets taken out of the car and arrested. However, Ricky is able to intervene in the nick of time, preventing Alonzo from getting a suspension from the league and keeping his record clean. Obviously, this kills the feud between the two of them, and they part amicably. This is probably due to the arresting officer being a Packers fan, or more likely the officer being Uncle Frank.
In the meantime, Charles stops by to visit Ricky at the strip club, complaining about the sexts he’s been getting from the random chick he met at the party. Charles decides not to pursue it, because his marriage is important (yay!), but he decides to keep a .gif of her twerking and emails it to himself (you f*cking idiot). His wife finds out, and within an episode, Charles is out on his ass. To be frank, I’m not exactly sure what the point of this storyline is, but I guess we’ll see where it leads.
Continuing off of his appearance last week, Victor Cruz is in the episode in an extended cameo. Spencer keeps ducking Vernon’s call after their falling out. Eventually, Joe forces Spencer to take the call, and Spencer agrees to a sit down. At the table, the group is told that Vernon is being blackmailed by a woman who has pictures of him from the yacht, doing drugs with hookers. Of course, this is while he’s trying to renegotiate his contract. A payoff to keep this woman quiet could potentially be worth tens of millions, so a meet is made. Of course, when the shady lawyer tells you that his client wants $500k, the cost-benefit analysis takes a bit to compute. As Joe and Spencer walk out of the lawyer’s office, Spencer drops the nugget that he knows the woman who’s blackmailing Vernon.
I guess this is a cliffhanger to be sure, but at this point, do we really care? For every half-hour episode, I feel like we only get 10 minutes of actual plot development. After the positive steps made last week, I’m disappointed for Ballers to return to its glacial pace again. For some reason, I keep wanting Ballers to be a 45 minute show, which would maybe give the characters the space they need to flesh out, but right now, it just seems like caricatures plodding through plots simulating real life, when it could be so much more.
SCREAM Season 1, Episode 3: “Wanna Play a Game?”
GRADE: B-
***THERE WILL BE MAJOR SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW/RECAP.***
If that’s not your brand of Gin, go elsewhere.
“In my humble opinion, nobody puts on a mask and commits a murder like that just ONCE. The real question is…who’s next?”
Fittingly prophetic words from Noah, the pop culture geek of the show, as he unknowingly foreshadows the death of a major character on the show — or, at least it’s “important” by this show’s standards. For the last two weeks, Scream has flailed desperately, attempting to connect with everyone outside their young target audience. This episode manages to accomplish that in abundance.
Make no mistake, the episode still suffers from the same bullshit we’ve been seeing since the series started a couple weeks ago.
Forced pop culture references?:
“Christian Grey’s Red Room of Pain awaits you!”
“Ew…that would literally be like doing my brother.”
“Ah, so Game of Thrones? I’m cool with that!”
Check!
Boring sub-plot involving Jake and Will and their money-making TMZ videotape business?
Check!
Really awkward sub-plot involving hot blonde Brooke and Seth, the hot teacher?
Check!
So why the praise?
This episode did one VERY important thing: it cut the bullshit the way a butcher cuts excess fat from a steak – only enough left for flavoring and nothing more. On top of that, it actually played upon the set strengths and weaknesses of each character and turns them on their head.
I mean, who’d have thought that this series would be about something? It’s still very silly but it may have just found its heart and soul. First and foremost, as silly as the whole Noah/Riley relationship is, it’s the only relationship on the show worth caring about. Emma and Will have no chemistry and who the hell wants to watch a high school teacher creep on his student? If you wanna see that, you’re gonna have to watch James Deen mack on Nikki Benz in “Student Detention 6” on PornHub. Which I know nothing about.
But the relationship has become the bright spot of the show whose previous bright spot was the death of Bella Thorne in the opening of the first episode.
I guess it’s Good News/Bad News time…
The bad news? A major character bit the dust and it wasn’t pretty.
The good news? The build-up and (pardon the pun) execution is brilliant and should give us all the emotional aftermath and pay-off we’ve been waiting for.
From beginning to end, the killer torments Emma, texting her about her mother’s secrets which leads to Emma finally seeking answers and piecing together her Mom’s past. For the last couple of weeks, she’s been hounded by the killer and been on the defensive. This episode, she’s making discoveries like she’s Nancy Drew. She even texts the Killer back, looking for answers. The Killer, of course, isn’t gonna oblige but Emma’s determined. She confronts her Mom about the human heart she was sent in the mail and reveals that the same person has been calling her. When her Mom balks, Emma tells the Killer to stuff it and says she’s not playing their game anymore.
To which the Killer ominously replies, “Then I’ll find someone else to play with.”
Ruh-roh.
Suddenly, Brooke and Riley are sent text messages from Tyler, the chief suspect in Nina’s murder. He wants their help and he needs it now. Riley wants to “hear him out”. Emma and Brooke want to go to the police. The latter decision proves to be the ultimate choice — which just adds to ensuing tragedy. The police elect to use the girls to set Tyler up so they can bring him in — but, predictably, that doesn’t happen. The Killer pays somebody to show up at the meet.
With the police away from the station, the Killer starts moving pieces on the chess board.
Having seemingly broken him down, Brooke gets a text from Seth asking her to meet at a hotel for sex. As Brooke is incredibly arrogant, she goes. When Emma finds out she’s gone, her and her mother go looking for her — leaving Riley alone. From here, the Killer makes Emma “choose” who dies: Brooke or Riley. Believing she’s got the upper hand with Riley safe at the police station, Emma tells the Killer not to hurt Brooke.
The thing Emma forgets is that Riley wanted to help Tyler. So, when “Tyler” texts Riley, telling her that he’s “in the parking lot”, Riley falls for it. The Killer chases her, corners her, stabs her and cuts an artery in her leg — and all of this is as visceral and palpable as anything seen in the film franchise. You can almost feel it. But even with the murder over and done with, the part that hits you emotionally happens after the killer leaves: when Riley, knowing she’s about to bleed out and die, starts a video chat with Noah — and he has to watch her die of blood loss as she begs for his help.
The moment is unlike anything in the Scream series. In the films, you care enough about the characters that you want them to escape from certain death. If they died, you were shocked and slightly disappointed — and you had about a half dozen other characters to care about.
Here, you actually feel terrible for Riley as the life drains from her body and you want justice for it.
The brilliance of all of this cannot be overstated. The underlying theme is “trust” and the consequences of giving it or taking it for granted. The Killer asks Emma for it. Brooke places her trust in a man who is unable to give her the affection she craves. Riley places blind faith and trust in Tyler — and the Killer makes all three of them pay, physically and emotionally, for their misguided faith. You may be screaming, “You’re an idiot for going out alone” until you realize that these kids are making logical decisions based on who they are.
Seeing the pain on Riley’s face, hearing the anguish in Noah’s voice as she slips away from him, seeing this twisted chess game play out makes me both hungry and hopeful for more of the same.
Ever since it was first revealed at E3 2015, video game lovers everywhere have been talking about the resurrection of the Shenmue series. Shenmue 3 was announced at the Playstation conference, with series creator Yu Suzuki coming out to reassure fans that he was up to the task. It was also revealed that the title’s funding would be handled by the much popular backing website: Kickstarter.
With the crowd funding now over, it appears that Shenmue 3 has brought in $6,333,295. While it didn’t reach it’s stretch goals of $11 million, Sony said that they will assist with the games development. This will likely ensure that Shenmue 3 remains a Playstation console exclusive.
With that impressive haul, Shemue 3 now holds records for being the highest funded and fastest funded video game in Kickstarter history! This is quite impressive for a series that has been dormant for over 14 years. This should please all Shenmue fans, as the series left on a cliffhanger at the end of Shenmue 2, a cliffhanger that even the most devoted Shenmue fan thought would never be resolved (unless you count Shenmue fan fiction)(*Editor’s Note: Oh…I do).
Even after smashing records, many fans remember that the original Shenmue games were very costly endeavors. While their record breaking $6.6 million is very impressive, this brings up the question if it will if it will hinder the creators vision in any way. Suzuki recently took to Twitter to reassure fans by saying, “I am grateful I have another chance for a new Shenmue. I will do everything I can within the budget”.
Shenmue currently has a release set for December 2017. Are you a die hard Shenmue fans foaming at the mouth for the much anticipated revival? Or are you still confused on the popularity of this long dormant series? Let us know in the comments down below!
There’s no bigger fan of Xena than Lucy Lawless and that fact is made perfectly clear every time she makes the media rounds. Even this year during San Diego Comic Con, twenty years after its original run, Lawless still clamors for a Xena reboot. And who can blame her? Just a few weeks ago, I made a list of shows that needed to return to TV and Xena topped that list.
It seems that NBC has heard Lawless and fans cry out for a hero as they are in the process of rebooting the show. Lucy Lawless looks to be involved but in what capacity, we don’t know yet. Things are still in the early stages for Xena 2.0, the very early stages, but the fact remains, we may yet be getting new episodes of Xena. Rejoice.
Of course, as is the case with any reboot, there are concerns about how the show might be handled. Xena was very much a 90’s TV show, riddled with campy humor and a deep suspension of reality. However, its stories and characters have transcended that era and I’ll be damned if I don’t want a reboot bad. The naysayers may try to sink this ship before its even launched, but I have hope.
And NBC, if you’re looking for writers…*wink* *wink*
“The documentary is about righting a terrible wrong in someone’s life. It’s about redeeming someone who was victimized in their day and giving them a better ending to their story.”
It’s become a cliche that after years and years of painstakingly honing their craft, artists are only discovered after death. But for artist Edith Lake Wilkinson, that cliche is her truth. After 30 years of painting and traveling, in 1924, Edith was diagnosed with “paranoia” and sent to the Sheppard Pratt Hospital in Baltimore. Her art was then sent to her only living relative, a young nephew, who kept the work packed away in a set of trunks. Edith’s life was one of turmoil, unable to openly be with the woman she loved. Moreover, there isn’t much mention of her or her art in Provincetown, Massachusetts where she predominantly painted. That is, until her great-niece, Emmy Award-winning writer Jane Anderson(“Olive Kitteridge”) came along, adamant that Edith’s story be told. And thus, the HBO documentary, “Packed in a Trunk: The Lost Art of Edith Lake Wilkinson” was born.
“Packed in a Trunk” follows Jane and her wife Tess as they travel the United States to learn more about Jane’s great-aunt Edith, whose art decorated her family’s home since she was a little girl. Not much is known about Edith’s life except that she left her family’s home in Wheeling, West Virginia at the age of twenty to travel to New York City where she met Fannie, a woman she would live with for the next twenty years. Edith studied art in New York, Europe, and most notably, in Provincetown, Massachusetts, as part of the artist community that popularized the white-line woodcut technique. Sadly, in 1924, Edith’s family attorney committed her to an asylum where she lived out the remainder of her life, without Fannie and without art.
The Workprint’s Jen Stayrook had the opportunity to sit down with Jane Anderson to discuss the film and the journey of discovering more about Edith Lake Wilkinson’s art and life.
Jen: You’ve been chasing Edith’s ghost for almost 40 years. Why was this story important for you to tell not just to yourself but to the world?
Jane: I didn’t do this documentary for myself. This documentary isn’t part of my career or for my resume. I did it strictly to find some justice for Edith. I found the documentary form is the best tool to get Edith’s work out there to find museums and collectors who would want to take her over after I get old and gray and finally kick. I’m 60 now and I’ve many years to go but at this age you start thinking, “Where is all my stuff gonna go?” I don’t want Edith’s work and legacy to go back into the trunk after I’m gone. That’s why I thought this documentary would help get her out there and keep her name alive.
How important was it for you to go on this journey with Tess?
Well, we’ve been together for 33 years and she lives with the art. She has talents that I don’t have–her research talents, her ability to follow-up on things. I have this knack for starting a project and then wanting everyone else to fill in the details. Tess, in a way, represents for me and for Edith, the life that Edith should have had, with the ability to live openly as a gay woman, to have a healthy relationship. Our director Michelle, on a narrative level, wanted Tess there. I’m used to being behind the camera, writing and directing, so I wasn’t particularly eager to be filmed all the time and get hooked up with the mic and have a big lens in my face. However, it became clear to all of us, in order for this documentary to have any kind of story, it needed to be told through me and my connection to Edith. If it were just a documentary about Edith it would be a really sad film because she ended up locked away. My involvement as a character makes this a victorious tale because I was able to get her work back to Provincetown.
This documentary is full of so many “coincidences” that it’s hard as an outsider not to see it as more than such. The marketplace she painted that becomes the Larkin art gallery she’s eventually featured in, the similarities between her life in yours, the Joan of Arc book–did you start to feel like at some point that someone was playing a trick on you with all of this or did it really just feel like, well, fate?
It was so crazy and what we didn’t put in the film was at the same time we were doing the filming I was working on my new play which is about Joan of Arc’s mother, called Mother of the Maid. The fact that Joan of Arc has been popping up in my life and then again with Edith, I was gobsmacked.
Why is the Joan of Arc book significant to you and why do you think it was significant for Edith and Fannie?
For Edith, I think judging from the fact that Fannie gave it to her for Christmas, it was probably a first Christmas present, and that book illustrator was a well-known French artist; they’re gorgeous pictures. At the time, I think that Fannie thought Edith would love these pictures as an artist. I’m not sure what Edith’s notion was with Joan of Arc. The fact that Edith, as a post-Victorian young girl, went from Wheeling, WV to NYC to become an artist signifies that she had a fire in her, a sense of independence, because girls in 1899 didn’t do that. You stayed at home and did needlework, got married, stayed close to your parents. That was a huge move. I moved from northern California to New York when I was 20, so I think Joan is an icon of going out on your own and doing great heroic things with your life. I don’t know if she had a deep connection with Joan, but I always did.
How does it feel to be releasing this documentary on the heels of the federal government legalizing same-sex marriage?
Barb, Michelle, Tess, and I were at the Frameline Film Festival in San Francisco and the theatres there are smack in the middle of the Castro. We were there the weekend the ruling came down and it was one of the heaviest experiences I’ve ever had as a gay person. God knows what Edith would have thought. I kept asking people, “Do you think Fannie and Edith would have gotten married? If they could have gotten married, would that have changed the way they viewed each other?”
Did you ever consider delving into Fannie’s life to learn more about Edith? Maybe to find if Fannie ever kept any of Edith’s work?
Tess tried to find Fannie’s family. She grew up in Augusta, GA. After the civil war, her father moved her family to Brooklyn where they were very well off. We hired a great researcher in New York but we only could find out so much about her before the trail went cold. Tess tried to contact her family, I think a great-niece, but never heard back. We’re hoping with the release of the film on HBO that maybe someone out there who remembers great-aunt Fannie and will contact us so we can find out a little more.
Do you think Edith’s short career is why she isn’t mentioned alongside Blanche Lazzell and Ada Gilmore? Or do you have any guesses as to why?
I’m sure you have circles of fellow writers or artists and if someone moves away, they fall out of touch. This was before the internet–you could write letters back and forth, but that was it. I think artists are kind of like cats. Out of sight, out of mind. Back then I think people didn’t want to have anything to do with the friend who had supposedly gone a little nuts. I would guess the artist community sympathized with Edith and then went on with their lives. Mental health has always been something that makes people nervous. Thankfully, I think we’re all much more compassionate in 2015 in dealing with nervous breakdowns and depression and bipolarism.
Because Edith never “needed” the money, living off her family’s inheritance, do you think that’s why not many came across her work? She didn’t need to sell the art to survive, so she hoarded it for showing at galleries as well as sentimental value.
Oh, that’s a really interesting theory. I think that is possible. Blanche Lazzell got support from one of her big brothers but mostly she was selling flowers seeds and her prints to survive. I’ll tell you, when I went to Provincetown and the art collector told me he had never ever seen an Edith I just thought, “How can that be?”
I’m going to confess to you a spooky dream I had three nights ago. I dreamed that someone had found a whole bunch of Ediths and I saw some of them clearly in the dream. One of them was a long horizontal board where she painted kids, and on the other side she had painted “Pearl Street.” In the morning I put Pearl Street, Provincetown into Google, just to see if it existed and a pin dropped on Pearl Street right on a house that a woman named Nelly Barnes lived in back then. Nelly fed artists back then and I think that Edith was a buddy of hers. I emailed all of my friends in Provincetown and asked if they thought there might be paintings there. One of them gave me the phone number of the house and I haven’t called them yet.
OH MY GOODNESS WHY NOT.
What do I say? “Oh, I had a dream…Are there paintings in your house?” Or do I say, “I’m Jane Anderson from HBO, blah blah blah.”
No, no, no. You say, “I have a friend who’s kind of a little crazy and she had a dream that there might be some Edith paintings in your house. I’m just calling on her behalf to placate her, so do you happen to have any paintings lying about, maybe in your attic? Perhaps inside some trunks?”
Ooohhhhh a friend. I was going about this all the wrong way. Instead, I keep making that call and then immediately hanging up.
What is it that you most want people to know about Edith?
Her brilliance as a painter, the joy and color in her work; her craft was exquisite. I just want people to know her as a talented and remarkable artist. My hope is that this documentary adds her to the canon. It’s not like I have thousands of pieces of work, not like the major artists like John Singer Sargent or even Van Gogh. She won’t make an enormous splash but I think it’s important for anybody out there who knows of an artist who has been forgotten and that her discovery will encourage that dialogue to get those forgotten artists’ work back out there.
I had to do this for Edith because she’s an unknown genius. She needed an advocate because there was no one there who understood her or stood up for her or who was going to pull her out of the asylum and get her painting again. No one did that for her so I’m doing that for her postmortem.
“Packed in a Trunk: The Lost Art of Edith Lake Wilkinson” airs tonight, July 20th, on HBO at 9PM EST.
Battleground is here! We have a small card of five matches and, if rumors are to be believed, we will have one more added late. If WWE Creative is smart, they’d put a Divas match here utilizing one of the new Divas so as to ride the wave of goodwill established last Monday when a ton of NXT Divas were promoted.
Let’s see how the event went…
We start with a 300-esque intro reel featuring the major feuds on the card: Cena/Owens, Lesnar/Rollins, Wyatt/Reigns.
And we are LIVE(!!!) from St. Louis, Missouri for WWE Battleground!!!
JBL, Michael Cole, and King are the guys on the mics.
Marcelo Rodriguez and Carlos Cabrera are at the Spanish Announce Desk.
Danielle didn’t get her predictions in, so she’d like to add hers here:
DANIELLE
“I think Sheamus wins here. The crowd won’t be behind him because it’s Orton’s turf but he hasn’t had a meaningful win in a while.”
MATCH #1: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton Crowd is on Sheamus right away with “YOU LOOK STUPID” chants. Orton hits some elbows off an Irish Whip to start. Sheamus ditches the ring but Orton follows and tosses him into the crowd barricade. Orton gets back into the ring. Sheamus doesn’t want any part of it and leaves again — so Orton goes back outside and clotheslines him. Back in the ring, Orton stomps at Sheamus. Sheamus gets up and it’s BOO/YAY punches with Orton getting the best of it with uppercuts and a kick to Sheamus’s stomach. Orton charges but Sheamus counters into an Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus regroups and hits two more of them. Sheamus hits a knee to Orton’s gut and then goes off the second rope with a knee off the second rope. Two count. Running kneedrop also gets two. Orton gets to his feet. Sheamus charges and Orton sidesteps, sending Sheamus into the ringpost and outside. More punches and uppercuts are exchanged but Orton gets the best of it again. Orton tries a Powerslam in Stride but Sheamus holds the rope. Sheamus goes for the Rolling Senton but Orton kicks out. Fight spills outside and Sheamus ends up on the announce table. Back in the ring, it’s a Powerslam by Orton and two. Orton goes for the Vintage Orton Rope DDT. Sheamus blocks it and hits the Rolling Senton along with the Tilt-a-Whirl Slam. Two count. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue. He misses. Orton misses the RKO. Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf. Orton kicks away from it and Sheamus hits White Noise for a NEAR fall. Crowd begins cheering “RANDY” as he gets to his feet. Orton hits a kick to Sheamus’s head off an Irish Whip, then a Fisherman’s Suplex Throw for a near fall. Orton climbs on Sheamus in the corner and hits about five punches before Sheamus drops him on his chin. The two punch at each other in the corner before Orton gets control and hits a beautiful Superplex! Orton gets 2 1/2. Orton goes for the Vintage Orton DDT and hits it. He sets up for the RKO but Sheamus counters with a roll-up. Orton tries again but Sheamus hits the BROGUE! Orton is down. Sheamus crawls over with everything he’s got. Orton holds the bottom rope. Sheamus goes for the Cloverleaf, pulling Orton away. (DANIELLE: You can’t have Orton lose in his own town! What is he, Natalya?!) Orton gets near the bottom rope..but Sheamus pulls him off. On the second attempt, Orton makes it. Sheamus picks him up — but it’s an RKOOUTOFNOWHERE to finish this at 16:53. WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
RATING: ***3/4. Helluva match to start this. Both guys gave their all.
Cole talks about “social media” and how they “blew up” over the Divas as we get clips from RAW.
JoJo invites Steph to the backstage interview platform and OMG SHE’S HUGE. Either JoJo shrunk or Steph’s suddenly a giantess. Steph announces that the Divas will be having a Triple Threat Match tonight.
The New Day is here for their tag championship match. Kofi says they haven’t lost their way since they lost the titles. Xavier says that’s because they’ve remained positive. Big E says they’ve “reaped some rewards”. Xavier says that they needed to lose so that, later, they can WIN. E says they’re gonna beat the Prime Time Players. E says they will become the new tag champs. Xavier says that today…IS A NEW DAY.
DANIELLE
“Everyone loves them but The New Day is a joke. They’re one step from being Los Matadores at this point. They lose and PTP retains.”
MATCH #2: The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (w/ Xavier Woods) (challengers) vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil) (champions) for the WWE Tag Team Championship Young and Kofi start us out. A series of counters and Young hits a clothesline and Swinging Neckbreaker. Northern Lights Suplex by Young gets a one-count. Titus tags in and Kofi slaps him in the head. Titus is pissed and slaps Kofi’s chest HARD three times. Kofi rolls outside, screaming. The New Day wants a time-out. Kofi gets back in after a very short time and tags in Big E. Titus slams him to the mat on a charge and tags Young who Titus drops on top of E. E manages to dump Young outside and The New Day double-teams him. Back in the ring, it’s the New Day Mudhole Stomp. Kofi runs at Young and stomps him in the chest for two. E tags in and hits a Warrior Splash on the edge of the apron. Two count. E puts Young in the Abdominal Stretch. Young breaks out but E knocks him down and goes for the Big Ending. Young dodges and hits an Enzuguri. Both men make hot tags. Titus knocks E from the ring and catches Kofi, hitting a pair of backbreakers. He slings Kofi across the ring and hits a nice running clothesline. He sets Kofi up for another run but Xavier hits an Enzuguri behind the ref’s back. Kofi hits a DDT for two. Titustags in Young who takes out all three members of The New Day. He runs at Kofi but Kofi hits a weak-looking kick. He tags E and E goes for the Big Ending. Young counters it with the Gut Check. Tag to Titus. He hits the Clash of the Titus and PTP retains at 8:51. WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Prime Time Players
RATING: **3/4. A bit on the short side, but nice match. PTP continues to impress me.
Paige is backstage with Becky and Charlotte. She’s psyched that the two of them are on her side. Becky’s ready to re-build the Divas, fella. Charlotte’s gonna do it…WITH FLAIR. Woooooo!
Cole talks up Reigns/Wyatt and we get the sizzle reel for that.
DANIELLE
“Bray’s winning this match. Reigns isn’t done being humiliated at the hands of WWE Creative. At this point. Bray’s nearly a JTTS — and that’s sad. Reigns just isn’t over enough to beat him.”
MATCH #3: Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns The two lock up and Wyatt stomps Reigns in the corner. Reigns comes back, kicks and punching Wyatt in the corner. Reigns punches at him. Wyatt pushes him away. Reigns comes back with more punches. Wyatt gets out of the ring. Reigns follows but Wyatt hits an uppercut. He punches Reigns in the ring but Reigns hits a clothesline. A series of counters and Wyatt hits a flying lariat. Reigns comes back with a Short Arm Clothesline. Wyatt leaves the ring. Reigns chases and flies at Wyatt but Wyatt sidesteps and Reigns hits the steel steps. Back in the ring, Wyatt hits a splash in the corner and sucks up the cheers from the crowd. Reigns tries for a comeback but Wyatt tosses him from the ring. Wyatt follows him and hits a DDT on the edge of the mat. Back in the ring, Wyatt hits a suplex and Reverse Senton for two. Side headlock by Wyatt. Reigns begins to break, but Wyatt just slams him down and reapplies it. Long spot just goes on and on with Reigns finally breaking and hitting clotheslines. Reigns hits a Side Suplex with the crowd not having any of it. He goes for the Drive-By Dropkick outside but Wyatt clotheslines him to counter. Wyatt follows that with the Reverse Senton outside. Wyatt hits uppercuts in the corner and headbutts him. Reigns comes back with a Sitting Powerbomb for two. Reigns sets up for a Superman Punch. Wyatt tries to counter with Sister Abigail. The fight spills outside. Reigns hits a dropkick outside and rolls Wyatt back in the ring. Reigns misses the Superman Punch. Wyatt hits a Chokeslam and it’s a two-count. Series of counters and Wyatt nearly hits Sister Abigail. Reigns breaks and hits the Superman Punch for two. Reigns sets up for a Spear — but Wyatt kicks Wyatt in the head. Reigns tries again but Wyatt clotheslines him HARD, getting a near fall! Wyatt does the Spider Walk and goes for Sister Abigail…but Reigns powers out and headbutts Wyatt. He clotheslines Wyatt in the corner several times and hits the Samoan Drop. Wyatt rolls out of the ring. Reigns follows. Wyatt tosses him into the crowd barrier and back into the ring. Wyatt grabs a pair of chairs with the crowd loving it. Reigns follows and jacks Wyatt’s jaw. Reigns grabs both chairs and tosses them in the ring. He adds a couple more — but a guy in a hoodie attacks Reigns at ringside, hitting a Superkick. Bray hits Sister Abigail and gets the pin at 22:03. WINNER: Bray Wyatt via Sister Abigail
RATING: **1/2 with the finish. The match went on far too long and I’m bored of this “feud”.
Post-match, the man in the hoodie reveals himself as Luke Harper. Yay.
The St. Louis Cardinals pinch-hitters are at ringside.
Naomi, Sasha Banks and Tamina are with JoJo. They are promising a win.
Cole says they’re suddenly called “B.A.D.” which stands for “Beautiful And Dangerous”. Ugh.
MATCH #4: NXT Champion Sasha Banks (w/ Naomi & Tamina) vs. Charlotte (w/ Paige & Becky Lynch) vs. Brie Bella (w/ WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella & Alicia Fox) in a Triple Threat Match Brie’s dumped into the Triple Threat Black Hole, leaving Charlotte and Sasha to fight. Sasha knocks her out of the ring. Brie re-joins the fight. Sasha stacks her on the second rope. Charlotte attacks. Sasha puts her in the first rope. She puts a knee in Brie’s gut. Brie falls on Charlotte. Two count. Banks puts Charlotte in the corner and chokes her with a boot, then stomps her. Brie re-enters the ring and gets Superkicked. Sasha mocks the Flair strut. Charlotte rolls her up for two. Series of counters and Sasha rolls up Charlotte for two. Brie re-etners the fight as the crowd chants for Becyk. Brie and Sasha exchange shots. Charlotte double clotheslines them both. Charlotte gets to her feet. It’s a series of counters with Sasha ending up in the corner. Brie hits some clotheslines and dropkicks as well as a Double Bulldog. Two count. Brie pins Charlotte. Two count. Brie kicks both women repeatedly. Charlotte finally catches her leg. Sasha sends Charlotte right into Brie. Brie rolls out of the ring. Sasha rolls Charlotte into a pin for two. Sasha hits a quick neckbreaker for two. Charlotte gets up but Brie gets up and hits a dropkick. Two count. Brie hits the lame “Brie Mode” knee on both women. The second time on Sasha, however, goes awry. Brie is thrown from the ring. Suddenly, Naomi, Tamina, Becky and Paige converge on the Team Bella. Then it’s a Suicide Dive Fest with Banks and Charlotte both hitting one. Charlotte puts Brie in the ring and puts Brie on the top buckle. Brie fights. Charlotte hits a forearm. Banks rushes in and hits the Banks Statement. Brie breaks it but Charlotte gets up and hits the Figure Eight to make Brie tap at 11:57. WINNER: Charlotte via Figure Eight
RATING: ***. A good start. Hopefully, this is indicative of things to come.
Earlier tonight, King Barrett beat R-Truth via ROAL BULLHAMMA MIGGAL.
We get the sizzle reel for Cena vs. Owens.
DANIELLE
“Kevin Owens wins this match. I think there’s been too much build-up here. John Cena’s had the title since WrestleMania and Owens is white-hot.”
MATCH #5: Kevin Owens (challenger) vs. John Cena (champion) for the WWE United States Championship Owens puts Cena into a headlock. Cena breaks but Owens clocks him, knocking him to the mat. Owens hits a standing dropkick and Cena goes down again. Owens tosses Cena into the corner and Cena’s down again. Owens hits a Falling Neckbreaker fro two. Cena comes back with a shoulderblock but Owens knocks him down and hits a Senton. Two counte. Cena comes back and hits the Facebreaker for two. Cena goes top rope with a Legdrop and gets two. Cena goes for the AA but Owens hits the DDT on a counter for two. Cena counters with Moves 1 through 3. Owens rolls out of the ring. Cena follows. Owens knocks him down and goes top rope. He tries a Flying Senton but Cena gets his knees up. Cena hits an Irish Whip but Owens mocks Cena with Moves 1 through 4. He goes for the AA but Cena lifts him up for an Electric Chair spot, dropping Owens on his face. STF is met with Owens grabbing the bottom rope. Series of counters and Owens hits a German and a Cannonball for two. The two get to their feet and brawl with Cena hitting a Sunset Flip for two. Cena goes off the top rope but Owens catches him and hits a Powerbomb for two. Cena gets up. Owens follows up but Cena hits an AA for two. Cena puts Owens on the top rope for a Superplex. Owens counters with a Fisherman’s Suplex for two and NEARLY wins it. Owens tries the Pop-Up Powerbomb. Cena counters but Owens hits a Superkick! Cena ends up in the AA! Owens applies the STF…but Cena gets to the bottom rope.Owens rushes Cena in the corner and Cena counters with a Tornado DDT. Two count. Another series of counters and Cena hits a Springboard Stunner! Owens doesn’t fall and hits a clothesline, knocking Cena down. Owens gets up, lifts Cena and hooks Cena’s leg, dropping him on his head. CLOSE FALL. Cena gets up and hits the AA! TWO COUNT! Cena hits a clothesline and then rushes at Owens — who hits the Pop-Up Powerbomb, getting two! Both men get to the corner. Owens ends up on the buckle. The two punch at each other and Cena hits a Super AA, NEARLY GETTING THE PIN!!! WOW. Cena goes to pick Owens up. Owens cradles him and nearly gets a fall. Cena hits the STF. Owens tries to break. Owens gets to the ropes — but Owens reapplies the hold — AND OWENS TAPS OUT. Mark it at 22:03. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: John Cena via STF
RATING: ****1/4. Another great match with these two. At this point, what happens with Owens?
We’re told that Ryback has been injured and the Triple Threat Match is no longer happening. This doesn’t stop Miz from coming to the ring and yapping. He says that he had huge plans before everything was postponed. Miz calls Ryback a “pansy”. He says that the reality is that Ryback is scared of Miz. Big Show isn’t around either. In fact, “Big Show’s been missing since The Attitude Era.” He says Big Show should retire. He says he wants to be crowned the new Intercontinental Championship. He’ll do it like Los Angeles will take the St. Louis Rams. Big Show finally shows up. Miz freaks out and tries to deal with him. Show responds with a KO Punch and leaves the ring.
Cole plugs SummerSlam at Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York.
We get the sizzle reel for Brock vs. Seth.
DANIELLE “I think Rollins retains with the surprise help from The Authority. Maybe J&J. They’re not really “injured”. It’s either that or The Undertaker comes in…but WWE wouldn’t fuck over the audience like that.”
MATCH #6: Brock Lesnar (challenger) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Seth Rollins (champion) for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship) Seth rushes at Rollins and goes for a German. Rollins fights out and goes outside. Lesnar chases. Rollins gets into the ring and holds onto the top rope. Rollins kicks at him. Lesnar picks Rollins up for an F5. Rollins escapes and goes top rope. he flies at Lesnar who counters with three straight Germans. Brock hits two more and Rollins finally escapes from the ring. Rollins gets up, grabs his title and tries to leave through the crowd. Lesnar chases and tosses Rollins back into the ring area. He tosses Rollins back into the ring and hits German #6. Brock goes for #7 but Rollins lands on his feet and starts clipping Lesnar’s legs. He kicks Lesnar in the head FOUR FUCKING TIMES and Lesnar STILL grabs him for an F5. Rollins escapes and sends Lesnar out of the ring. Rollins dives at Lesnar twice, but runs into a Belly to Belly by Lesnar for Suplex #7. Brock hits suplexes #’s 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12. Rollins fights back, slapping Lesnar in the face. Lesnar just hits #13 and an F5…but the Undertaker’s music hits. Lesnar looks scared to death. Lesnar lunges. Undertaker goes for a Chokeslam. Lesnar counters into an F5. Undertaker counters again into a Chokeslam. Crowd is unsure at this point, then starts chanting for The Undertaker. ‘Taker hits a Tombstone. He goes to leave but Lesnar gets back up. ‘Taker hits another Tombstone. Crowd chants “ONE MORE TIME” but, nope. That’s how we’re ending things. Fuck the fucking hell out of that. Mark it around 8:30, I guess. WINNER: No contest.
RATING: DUD. I can’t believe I’m rating this match that far into the ground. This was a travesty of booking. Lesnar destroyed Rollins and had the title and THAT is how you end it all? What a joke. Did the referee catch a plane to Acapulco? Where did Rollins vanish to? Nothing about ANY of this makes any sense.
And we’re off the air. Fuck everyone.
OVERALL: A solid show for the most part. The main event seriously crippled this from being near-perfect. I’d go *** but wouldn’t watch again.
Last time we left off on The Bachelorette, the two gossipy ladies, Nick and Shawn, were having the dumbest argument of all time in Nick’s hotel room or wherever the hell they have him staying. This week’s episode finds us at the end of that argument, which resolved nothing, and where Shawn just gets up and leaves in the middle of their dumb conversation about how much they detest each other. “Alright”, Shawn says, and then just leaves. No point. No resolution.
Meanwhile, Kaitlyn is traveling via limo or car service to Galway to meet Ben, and pursing her annoying glossed-up lips the whole way. She is going for her overnight with Ben, and one of my friends pointed out that Ben is Peter Brady, so it’s about past time we acknowledged that fact. Yes, he is Peter Brady for sure, and just about as vanilla and exciting as Peter too. Kaitlyn tells camera about Ben: “He is so handsome. He is serious with his feelings.” You forgot “he is lame as hell and talks like a corporate memo.” They meet up in a field and go horseback riding. Then they feed donkeys with horse-feed and they kiss. They sit in the grass and he talks to her in his boring tone: “So ive just been figuring it all out, and being as logical as possible about all this because I am falling in love with you, so why not just dive in with the memories? Like, that just sounds fun to me.” Dude, what on earth are you talking about? She says: “That’s really beautiful.” Is it? I don’t think so. I found it confusing and pointless. She tells the cameras “this could be the beginning of forever.” They have dinner in a 19th century Irish castle. He shows up in his awful white fluffy LL Bean style dull sweater that he wears constantly. He tells her that his 26th birthday was during the show, and they both have this conversation about their 4 year age difference because she is 30, as if this is in ANY way a big deal. Its FOUR years, who cares? He acts like he is some big hero because he is able to put the “difference in age” aside and love her anyway. Really?
At this point, Kaitlyn pulls out the creepy Fantasy Suite card from Pimp Daddy Harrison, asking him if he wants to take the host’s creepy offer to go into the suite and get it on while Harrison watches behind a hidden mirror in the room. Instead of just saying yes like a normal person, Peter Brady breaks into yet another dull monologue response in essay form about how he feels about the fantasy suite. “It’s so important to have this time with you away from the cameras and let’s be honest – its weird having these other men involved . But at the end of the day and all that being said, I feel I would enjoy more time with you.” He lost me somewhere around the 5th word. They go up into the bedroom and both act all shocked to see the same romantic setting of bed and flowers and candles, etc that this show ALWAYS has for overnight dates. “Oh wow! This is incredible! No way!” says Ben, like he has never seen a candle before in his lifetime. The next morning, the two are very cozy, staring longingly out the window together, and Kaitlyn saying to cameras that she only got “half hour sleep.” She also said that she “didn’t expect to fall in love with him.” They kiss some more, say their goodbyes, and he leaves.
Next up is the Overnight Date with Shawn, who is half-man, half-dinosaur or some sort of growling monster. He is so gross. His face pisses me off. It’s always shiny and sweaty, and his eyes are annoying and his hair has a swirly thing that makes me angry. And he is just gross. He is always making growling sounds and can’t seem to string a sentence together without mumbling or talking completely lazy. So these two annoying fucks go and play some golf for their date. Kaitlyn is dressed in ridiculous checkered golf pants that give her a camel-toe in front, and Shawn is made to wear a bright pink shirt with bright blue pants that are way too tight for him and too short. He says to camera: “Golf is like love. Its something you can do til you’re old and grey.” What the hell does that even mean? Must we come up with these stupid metaphors and similes to love all the time? So lame. Then he tells cameras that Kaitlyn “has a beautiful swing. Just add something else to the check list of wife material.” Ugh. Gross. There he goes again with his wife material list. I really think he is a caveman.
They make a stupid bet that if she wins, she gets whatever she wants. So she wins, because all of Shawn’s golf balls go into the water, and what she wants it to play Truth or Dare. He chooses dare, and she dares him to “streak, full-blown nakee (yes, she said nakee, not naked), from right here to the green.” What are we, 12? He starts stripping and she starts laughing like a hyena. He keeps his blue socks on and holds his penis together so it doesn’t flop all over the place. I bet you anything his balls smell of cheese as he stands there “nakee” outdoors like a loon. She steals his clothes and runs away, and he chases after her, holding his penis in his hand the whole time. Eww. She thinks this is the funniest thing in the world, and all I can picture is his sweaty man-ass and his floppy dick hanging everywhere. Yuck!!!
Time for dinner. Shawn says to her “I love today. Today was so normal. ” Right, because this is what normal people do on a typical weekend. So then she makes the mistake of bringing up the topic of Nick, because why go ten minutes without talking about Nick. She asks him why he hates him so much, and he gets all weird and angry, and tells her that he had a talk with Nick that didn’t go well. She tells him that Nick told her about Shawn bragging about sleeping with the same girl on the same night as some other dude, and she asks him if its true. He goes around the answer and never actually responds, and just keeps talking about what an asshole Nick is: “Oh my god. He is delusional. He is the worst. That is not me at all. He is insane. He is – ughhh (growling sound) – wow. If you end up with him, I’m not going to lose any sleep over it, because it means we aren’t meant to be together.” Way to dodge the question there, Sweaty. Kaitlyn to camera: “Shawn is pissed. And I’m not too pleased either.”
They get the stupid Fantasy Suite Card, but there isn’t much romance happening because they are too busy talking about Nick. They go into seclusion in their room, and K tells cameras “when I wake up in the morning, I’m going to know a lot more whether Shawn could be my husband.” Maybe she will also know if his balls smell like swiss cheese and piss. Morning comes, and they just show him quickly leaving. Not the same romantic scene they showed with Ben, which of course means Ben is the one going home. They ALWAYS edit it to try and “trick us” into thinking that her feelings are way strong for someone,, and then that person goes home. So Shawn leaves, and walks about 20 feet, and Nick is standing against a wall in his pretzel-like fashion, all mousy and bent over. “Hey Shawn. You got a minute?” “Not really. I don’t wanna talk to you. At all”, says Shawn. Somehow they end up talking anyway, sitting on the same couch and chair as last time. Either that or each set looks exactly the same where they are housing these people. They continue their pointless dialogue from last time, with Shawn not letting Nick get a word in, just like last time. Oh, and everything Nick says sounds like Daffy Duck or Sylvestor the Cat because he cannot pronounce his S words and he hides his mouth under his arm or hand when he speaks, and everything Shawn says is mumbled and lazy. They both suck.:
Nick: So the other day when you stopped by my place, I was shocked but impressed because I thought you finally wanted to have a man to man conversation.
Shawn: Yeah something you can’t do obviously. I just got back from spending the whole night and the whole day with Kaitlyn, and she’s telling me you’re saying shit about me and I don’t even wanna see you. If I hear my name come out of your mouth again, it’s not gonna be pretty.
Nick: Are you threatening me?
Shawn: I think you’re the worst person on earth. I think you’re a horrible human being and ……
Nick: Ssho are you threatening me?
Shawn: (still not answering the question, because he is a Neanderthal who just talks over everyone and railroads discussions and has a violence about him) You just are not a good person, you are scheming and you are not here for Kaitlyn and I just …..
Nick: Are you gonna let me talk?
Shawn: No I don’t wanna let you talk. I don’t even wanna see you right now..
Nick: Sssshhho you’re gonna come into my place and talk at me for 20 minutes …
Shawn: Yeah I told you how I felt and now its done, it’s over. Youre just a smooth talker who likes hearing himself talk (Funny, because YOU havent shut the fuck up the whole time). I don’t even wanna think about you anymore. I don’t care if I ever see you again in my life. How about you just get the fuck out of my place right now?
Nick: Alright. Fair enough. (leaves all bent over like a sewer rat, while Shawn immediately goes into the bathroom again, most likely to piss again.)
Nick says to cameras: “It’s hard for me to imagine that she keeps both of us after this. Shes gotta be sick of all this, I know I am. He has no class , he said he wanted to have a man to man talk the first time but then he doesn’t allow me to speak. And he had to keep mentioning how he just got back from spending all night with her. I didn’t know that. Just shows his character.”
Before the last rose ceremony, Pimp Daddy Harrison has a pointless chat with Kaitlyn, where she asks about the men. K tells him she is in love, and that she just has to trust her heart on this one. His big advice and words of wisdom are: “I agree. Now go and get your thoughts together. ” Then gives her a creepy way too long hug.
Pimp Daddy welcomes the last 3 men standing to the final Rose Ceremony, and tells them that the final 2 will met Kaitlyn’s family. “Here is Kaitlyn” he says, then puts his hand out as if he is presenting a platter of cheese and crackers. Kaitlyn talks to the 3 men and then stops midway through. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry. I need a minute. Can you just give me a minute?” She goes back with Pimp Daddy and cries and tells him: “Like, when I walked in there, I was nervous, but now, I’m , like, shaking.” And there it is again. She is shaking…. Once again, P Daddy gives amazing advice. “Go in there and tell them whats going on. Deep breath.” Wow, how is he not a therapist? Such incredible words of comfort.
She tells cameras that it “terrifies” her (because she is always shaking and everything terrifies her) that the guy she is sending home is someone she is falilng in love with. What? Huh? So you’re in love with 3 people? Seriously? I’m sorry, but that is just dumb Sure, you can be attracted to 3 men, even feel strong feelings for 3 men, I guess. I suppose. But by now, if you don’t have a VERY good idea of who your damn husband is in that room, then there’s a problem. OH what am I saying? This whole show is a problem.
So, as predicted, she chooses Nick and Shawn, and sends Peter Brady home, giving him the same lame-ass NON-explanation that she gave Jared last week. “I don’t even know how to say goodbye right now.” He of course, recites another essay about his feelings in memo form. “I would very much love to share a life with you. But that isn’t going to happen. That will be tough. That will be hard.” He gets into the sad limo and talks more: “I’ll miss that girl. I was not expecting to go home. At the end of the day, I was able to open up and I will miss her. I will miss her.” Meanwhile, she says it “crushed” her to let him go, and she is not looking forward to going back in that room where the remaining 2 men hate one another. She goes in, they do a quick toast, she hugs them each individually, and then randomly walks out again, leaving them there to literally circle the carpet together with their stupid champagne glasses in hand. Why can’t they leave? They both just stand there, walking aimlessly around the carpet, and drinking their champagne. Shawn takes a big nasty swallow / gulp of his drink, then puts it down on the tray. Nick follows him and puts his drink down too. They both just walk in circles with hands in their pockets.
MEETING THE FAMILIES:
Usually on this show, it is called “hometowns”, because she goes to the person’s home town to meet their families. This time however, she is meeting both families in Utah at some random hotel location or something I guess. No idea why, and why Utah??? Anyway, up first is Nick. They meet at some park or something beforehand, and he gives the worst “I love you ” speech of all time. So awful. You ready?
Nick: So I’ve been thinking. Ever since we’ve been talking, every time we talk, whether its text or phone, you are the best part of my day. You know how you asked me, like, comparison to last time. The last time, I , like, expressed love and stuff like that, it was in this kind of environment. Ummm, I ‘member towards the end, even though I was very sshhhure with my feelingsth … definitely had some , like, questionsth. I felt like I would have to almost take a leap of faith. Ummm and I think about usth and our relationship, and with you, I don’t have to take a leap of faith. If I’m comparing the two (starts shifting and folding up and putting arm over his face and mouth), I have no reservashionsth about usth. I just don’t. Wow – so – wow – I guess what I’m trying to shay and I don’t think its a big shurprise but I am totally in love with you. Like, more than I can even shhay in wordshhh, so, um, yeah ……
She kisses him for long time. Then they head over to Nick’s family, where all nine hundred of them do not look too happy to be going through this whole “Bachelor” thing yet again. For anyone not following along, Nick was already one of the last two men standing in a previous season with Andi, and he was not chosen, obviously. His big teeth sister Maria, who has resting-bitch-face, is worried about her brother getting blindsided again. Nick’s mother starts crying just at the very thought of her son getting hurt, and then Nick’s little sister also starts crying. Fun times. Enter Kaitlyn and Nick to brighten everything up. They laugh and giggle and dance like dorks in the living room. Maria talks with her and ends up liking her. Then she talks with Nicks 3 brothers as they all sit on the couch together in the same weird pretzel-like form that Nick does, bending their bodies and shoving their hands and fingers toward their faces and chins while speaking. And who the fuck is that dude in the middle? He looks like NOBODY else in the family. Big glasses and red hair. I think he’s a hired actor, he doesn’t seem to belong in any way whatsoever. Little girl Bella asks Kaitlyn if she is in love with her brother. “I care about him a lot a lot a lot a lot.” Wow. Way to talk down to the kid by talking as if you are also 6 years old. THen Nick and his mom sit down for a chat, in which he tells her all the reasons he loves Kaitlyn, including “she is great at making out.” Okay, first of all, who calls it “making out?” anymore. That is so junior high school. And second, WHO TELLS THEIR MOM THAT??? Ewwww. Just … ewwww. Later, Nick and K go back to her hotel room and hang out. He says “I love you” and pulls her into the center of his pretzel body . They make out in a way that Nick’s mom would be proud.
Up next is Shawn. He tells cameras that he is going to tell her he loves her, but not until his family approves. He walks up to meet her and he walks like he has a load in his pants. He asks if she is nervous to meet his two sisters, and she says “sisters are my jam.” Ugh. He says “they will like you, but if they don’t, see ya later toots.” Ewww. And he is serious. I really feel like he has Neanderthal opinions and values. Shawn’s family involved lots of teeth. As did Nick’s. Lots of large teeth. Shawn’s mom is unable to be there for unknown suspicious reasons, but he makes it clear that his 2 sisters are kind of like a mom to him. Both of the sisters end up loving Kaitlyn, and his dad is the one who is worried at first. Shawn tells his dad that Kaitlyn told him “you’re it. Youre the one” when there were still 10 guys left. He REALLY needs to let go of that. The dad gives his blessing in the end.
Afterwards, K and Shawn are on the couch together, and he gives HIS awful “I love you” speech. “One thing I need to get off my chest before we take this any further . I told you back in Texas that I was falling in love with you. Well that’s not the truth, because I AM in love with you. ” Gross. Yuck. Barf. They kiss a lot , and then she cries and cries alone on her balcony because she has such strong feelings for them both, and doesn’t know what to do. My prediction is that she chooses Shawn. Why? Because the editing is making it look like she is more into Nick, and that’s usually a trick. “My emotions are so intense for both of them. I’m so confused.” Poor Kaitlyn. Why don’t you go and get some of that incredible advice from Pimp Daddy Harrison? “Breathe deep”, he might tell you. Or “think it over.” Yes, Chris Harrison. Yes.
NEXT WEEK: The Men Tell All episode is on, which is just all of them coming back to whine and bitch at each other on television. Also, Peter Brady writes a 47 page essay about his feelings on being let go from the show. Nick and Shawn finally reveal their true, very gay feelings for one another, and ask Kaitlyn to do a threesome. Chris Harrison videotapes it Kaitlyn feels stressed and is “shaking” and “terrified” by something. Harrison tells her to “inhale and exhale” and repeat. Then he jerks off on a wilting rose.
MR. ROBOT Season 1, Episode 4: “eps1.3_da3m0ns.mp4”
GRADE: A-
“Daemons. They don’t stop working. They’re always active. They seduce. They manipulate. They own us. And even though you’re with me, even though I created you, it makes no difference. We all must deal with them alone.”
Whereas last week’s episode dealt with “character bugs”, this episode deals with how they cope with those bugs in the best episode of USA’s “Mr. Robot” thus far.
“fsociety” is closing in on Evil Corp — and Elliot is back in the fold. Their plan is to fry their server data in “Stone Mountain”, an actual mountain fortress where their evil data is stored. Yep, that’s the way this episode’s gonna roll and, so, we buckle in for an adventure to Stone Mountain…but not so fast…something’s wrong with Elliot.
Last week, he decided to kick his Morphine habit. This episode sees him taking the last bump in his stash, saddening Shayla, his dealer. “I could still be a hottie waitress,” she tells Angela when questioned about where her future income’s going to come from. More on their relationship in a few.
Elliot’s starting to show signs of withdrawal. At first, he’s anxious, yelling at random men and asking them what they want from him. The next, he’s showing flu-like symptoms, coughing violently while swimming in a pool of his own flop sweat. Mr. Robot’s team, who had already been questioning Elliot’s integrity, is livid when Elliot finally loses it and becomes useless to them.
At first, Romero and Mobley agree to help Elliot through his issues but time’s-a-wastin’. They need to get to Stone Mountain to crash Evil Corp — who already appears to be outrunning them. That is, of course, if we’re to take anything that Elliot sees and/or witnesses as gospel. Big “Evil Corp” big rigs speed down the highway with black car escorts and all Elliot can do is lay in bed, begging a hapless Mr. Robot for another bump. “Just to get us back on the road,” he says. “We’re wasting time…this has to happen now.”
Does he get it?
Woozy camera work, a junkie house, a needle in his arm, the weight of the woman who injected him on his lap sucking his tongue, gunshots. Elliot’s down — but not out. Mr. Robot shows up to give him his mask, to tell him to find his monster and to give him a key to turn when he finds it. His old house no longer shows up. It’s replaced by a telephone pole with a white piece of paper with a 404 Error printed on it. He inadvertently proposes to Angela at a restaurant filled with cubicles and she nearly reveals what Elliot is during their “first look” before the audio and video abruptly cuts like the Sopranos finale on acid.
What we’re seeing is David Lynch through the eyes of Cronenberg. It’s all very moody and unreal, yet so obviously familiar and beautiful. This sort of thing can either make or break an episode and, perhaps, even a series. Mr. Robot handles Elliot’s withdrawal hallucinations with care. What we’re seeing is part of Elliot, what has been part of him for some time and while it’s incredibly disturbing and creepy, it’s a joy to go through this with him. It serves the plot. “We can try to be good, we can try to make a difference, but it’s all bullshit,” Elliot explains. “‘Cause intentions are irrelevant. They don’t drive us. Daemons do. And I’ve got more than most.”
This is all much better than last week when we learned about Tyrell Wellick and his penchant for beating up homeless people, homosexuality and BDSM with his pregnant wife. It’s not out of left field and it’s not heavy-handed — and it’s interesting.
But if Elliot’s successfully kicked the stuff, what’s up with Shayla?
She may have a new buyer in Angela who pops the Ecstasy Shayla offers her after Angela airs her Ollie issues. “The only person you need to take care of is you,” Shayla tells her inside a nightclub bathroom after they the two kiss. Is Angela letting go for one night or is Angela succumbing to her inner monster? It’s a fair question because you have Elliot, who is leaving the darkness only to cross metaphorical paths with Angela, who’s entering it.
Every series worth its salt has that episode that “grabs” you and makes you set your DVR so you won’t miss a single episode. This episode was it. If “eps1.3_da3m0ns.mp4” failed to do it, then maybe the series isn’t for you. High marks for the series this week.
Last week, Eva lied to everyone about where she was training. This made all the other Divas real, real mad. So, they yelled. A lot. And Eva Marie couldn’t believe everyone was yelling a lot. Meanwhile, the Bellas are leaving WWE!!! Or, so it seems…not really. They’re here to stay. They helped yell at Eva! Also, Nattie had no idea what a dominatrix was. So, she decided to become one, almost bought a butt plug for her cats to play with and hired a hearing-impaired dominatrix to whip Tyson (who left the house in disgust) and tie up her Mom — who just happened to be visiting and was totally cool with being tied up by a woman she met 5 minutes ago.
Where do we go from here? Has Total Divas maxed out the number of times they’ve pressed the “STUPID SHIT” button? Let’s dive in…
We start with the following graphic, which states:
WE’RE SO CLOSE TO WRESTLEMANIA
THE DRAMA IS AT ABOUT AN 11
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10
— Natalya
LOS ANGELES, CA – The Staples Center for Monday Night RAW
Backstage We pick up right where we left off: all the Divas yelling at Eva Marie for being Not In Florida. Eva leaves the room. Alicia says she’s pissed that she wasted time helping to yell at Eva. Naomi tells her that she’s not happy with Alicia or her behavior. Fox asks her to clarify. Naomi says that they’re all supposed to have a bond and that ambushing somebody is uncalled for. Naomi says that the girls are supposed to care for one another. Alicia: “WE DON’T CARE!” Fox leaves in disgust.
Ringside Natalya faces El Torito — who beats her. (MATT: Anyone who says that the Divas Division didn’t need change need only look here.)
Backstage Natalya hangs with WWE Talent Relations guy, Mark Carrano. Tyson does some stretches as Carrano talks WrestleMania 31 in Santa Clara. Nattie says that her sister is coming out to Santa Clara to see her. Carrano says that her Dad, Jim, is joining her sister. This is news to both Nattie and Tyson. Mark says he wanted to surprise her. They’re gonna be doing a “Father/Daughter Autograph Signing” at Axxess in San Jose. Nattie’s overjoyed. She says that this is the first time he’s been to any WWE event in a decade. She says that her Dad has made amazing progress getting “better”. She says that it’s amazing that he’s being accepted back into the WWE family again. Nattie hugs Tyson and says she’s so happy her Dad’s coming to WrestleMania.
ONTARIO, CA
Airport Fans take photos with Paige and Brie at the airport. Brie wants to know if Paige is going to the WWE Hall of Fame. Paige says she is and she’s bringing her Mom as her “+1”. Brie says Daniel’s wearing a tux. Paige can’t believe it. Brie explains that the event is like “The Oscars”. (MATT: Except everything that happens at the HOF is real.) Brie practically creams her panties, telling the camera that this is a “red carpet event, the only one WWE has!” (MATT: Red carpets are to Bellas what lights are to moths.) Paige says that she doesn’t have a gown. She’s never had a gown. Brie promises to fix her up.
LOS ANGELES, CA
Kendrick’s Gym Eva is still licking her wounds from the other day. (MATT: I speak for all blogs when I say, “We demand immediate footage”.) Kendrick tells her to forget all about it. They’re drama queens. His only concern is training her. Eva tells the camera that it’s time to shake off all the negativity. We get a glimpse of her making Kendrick tap. (MATT: Oh, he tapped it all right.) I didn’t say “tapped it”. (MATT: Whatever…)
PHOENIX, AZ
The Bella’s Car It’s Diet Cheat Day for the Bellas!They’re going for donuts. (MATT: And they get to eat them without throwing them up later!) Brie tells Nikki that she’s “two weeks late”. Nikki’s soooo ecstatic. Brie complains about nausea and says she “hopes she doesn’t have diarrhea”. (MATT: Is it possible to go one episode without talking about the inner workings of the Bellas? Shit, they could have their own human biology film by now.) Nikki tells her “to not be gross”, which is ironic, since she was the one yapping about “seal slit” last season.
TAMPA, FL
Tyson & Nattie’s House Nattie does her usual weekly weird shit to a cat. Nattie wants to go over future plans about Tyson and Cesaro — until Nattie gets a call from her Mom, telling her that her Dad had a temper tantrum at the treatment center. Nattie wants to know more — and, suddenly — DAAAA!!! WHAT THE?! Her Mom’s there in the kitchen! (MATT: What the fuck?! Does she live in their goddamn bushes?!) Her Mom says she’s at her wit’s end with Jim. She wants nothing to do with Jim anymore. (MATT: “Where’s that dominatrix? I need her to tie me up so I can blow off some steam…”)
PHOENIX, AZ
Brie and Danielle’s House Brie’s upset. She’s started her period, so she’s not preggers. Nikki, like, doesn’t want her to, like, cryyyyyy. Dooooon’t. She pep-talks her as Brie says that she’s never getting pregnant. She tells the camera that, a few years ago, knowing she wasn’t pregnant would have sent her into Happy Hour with a smile. (MATT: “All right! Let’s go do some shots and pick up more random dudes at the bar!”)
The Henry (Coffee Bar) Brie mocks her sister for saying “more bigger” during a conversation. (MATT: They obviously weren’t talking about John, then.) Cathy (their Mom) basically corrects her and says they were both wrong and to shut the fuck up and talk about something else. The Bellas whine about being on vacation. They awkwardly segue into pregnancy. Brie says she’s never getting pregnant at “her age” — and, so, they begin speculating about Nikki “donating eggs”. (MATT: She doesn’t get pregnant on the first try and floats the idea of using an egg from her wine-soaked sister?) Her Mom encourages this. (MATT: Can we go back to Paige picking out gowns?)
TAMPA, FL
Nattie’s Car Nattie picks up her Dad, Jim. He’s in pain and asks for medication. Nattie lectures him about throwing a tantrum and he tells her that it isn’t a big deal. She tells him that coming Axxess is a big deal. He asks for more pain meds — just after taking them. This worries Nattie.
PHOENIX, CA (MATT: NO! COME ON! We just got AWAY from there!)
Brie and Daniel’s Car Daniel bitches about getting a fertility check. Brie tells him she has to be in stirrups. She tells the camera that she gets an actual exam while Bryan gets to jerk off. Brie tells him that she wishes she could “help him out”. Daniel tells her not to be weird. He goes into a private room. A few minutes later, he comes — out of the room, that is, and sees the Total Divas’ camera crew. He tells them that it’s “weird” to see them there.
SAN JOSE, CA (MATT: Hey! It’s us!!!)
Norman Mineta International Airport Paige comes in on a flight after we get shots of Matt and my hometown of San Jose which is comprised of SAP Center, various shots of the streets, Highway 87, and the Adobe Systems building. Alicia Fox picks her up and they drive through the city. Matt and I are so busy watching Alicia drive on Market Street by The San Jose Tech Museum, we barely have time for the plot here. We’re grinning as they talk dresses, driving down Stevens Creek to the Hotel Valencia in Santana Row.
The Fairmont Hotel OH MY GOD!!! Matt and I stay here all the time! This is our hotel!!! Eva and Jon are together and HOLY CRAP!!! THE LOBBY OF THE FAIRMONT HOTEL!!! Nattie signs autographs out in the valet area and THIS IS JUST SO FULL OF FUCKING AWESOMENESS!!! (MATT: I AM LOVING THIS EPISODE! FIVE STARS!!! GO SAN JOSE!!!)
The next day, Nattie walks through the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel and calls her Dad. Her Dad sounds like he’s depressed. She asks him to let her Mom handle his medication. Jim’s not happy about the situation with the medication.
Meanwhile, Paige enters the room of Alicia Fox who introduces Paige to a gown specialist. Paige does not want to wear anything that’s suggested. She tries a red dress, but, nope.
The San Jose Convention Center for WWE AXXESS
Backstage Man…it feels like yesterday seeing this. Stephanie McMahon walks backstage and meets with Brie, giving her a hug. She wants Daniel Bryan to help present the Warrior Award to Connor Michalek. Bryan says that’s going to be hard to do “without crying”.
The Fairmont Hotel Nattie comes to her parents’ room and tells her Dad that WWE is really treating him like a legend. Mattel is making a toy of him and he’ll be scanned into the new WWE video game. Jim’s thrilled. Nattie tells her parents not to fight and tells her Dad to stay away from alcohol at all times.
Paige visits Alicia again. The act goofy. (MATT: I’ll allow it! I’m marking out, dammit!) Alicia has people in her room ready to spray-tan Paige. Also, Nattie. (MATT: Let’s ALL spray-tan! This is awesome. I love this.) The tanning starts. Paige begs Fox to stop them. Paige comes out with color. Fox mocks her for having color. Paige winces into the camera. The tanner gives her a lotion that will take the tan off. (MATT: She’s wearing underwear in this shot. I’m still good. Keep going.)
Namea Greek Taverna (Restaurant) Paige and Emma are at dinner. Paige wants drinks. Naomi and Jey Uso join them. Paige wants to talk about Eva Marie. Naomi isn’t happy with everyone talking shit about Eva Marie. Everyone argues. Jey raises his hand. He says that nobody should give a shit. Perks are available and anyone should take advantage of them. Alicia won’t hear any of this. Fox starts causing a scene while Paige tells her to shut the fuck up.
Downtown Alicia and Naomi are drunk as fuck. They stop at a bar. (MATT: It’s good that they’re trying to sober up.) Naomi tells the Divas that they need to take responsibility. She says that the Divas are trying to sabotage Eva while about 40 horny 20-somethings do their best not to stare in the background.
THE NEXT DAY…
The Fairmont Hotel Paige and Brie walk through the lobby and go out to San Fernando Street toward Santa Clara Street. They talk about Eva Marie. Brie says it’s unfair because she’s “worked for what she’s gotten”. This just goes on and on.
SP2 (Communal Bar and Restaurant) Nattie is having dinner with Bret Hart and her husband, Tyson. Nattie thanks Bret for looking after her Dad. Bret talks about the past and how Jim would fight with hotel clerks at 5:30 in the morning. Nattie gets a phone call and asks somebody if her Dad is “near a bar”. The voice assures her that he is not. Nattie feels like her Dad’s about to crack.She tells Bret that she dreams of the moment that she gets a terrible phone call about her Dad losing it. Bret mocks her. Tyson laughs. (MATT: Such a supportive group.) Nattie’s scared. Bret says it’s hard for him to be away from the past. Nattie says that it’s spoiling her weekend. She says that he’s caused her a lot of stress in her life. Stephanie, Bret’s wife, says that Nattie shouldn’t let her Dad’s life interfere with her happiness. Bret emphasizes this. Nattie just accepts this. (MATT: Just let him drink. It’ll be cool.)
Santana Row Matt can’t comment right now. He’s got goosebumps, he says. He’s all about civic pride, this guy. Alicia and Paige go clothes shopping, stopping at Donald J. Pliner to try on shoes. Paige is bored and wanders outside, bumping into a fan who gushes over her, telling her that Paige inspired her to stop her eating disorder. Paige hugs her in a fairly moving moment. (MATT: I’ve still got nothing. I will simply agree.)
The Fairmont Hotel Eva and Jon are in their hotel room. Eva says she’s sick of hearing people talk behind her back. Eva says she can’t help letting it bother her. Jon sympathizes with her. Eva says she’s done nothing wrong — but she also doesn’t want to hide.
San Jose Convention Center for WWE AXXESS
Main Hall Nattie and her Dad take photos with fans who gush over the greatness that is Jim Neidhart. He looks happy to be there as they compliment him. Nattie is so happy to see her Dad meeting fans who love him so much.
Meanwhile, The Bellas exit their autograph session and head out in their car. (MATT: And everything was going SO well…) Nikki wants to smooth things over with Eva. She wants to know if Brie will come with her. Brie refuses. Brie says she’s got nothing else to say.
Paige is signing autographs…and, dammit, I don’t think we made the cut on camera! I got my picture taken with Paige at Axxess!
Paige says that it’s flattering that everyone comes out to see her and she says she didn’t think she had many fans that liked her very much. We get various shots of the crowd cheering her on. There’s a guy wearing a GoPro and he wants to know what she’s wearing to the Hall of Fame. She says she’s wearing a black gown. Paige tells the camera that she loves the fans and that she hopes they know that they don’t have to fit in or be like anyone else. Be yourself. A fan approaches her and lives by that philosophy. Paige tells her to keep doing it.
The Fairmont Hotel Jon and Eva are doing the Superstars For Hope charity event. They arrive to see Daniel Bryan and the Bellas…but that’ll have to wait ’til next week…
HUGS AND PUNCHES Nope. I think we can excuse these this week. This was a good episode. Matt agrees. (MATT: In total agreement. This was the best episode Total Divas has had since the series premiere four years ago. It was really awesome seeing San Jose represented as it was. I grew up here. Forgive me, but this really kinda hit me in a different way. The episode started like your normal Divas episode but turned into something heartfelt and real.)
This week’s episode of Pretty Little Liars begins with Spencer, yet again, accusing a new person of being A. The only two people who seem gung-ho about searching for clues though are Spencer and Hanna. How does no one else realize how important it is to finally catch A so they can get on with their fucking lives?
Aria starts off her day by dropping off the negatives she stole from Clark, and getting caught in the process. Luckily for Aria, Clark assumes she stole the negatives because she was uncomfortable being photographed. I say ‘luckily’ because Aria has been so useless this season, there is no way she could have come up with a plausible explanation for the stolen negatives on the fly. Just to prove that Aria’s head is legitimately us her ass, the following dialogue occurs when she calls Em:
Aria: It’s not just the junkyard Emily, it’s the bottle of hair color in the dark room, the text in Sullivan’s office. I mean how did A know we were all going to be there at the exact same time
Emily: Aria, it’s alway been that way.
Seriously, what planet is Aria been living on? Out of all the things A has done to you, you are most perplexed by some hair dye and a group text? You are beating Emily for this season’s least competent liar, and that’s saying a lot. Aria has to cut the call short though because her ex-teacher/boyfriend/stalker/biographer, comes-a knocking. Ezra found Aria’s application in The Brew’s photocopier and took it upon himself to write her an exemplar, albeit fully embellished, letter of recommendation.
Over at the Field’s household, Sara is freaking out about what to wear to her first day at work. Emily tries to calm her down by explaining to Sara that her boss literally used to live in the vents of Rosewood High, but it doesn’t work. Sara begins to strip and the two have a conversation about their tattoos with Emily stating “I’m the one who’s gonna have to wear long johns in August so nobody sees my courage.” First wow, that sounded really dirty. Second, I am pretty sure that Emily’s tattoo is on her hip, how would long johns help? Emily picks out an outfit for Sara to wear, but in the end, not even Emily’s gayest flannel can help Sara get through her first day at work. Caleb keeps using terms that are foreign to Sara such as CMS interface, responsive design, Kimye, and smartphone and she just gets overwhelmed.
Emily heads to The Brew where her project leader from Habitat for Humanity is waiting for her. Nicole isn’t here to talk about Emily’s abduction though, she actually came to recruit Emily for a new Habitat trip to Thailand. At first Emily isn’t sure she should leave Sara, but she comes up with a brilliant plan. She will bring her new puppy with her on the trip! Emily runs home with the exciting news and finds Sara frantically scrubbing blood from the carpet. Apparently on her way home from Caleb’s, a sketchy car followed and mowed Sara down. When Emily tells Sara about the romantic Habitat for Humanity trip she has planned for the pair, Sara freaks the fuck out saying she can’t go and she won’t go. Translation, Emily won’t be going either.
Over at the Marin’s, Caleb strolls into the kitchen while Hanna is cyber stalking Lesli. As soon as Hanna sees Caleb walk in she peaces out to follow-up on a new Charles lead in Philly with Spencer. Caleb just cannot seem to connect with Hanna since the kidnapping. Ashley offers him some advice on how to handle Hanna. She tells Caleb that he has to remember that the real Hanna is still inside the bruting girl they see in front of them. Taking Ashley’s advice to heart, Caleb uses the key Ashley made him to let himself into the Hanna’s house and have sex with his girlfriend. I think that was exactly what Ashley had in mind when she was giving Caleb advice.
In Philly, Hanna tries to get a hold of Lesli’s car on her own. The problem with Hanna’s plan is that she doesn’t fully think it through. First she tells the valet that she lost her valet ticket, then she has to come up with an excuse for not knowing what her keys look like and finally she has to show some bra action and act the part of the ditzy girl to get the keys. While it was uncomfortable to watch Hanna’s initial attempt at obtaining the keys fall flat, it was amazing to watch her perseverance. She was not leaving until she got Lesli’s car keys gosh darnet! To make things even better, the scene ends with her screeching away in Lesli’s Range Rover like she has never driven a car before.
When Spencer finally arrives in Philly, the two scour through the contents of Lesli’s car. In said car they find plenty of items such as wire cutters, a box full of a dozen or so non-prescription eye-glasses (which is pretty much a staple of any Brooklyn hipster’s wardrobe), four unassembled human sized cages, and an ID card to Lesli’s animal lab. The girls head to the animal lab to find more clues.
While sleuthing in the animal lab, Spencer notices that whenever Hanna moves her head, a machine starts to buzz. She grabs Hanna’s head and starts moving it around the room to figure out where the sound interference is coming from and comes to a startling realization: “Bitch chipped us!” Yes, Charles inserted a subcutaneous tracking device in the nape of each liar’s neck (which is why that area was too tender for Emily to get a tattoo last week). Aria is freaking out, but Spencer is still on a mission to find something to implicate Leslie. Hanna reads my mind when she says “Why don’t we hand in our heads.” But actually, Hanna is right, if they extract the chip, can’t the police back track where it was purchased from or something?
Hanna starts to have flashbacks to the Dollhouse when she sees the numerous animals trapped inside cages. She decides that she is going to go all SoSo on Lesli’s ass and free all of the animals. One of those animals is a cracked out racoon. To distract Rocky the raccoon, Spencer throws him some of Hanna’s cheetos and I never knew watching a raccoon nibble cheese doodles could be so adorable. Luckily Mona, sensing Hanna was in danger, comes to save the day.
The girls are not too pleased to see Mona though and blame her of being on team Lesli. Mona lays it all out for the liars. Lesli is super insane, she has a hard enough time pretending to be a normal person so there is no way in hell she could pull off being Charles. The girls start to protest and Spencer shoves Charles’ organ donor paperwork in Mona’s face. One look at the medications Charles was taking and Mona determines that the records are fake, and wonders how in god’s name Spencer was named valedictorian over her.
Later that night, after the girls relay the whole being chipped thing to her, Emily comes home to find Sara lying in her bed. While Emily tries to search for a chip in Sara’s neck, Sara begins to wake up and the two start making out. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be this upset about two girls kissing on TV.
The episode ends with Mr. D reading a birthday card/death threat from Charles while digging up his grave.
Hanna’s Quotes:
Spencer: Why does Caleb need to cut your meat? Hanna: Because he thinks I’m weak, but I’m not.
Spencer: Are you stealing her car? Hanna: No, I am borrowing it. And don’t get all preachy with me puff-and-stuff.
Questions:
Am I a horrible person that for a second I was hoping Sara was dead when Emily saw her on the bed?
Did anyone else think Emily’s overall looked like something a serial killer wears when sawing apart their victim?
Does every college in Pretty Little Liars start with an H?
How did Sara get so much blood on Emily’s floor when she was actually attacked near the school?
WWE Tough Enough
Season 6, Episode 4 – “One Man Show”
Air Date – July 14, 2015
(w/ Danielle Stolman)
Because ZZ’s about as unkillable as the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise, Daria was sent home last week. Last week also saw all the characters trying their best to promote personalities despite the fact that not a single contestant on this show even has one, let alone a soul. Will ZZ succeed in banging at least one of the women on the show? Will we talk about his giant “package” again? Will Hulk Hogan ask the women to comment on ZZ’s package? Let’s find out…
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena Chris Jericho and Renee Young are here despite the ratings flop from last week. Daniel Bryan and Paige talk about their choices last week. Hulk Hogan has his eyes on “someone that needs to get out of here” because that’s what the judges do now. Jericho sends us to…
WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER
Barracks Chelsea Green has arrived to replace that other blonde-haired chick who left of her own accord. That’s right: WWE has Tough Enough contestants on standby — and, coincidentally, they chose Chelsea Green, AKA “Megan Miller, the woman who was supposedly fucking Daniel Bryan behind Brie Bella’s back” in an angle that went nowhere — and we mean nowhere. Chelsea immediately starts moving shit around when she gets there — then has a giant glass of vodka. And, by “giant”, I mean “If 7/11 sold Vodka Slurpees”. (DANIELLE: Honestly, watching or even being on this show, I don’t blame her.)
(DANIELLE: “BRIE MODE!!!”)
Chelsea introduces herself as the woman who was supposedly fucking Daniel Bryan behind Brie’s back somebody who won’t quit and won’t lose. When the other contestants get there, they recognize her, then they start bitching at each other for no reason other than to bitch at one another. For Amanda and Gabi, it’s bewbz. Fake ones. Chelsea and ZZ sit there like two people on a double date with a bitter, angry couple.
(DANIELLE: “At first, we were like this…”)
(DANIELLE: “…but, then, we were like this.”)
After Boobgate peters out sadly, it’s on to…
The Gym The cast is subjected to “classic” promos which include bits by Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, The Rock and…King Barrett whose “BOOM” is considered “great” enough to be included. And, ZOMG, it’s Barrett coming to greet the cast. Sarah Lee just loves King Barrett because somebody in the cast has to overdo it with the gushing each week. (DANIELLE: “Brian Kendrick?! OMG, I LOVE BRIAN KENDRICK! He’s only the greatest EVER!!!”) Barrett does a promo which includes his “Bad News” shtick, a sad reminder of a much better gimmick. Ironically, he wants the cast to do a promo on why they would be the “King of the Ring” next year. (DANIELLE: So that it can get popular enough for Triple H and Vince to bury.)
The cast gets in the ring and…pretty much says the same thing: “I’m taking your crown”, “I want that crown and I will get it”, “That crown belongs to me”, “I’ve got bad news: that crown is mine”, “You’re gonna be the King of Nothing”, “My crown, not yours”…it’s just monotonous. Mada screams in the air like a demon’s possessed him and gets right in Barrett’s grill.
The Improv The cast goes to a local comedy club to learn about “Improvisation”. Chris Jericho is the host of the evening. Jericho says that this is about the next challenge. It’s gonna be a promo battle. (DANIELLE: “But, honey, the tickets said we were gonna see Gabriel Iglesias…what the hell is this?!”)
Mada vs. Josh: Mada grunts and growls like he did last time. Josh adopts his goofy British accent from last week and calls Mada a “Gypsy with his ways”. Yay?
Chelsea vs. Giorgia: Chelsea would like everyone to know that Diva’s are committed peoples. Giorgia says she’s “GG” for a reason (DANIELLE: “GG”?! When did anyone start calling her that?!) “GG” is “G-licious” and “G-Force”. (DANIELLE: “I’m such a rebel, I forgot Neville.”
Tanner vs. Patrick: Tanner half-asses a promo about what it takes to be in WWE. Patrick runs him over like Obama channeling CM Punk, telling Tanner that he has no passion and that everyone here wears Cactus Jack shirts — somebody who Tanner knows nothing about.
Gabi vs. Amanda: You’re stupid. Nu-uh. You’re a bitch. That’s it.
Sara Lee vs. ZZ: “I heard you’ve been talking smack about me. If you bow down right now and forgive me, I’ll…uh…” Oh…oh, Sara… ZZ says something about being in the bayou and mosquitoes not noticing her. The crowd liked ZZ by default, I think.
Following Sara Lee’s failure, Jericho gets in her face and says he can’t stand how awful she is, saying that it pisses him off that she’s still on the show. Sara acquiesces to his confrontational attitude and he has to force her to get in his face. She does but just can’t stop smiling.
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena Hogan is convinced that Sara Lee is “trying”. Paige says she’s “not trying” and that it’s frustrating to watch her week after week. Daniel Bryan sits there, mentally balancing his checkbook.
FLORIDA
The Improv Jericho wants to hear the crowd cheer his people. They name the winners: Patrick and Giorgia. Patrick is happy. Mada is pissed because “all Patrick did was connect with the audience”. (DANIELLE: Is that all he did? Man, he’s a failure.) Patrick is proud of himself — but Josh is sick of hearing it and tosses a drink in his face. This pisses Patrick off and he gets into a shoving match with both Mada and Josh. Patrick isn’t afraid of either guy and looks incredible yelling at both of them in the most real part of the show.
WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER
The Barracks The girls call out Gabi for always losing. Gabi says she “held back because she’s professional”. Amanda channels her inner Amanda and calls her a “bitch”. Chelsea and Tanner flirt in the bedroom. They both declare themselves “single”. Tanner’s only hitting on Chelsea because “Sara Lee wasn’t interested”. (DANIELLE: “So, it’s down to you, lady. You’re so lucky to be the target of the Tan-Man!”) Chelsea goes to hug him and Tanner kisses her in the most awkward way.
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena Paige and Hogan are disgusted. Bryan thinks it was “smooth”. (DANIELLE: I don’t wanna dislike Bryan…can they make him more likeable?)
WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER
The Gym Billy Gunn wants to teach the recruits about shoulderblocks and body slams. Everyone can do it. Except Sara Lee. She can’t shoulderblock, slam or take a body slam which just requires one to go stiff and let the person slamming you to slam you. (DANIELLE: She’ll fit right in with the current Divas roster.) Billy Gunn acts like the greatest trainer in the world and starts giving speeches about how “the recruits are putting their lives in his hands”. He tells Sara to “get out of her own head”. (DANIELLE: “Make do with the lemons from the horse you lead to water! I can’t always be here to make sure that you’re trying to get from Point A to the Promise Land! It’s not about what your people can do for me, it’s about what your partners can do if they’re given freedom to make you understand that promises and freedoms can be broken and taken away because this isn’t really the land of the free and you have to want things to be yours!”) Sara grins the entire time. Your winners of this one are Josh and, weirdly enough, Chelsea.
The Barracks Sara Lee is finally starting to crack, crying her eyes out. The other women listen to her. (DANIELLE: Because her boobs are real.) Sara says she’s trying not to let shit get to her. The women all hug her as she describes getting yelled at.
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena Jericho doesn’t feel bad. He says that Sara has failed to show everyone what she’s made of. We get a look at our contestants which includes Josh doing his dumb Yeti imitation. Paige yells at Sara Lee for being frustrating. Sara yells back. Daniel Bryan asks Sara Lee if she thought it was fair to hear it from Billy Gunn. She says it was and she bucked up. Hogan turns his attention to Mada and says that he won the promo battle. Hogan’s pissed at Patrick — specifically for talking shit about Warrior and saying that “Hogan is retired”. Hogan actually challenges Patrick, then says that you work with your opponent to “make them look good”. (DANIELLE: And Hogan knows so much about making people “look good”.) Patrick stands up for himself. Hogan says, “Your promo sucked.” Jericho: “But…but, Hogan…he won the promo challenge…” Hogan goes Honey Badger. He don’t care. Patrick’s a “Smark”. (DANIELLE: Hogan needs a little nappy-poo.) Jericho wants Josh to spell sarcophagus. Josh does, rearranging the “g” and the “ph”. Everyone laaaaaughs. Paige has to spell it for him. This is important.
BOTTOM 3:
Paige picks Sara Lee: She needs to bring it.
Daniel Bryan picks Gabi: She doesn’t know what a promo is at all.
Hogan picks Tanner: He was lifeless this week, which was surprising, considering how good he’s been the last three.
Each person gets to cut a promo to prove they belong here.
Gabi: Gabi fails. Easily. She just tells everyone how great she is in the nicest way possible.
Tanner: Tanner gushes over Hogan while Hogan screams at him to be mean.
Sara Lee: Has to be told to get in Paige’s face and she does. Kinda. Best of the three, but not by much.
Jericho asks each person who should go home. They all want Gabi to go home.
None of the judges wanna make a save this week.
GOING HOME: Gabi
She admits that she had no idea what to do this week and she’s happy that this is over. Renee can’t believe that. Gabi says she wants Sara Lee to win it all.
Devil’s Third has had a rough road to release. First announced for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3, the game was canceled with the demise of THQ. It was later saved by Nintendo to become a Wii U exclusive, with Nintendo proudly showing off their new acquisition at E3 2014. However, Nintendo may be regretting that decision.
Since the announcement, little has been said about the title. E3 2015 quickly came and left with no mention of the game. Recently, a release date was revealed for Japan and Europe, but no American date was given. This made many question if the game would ever reach U.S. shores at all. While no firm confirmation has been made, Nintendo of America has dropped a few hints that a US release date may still be in the cards; it just wouldn’t be published by Nintendo itself.
With the European and Japanese release looming over our heads, the games creator Tomonobu Itagaki has done little to inspire WiiU gamers to pick up the title. In a recent Facebook post, he even discouraged gamers from using the WiiU gamepad to play the game, the main controller for the console.
“I never wanna discount standard tab-controller, but Devil’s Third is a super speedy game. So gamepad has the following disadvantages: Four face buttons are positioned to be overcrowded, so you easily press the wrong button. In that case, you will die.”
“Distance of two analog sticks are too far apart, so its quite difficult to feel/grasp the battlefield. Devil’s Third is a game you play a long time, the standard gamepad is too heavy for such use.”
Itagaki’s suggestions don’t stop with the single player. He also gives his advice for online multiplayer, even suggesting that gamers should have a USB keyboard attached to their Wii U for online game chat.
He had this to say to those receiving an early review copy of the game:
“The multiplayer mode in Devil’s Third is designed to be played with tens of thousands of players. We understand its going to be a very tough job to evaluate such a game. It will be much appreciated if you use your imagination to get the depth when you play the multiplayer”.
I don’t know about you, but I am quickly losing confidence in this title. The game is scheduled for a European release on August 28, but it is still listed as TBD for America.
Are you still excited for the release of Devil’s Third? Or should the title be changed to Devil’s Turd? Let us know in the comments down below!
Earlier this year, the fine folks behind the Marvel Cinematic Universe treated us to a huge spectacle featuring nearly a dozen superheros taking on a maniacal robot who sought to wipe out human life by picking up a city and dropping it back down to Earth with a thud. But where could they go next after so much…..bigness? The answer to that is: Smaller.
Very small in fact.
In a somewhat surprising turn of events, the closing episode to Phase Two of Marvel’s ever-expanding cinematic universe is Ant-Man, a film that not only introduces a brand new hero into the mix but also dials things back considerably on the epic scale. And refreshingly, this isn’t such a bad thing.
“So who is this Ant-Man?” is a question many non-comic reading fans might be asking in the lead-up to the film’s release and they’ll either be pleased or even more confused to know that there are actually two of them! Ant-Man opens in the year 1989 where we learn that a man named Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) used to collaborate with some familiar faces who founded S.H.I.E.L.D (cameo alert!) with his technologically advanced suit that allowed him to shrink and become 200 times stronger than a normal man. Together with his wife, Janet, who used a similar suit, the couple fought the agents of Hydra until a mission gone wrong took Janet away from him. As the years went on Pym found himself under pressure to share his technology but instead vowed to lock it away forever and let it simply wash away as myth.
Flash forward to today when a scientific protege of Pym, Darren Cross (Corey Stoll), is close to unlocking the technology of the suit with plans of selling it to the highest bidder. Knowing how dangerous that could be, Pym and his daughter, Hope (Evangeline Lilly), plot to break in and destroy Cross’s technology by using the original Ant-Man suit, but Pym is now too old to for the gig and doesn’t want to risk losing his daughter in the way he lost his wife so they need a hero…
Enter Paul Rudd as leading man Scott Lang.
As an ex-con and master cat burglar with a heart of gold, Pym deems Lang as the perfect man to don the Ant-Man suit and help them carry out their big heist. And although Lang initially prefers to continue trying to live life on the straight and narrow, Pym is able to convince him to do this heroic thing for his young daughter, Cassie. And how could a down-and-out young father refuse that call to action?
Thus begins Lang’s training as a thief/hero that includes a run-in with one of the new Avengers, some help from his hilarious friends (led by Michael Pena), and a scary, final confrontation with Darren Cross in his Yellowjacket suit.
It is no secret that the making of Ant-Man has been a drawn out and dramatic process thanks to the departure of original director and project mastermind, Edgar Wright who walked away shortly before filming began due to creative differences with the big wigs at Marvel. Wright was quickly replaced by Peyton Reed who is more known for straight comedies like Yes Man and Bring It On rather than action packed superhero flicks.
And even though the script was retooled by Reed and friends, it luckily retains enough of Wright’s humor to give it a little something special when other portions of it get stuck in dull, origin movie tropes that will make you sigh from all of the predictability. When not being quirky and comedic the film plays like Screenwriting 101 when it comes to certain plot points being introduced “innocuously” in the first act even though you know they’re going to pop up again later as major obstacles/plot twists. I’d tell you more about what they are here but trust me – you’ll know what I’m talking about as soon as they’re mentioned on screen.
But the strong ensemble cast handles the uneven script admirably and brings many scenes to life in ways that are probably better than the dialogue deserves. This is especially true of Michael Pena who steals pretty much every scene he is in. In fact, if the cast has a weak point it is actually Rudd in the leading role. It’s not that he’s bad – he just seems a bit uninspired by the whole thing. A lot of this can be credited to the relatively flat character that was written for him, but he hardly shines with the hero wattage that comes from some of his Avenger counterparts.
What ultimately makes the film an enjoyable success though are the exceptionally well done shrunken action scenes with their eye-popping special effects. This is where the film is forced to be original and innovative so you know you’re in for a treat every time Lang pushes the button on his suit to go micro and team up with the insects of the world. I giggled with delight seeing him surf through a pipe on a board made of ants and smiled every time he jumped aboard his flying ant named Antony. What more could you possibly want?
These action scenes and the excellent 3D effects that support them are guaranteed to make this a crowd-pleaser and a welcome addition to the Marvel family even when the script sometimes fumbles the set-up. But like all entries into the Marvel Cinematic Universe you’ll want to stick around through the credits for two additional scenes that will make fans squeal with delight at what’s coming down the line next!
Ultimately, one has to wonder what this film had been like if Wright had stayed on board but what made it onto the silver screen without him is a worthy effort that introduces yet another fun character into the Marvel mix. It remains to be seen if Ant-Man really deserves or needs more solo adventures, but with appearances guaranteed in the upcoming Captain America: Civil War and The Avengers: Infinity War Parts 1 and 2, those who take a liking to the incredibly shrinking man will have a lot to look forward to.
The Borderlands series has been a smash hit for developer Gearbox. I’ve spent hundreds of hours over the years roaming the landscape of Pandora and it’s moon, collecting loot, taking down hilariously named enemies, and laughing the entire way. Who wouldn’t be excited for a new entry in the series?
In an interview with website IGN at Develop: Brighton, Randy Pitchford said that he is “almost certain” more Borderlands goodness is on the way, yet he is unsure what form it will take. Borderlands 1, 2, and the Presequel were released on the past generation of consoles, plus Borderlands 2 and the Presequel have been released on current generation consoles through the Handsome Collection. Do not forget that we are also midseason in Tales of the Borderlands from Telltale Games (which I highly recommend). I can’t wait to see where that story will take us in the near future.
Looking into the distant future, the fans want to know how soon we will see Borderlands 3. Pitchford had this to say: “It depends on how you define soon. There’ll almost certainly be more Borderlands, but we need to figure out what that is. I don’t even know if it’s Borderlands 3, but yeah. There are people working on Borderlands things for the future at Gearbox but we haven’t announced anything yet.”
Pitchford understands what the fans want when he jokes: “And why would it be called Borderlands 3? What if it’s Borderlands 4 – there’s already been three Borderlands games. What if it’s Borderlands 5? What we call it and what it is are things we care about and we’re engaged about but it would be irresponsible to share anything at this stage, because almost certainly anything we’re thinking now is going to change between now and when we commit ourselves”.
A new Borderlands will definitely be worth the wait! Are you excited for the possibilities of a new game in the Borderlands franchise? Let us know in the comments down below!
12 MONKEYS -- Season:1 -- Pictured: Emily Hampshire as Jennifer -- (Photo by: Gavin Bond/Syfy)
Filming on 12 Monkeys Season 2 is underway and thanks to social media we’ve got behind the scenes sneak peeks to tide us over until the show comes back on air next year.
(SEASON 1 SPOILERS BELOW)
Last season ended with Cassie (Amanda Schull) being shot and sent to the future for Jones (Barbara Sukowa) to save. Cole (Aaron Stanford) and Ramse (Kirk Acevedo) had an epic falling out in present day, but reunited (somewhat), though Ramse was severely injured. It was also revealed that the “12” were actually twelve babies, who show up at the Splinter facility as hooded commandos in 2043. Aaron (Noah Bean) was left trapped under a storage rack as a factory came burning down around him.
The season also left us with some major questions. Who are the 12 and what do they want with the Splinter machine? Did Aaron survive that fire? Who is the real Witness?
While we’re not going to get any answers anytime soon, I’m just going to keep obsessively checking the cast and crew’s social accounts for any hidden clues:
Nominations for the 67th Primetime Emmy Awards were announced Thursday morning by Orange is the New Black’s Uzo Aduba and Cat Deely from So You Think You Can Dance.
The list of Emmy nominations are below:
Comedy Series
Louie
Modern Family
Parks & Recreation
Silicon Valley
Transparent
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Veep
Drama Series
Better Call Saul
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
Homeland
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We’ve got Shadowhunters updates beginning with the casting of Nicola Correia Damude as Maryse Lightwood (mother of Alec and Isabelle), according to series author Cassandra Clare who visited the Toronto set last week.
Clare posted on her Tumblr account that she had met Damude and that more cast announcements will be made soon. Damude has appeared in shows including Haven, The Strain, Degrassi: The Next Generation, and Stargate-SG1.
Nicola Correia Damude as Maryse Lightwood
Clare and other cast members also had lots of behind the scenes pictures and videos to share with fans during the author’s trip:
It’s the Mortal Cup!! (source: Shadowhunterstv.com)
What do you think of Maryse’s casting? I can’t wait to see who will be playing her husband Robert Lightwood as well as other characters like the Seelie Queen, Maya, Bat and more!
Battleground is this Sunday and that, of course, means that we’re about to see the “Going Home” show. We’ve got a great feud with Lesnar and Rollins heading into this thing…let’s see what we’ve got tonight…
We begin with clips of the war between Brock Lesnar and J&J Security’s car.
And we are LIVE(!!!) from Atlanta, Georgia for Monday Night RAW!!!
Cole, JBL and Saxton are on the mics.
For some reason, the wrecked car is here and, unless Lesnar suplexed it and F5’ed it to hell, it looks even worse than it did last week.
Brock and Paul start us off as the crowd starts a loud “SUPLEX CITY” chant. Paul pumps up the crowd, calling him an “ass-kicker”. He says his heart is pounding through his chest — and not because he’s fat. He’s excited to see The Beast enter the ring as a “challenger”. He describes what Brock did to The Rock, Randy Couture and John Cena at SummerSlam and how he destroys anything he touches. He says that Lesnar would still be champion had Rollins not stolen the title like a thief in the night. He says that Brock will NOT leave as a “challenger”. He says that Rollins is gonna get beat up and get his ass kicked. He’ll be suplexed, F5’ed and pinned by Brock Lesnar.
Rollins’ music hits and out he comes with Kane. Rollins talks tough and says he’ll wipe the smile off Lesnar’s face. He calls Lesnar a coward and says that he’s shaken up and pissed at what Lesnar did to J&J’s car. He says that Lesnar likes to use the destroyed car as a symbol of what will happen to him at Battleground. Rollins says he’s gonna go to Suplex City burn it to the ground. Lesnar: “I can take you to Suplex City tonight, bitch.” Crowd pops. (DANIELLE: So, they can say “bitch” live but it gets censored otherwise?) Kane smooths things out and says that there’s gonna be a contract signing for the match at Battleground. He warns Lesnar not to spoil the signing.
Heyman’s incredulous and says they’re about to be threatened by The Undertaker’s “baby brother” which, of course, the crowd chants in abundance. Kane stares a hole in Heyman’s head and Heyman quickly apologizes for saying any of that being that “he’s not supposed to mention that the two are related” — then mentions when Lesnar beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania. He stops there and says that Brock won’t do anything at all — but warns Rollins not to do anything to provoke Lesnar or else Suplex City will come early tonight.
Cole and the guys discuss all this.
TONIGHT:
Dean Ambrose takes on Bray Wyatt. Let the jokes begin…
Randy Orton & Ryback vs. Sheamus & Big Show which Cole somehow ties to the All-Star Game.
The Miz is out for commentary…AGAIN.
MATCH #1: WWE Intercontinental Champion Ryback & Randy Orton vs. Sheamus & Big Show Ryback and Sheamus start and it’s quick back and forth before Ryback flies at Sheamus outside the ring — and we go to an immediate break even though we had on 5 minutes ago. When we come back, Orton is all over Sheamus, tossing him into the corner buckle while JBL warns Miz not to piss off Ryback and Big Show. Orton hits ten punches on the buckle and hits a Garvin Stomp and tags in Ryback. Ryback goes for a suplex but Sheamus blocks and knees him in the stomach. Ryback comes back, whipping Sheamus into the corner and stomping away at him. Sheamus goes outside and Ryback gets his neck dropped on the ropes. Miz yacks about being tough because he was “in the Marine 4”. Cole: “That was a movie…” Tag to Show who stomps at Ryback’s back and it’s another tag to Sheamus. Ryback lifts up Sheamus and tags Orton who hits a dropkick. Sheamus goes outside. Orton chases and hits a Side Suplex into the barricades. Sheamus gets up and fights back and the two re-enter the ring. Sheamus hits a knee into Orton’s stomach, then hits a kneelift and forearm. When we come back from another break, Sheamus hits an Irish Curse Backbreaker. Two count. Show in on the tag. He steps on Orton’s stomach, then uses the ropes to splash his chest. Show signals for a Chokeslam but Orton counters into a DDT. Tags on both ends and Ryback runs over Sheamus, then hits a press. Ryback splashes Sheamus in the corner and tries it again. Sheamus boots Ryback but ends up in a Spinebuster. He sets up the Meat Hook but Miz leaps on the mic. Ryback nearly gets rolled up. Ryback kicks out and puts Sheamus down again, setting up for a Shell Shock — but Show grabs Ryback and goes for a Chokeslam. Miz distracts Show. Ryback fights back but Show leaves the ring and confronts Miz who backs off. Ryback reaches for Show who just KO punches him and runs after Miz. Meanwhile, in the ring, Sheamus gears up for a Brogue — but Orton makes the save with an RKO out of somewhere. Ryback hits a Big Splash off the top rope and we’re done at 15:10. WINNERS: Orton & Ryback
RATING: **. Not a bad start but far longer than it needed to be (with two commercial breaks padding it out).
Cole talks about the newest Battleground match, Sheamus vs. Orton.
Rollins is pissed at Kane. Kane just takes it because corporate titles don’t matter. Kane has a plan to deal with Lesnar. Rollins isn’t happy and says he doesn’t want to provoke Lesnar because it won’t end well. Kane tells him that if Rollins keeps up his behavior, it won’t be good for “one of them”.
Bray comes out for his match with Ambrose — but Reigns shows up behind him when the lights come back on. Reigns destroys him outside the ring, then rolls him inside the ring where Reigns hits the Superman Punch. Wyatt goes outside and grabs the lantern. When Reigns chases, Wyatt clocks him and runs. Reigns is dazed enough for Wyatt to make a getaway…so this match isn’t happening, obviously. About time Reigns got his licks in after Wyatt practically dominated the feud. (DANIELLE: Sooooo…what happened to Ambrose? Did he just walk out and hit the nearby bar?)
When we come back, it’s Divas time with Nikki, Brie and Alicia Fox, the Arbitrary Bella. Nikki brags about being champion and says she’s the “Total Diva”. And, now, Team Bella runs wild — and no Divas can stop them…
Stephanie McMahon’s music hits and she comes out to the ring. Steph asks Nikki to clarify things. She says that Nikki doesn’t run the Divas Division or WWE. Steph does. Steph says that the Divas Division does lack a spark and works in UFC and Women’s Soccer. Steph introduces Paige as a “woman who is making a difference”. Nikki protests and calls Paige a failure while her music and entrance are in progress. Steph says that she wanted Paige out in the ring. Steph says it’s time Paige had back-up…and introduces Becky Lynch from NXT. Lynch shakes hands with Paige after her entrance. Steph invites somebody else out: CHARLOTTE.
Naomi and Tamina interrupt. Naomi’s pissed because she’s been “the only competition” Paige has had. Steph agrees — and introduces NXT Women’s Champion Sasha Banks. Steph says that Nikki has all the competition she needs and wants to know which Diva’s gonna take the opportunity to be the best. The Bellas confront all six women. Nikki blows them all off and tries to leave but Sasha Banks grabs her by the hair and whips her to the mat. It’s a Pier Six Brawl culminating in Charlotte applying the Figure Four on Fox, Lynch hitting a Cross Arm Breaker on Brie and Banks applying a Reverse Crossface on Nikki. Tamina and Naomi get back in the ring with Paige and the Bellas exit the ring. The new Divas celebrate. Kinda. Sasha Banks sides with Naomi and Tamina which makes no sense since this was supposed to be the NXT Divas “starting a revolution against the Bellas”. Then they play the face Divas out with the “Total Divas” show theme, ruining the ending.
Beyond that, nice segment that “reboots” the Divas Division — if not a touch messy. Steph really didn’t need to be there. Her presence made no sense seeing as how she came off as a face when she’s supposed to be an evil heel that runs The Authority. Then again, I’m not sure there are any heels or faces to speak of in the Divas Division.
The New Day is out to the ring. Xavier loves Atlanta because it’s his hometown. Big E mocks them for shutting down the city over snow — but they’re positive. Xavier mocks them for the Atlanta Hawks choking in the playoffs — but Atlanta is positive. They brag about getting the titles back at Battleground. Because New…Day Rocks.
MATCH #2: The New Day (Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston & Big E) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neil & Darren Young) & Mark Henry Titus and Woods face off but Titus destroys him. E tags in. Titus knocks him down and drops Young on top of him with a Reverse Suplex Slam. The New Day attacks one at a time and they all get dumped by the good guys. After a break, New Day proceeds to stomp a mudhole in Titus in the corner. Kofi starts bragging. Titus rolls him up for two. Kofi hits a dropkick after kicking out and applies and armbar. Titus breaks but Kofi kicks him and tags E who hits a Warrior Splash, then mocks Titus with his Gator Bark. Tag to Xavier who puts Titus in a clutch but Titus gets to his feet and attempts to tag his partners which doesn’t work because Woods is somehow able to drag Titus backward despite having no leverage that would make that possible. Titus eventually knocks Woods down and Henry gets in. Chaos breaks out with everyone hitting a finisher. Woods gets a hold of Henry but Henry actually manages to hit the WSS which doesn’t include him tossing his opponent up in the air for a change. That’s good for the win at 7:52. WINNERS: PTP & Mark Henry
RATING: *1/2. The break ate up most of the match time, so this basically felt like a squash, which is odd heading into Battleground.
Hey, remember the car from last week? It’s here and dead. So, let’s show that again.
TONIGHT: The contract signing.
MATCH #3: R-Truth vs. King Barrett Truth runs Barrett over with a shoulderblock, then dances. Barrett misses a clothesline and Truth rolls him up for two. Barrett kicks out and kicks him in the face and hits a backbreaker. Two count. Barrett hits a clothesline and stomps Truth. Barrett hits a flying elbow drop and gets two. Barrett works him against the ropes and knees him in the stomach for two. Headlock by Barrett but Truth breaks and hits some uppercuts as well as a corner splash. Truth sends Barrett’s head into the buckle and hits the Lie Detector — and wouldn’t you know it: he wins at 3:15. WINNER: R-Truth
RATING: 1/4*. Safe to say that this is a step down from last week’s surprise sleeper match. Why this is still a feud is beyond me. Hopefully, this was the blow-off — but probably not.
Post-match, Truth goes under the ring and gets his “King” gear, dons it, then wanders off.
Cole recaps what happened to Dolph Ziggler last week at the hands of Rusev. Dolph’s “out of action” for the foreseeable future.
Cena makes his way out for the United States Challenge…and it’s…
RUSEV. He’s out with Summer and he declares himself the greatest U.S. Champion of all-time. He yells about breaking Ziggler and he’ll break Cena, too. Then, Kevin Owens comes out as well. Owens says that he wants to be the one to beat Cena. He wants that tonight and Cena can have a rematch. Rusev has a mic and starts stuttering through his lines so badly, he makes both the crowd — and Owens — laugh. Owens covers and tells Rusev and his “wannabe Lana” Summer to leave. The two bicker — and Cesaro shows up. Csearo and Cena go nose to nose. Owens interrupts. It’s a brawl between the two of them. Cesaro clears the ring of both Owens and Rusev. We go to break.
MATCH #4: Rusev vs. Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro in a Triple Threat Match for the right to face John Cena in the United States Title Match Hold on a second, playa! It’s a Triple Threat Match with John Cena on commentary! Owens and Rusev gang up on Cesaro. They put him in a corner and it’s Owens and Rusev with Rusev getting the early advantage. Cesaro comes back and grabs Rusev for a suplex. Owens hits the Cannonball on Rusev. and Cesaro hits the uppercut on Owens. Cesaro tosses Owens into the buckle and hits another one. Rusev runs at Cesaro — and misses — then hits a Cannonball on Owens! Cesaro slams Rusev to the mat and gets a two count. Owens and Cesaro trade shots until Owens hits a chinbreaker. He slams Cesaro and goes to the top rope, hitting a beautiful Reverse Senton for two. But Rusev hits a Superkick and gets two on Owens. Cesaro saves the pin and also pins for two. Cesaro works Rusev over in the corner. Rusev reverses and tosses him opposite corner. Rusev hits a Side Suplex, getting two. Rusev stomps at both men and goes top rope but Owens attacks him and tries a Superplex. Rusev blocks it. Cesaro grabs both guys and powerbombs them all to the mat. Cesaro tries to cover both guys but gets two as the crowd chants, “THIS IS AWESOME!” Some flailing and counters and Owens hits a Tornado DDT. Owens covers for two as Rusev saves the pin by hitting an elbow off the ropes. Rusev gets twin two counts. Rusev and Owens trade blows. Both men try German Suplexes before Cesaro hits a ridiculously silly-looking German Suplex on both guys at the same time — and that only physically works because Rusev has to jump two feet in the air to complete the illusion. After some action outside (which includes Cesaro leaping at both men from inside the ring), Cesaro goes for the Swing but Owens hits a Superkick. Rusev dumps Owens outside and tries an Accolade on Cesaro but Owens rushes in and kicks Rusev. Owens tries a Powerbomb but Rusev counters with an ALABAMA SLAMMA MIGGAL! Another Accolade fails when Cesaro kicks Rusev. Cesaro puts Rusev in the Delayed Vertical Suplex and drops him after 7 seconds. All men get to their feet and Owens belts each and every one of them. He slaps both men across the face. They wake up and kick the shit out of Owens. Cesaro starts hitting uppercuts before Rusev clotheslines him, then dumps Owens outside. Rusev tells him to leave — and Owens does, going backstage.
After a break, it’s Rusev vs. Cesaro. Cesaro breaks a headlock and hits a Springboard Uppercut, knocking Rusev flat. Cesaro sends him into the corner and blasts him with uppercuts, then a dropkick. Rusev rolls outside the ring ropes. Cesaro goes for the upper body suplex but Rusev reverses it and nearly kills Cesaro who lands on the mat first, then out of the ring. Cesaro gets back in the ring and Rusev goes top rope but Cesaro hits uppercuts, then a dropkick. He goes for the big suplex again but Rusev tosses him across the ring. Rusev tries a splash and misses. Cesaro hits a Crossface but Rusev reverses with a Spinning Spinebuster for two. Rusev calls for the Accolade — but Cesaro counters and goes for the Sharpshooter. Rusev immediately kicks out and hits a Spinning Heel Kick, knocking him down. 360 Splash by Rusev and another Accolade attempts. Cesaro fights out immediately and hits the Swing — then the Sharpshooter. Rusev tries to get to the ropes and does — but there aren’t any DQ’s in the match. Instead, Rusev gets out of the ring, forcing the break. Cesaro hits a Suicide Dive from inside the ring, then hits a Running Uppercut. He tosses Rusev into the ring and goes top rope but Rusev tosses him to the mat and gets the pin to face Cena at 24:00. WINNER: Rusev
RATING: ***1/4. Hell of a match. Got better after Owens left as the match became faster and more frantic. Definitely, the best match I’ve ever seen Rusev wrestle.
When we come back from break…
MATCH #5: Rusev (challenger) vs. John Cena (champion) for the WWE United States Championship Cena taunts Rusev, bouncing around and kicking him. He puts Rusev in a side headlock. Rusev breaks and Cena hits a suplex for two. Another side headlock. Rusev breaks but Cena slams Rusev to the mat for two. Rusev gets to his feet and Cena hits two straight running elbows. Cena hits the first two shouldertackles and the Cena Slam. 5KS hits the mark and Cena goes for the AA and tosses Rusev in the air — but Rusev lands on his feet and counters into the Accolade! Cena gets to his feet and runs Rusev into the buckle — but Rusev won’t let go! Rusev puts him back into the Accolade — but Owens fucks the match with interference at 4:57. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Cena via DQ
RATING: 1/2 a *. This was pointless. 24 minutes of wrestling for a weak pay-off. I’m not saying you need to kill Rusev in another 10+ minute match, but the Triple Threat probably didn’t need to be almost a half-hour — especially since it dragged in spots. At least I don’t have to listen to Cena say “look at how good these guys are” every five minutes. There’s that.
After the match, Owens yells that HE will beat Cena. Great. Moving on.
Lita and the cast of Tough Enough are here. ZZ gets the most applause. Guess who’s winning? Not the audience.
We recap how Sheamus won the Money in the Bank case.
Another recap of Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt.
Stardust does a segment backstage and calls out Neville.
Neville vs. Stardust is next and it will be “fun” because it’s “like a comic book”. WWE emphasizes this with some not-bad comic art versions of both guys.
MATCH #6: Neville vs. Stardust Neville shakes hands with Stardust. Stardust shakes hands — then kicks Neville and slams him to the mat. He kicks at Neville and tries to toss him outside. Neville hands on the top rope and hits a quick high kick to his head. Neville tries the Red Arrow but Stardust gets up and hits a nice Neckbreaker. Side Headlock by Stardust. Neville breaks and hits kicks and a forearm. Neville flips around the ring. Stardust charges. Neville counters into a sunset flip and a cradle pin for two counts. A roll-up pin is reversed by Stardust, who holds the tights for the pin at 4:07. WINNER: Stardust
RATING: 1/2 a *. A weak “tribute” to Dusty where everything felt forced. You can’t have him come back as “Cody” because then it’s maudlin. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Neville’s starting to bore me. Hopefully, WWE does something with him soon because all I see is a slimmer version of RVD.
When we come back, it’s the Contract Signing.
Rollins has the mic and says he’s sick and tired of watching the footage of Brock Lesnar destroying the car he gave to J&J Security. He says it’s time to roll footage of how much damage HE can do. With that, we see Lesnar get ganged up on by Kane, Rollins and J&J from a couple weeks ago. Rollins says a man only has his word in this world. He says he is telling the truth when he says that he isn’t afraid of Brock Lesnar. He will wreck Suplex City and burn it to the ground — and he will come out of it as WWE World Heavyweight Champion.
Brock and Paul show up. Paul grabs the mic. He tells Rollins not to take his eyes off of Lesnar. Paul says that he has wanted to see somebody get their hands on Rollins since he destroyed The Shield. So has the WWE Universe. He says that Brock has wanted to get his hands on Rollins since he broke the 11th Commandment and stole the title at WrestleMania. He says that everyone watching Battleground is paying to watch Rollins get his ass kicked. He says that every single person will get their money’s worth because Rollins will get his ass kicked. He’ll get punched, kicked, suplexed, F5’ed and pinned. On Sunday, Rollins will go to Suplex City and he will be dragged down there by Brock Lesnar. Mic drop.
Lesnar pushes the contract at Rollins who signs it. He pushes it back at Brock. Brock signs — and Paul tells Rollins to keep his hands on the table. Rollins begins barking at Heyman — until Brock rolls the table over, causing Rollins to back way off. He pulls an axe-handle out from underneath, flips the table back over and places it on the table. Rollins grabs it and Lesnar grins. Rollins goes for a swing, so Lesnar picks up the table and throws it at Rollins. (DANIELLE: Wow…Lesnar’s got a nice rising fastball…) He goes after Kane. Rollins jumps on Lesnar who hits a German and then dumps Kane out of the ring. Kane drags Lesnar out and it’s 2-on-1 outside. Rollins goes for the Pedigree on the steel steps — but Lesnar tosses Rollins into the crowd barrier. He flies at Kane who catches Lesnar for the Chokeslam. Lesnar counters and hits the F5. He turns to Rollins who runs the other direction and into the crowd. Lesnar goes to Kane and places his ankle on the steel steps, bashing it with the high steps. Lesnar goes back into the ring, grabs the title and holds it up in triumph, then goes backstage.
Rollins gets back in the ring and tosses the table across the ring, then starts tossing chairs around, pissed. He grabs a mic and says that Lesnar came in and thought he was untouchable. He says that, at Battleground, he will do what no other man has been able to do. He will prove that Lesnar isn’t a machine or monster. He’s human and he can be beat. He will rip Lesnar’s “sword tattoo” off his chest. Rollins says he will go down in history as the man who beat The Beast. Trainers tend to Kane. Rollins yells at him and asks if this was “Kane’s plan” the whole time. He tells Kane that his whole career has been a disappointment, just like this “plan”. He says that Kane is nothing without Rollins. He says that Kane’s a “never was” and says everything’s on him. Then he stomps Kane’s ankle, leaving him screaming.
We go off the air.
OVERALL: As has been the case lately, the last half of the show trumps the entire first half. Not bad tonight. I’m actually curious to see where Lesnar and Rollins will go on Sunday. I really don’t think Lesnar takes the title back but where else can you go with this? I am legally obligated, by my buddy Tania, to say that the Divas segment was SUPER COOL AWESOME. So there. Happy now? 😛 I kid, of course. I’m excited, for once, to see where the Divas Division goes.
It has been a hard road for Dead Island 2. First revealed at E3 2014, very little came from publisher Deep Silver after the initial reveal. With no word on the progress of sequel, it wasn’t shocking when it was announced that Dead Island 2 would be delayed until 2016. If a delay wasn’t bad enough, more bad news has hit the internet. Dead Island 2 has lost their developer.
Deep Silver was working with Yager Developments to create the zombie-survival game, but both companies felt that the project “fell out of alignment” with each companies unique vision for the game. Timo Ulmann, managing director of Yager Developments, had this to say: “Our team is made of the best creative minds and tech specialists, who all share a common identity. The team worked with enthusiasm to take Dead Island 2 to a new level of quality. However, Yager and Dead Silver’s respective visions of the project fell out of alignment, which lead to the decision that has been made.” Ulmann added that Yager will “focus current efforts on Dreadnought,” a new flight combat simulator with Grey Box.
I personally enjoyed the original Dead Island, bugs and all. However, the sequel, Dead Island Riptide, felt more like an expansion pack DLC than a brand new game. Little was done to fix combat and story flow issues, which left much to be desired. Yager Developments may have added some great ideas to freshen up the formula, but now we will never know. However, Deep Silver still feels that they have a unique vision for the sequel.
“With Dead Island 2, Deep Silver has always been dedicated to delivering the sequel that Dead Island fans deserve. We will continue working towards bringing our vision of Dead Island 2 to life, and we will share further information at a later stage.”
Dead Island 2 is still scheduled for a release in 2016 for Playstation 4, Xbox One, and PC.
Is Dead Island 2 a game you are looking forward to? Or should Deep Silver let the project die? Let us know in the comment section down below!
The Fosters
Season 3, Episode 5 – “It’s My Party”
Air Date: July 13, 2015
It is family taco night in the Adams-Foster household and two very important facts are revealed. First, Jude puts ketchup on his taco (blargh) [Editor’s Note: Jude is the Devil for doing this]. Second, it is almost Callie’s birthday! Callie tells her moms that she is going to buy herself a car for her birthday with the $800 she has saved up. Stef and Lena are not too keen on this idea. After a brief argument, which included the topics of sexism, airbag safety, and monthly payments, it is decided that Brandon will need to share his car with Callie and the twins (read:twin).
The next morning, Marianna jumps on Callie’s bed and makes it rain cash money all over a half asleep Callie. Yes, Mariana’s birthday present to her sister is literally $600 in cash. At first Callie is a little weirded out, but eventually devises a plan. They will combine their fortune to buy a dope previously-owned car to share. The two end up buying a used green sedan from a semi-creepy middle aged man.
The girls arrive home from and are greeted by a surprise party, compliments of Jude. Some of our characters’ favorites are in attendance including Girls United, Rita, and Wyatt. Say what you will about Wyatt, but damn, his hair is like an enchanted lion’s mane. Wyatt goes straight to Mariana and asks if they can go steady. She considers Wyatt’s offer because if Callie is okay with her dating Wyatt, then she would be totally cool with the fact that Mariana lost her virginity to him and lied about it for weeks (or days, I have a hard time measuring time progression this season).
Mariana asks Callie if she can date Wyatt, and while Callie’s mouth says yes, her body, eyes, nose and mind say no. Because Mariana cannot read social cues, she skips over to Wyatt and declares the Wyatt-Mariana coupling a go. Callie tells Lena that she is not okay with Mariana and Wyatt dating. Lena is now forced to deal with the age old ‘what to do when one of your daughter’s sleeps with your other daughter’s ex-boyfriend’ problem, and relays Callie’s concern to Mariana. With this new intel Mariana approaches Wyatt and goes “We need to break up. Haha no, I am just kidding, we don’t. But actually we do because Callie is not cool with this.”
Wyatt has had enough, and confronts Callie saying that the entire time they were dating, Callie just yanked him around like a sad puppy and it isn’t fair to Mariana that they have to keep the fact that they hooked up a secret. And by hooked up he means sex. Correct me if I am wrong, but that is not how I remember Wyatt and Callie’s relationship at all. She was dealing with the PTSD from Liam raping her at the time and couldn’t handle a relationship. I am not sure how that equates to stringing Wyatt along. When Callie confronts Mariana, every excuse that comes out of Mariana’s mouth ends up digging her into a deeper shit-hole. She tries to explain that technically she didn’t lie, she just omitted the truth and that maybe if she dated Wyatt she would end up loving him and then she wouldn’t have lost her virginity to a complete stranger. It is actually quite sad.
In the garage, Brandon interrogates AJ after witnessing him talking on a cellphone. AJ senses Brandon’s crazy is about to come out so he tells Brandon he was on the phone with Mike before peacing out. Brandon goes straight to Mike to ask him about the dates, times, and length of all call he has had with AJ in the past week. To make matters worse, Sophia somehow gets involved in Brandon’s vendetta against AJ. The two join forces and the Whiney-Duo is officially formed. They devise a plan obtain AJ’s phone and investigate its contents. Sophia wants to put on a slow song in order to slow dance up on AJ’s pocket bulge and steal his phone, but Brandon draws the line at pimping out fifteen year olds to do his dirty work. They then glance down and realize that AJ’s phone is literally on the counter in front of them charging. They steal the phone, but upon further investigation, all of AJ’s phone records and texts have been deleted.
When AJ realizes his phone is missing he approaches Brandon. As Brandon starts to deny stealing it, but the phone rings. Instead of giving AJ his phone Brandon answers the phone himself and starts a fight when AJ tries to grab it from him. Once the fight is broken up, Brandon yells out “He freaked out when I answered his phone,” and, like a normal human being, Stef responds with “What are you doing answering his phone?” Stef, always the voice of reason.
Mike goes upstairs to discuss the fight with his son who is sulking in his room. The conversation goes something like this:
Mike: Look, the other day AJ was racially profiled and experienced police brutality first hand right in front of my eyes. I am sensitive to people just blindly blaming AJ of…
Brandon: (interrupting) Okay, but WHAT ABOUT ME?!? You seem pretty fine about accusing me of anything.
Do you mean like accusing you of selling fake IDs? Or getting kicked out of an expensive music camp because of plagiarism? Or how about selling a priceless baseball your grandfather gave you to replace the keyboard you traded to evade the Mexican cops? Are those all things that your father is fine with ‘falsely’ accusing you of?
He then starts on about how Mike has been to visit AJ at the Adams-Foster house more times in the last month than Brandon’s entire life. First, that is not true, Mike has always basically lived in the Adams-Foster house. Second, Brandon lived with Mike for a solid chunk of the show. Brandon is just the worst.
Jude, though, is the best and has one final surprise for Callie … a LITTLE MERMAID THEMED BOUNCY CASTLE! There is seriously nothing that a bouncy castle cannot solve. Everyone gets in on the bouncy castle fun, INCLUDING ROSIE O’DONNELL! Even Brandon crawled out of the dark cave he calls his room to take a few jumps. It was divine.
At the end of the night, AJ lays down next to Callie in the bouncy castle to give Callie a birthday present: a hand drawn comic of her as Super Callie. It was super cute and the two start making out in the castle. It would have been a romantic way to end the episode, had Stef not seen it all go down from the kitchen window. All I can imagine going through Stef’s head is “Seriously Callie, we have to deal with you dating a foster brother AGAIN?”
Quote of the Week:
Stef: In hindsight though, no amount of therapy was going to turn you into a woman. Mike: Oh wait. If I was a woman, do you think we’d still be together? Stef: Oh, god no. (chuckling) That’s funny.
All of us at The Workprint are very sad to hear of the passing of Nintendo President Satoru Iwata on July 11, 2015. While everyone knew of his surgery in the summer of 2014, no one knew the extent of his sickness. His passing was a shock to many in the gaming industry. Gamers may know him as the face of Nintendo, with his recent Nintendo Direct videos and Iwata Asks interviews, but how did Iwata become the head of Nintendo?
Satoru Iwata’s climb in the videogame landscape happened somewhat quickly. Starting his career fresh out of the Tokyo Institute of Technology, Iwata found employment at HAL Laboratories. While there, he worked on many iconic games such as Kirby and Earthbound. Those at HAL called him a coding master, where often times he was found helping out on projects, assisting other teams and companies to meet their goals and deadlines.
This is something that Iwata loved to do, even when it was no longer his responsibility. He was even credited with work on the Smash Bros. series and Pokémon Gold and Silver. Mr Iwata is often quoted saying that “On my business card, I am a corporate president. In my mind, I am a game developer. But in my heart, I am a gamer.” He never lost his love for the intricacies of game creation.
Iwata’s skills and hard work were quickly identified, as he became president of HAL in 1993, and by 2000 found himself the head of Nintendo’s corporate planning division. His rise in the company was eventually noticed by then President of Nintendo, Hiroshi Yamauchi, who later appointed Iwata as his successor in 2002. What makes this even more impressive is that Iwata was the first President of the company from outside of the Yamauchi family.
With Satoru Iwata as president, he believed: “Above all, video games are meant to just be one thing: Fun for everyone.” This was easily seen with the release of the Wii, the most successful home console in the history of Nintendo; and it didn’t stop there. During that same time Nintendo released their most successful handheld, the Nintendo DS. Both systems met Iwata’s goal of being family friendly and affordable. Nintendo was able to do what many other companies tried, but could never achieve: reaching out to the casual gamer. Many young gamers today have Mr. Iwata to thank for their new love of this exciting hobby.
While the successors to the Wii and DS, the WiiU and 3DS, have not been nearly as successful, Mr. Iwata still found a way to bring his idea of fun and charm to this generation of Nintendo. Most of this he has achieved through Nintendo Direct and E3 presentations, not afraid of making himself part of the fun and jokes. Many memes have been created in his honor.
Another standout from Satoru Iwata was his “Iwata Asks” interview segments. He would allow us behind the curtain on some of the biggest games, asking questions that we were dying to know. You could once again see his child-like love of game creation as he asked the questions, often times more for his own curiosity of how something was done. Through his entire career, Iwata never lost his love for gaming.
While Satoru Iwata left us far too soon, his footprint on the industry is unmistakable. His love for games, understanding that they are meant to be fun, and that everyone should be able to enjoy this great medium. Hopefully his career has inspired many young minds to become creators, game changers, and the next great generation of gamers. They just need to remember these simple words:
“We do not run from risk. We run to it. We are taking the risk to move beyond the boundaries of the game industry to reach new players and current players.”
Satoru Iwata, you may be gone, but you are not forgotten. This one is for you, DIRECTLY to you.
True Detective Season 2, Episode 4 – “Down Will Come”
Air date: July 12, 2015
“Down Will Come” marks the halfway point for the second season of True Detective, and although some suspects have finally come into focus, Caspere’s murder and involvement in the land deal remains shrouded in mystery. Things are still moving a bit slowly, as the past returns to haunt our main characters, but the climactic shootout punctuates the episode nicely. It’s a uneven episode that suffers from weak pacing and character development, but the explosive ending clears the air for the second half of the season.
As it turns out, Paul Woodrugh has turned into one of True Detective’s more interesting characters. In contrast to Ani’s stubborn stoic or Ray’s jaded drunk, the past two episodes have revealed new and more compelling layers in Paul. Waking up at Miguel’s apartment has awakened a fresh wave of self loathing, a situation exacerbated by a stolen bike and media attention for his history with Black Mountain. Later, he reconciles with Emily and decides to marry her after learning she’s pregnant, providing the least convincing delivery of “this is the best thing that could happen” ever shown on television. His repressed homosexuality and time as a private military contractor don’t add anything particularly novel to the tormented former soldier archetype, but nevertheless provides a complexity we haven’t really seen in the other main characters, who have so far mostly been quick-tempered and self-medicating.
Much of “Down Will Come” is spent confronting–or being confronted by–the past. Frank is revisiting his old criminal enterprises in an attempt to reestablish some financial footing. Though he still has the muscle and menace to take back what he previously walked away from, it’s clear that not everyone is pleased to see him return. Along similar lines, Frank’s suspicions have shifted towards his associate Blake Churchman, who was friendly with Osip and has been conspicuously unreachable recently. Meanwhile, Ani and Ray pay another visit to Eliot Bezzerides at the Panticapaeum Institute after learning of his old connection to Dr. Pitlor and the Chessani family. Not much new information is revealed beyond their association (and Ray’s green and black aura), but True Detective has always taken its time tracing the mysterious threads that bind its characters together.
With the exception of Woodrugh, the main characters’ more personal issues are a weak point of the episode. All of Frank’s problems have strained his relationship with Jordan, who’s still trying to get pregnant and be a supportive wife. Their bickering isn’t particularly interesting to watch, and sadly Kelly Reilly’s talents are wasted on sarcastic snipes such as “Here’s an idea: let’s be one of those couples that fights a lot. That’s a great fuckin’ idea.” True Detective often struggles with how awkward and heavy handed the dialogue can feel at times, even without the lengthy philosophical ramblings. Despite the actors’ talents, they can’t help but stumble over the clumsy or obvious dialogue–when a formal complaint of sexual misconduct is filed against Ani, the scene ultimately ends with an exasperated “with friends like these…”
But what better to cut through all the obligatory characterization and slow simmering investigation than a huge shootout? When some of Caspere’s stolen possessions turn up in a pawn shop, the detectives are able to trace it back to Irina Rulfo and her pimp Ledo Amarilla. As the police prepare to raid his location, they are instead ambushed by Amarilla and his associates, who were prepared for them. In the carnage that ensues, the hideout is destroyed in a massive explosion and there are many civilian and police casualties (including Detective Dixon)–only Ray, Ani, and Paul remain standing when backup finally arrives.
It’s clear that a simple robbery is too neat of a story to properly explain Caspere’s bizarre murder, but there will be a huge fallout from the disastrous firefight for our detectives to deal with before we see much more progress in the investigation. With problems closing on our heroes from all sides, it’s a race to crack the case before their by their own demons catch up to them, or worse.
Chessani’s daughter revealed that her mother exhibited signs of schizophrenia and died in hospital, and was at one point under the care of Dr. Pitlor.
Frank comes close, but doesn’t quite reveal Stan’s fate to Ray.
Ani finally pulls out her knife during the firefight, but ultimately doesn’t need to use it. Such a tease.
Finally, Ballers begins to have some payoffs from all of the story lines. “Heads Will Roll”, picks up right where we left off after the corporate-sponsored “networking event”. Joe wakes up hungover in the filth of his boss’ yacht and then spots two gold diggers on the deck below. Sensing the shitstorm that is his boss seeing his trashed yacht, he curtly tries to kick the women off the boat. However, as soon as he sees that the women are with pro-ballers Victor Cruz and Lamar Woodley, he buggers off and instead hijacks the boat, seeing an opportunity to sign a star client.
Thus far, Joe has been portrayed as the sniveling white guy trying to profit from Spencer’s hard work, but here, he actually shows off a bit of why he has his job as a financial manger for wealthy clients. Regardless of his personality, he’s somewhat likable and finds a way to connect with Mr. Cruz. He uses his knowledge of being undervalued and overlooked to eventually convince Victor Cruz (undrafted free agent) to agree to a meeting, that is if he can survive his boss once the boat reaches shore.
After Ricky realizes that he’s been a literal motherfucker to one of his teammates during the party, he decides to break it off with her and instead assimilate into the team atmosphere. His willingness to sacrifice for the team however, is not met in kind. His Ferrari is towed by his teammates, sending him into a rage. This lands him in his GM’s office, which tries to get him to relax by teaching him a mantra “I am bigger than my problems.” I sure as hell hope so, you’re a multi-millionaire playing in Miami (no state income tax!). Seeing his Ferrari without wheels at the impound yard makes him repeat the mantra loudly, and we’ll see in the weeks to come how well he can fit in. It seems as though Ricky is making a real effort to renounce his stupidity, stupidity seems to follow him nonetheless.
Ricky isn’t off scot-free though. During last week’s party, Ricky gave Charles Greane’s phone number to a girl who doesn’t care about that Mr. Greane is married. She texts Charles relentlessly, and Charles, who looks like he’s about 16, has the worst poker face in the world, has to run from his wife. He tries to stay the dedicated husband for a while, but the draw of the player’s lifestyle and the unknown has him straying, at least that’s what it seems like at the end of this episode.
Spencer wakes up from assaulting Reggie, and is immediately accosted and semi-blackmailed into seeing a neurologist. With the new focus in the NFL on concussions and head injuries, I’m surprised that the league allowed Ballers to go into this territory, but he goes, and slowly, Spencer admits that he’s been suffering from gaps in his memory and trouble sleeping since he retired. As such, he’s terrified of an MRI. Luckily, a call from Vernon grabs his attention and he rushes out of the doctor’s office.
It turns out the Jason has actually been doing a bang up job negotiating a contract for Vernon. He’s going to be getting around $15 million a year, and Spencer and Jason are about to throw out handshakes and bro-hugs all around, except that Reggie, Vernon’s right-hand man wants a $100 million dollar contract and has convinced his source of income that it’s what he deserves. Vernon just isn’t that good of a player. When your agent and manager tells you to your face that you’re not worth that sort of money, you figure you need to take these things a face value. Reggie, being the incessant ass that he is, demands this money, or else he’s firing both of them. Spencer, having had enough, tells Vernon that once he gets his $300,000 back, he’s done with him.
Things finally come to a head, and while I understand this is a new series, four episodes of exposition was a bit much. Plots are coming to fruition, and while they’re not as deep as I would like, at least there is some genuine plot movement, as opposed to just flash. Hopefully this is the direction that Ballers takes, and this is the beginning of a new trend upwards.
After the Suicide SquadComic-Con footage was leaked online, director David Ayer tweeted that he would make things right and Warner Brothers has now posted the reel for viewers all over the world to see.
As we used to say in the #Navy stand-by to stand-by. We’re gonna make it right.
The upcoming film stars Jared Leto (The Joker), Will Smith (Deadshot), Margot Robbie (Harley Quinn), Viola Davis (Amanda Waller), Joel Kinnaman (Rick Flagg), Cara Delevingne (Enchantress), Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Killer Croc), Adam Beach (Slipknot), Jay Hernandez (El Diablo), and Jai Courtney (Captain Boomberang).
Suicide Squad is set to be released August 5, 2016.
SCREAM Season 1, Episode 2: “Hello, Emma”
GRADE: D-
“DOOSH!”
No, I didn’t misspell one of the most unfortunately resurrected and overused ad hominem attacks in recent years. And you can just forget it was misspelled — the series barely makes an effort to point it out. In fact, let’s just bury the word, “douche” as an insult because it’s vile as hell and doesn’t even make sense on its face.
Anyhow, the word is actually painted on the side of Tom’s truck. And he’s angry that the word “DOOSH” is there. So, either Tom is as fucking stupid as everyone else is on this show or he’s a master linguist who corrects your spelling on Facebook. Nope, it was the former. “THE PHOTO OF MY TRUCK JUST WENT VIRAL!” screams Tom, channeling Michael Shannon as Zod.
And the only thing I could ask was, “How in the holy hell did that go ‘viral’? Is this the Internet from 1996?”
By the way…you guys do remember Tom, the Teen TMZ jock second-in-command from last week? No…?
Neither did I. I actually had to go and look him up on IMDB. In fact, I had to look all these characters up.
And I don’t wanna hear, “Maybe you’re getting old and the old brain isn’t working the way it used to.” I’m 37 and, after the first season of many of the shows I watched, I can recite the names of every single character from Game of Thrones, Veep, and Mr. Robot, just to name a few. Look, either MTV’s “Scream” is some slow-drip masterpiece of teen horror or I’m right and this is one of the most ludicrous shows on television.
It even starts and ends the same way: the killer kills…hang on, I think IMDB knows this. You know what? Screw it. He kills a blonde girl who’s all depressed and cuts herself with razor blades because I think that’s the only teen stereotype Scream hasn’t raided and taken advantage of yet. It’s the normal thing. He calls the girl, she thinks it’s somebody else, the killer tells her to start opening doors in her house to find out where they’re hiding like it’s some warped version of “The Price is Right” where, instead of winning a new Chevy truck, you get stabbed in the kidneys — and she does it because the idea of this somehow seems as intriguing and alluring to a manic depressive as “Candy Crush”. Anyhow, the girl bites it because she goes outside when she shouldn’t have. She’s hung from the balcony of the second floor of her house — though, to her credit, she’s not wearing a thong and bra…so there’s that. Though, at this point, that probably would have been preferable to what this show is putting me through on a weekly basis.
The police who, I swear, haven’t left the precinct since the episode started, are very troubled to learn that this is connected to Emma’s past because the killer is using a “Brandon James mask”. This, after the killer taunts them with an animated selfie GIF of him/herself with a body floating in a pool behind them. The GIF — you guessed it — “WENT VIRAL” even though mass-texting a GIF isn’t “going viral”.
That’s one thing. The other thing is that the original “Ghostface” mask was inspired by the famous painting “The Scream” by Edvard Munch. The painting depicts a man screaming against a backdrop consisting of blood-red clouds. Munch said he painted it because it was as if a scream had cut through the once-peaceful landscape around him.
Admittedly, the new mask created for the show is creepy and off-putting, but saying it’s a mask mimicking the town’s thought-to-be-deceased mass-murderer? I mean, first, that makes no sense even if you’re high from downing amphetamines with Maker’s Mark. The police have seen this mask before? Is it sold in stores? Does the family of the killer know somebody’s profiting off his death? Can we get an answer to any of that, please?
The fun of the last mask was that it meant something. It was reminiscent of a nightmare. I’m not scared of the new mask despite the fact that it’s basically the original melted in the microwave.
The majority of the episode deals with Emma who confesses to her boyfriend that she kissed another guy. Seriously. The other characters deal with getting laid. Also, the lesbian girl from the last episode is the emotional crux of this one even though she’s surrounded by death and destruction. There’s a small segment where she watches old clips she recorded of her and the 2nd victim set to music but It never goes further than that — and it really needs to as the show is both devoid of anything that could be construed as “something to latch on to”.
I can’t even get with Noah, the “Randy” character in this mess. Let’s see: we’ve had a guy going around calling people and taunting them with Tumblr animations, while Noah tells us that this is basically like a TV show based on a horror film — and he’s answering vague texts and wandering into vacant football fields while yelling the name of the person who texted him. He’s fucking Randy from Scream. He’s hip to this bullshit. So, why is he doing everything he’s telling others not to do? And, worse yet, he’s advertising other goddamn movies. He’s laying there with “Riley” (and I had to dig for that name — IMDB has her listed 15th or so on the cast list) and they’re talking Terminator. Noah’s explaining how awesome Sarah Connor is and Riley responds the only way this show talks outside of being horny: “Is that the new Terminator movie that just came out?”
Jesus H. Balding Christ Eating a Cracker on a Raft. The irony of this is that they don’t suddenly superimpose images from the film on the bottom half of the screen with IN THEATERS NOW plastered across it. I’d be praising that decision — except the aforementioned space on your HD screen is reserved, instead, to tell us the name of the “songs” that play during key scenes on the show. I put “songs” in quotes for a reason, as they consist of what ever yowling, hellish emo shit most likely didn’t make the cut from all five Twilight soundtracks. MTV is obviously obligated to plug these songs being who they are. Either that or the producers haven’t yet discovered that Shazam exists. The latter is a safe bet since MTV apparently thinks spam texts and “going viral” are the same thing.
So, as I said, the show ends with the Killer calling Emma and taunting her and, just like last week, this was the best part of the show. Hell, the episode is named after the ending scene, which makes one speculate that even the writers are subliminally admitting defeat. Emma’s the person we have to “like” despite the fact that she really doesn’t stand out from the others on the show. I really can’t blame the show’s producers. They were given a terrible, unlikeable cast and they’re being forced to focus on the lesser of 10 evils.
The only good thing I can say is that the show seemed tighter this week, which is probably due to a running time that’s about 20 minutes lighter than last time…but this show will only survive because it’s being watched by a generation who thinks the “DOOSH” gag was funny — and probably spells it that way, too.
MR. ROBOT Season 1, Episode 3: “d3bug.mkv”
GRADE: B+
“I’m gonna be more ‘normal’ now. Maybe Shayla can even be my new girlfriend. I’ll go see those stupid Marvel movies with her. I’ll join a gym. I’ll ‘heart’ things on Instagram. I’ll drink Vanilla Lattes. I’m gonna lead a bug-free life from now on. Anything to protect my perfect maze.”
Last week’s goofy ending (Mr. Robot pushing Elliot off a ledge) causes Elliot to re-think his life and just get plain weird in this week’s episode of “Mr. Robot”.
This episode finds Elliot waking up in the hospital to find his drug dealer, Shayla (she’s his emergency contact) and a hospital psych standing at the foot of his bed. He’s already defiant in his medical captivity, raging against the “drugs they’re pumping into him that the corporations make money off of”. Despite his anger, Elliot is able to doctor his records so as to not make him look like his Morphine addiction landed him here. He claims that every single person is full of “bugs” that make them imperfect and exposes the hospital’s pitiful cyber-security to erase the ones that plague him.
Lies are his specialty and he tells his psych that he’ll no longer rely on Morphine, immediately taking a bump at a local convenience store before finding out that Evil Corp’s cards are useless due to a major financial hack. Mr. Robot’s hacker colleague, Darlene is overjoyed. “Jessica Alba says she wants to join ‘fsociety’!” she declares with admiration and tinge of disgust.
Elliot’s boss, Gideon, remains stupidly optimistic, claiming that somebody from ‘fsociety’ will get sloppy — then invites Elliot, Angela and Ollie to his place for a nice steak dinner. Elliot remains his usual evasive self, declining the invite and Gideon’s not happy. He tries to feel out Elliot due to his missing time at work and his disheveled appearance — and Elliot tells him, in short order, to fuck off.
And, just when you think it can’t get worse, Mr. Robot appears right there at Elliot’s desk. After a brief altercation and a man-to-man talk, Mr. Robot informs him that Elliot is “the key to everything” and, without his help, fsociety is completely dead.
From there, Elliot looks to rid himself of his “bugs”, vowing to be “normal”. To hell with wishing for it, he asks Shayla to be his girlfriend (they even kiss — *GASP*!) and invites her to Gideon’s dinner party — much to Gideon’s shock. This sets up a great moment between Elliot/Shayla and Angela/Ollie where everyone shares awkward conversation about how they met. It’s moments like this where you truly get behind Elliot’s need to be away from people because, when it all comes down to it, why should anyone have to put up with the weird looks when you say you’ve only been with somebody “since today”?
And speaking of awkward, Ollie’s in big trouble: somebody has found out that he’s been cheating on Angela and they’re willing to make Ollie’s life a living hell by releasing their banking information along with their Social Security numbers — that is, unless Ollie brings in a CD containing a virus that will infect his entire workplace’s network. Does she do it? Eventually, she breaks and does. But we finally get to see into Angela’s soul. Earlier, during her daily jog, she picked up and returned a wallet belonging to a passerby. “You’re too good for this world and that’s probably why I love you so much.” Ollie remarks, causing Angela to visibly wince. The wallet moment brilliantly sets the table for the moment of truth: Ollie electing to confess his affair which tests his diagnosis of her character. Initially, it looks like Ollie’s wrong:
“I know I have a problem,” he pleads.
“Well, my problem is that I can’t be with somebody who has your problem,” she replies — then suggests that they have no choice but to infect the network, per fsociety’s orders.
As I’ve stated before, nearly everyone except for Elliot has been well-developed. It isn’t until this moment where we find out that underneath the Jedi Knight do-gooder shell lies a Sith Lord. This is a very welcome development as this show moves forward.
For all its pros, the episode has some unfortunate cons.
I’ll try to be brief about the heavy metaphorical sledgehammer this show continues to brandish. I know the aim was to make some sort of a point about “human bugs” and how everyone has them and that they can be fixed or found or lost and discovered and then fixed and then…the more Elliot talks about it, the more I’m inclined to chuckle at it and think of overwrought it is. The producers really need to start learning that less is more. That would tighten things up considerably.
This goes hand-in-hand with my other issue: Tyrell Wellick’s story. Without going into too much detail, he’s a very disturbed individual. He does the following:
Cheats on his wife to get ahead — even if it means sleeping with the same gender and bugging their phones.
It’s alleged that he beats her — but she allows it and loves rough sex — even when she’s pregnant.
He pays homeless people to allow him to kick the holy shit out of them.
He gives himself pep talks for meeting and physically abuses himself when he screws up his company pitch.
And I wouldn’t have an issue with it if it wasn’t derivative of a Bret Easton Ellis novel. For the last couple of episodes, we’ve been watching a very confident guy who controls everything and is smart, charming and demonically bright-eyed — and then there’s this arbitrary left turn where he’s suddenly a borderline psychopath who never smiles. It’s like we’re not even watching the same character anymore. I didn’t buy any of it. If that’s what they want to do with Wellick, great. But let’s pick a lane here.
Those might be minor gripes. The rest of the episode is brilliant stuff and I must say that the camerawork featured in this episode is some of the best I’ve seen so far. Some might think it apes David Fincher (and I’ll admit the people saying that have a point) but considering that Fincher’s production company’s involved, I have no problem with it. The cinematography just added to the episode.
Overall, I hope this is a sign of things to come for this series as this episode seems to make an immediate and welcome u-turn back to form for Mr. Robot.
Today at San Diego Comic Con, Starz gave Outlander fans a sneak peek of the second season with a few photos.
There’s not much to go on but considering the way things ended last season, the world looks a bit happier for Claire and Jamie Fraser. Starz had this to say about the season’s plot:
Season Two of Outlander begins as Claire and Jamie arrive in France, hell-bent on infiltrating the Jacobite rebellion led by Prince Charles Stuart, and stopping the battle of Culloden. With the help of his cousin Jared, a local wine merchant, Jamie and Claire are thrown into the lavish world of French society, where intrigue and parties are abundant, but political gain proves far less fruitful. Altering the course of history presents challenges that begin to weigh on the very fabric of their relationship. However, armed with the knowledge of what lies ahead, Claire and Jamie must race to prevent a doomed Highland uprising, and the extinction of Scottish life as they know it.
Starz also released a gag reel from the first season, which showcased the clumsiness of all the actors:
Outlander returns in 2016 with a 13-episode season and the Outlander: Season 1, Volume 2 arrives on Limited Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™Sept. 29th.
On paper 7 Days in Hell sounds like a brilliant idea for a short film. The sports mockumentary, which takes inspiration from ESPN’s 30 for 30 series, follows two tennis professionals in a grueling seven day match at Wimbledon. A week-long tennis match seems outrageous, but it’s in the tennis duel where 7 Days in Hell truly shines. Unfortunately, aiming to be over the top in many of its jokes causes 7 Days in Hell from becoming a brilliant spoof on sports documentaries.
Over 42 minutes, the documentary expands on the origins of competitors Aaron Williams and Charles Poole and their road to the longest match in tennis history. Aaron Williams, played by Andy Samberg, is the bad boy of tennis. Left on the street as a child by his mother, Richard Williams, the father of tennis professionals Venus and Serena, adopts young Aaron and “reverse Blindsides” him into a rockstar tennis pro. His competitor Charles Poole, played by Game of Thrones’ Kit Harington, is a child tennis prodigy who lives in fear of his overbearing and controlling mother. Like Harington’s Jon Snow, Poole really does know nothing. Lacking a proper education, thanks to his mother sending him to lorry school to become a truck driver, Poole is a bit of a dimwit. His ex-girlfriend even claims talking to him “was like talking to a child with brain damage.”
7 Days in Hell is littered with laughs throughout its run. Gags involving the art of courtroom drawings and the longest rally make up some of the best moments. However, events following Williams’ fall from tennis grace and the prolonged nature of the match start to drag down the mockumentary. There are multiple scenes involving male genitalia that would make you believe 7 Days in Hell was trying to bring balance to the male-to-female nudity ratio that was offset by HBO’s Game of Thrones.
In the end, 7 Days in Hell mostly works thanks to Samberg and Harington’s performances along with a slew of actor cameos that make for a memorable moments. If you’re looking for a quick laugh over the weekend and don’t mind copious amounts of nudity, then look no further than 7 Days in Hell. Indubitably.
