Stephen Colbert is the new thing on late night. Who needs him, AM I RIGHT? We’ve got Fallon. We see the things he does on YouTube. They’re just so cute.
It’s hard to follow in the footsteps of late night’s greatest. The names carved into the halogen-lit world of the late night comedy world is full of some of the most famous: Tom Snyder, David Letterman, Johnny Carson, Craig Ferguson…forgive me…I’m struggling to say the name of the Dorito guy who replaced Carson but I still can’t bring myself to do it.
Stephen Colbert debuted last night as Letterman’s “Late Show” successor — though he won’t call himself that.
“Just for the record, I am not replacing David Letterman. His creative legacy is a high pencil mark on a door frame we all have to measure ourselves against,” Colbert tries to explain to his accepting studio audience. “But we will try to honor his achievement by doing the best show we can and, occasionally, making the network very mad at us.”
It was a nice moment on Colbert’s debut effort. One that was slightly maudlin but necessary.
The lucky reader who finds my ranting and raving might wonder why I can’t just say Jay Leno’s name. Fine. Jay Leno. That’s his name. I’ve never considered him a late-night great and, to this day, I will never know why NBC had such a hard-on for Leno nor will I understand why he held such a large audience at his attention. Leno always seemed “safe” to me. He was a milquetoast Carson. In fact, I don’t think I can bring myself to put his last name in the same sentence as Johnny Carson. The two just didn’t have the same edge. Obviously, NBC saw something I didn’t and profited off of Jay’s success (he was almost always #1 in the Late Night Wars) but it was always Letterman I tuned to before I went to bed.
When I graduated Junior High, my Mom’s graduation gift to me was a 19″ Sony Trinitron TV. Back in the day, we didn’t pipe cable into my room, we used the antenna. I didn’t care. I was just happy to have a TV in my room because it meant that my brother and I could play video games without my Mom telling us to turn it off so she could watch something. There it was: bright, big, beautiful, sitting on top of a rickety wooden table that, had it collapsed, would have destroyed the Nintendo Entertainment System we had. As we only had over-the-air antenna broadcasts, we got NBC, FOX and CBS. As NBC’s signal seemed to be the most clear, Letterman became the show we fell asleep to — or didn’t. We’d always turn the brightness down so my Mom wouldn’t detect that we were watching something when we shouldn’t and what fun we had!
While Jay had his headlines and his dumb “giant chin gym guy”, Dave was randomly solving the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune or trying to figure out how many guys in bear suits could fit in a juice bar. When he ran out of guys in bear suits, he sent a guy in a Spider-Man costume. If those ran dry, he sent guys in astronaut costumes. In fact, if one were to trace the true path of late night righteousness, one might find that the path burned to Letterman. Even if his audience wasn’t buying into his goofy humor, Dave had the good ol’ Top Ten list. He was over with the crowd.
His interviews weren’t glad-handling affairs, either. He could dig deep in his quest for interview gold. So much so, Cher told him he was an “asshole” on his own show. Dave was the man who backed Paris Hilton into a corner with his hardball questions regarding her unlikely celebrity status, who survived a needlessly pretentious Madonna, who was flashed by Drew Barrymore, who seemingly played along with the likes of Joaquin Phoenix and his stoned rapper character, who was stunned when Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lawler and their white-hot wrestling feud got physical right in front of him, and who brought us back home with classic Carson comedic mainstays Charles Grodin and Steve Martin. Dave wasn’t above the old-fashioned put-ons and bits to promote a show, a movie, a book, or a character. Even with all his success, Jay Leno’s interviews seem standard and boring in comparison and I struggle to recall a guest or a moment on his show that is or was as memorable.
It’s quite the thing, then, that Stephen Colbert knows his way around the comedy landscape. As a Daily Show cast-off, Colbert played a ruthless, conniving Conservative named “Stephen Colbert”. Just saying that name can chill the spine of many a dedicated viewer. He modeled himself after Bill O’Reilly which was ironic as hell, considering that not even O’Reilly, himself, seemed to catch on to what Colbert was doing. Foolishly inviting him on The O’Reilly Factor, Colbert beat O’Reilly at his own game. Whereas O’Reilly seemed content with attempting to discredit Colbert and his colleague, Jon Stewart, Colbert stood his ground and fielded O’Reilly’s pointed questioning, the heavy shots bouncing off Colbert’s chest so hard, you’d swear you’d hear the sound of ricocheting bullets.
“I don’t want you to be a French guy,” O’Reilly quipped in regard to the pronunciation of Colbert’s name. “Who are you?!”
“Bill,” Colbert replied, trying not to crack, “I’m doing you.“.
Stephen Colbert has big shoes to fill. About 20 minutes in, his show seems to falter. To the uninitiated late night viewer, his unique brand of inside baseball seems a touch off-putting. In true Letterman fashion, however, it’s all in jest and Colbert resorts to self-deprecation: CBS President and CEO Les Moonves sits in the front row of the Late Show Theater. He’s smiling and supportive — but at the same time, coldly calculating and unforgiving. He’s also manning some sort of dial system: if Colbert succeeds, the show stays on the air. If not…well…at one point, Colbert trips and falls, declaring himself unfit to run the show — causing Moonves to flip the switch so that we’re, instead, watching CBS’s The Mentalist, a sure ratings-grabber.
Colbert quickly apologizes and brings on his guests, George Clooney and Republican candidate for President, Jeb Bush. The first interview is your usual bit-fest. Clooney showing up with no movie to plug (we won’t mention the flop that was Tomorrowland), so Colbert and Clooney make one up. For the next few minutes, we get clips of Clooney defusing bombs and hanging on to airplane doors or loudly declaring that he’s in the middle of a love-making scene with the lead actress. There’s something familiar about this formula even if it seems somewhat hurried or impersonal.
It isn’t until Jeb Bush arrives where we finally see Colbert at his most polished: the political pundit/talk show host who’s looking for sanity in an insane world. Before Jeb’s appearance, Colbert’s only political reference was a bit about Donald Trump’s constant verbal follies, using a seemingly never-ending bag of Oreos as a metaphor. The bag was a big media conglomerate Colbert dubbed “Big Cookie” and for each Oreo eaten, Colbert presented his audience with a clip of Trump saying the some of the most idiotic things ever said by any Presidential candidate. “Just one more,” Colbert declares, shoving another Oreo into his mouth. “I just can’t get enough.”
With Bush, Colbert isn’t much different. He’s still respectful and full of tact, calling him “the front-runner for the Republican nomination — barring an exception we will get to later.” But, as kind and down-to-Earth as Bush may be, Colbert doesn’t mince any words and unpretentiously tells Bush, “There’s zero chance I’d ever vote for you.” This is typical of Colbert. Old hat, expected, and welcome — especially with the Presidential Election right around the corner. Except for Jon Stewart, nobody does this like Stephen Colbert. This is his yard and his game. Bush takes this in stride — but Colbert’s not finished yet. He asks Bush why his mother would say that the world doesn’t need another Bush in the White House. All Jeb can muster is, “She was just joking!” We know that’s the not the right answer but it’s fun to see Jeb flail and wince, play along, but ultimately come out in one piece.
This is the sort of late-night entertainment we hoped Colbert would put into his show.
If there’s a weak spot, it’s Colbert’s band, John Batiste and “Staying Human”. As talented as Batiste seems to be (he comes with a great deal of street credit), the group really feels generic and unorganized for a show like this. Standing there and playing a Melodica just doesn’t spell “musical genius” to me and their style of play isn’t memorable. The opening night musical guests? Susan Tedeschi, Mavis Stapes and Ben Folds. Even that segment is minor and feels more like a round of Rockband on your buddy’s Playstation than something CBS planned and executed. Perhaps it was just an off-night and the producers will fine-tune this. We shall see. Colbert’s very likable and can carry the show on his back for quite some time. Obviously, the kinks will be ironed out. Tonight was about having fun, letting loose and seeing what stuck and what didn’t.
What’s clear is that Colbert’s “Late Show” differs greatly from what is presented by Jimmy Fallon. There’s a rare bit of sportsmanship in this episode where Fallon wishes Colbert luck on his very first show. That may be the last bit of camaraderie we may see if tradition holds true. I do like both shows and I look forward to a good battle between Fallon and Colbert. For the short-term, Fallon has the edge as his formula is polished and established. In terms of intelligent viewing and razor-sharp wit, however, Colbert’s got Fallon’s number.
Date: September 3, 2015
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso
This seems like it’s going to be another midcard heavy episode as the main event players, save for the champion, who is arguably the lowest of the three people involved in the story, who is known to slum it here on Smackdown. The only major event announced is Lana and Dolph Ziggler appearing on MizTV. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s New Day to continue their SAVE THE TABLES campaign. Woods: “A table is a terrible thing to waste.” Kofi calls tables the backbone of human achievement and thinks we wouldn’t be here without hard working tables. The pilgrims and Indians had the first Thanksgiving at a table. The Declaration of Independence was written on a table. Walter Cronkite announced the moon landing while sitting at a table. Above all that though: New Day signed their WWE contracts at a table. Kofi: “I remember that!”
The Dudleyz don’t respect tables but we can all change that. A Save-The-Tables clap starts up but here are the Dudleyz to interrupt. We see a clip of Woods going through a table and Bubba says history is going to repeat itself. This brings out the Prime Time Players who say the Dudleyz have to earn their keep. You mean like by beating the champs a few days ago? Bubba says they’re here to put people through tables and win championships. Titus has two tickets to send them back to Dudleyville and it’s time for a match.
Dudley Boyz vs. Prime Time Players
New Day is on commentary and Woods wants to know why Titus wants to send the Dudleyz back to where they live. That’s not a great gift. D-Von slams Young down and hits that twisting elbow to the jaw of his. A lot of trash is talked and it’s time for a break. Back with Big E. doing his reporter voice as it’s off to Bubba vs. Young. Woods only sees half of Bubba due to all the camouflage and calls the Dudleyz table poachers. Soon New Day will have heavy heads because they’ll be wearing the crown that makes them the greatest of all time.
The reverse 3D gets two on Young but he enziguris Bubba for a breather. New Day starts a SAVE THE TABLES dance as Titus comes in off the hot tag. Titus cleans house as Woods describes him as a German Sheppard that ate too many stale potato chips. Bubba elbows O’Neil in the jaw and it’s 3D for the pin at 9:07.
Rating: C. New Day continues to be one of the most entertaining things WWE has come up with in years. The key thing to their comedy: it’s clearly not scripted. It’s obviously the three of them just riffing on what they’re seeing and having fun with it, which makes the whole thing that much funnier. The match itself was fine too as the story is simple yet effective. That’s often better than something in depth where things get too bogged down by ideas.
Kofi slaps D-Von in the back of the head as New Day leaves.
Post break it’s time for a New Day trombone dance party, but Renee Young tells them they’re facing Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose tonight. Woods immediately plays a sad note on the trombone.
Stardust vs. Neville
No match as the Ascension of all people jump Neville during his entrance. Stardust says Neville is flying too close to the sun and the Ascension are the new conniving cohorts. The Fall of Man leaves Neville laying. Welcome to the Cosmic Wasteland. I heartily approve of this development.
Cesaro is talking about his match with Sheamus tonight when Sheamus interrupts. Tonight, Cesaro will be good but not good enough, just like always as he disappoints the Cesaro section one more time. Cesaro’s big comeback: Sheamus does look stupid up close.
Sheamus vs. Cesaro
Cesaro has taped up ribs from going into the announcers’ table on Monday. Sheamus bails to the floor to start and tells the fans that he doesn’t look stupid. It’s quickly back inside with Cesaro clotheslining him down and MESSING WITH THE MOHAWK. A suplex drops Sheamus with the ribs having no sign of injury whatsoever. Sheamus sends him hard into the corner though and the ribs are suddenly in agony as we go to a break. Back with Sheamus cranking on a chinlock with a knee in Cesaro’s back.
They slug it out from their knees and Cesaro takes over with European uppercuts. A dropkick knocks Sheamus off the top and out to the floor as Lawler isn’t sure how the ribs are holding up. Cesaro’s big running European uppercut knocks Sheamus into the barricade and Cesaro gets two off a high cross body. So much for the selling. The Irish Curse sets up the Cloverleaf but Cesaro is out before it can go on full. The Crossface is countered by elbows to the ribs and it’s a Brogue Kick to give Sheamus the pin at 10:36.
Rating: C+. This was a hard one to grade as they beat each other up for a long time but the ribs weren’t used for most of the match. The injury played into the ending though and that’s a plus, but Cesaro casually hitting a high cross body for two and then just putting a hand on the ribs isn’t enough for me. That being said, Sheamus is right: Cesaro comes up short again and it’s been old for a long time.
It’s time for MizTV. This past Monday, Raw turned into Days of Our Lives with everything happening between Ziggler, Lana and Summer Rae. Oh and Rusev is in there too somewhere. We get a long recap package, meaning we see almost the entire thing. Miz’s first guest tonight is Summer Rae, complete with her CALL TO ME CALL TO ME song. That’s going to be stuck in my head all day now.
Summer calls Monday unfortunate but admits that there’s more to the story. Monday night, Dolph kissed her. Miz: “HE KISSED YOU???” It quickly turned from passion to guilt because she already has the most amazing man in the world. This brings out Dolph and Lana with Ziggler making fun of Miz despite things being kind of serious.
Summer accuses Dolph of having something going on with her for months now and we see a clip of Summer kissing Dolph in June 2014, though it seemed to be more to tick off Fandango. Yeah remember Fandango? WWE doesn’t either. Summer says they’ve been together at hotels as recently as last week and Lana goes after her. Lana storms off and Summer shouts that she can’t handle the truth.
Bo Dallas vs. R-Truth
Dallas takes him into the corner and slams Truth down before driving knees into the head. Off to some chinlockery but Truth fights up and gets two off a side kick. That goes nowhere as Dallas drapes Truth’s feet over the top rope and twist him down with a suplex spinning neckbreaker for the pin at 2:37.
Bo gives him another one post match and takes a victory lap.
We look back at Monday’s Beat the Clock Challenge with Charlotte getting the Divas Title shot at Night of Champions.
Charlotte praises her teammates when the Bellas come up so Nikki can brag about the record. If there isn’t at least a title defense before that night, this is going to reach an even lower level of stupid. Thankfully Charlotte says she’s petitioned the Authority to have their match before the record is broken. If that is approved, the whole record comes crashing down. Tick tock Nikki.
Tamina vs. Charlotte
Tamina shoves Charlotte down to start but gets WOOed for her efforts. A test of strength goes nowhere so Tamina takes her head off with a clothesline for two. Charlotte comes back by kicking her in the face and a spear, followed by Natural Selection for the pin at 3:18.
Rating: D+. The match was just there to give Charlotte more momentum, but the idea of the title match taking place before the record could be the most interesting thing to happen to this division in a long time. That is, assuming they take the title off Nikki. Of course it would also make the first month of the Divas Revolution a total waste of time because the title was never mentioned, but did I mention how awesome Stephanie’s introduction of it was? That makes up for the whole thing.
Team Bella comes out to pose.
Long recap of the Cena/Rollins/Sting issues from Monday.
Kevin Owens brags about beating Cesaro twice in a row to silence the Cesaro Section. That brings him to the next people he wants to be quiet: the people who are critical of his weight. He isn’t going to change his diet though. Instead, feed him more. That’s about as good of an idea as there is for him right now.
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose vs. New Day
Big E. and Kofi here and this is non-title. Ambrose and Kingston get things going with Kofi actually punching him into the New Day corner. Woods wants us to pay attention to the educated fists of one Big E. Reigns comes in for half of a double suplex on Big E. for two but gets sent down into the corner as well. It’s time for some trombone playing, followed by a quickly broken chinlock. E. splashes him in the corner but eats a big clothesline, allowing the tag off to Ambrose.
Dean cleans house and feeds Kofi in to Reigns for a clothesline. New Day is knocked outside and Dean dives onto all three as we take a break. Back with Kofi kicking Dean in the chest and slapping on another chinlock. Woods: “I HAVE A TROMBONE!” The Big E. splash gets two but Dean avoids a charge in the corner. He blocks Big E.’s belly to belly superplex and hits a nice missile dropkick. The nip up doesn’t work so well though in an unintentionally funny moment.
Reigns comes in to clean house and Jimmy is way too excited. Woods’ distraction lets Kofi grab a rollup for two, earning him a big powerbomb for the same. Dean sends E. into the barricade as Kofi springboards into the Superman Punch, drawing in Xavier for the DQ at 12:07.
Rating: C+. This was fine and the ending is a lot better than having the Dudleyz beat them clean on Monday. New Day gets to hold up the titles and swear that Kofi was going to kick out while everyone knows they’re lying. It’s a simple formula, but unfortunately WWE doesn’t know how to keep that formula from getting repetitive. I really like New Day moving up the ladder like this though as they’re definitely more than just another tag team. I mean, can you imagine the Prime Time Players in this role? It only works with the right kind of act, like New Day.
New Day gets their clocks cleaned (you never want a dirty clock) but Dean wants more. He wants another shot at Strowman and the Wyatt Family RIGHT NOW. Bray pops up on screen and says let’s do this at Night of Champions. Can you hear the footsteps of the apocalypse walking among them in the form of a black sheep? Run.
Overall Rating: C. Totally acceptable show here with the wrestling being fine, but above all else we actually got some storyline development for a change. Now granted it would be better if we had some major matches here instead of just the announcement of such matches, but I’ll take what I can get where I can get it. Not a bad show here and that’s more than you can say about Smackdown most of the time.
Results
Dudley Boyz b. Prime Time Players – 3D to O’Neil
Sheamus b. Cesaro – Brogue Kick
Bo Dallas b. R-Truth – Draping suplex neckbreaker
Charlotte b. Tamina – Natural Selection
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose b. New Day when Xavier Woods interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
As fun as it was getting to demo the AAA games at PAX, the best part for me was finding unexpected indie gems and falling in love. It was like surfing through a Steam list, but in person. I’m not the only one who seemed to think so as these booths were significantly more crowded than I would have ever imagined, but I’m all about that indie spotlight, so here’s a few games I had the chance to play while mingling on the PAX floor:
A cute roguelike with more platformer aspects than what I’ve become accustomed to seeing in such a game, Chasm is the epitome of a modern Metroidvania. It also has a bit of an RPG style to it, allowing you to eventually find or create armor and weapons and skills. It’s like Rogue Legacy in a way, only there’s a larger narrative at hand and less fart jokes, which is a bummer, but the game is challenging so if you like your platformer with a dash of masochism, Chasm is right up your alley.
Release date: TBD Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux) and Playstation 4
I’ll have a longer review coming for many of these games, Pip included, but Pip embodies so much of what I love about platformers. You take on the role of Pip, a small red pixel as he navigates through different levels to save the world. The charm isn’t in the story so much, but it the gameplay. It has its own brand of challenge with the evolution and de-evolution mechanic, allowing you to “evolve” Pip into a pixelated character and then again into a more 3D boy. (He’s a real boy!) Each version of Pip has its own pros and cons and the platformer is more puzzle than it is timing jumps, which was a big hit with me. Designer Marc Gomez told me that “In games like Mario, the goal is to get the mushroom, to be bigger to win, but in Pip, that’s not always the case. In Pip, sometimes it’s better to be small.” Yes, better, and more adorable.
Release date: Already out Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One
I’ve already played a disgusting amount of the original game and I’m here to tell you that Guild of Dungeoneering is amazing. The expansion just adds more characters (pirates!), weapons (swords!), and levels (ARGH!) to an already great game. Go play it.
Okay, my editor is going to yell at me to talk about the game so to preempt his nagging (Hi Bilal!), I’ll describe the game. Essentially, you take on the role of guild leader and it’s your duty to send your guild members into dungeons to collect gold for you. As you progress in level you get to expand your guild, building workshops and bringing in specialized members. Exploring the dungeons requires you to build them with randomly generated cards, which could be dungeon rooms, enemies, or even gold. The battle system is turn-based, also involving the cards, and you choose your attacks from a set of three, hoping to best your foe in wits and the luck of the draw. It’s great fun for any RPG nerd like myself.
Release date: Already out, Pirates Cove Expansion is TBD. Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)
The love child of Dragon Age and Diablo, Masquerada is a classic take on the isometric RPG. The art is what stands out the most in the game, but I went in knowing nothing about the game and came out completely in love. The demo didn’t hold my hand, which was a bit jarring, but wielding my gaming experience like a battered shield, I figured out the fighting mechanics and that I was able to control all three characters in my party. You’re able to pause and plan your attacks, just like in Dragon Age, but I found the game more fun in real-time, casting spells like whoa. I don’t know much about the story or what else is in store, but I’m excited to give this game a whirl for real when it launches in 2016.
Release date: Early 2015 Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)
Mekazoo is a 3D platformer and it was one of the more polished indie games I had the opportunity to play at PAX. Like the name implies, you play as mechanical animals, each with their own pros and cons. For instance, the frog can jump high and swing from platforms but the armadillo can tuck into a ball and zip through levels a la Sonic. Each level has several ways to finish depending on which animal you use and your goal is to collect as many pretty gems as possible, so there seems to be a ton of replayability. However, some of the controls didn’t seem to work as intended as I wasn’t sure which ones controlled certain moves for the animals, especially the speed boost for the armadillo. I think the lack of a tutorial in the demo contributed to my confusion.
There isn’t much in the way of plot but with a platformer, I’m okay with that. As long as there is challenge and fun, I’m good to go. Mekazoo offers plenty of both with changing perspectives, fast-paced level runs, and a plethora of hidden areas. You collect more animals by beating a boss of the same kind, thereby allowing you to play as any of the five animals: frog, armadillo, pelican, wallaby, or panda.
Release date: Late 2015 Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, PC (Win, Mac, & Linux), and Wii U
Like some of the other games on this list, Stories is still early in development. You take on the role of a fox named Reynardo, opening his book and helping him to make decisions that affect a world at war. It can be a bit intimidating at first, and confusing, so let me elaborate: at first during the demo, I was given a choice to rescue Reynardo’s friend, stop a crime, or steal a powerful ancient artifact.
I chose to save Reynardo’s friend and upon completing that mission, I was able to move onward and continue with rescuing those close to the revolution or do the second part of the ancient artifact mission. I chose the later, closing all doors to any of the other options. There is no going back and finishing quests that weren’t chosen in Stories; you can only move forward.
I love the concept of Stories, making hard decisions for your character, and the art makes it play out like a fairy tale, with talking animal characters and fantastic plot lines full of war and intrigue. However, even though the idea was good, the execution in the demo wasn’t up to par. Combat wasn’t fluid and felt incredibly sluggish which is a drawback considering much of the game’s demo was combat. For the most part the game was linear, which I expected from a game with such choices but I would have liked more exploration in the levels themselves. Or at the very least, more puzzles. It played out like a Bastion-copy with a cheeky narrator and the ability to destroy barrels which isn’t a bad thing per se, but I expected more originality in the levels. As I said, the game is still very, very early on in development, so here’s hoping things start to come together.
I love building games. Have I ever mentioned that? Because I do. Cities: Skylines, Terraria, Banished, Stonehearth, Gnomoria, (I won’t even get into all the hours I’ve spent playing Minecraft) are all games that I play regularly because of my need to be in control and create. Castle Story is still VERY early in development, and that much was apparent from the demo, but what I’ve had a chance to see I enjoyed. Similar to the other games I’ve name-dropped, Castle Story allows you to control “Bricktrons” to build your, well, castle. It’s voxel-based, so you can build pretty much anywhere you want. The UI was less confusing than some of the game’s counterparts, which was refreshing, but it did lack depth to make it stand out in the genre. Enemies attack, you defend with your Bricktrons, then build again, farm materials, repeat. I enjoyed the physics aspect of the game but I didn’t get a chance to experience real strategy.
Release date: TBD Platforms: PC (Win, Mac, & Linux)
The first footage from the fourth season of Arrow has finally arrived and it delivers on all fronts!
Debuting at Dragon Con, the footage shows a domesticated Oliver who has moved into a house in the suburbs with Felicity. Like all heroes before him who have tried to leave the superhero life behind, Oliver finds himself dragged back in.
This time around Oliver will have a brand new outfit and a team behind him to clean up Star City – renamed after the “death” of Ray Palmer. We all know Ray isn’t dead thanks to the Legends of Tomorrow trailer. He just became small (think Ant-Man).
Unfortunately, Diggle’s helmet makes an appearance! Poor Diggle. As hard as he tries to be taken seriously, the props department has managed to knock him down to the bottom rung of the ladder.
We also get our first look at Matt Ryan stepping back into the role of John Constantine and a look at the season’s villain, Damien Darkh.
The best surprise? The revival of Sarah Lance via the Lazarus Pool! I’m just curious if Team Arrow decided to toss her skeleton into the magical water and pray it worked.
Arrow returns Wednesday, October 7, 2015 on The CW.
The Behemoth is well-known for a few things: adorable art laced with gore, dark and sarcastic humor, and incredibly fun indie games. Today the studio announced that Castle Crashers Remastered, an updated version of their hit hack and slash adventure game will be released on the Xbox One on September 9th.
Here’s what Castle Crashers Remastered has to offer:
– 5x increase in texture sizes! – Uncapped framerate — 60fps – Various performance updates and improvements to gameplay and online multiplayer – New mini game: Back Off Barbarian
Back Off Barbarian is like an odd mix of Dance Dance Revolution and Snake as you move to the beat of the music using the D-pad while avoiding the ever-growing horde of barbarians looking to maul you to death. It’s fast-paced, fun, and incredibly challenging, just like you would expect from The Behemoth Games.
If you’re curious about the new digs Castle Crashers Remastered will be sporting, check out the video below.
As for price, The Behemoth says:
Castle Crashers Remastered on Xbox One will be $14.99 which is our usual cost of admission for this classic game baby. However…if you’ve previously owned Castle Crashers on Xbox 360, you shall receive our Thank-You-For-Saving-Our-Lives-That-One-Time special price of FREE THROUGH SEPTEMBER 20th with current Xbox Live Gold membership. Be sure to scoop it up early if you want to take advantage of that awesomeness. $0.00 for our game feels like a pretty good deal to me!!!!! (I’m not much of a businessman though!!!!)
The good news is starting September 21, 2015 we’ll still have a loyalty discount for Xbox One owners, which will bring CCR’s cost down to only $5.00 if you’ve owned it before. This special $5 price is available for any Xbox Live Gold members who are previous owners of Castle Crashers on Xbox 360.
When you think of Xbox, two games normally come to mind: Halo and Gears of War. To be honest, I’ve always enjoyed Gears of War far more than the Halo series, maybe even calling it my favorite Xbox exclusive series. When The Coalition (formerly Black Tusk Studios) announced that they were remastering the original Gears of War, my hopes were high, but nostalgia can reek havoc on what a gamer thinks a remaster should be.
When you first boot up Gears of War Ultimate Edition, and start the main campaign, you may think “well this looks exactly like I remember it. They didn’t change a thing!” At least that was my first reaction. Ah, nostalgia, how you play games with the mind.
The reason for this is that when the original Gears of War launched on the Xbox 360, it was pushing the limits of what we thought could be done graphically; the game was absolutely gorgeous for its time. However, after going back and comparing it with what we have now, the difference is staggering.
The Coalition has gone in and completely rebuilt every asset from the ground up. Some may complain that the game is too bright compared to the original, but I feel that a lot of the darkness in the original was used as a smoke screen for some of the weaker textures. In this remaster the detail on characters faces, gear, and the world around them truly shine, and the best part is that everything is done at 1080p 60FPS.
The 60FPS is definitely felt in the combat. Every run, shot, and roll feels fluid. When Gears first released, it revolutionized the 3rd person shooter, perfecting the cover mechanics we take for granted today. That may be why it holds up and still feels modern nearly 10 years later.
There are a couple minor issues, and most have to do with the way the game was originally designed. In the level design, even after playing through the original multiple times, I sometimes found myself turned around, spending time getting my bearings back with my surroundings. My other complaint is with the AI. Often times the AI would stand in a doorway or exit, without a way to move them out, hindering your progress. While frustrating, I wouldn’t call it game breaking.
One thing I got to experience for the first time in a Gears game was the online multiplayer. When I first played through the Gears series, it was long after release, and the online community had all but dried up. From what I experienced, connections were fast, lag free, and I never had to worry about dropped games. The co-op also worked great through the main campaign. If you’re worried that this may turn out like the Halo Master Chief Collection, you can push that from your mind.
If The Coalition is using Gears of War Ultimate Edition to show off their skills before the release of Gears of War 4, I would say the series is in good hands. This game shows their respect for the series as well as their skills as game creators. I can’t wait to see what they have up their sleeves for the next release!
A House of Cards alum will be stepping into a villainous role in Netflix’s third Marvel series, Luke Cage.
Mahershala Ali has been cast as Cornell “Cottonmouth” Stokes. According to Marvel, Stokes is a Harlem nightclub owner, who “will become an unexpected foe in Luke’s life when Stokes’ criminal activities threaten Luke’s world.”
In the comic books, Luke’s life was tied to Cottonmouth when he decided to “work” for the drug dealer in order to find evidence to clear his name.
When Cornell Cottonmouth ran what he claimed to be the most successful illegal drug trade in the nation, his hired muscle Mike and Ike were sent to procure Luke Cage; who was offered a position in the hierarchy of Cottonmouth’s organization because he felt they were kindred spirits.
Cage pretended to accept the job in order to get proof he was framed years earlier by his supposed friend, Willis Stryker, after Stryker hijacked one of Cottonmouth’s heroin shipments and planted the drugs on Cage.
Yesterday it was also reported that Sons of Anarchy alum Theo Rossi will also be joining Marvel’s Luke Cage as a series regular. The Hollywood Reporter states that Rossi will play “Shades — aka Alvarez — a well-known criminal. He is described as relentless and menacing, smooth and manipulative, street smart and controlling.”
Luke Cage, played by Mike Colter, will make his debut appearance later this year in Marvel’s Jessica Jones. The series will be executive produced by Cheo Hodari Coker, who will also be penning the first two episodes of the series.
I was lucky enough to bribesneak talk my way into demoing both Rise of the Tomb Raider and Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst at PAX Prime 2015 and I have to say, we should all be incredibly excited for these two games.
If you’re like me and loved Square Enix and Crystal Dynamic’s Tomb Raider reboot, it looks as thoughRise of the Tomb Raiderwill continue to sate that action-packed addiction. Much of the demo consisted of moving forward, listening to Lara narrate her journey through the Syrian desert after being (shockingly) betrayed. There was one linear tomb to explore, but for the most part the demo was chock-full of cinematic events. And that’s okay because it’s those quieter moments that give Lara her depth, especially with the phenomenal voice acting by Camilla Luddington. Besides, the world is absolutely stunning, so I don’t mind taking a few extra moments immersing myself in the landscape while looking for relics or making use of her new skill, learning Greek.
But don’t think the game is all a history lesson. Lara still gets her fair share of abuse with walls crumbling on top of her and even a fall reminiscent of the gruesome metal-spike-through-abdomen fall from the 2013 reboot. As you traverse the tomb and it’s treacherous outsides, Trinity goons are quick on Lara’s heels, eventually ending in a shortened fight where Lara gets to make full use of those iconic dual pistols. I have to say, I found myself missing Lara’s bow, but judging by Game Informer’s post on the subject, I don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to gear; Lara will have plenty of it.
If I had one complaint about the demo it would be the lack of puzzles. Fans criticized the ease with which gamers could finish the original’s tombs and the most challenging part of the demo was realizing I could use my gun to shoot down a wood pallet to then climb on it and move forward. I’m sure this has more to do with giving fans a quick glimpse while not holding up already lengthy demo lines or because they didn’t want to spoil any of the main story, but I hope this isn’t a trend that persists into the main game. All in all, Rise of the Tomb Raider was heavily reminiscent of the original, not changing too much of the gameplay but it’s the story that should hopefully prove to be innovative in the franchise.
EA’s Mirror’s Edge: Catalyst similarly streamlined their demo process, giving fans about seven minutes to taste the new open world gameplay, exploring the large city of Glass with wide eyes. Faith Connors has just been released from prison and in her usual gruff fashion, she tells the guard to shove it, she can handle things on her own. Another runner from her group meets Faith just outside the prison door to remove the tracking device put in her by the police and then to give her a fancier device to contact their Orwellian leader, Noah.
If you’ve played the 2008 version of Mirror’s Edge, then Catalyst should feel similar to you. Game creators have said that Catalyst isn’t a prequel or reboot, but it does have that reboot feel to it when you play, especially given the game’s changes. Now with an open world similar to Assassin’s Creed, you get to choose your mission (the demo offered a race, billboard hacking, and an information drop) while still following along with the main story. Climbing buildings is easy enough, just follow the red markers and building parts to your destination and should turn out to be a fun, fluid first-person POV ride.
I’m a fan of removing the guns from the original Mirror’s Edge and relying more on Faith’s speed and climbing ability to fight. Combat felt more fluid and it was fun to fly across buildings at top speed and then tackle a police officer to the ground without losing acceleration. Mirror’s Edge definitely felt less polished than some of the other AAA games I had the chance to play at PAX, but that doesn’t take away how fun it was.
The best part to both of these games wasn’t just the continuation of excellent gameplay, but the impression both games made on the young girls at PAX. While I waited to try my hand at Catalyst, there was a set of preteen twin girls playing through Catalyst at the same time. Their excitement over being able to climb, fight, and play as a girl just like them was palpable and it made me all the more excited to give Catalyst a go. Girl power, y’all.
Spoiler alert for those who have not finished season five of Game of Thrones and for those who might not want to know details surrounding its sixth season. You’ve been warned.
The unfortunate thing about filming a show as popular as Game of Thrones is that nothing gets past the media and with months and months of waiting left, it means we have all the time in the world to speculate about what could or could not occur in the next season. You know, like Kit Harington being spotted again and again and again filming in Belfast. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
First off, HBO confirmed earlier in the week that Pilou Asbæk (The Borgias) has been cast as the cruel and sadistic Euron Greyjoy. Filming as Ballintoy Harbour has all but reinforced the theory that Thrones will be filming the Kingsmoot, meaning that this season we’re sure to get a ton of Greyjoy action.
News and video from Ballintoy Harbour today suggests that even more will be happening on the Iron Islands as Alfie Allen (Theon) has been seen on set, which means that not only did Reek survive the fall from atop Winterfell, but he also made it all the way back home to Pyke. (And WHERE is Sansa? AHEM.)
Here’s an aerial video from Watchers on the Wall showing off some of the sets and Greyjoy boats:
There isn’t any news about what scene they could be filming in the boats but there is speculation about filming on a bridge with Euron and whether or not Balon Watch has finally come to an end. (It only took four seasons for it to occur.) Aeron’s actor hasn’t been announced but a “Drowned Priest” has been seen on set, so I just assume that it is him. Without Victarion around, I have a theory that Theon, already battered and beaten down, will take his place as Euron’s lackey. (And if that’s the case, then that explains why they couldn’t have done the Greyjoy plot last year.)
In other Thrones news, several characters are making their way back to the Riverlands. There’s news that Jaime and Bronn will finally take up Jaime’s plot from AFFC so we might get that Brienne/Jaime reunion we’ve been aching for. It’ll be interesting though to see how Jaime responds to the situation in the Riverlands after watching his daughter poisoned. Also, there’s speculation that Arya Stark will make her way back to the Riverlands. Whether or not it’s as a Faceless Man, we’ll have to wait and see. Or maybe we won’t see, since she’s…you know.
What are your thoughts on the news so far surrounding Game of Thrones season six? The show won’t return for another bajillion years so we still have plenty of time to beat this dead horse until it turns into a wight.
Awkward
Season 5, Episode 1: Prank Amateurs
Air Date: August 31, 2015
This week on Awkward: It’s time for Senior Prank day, which includes a naked Jenna, SNAFUs and bubbles.
‘Prank Amateurs’ starts off just like the pilot of Awkward did five years ago, with Jenna and Matty getting naked in the school supply closet. This time, though, there is no ‘sexy time’ and the two are accompanied by the entire senior class. Spring Break is officially over, school is back in session. and the entire senior class is stripping down in the utility closet prepping for the annual senior streak. Jenna is trying to look on the bright side of life including her new relationship with a hot Marine and her new platonic friendship with Matty but is interrupted when she overhears Gabby and Jake discussing their late night Spring Break rendezvous. For some reason Jake and Gabby decide that this cramped utility closest is the perfect location to discuss their transgression. More importantly though, holy shit, how big is this fucking utility closet. Jenna freaks out so badly when she hears this news that she bolts out of the closet. Into the school hallway. Stark naked. She ends up ruining Matty’s perfect senior prank while simultaneously getting suspended for the day.
Jenna comes home and confides in her mother about her Matty problems. Her mother bestows some quality advice to Jenna: sometimes doing nothing, is the best thing. If Gabby is no longer cheating on Matty, maybe she should keep quiet and not stick her nose in where it doesn’t belong. Jenna takes her mom’s advice to heart by delving into Tamara’s problems. Tamara breaks it down for Jenna. T cannot BTE (break the engagement) with her Marine fiance over the phone. She has to do it F to F (face to face). Therefore she is forcing him to drive all the way to her so she can, unbeknownst to him, break up with him.
That night, Jenna has a hot date with her hot Marine boyfriend Brian. The date is quickly interrupted though when Tamara brings her hot Marine fiance (who she is supposed to BTE with) for a double date. This pretty much kills all the chemistry that Jenna has toward Brian, because everytime they go to kiss, she hears the echo of T giggling in the background. Brian and Jenna take a walk to try and rekindle their Spring Break romance fire, but it is fruitless. This relationship is dead on arrival. The only good thing that emerges from the stroll is a great shoutout to the pilot with Jenna stating “I broke my arm once drawing a bath.” Ha, what an understatement Jenna. Jenna ends up trying to ditch Marine dude by heading back for the senior prank, but Tamara insists the Marines come with.
The four head to the high school to find Matty trying to string various undergarments together and fly the on the flagpole. There is a slight SNAFU, there is a knot causing a snag in the line, or, you might say, the panties were stuck in a bunch. Brian elects himself to solve the problem by stripping off his shirt and climbing up the pole. Unfortunately he can’t help because his manly Marine hands are too big to untangle a small knot. Matt throws down the gauntlet his t-shirt and attempts to climb the pole but is stopped when Jake miraculously fixes the problem.
[Note: Okay, I just want to make a point to people who hate on TV and say you should turn it off and pick up a book. I have learned so many things from TV: I learned that a liver can regenerate (Grey’s Anatomy); the life story of Mary Queen of Scots (Pretty Little Liars); and now that SNAFU is actually a military acronym for Situation Normal, All Fucked Up. These are all things I would never have known if I did not watch TV. I am just saying.]
Since all of Matty’s pranks were super lame, troublemakers Theo and Cole decided to help their Prank Captain out. The duo filled the hallways of the school with BUBBLESS!! Everyone is happy and rejoicing because they now have a successful prank, but mostly because they are surrounded by BUBBLES! During this moment of utter bliss, Jake decides to run up to Gabby and blurt out “Matty wanted to break up with you” and after Gabby says WTF Jake just shrugs “just forget it.” Ugh Jake, could you be any douchier? You can’t drop a huge truth bomb of knowledge and then say “just forget it.” You can’t unhear something you have heard. Just because you feel better about getting it off your chest Jake does not mean that Gaby can pretend she did not just hear what you said. This causes a chain reaction resulting in Gaby yelling at Matty, admitting she lost her virginity to Jake, and Matty realizing that Jenna has been keeping a secret.
In Sadie News
Sadie gets called to Val’s office where her mom is waiting. Her mom, who abandoned her as soon as they were broke and forced her to live with her insane, drunken, horrible aunt, is back from New Mexico and wants to be a part of her daughter’s life again. Sadie just says “too fucking late, darling” and storms out of the room. God, I don’t think there is anything I love more about this show than when Sadie’s armor starts to soften and we get to see her be an actual human. It is so hard to like her, and I mean I still don’t. Sadie is a horrible human being. But to see her express her actual emotions, instead of just being Bitch-o-Bot 2000, feels so rewarding.
SEASON 5 of AWKWARD HERE WE COME….
Val Quote of the Episode:
Val: You know what’s funny. Cats have litters of kittens and then poop in litter boxes. Who made that decision.
PLAYING HOUSE Season 2, Episode 6
“Kimmewah Kup”
RATING: C+
I’ve expressed my displeasure with Kyle Bornheimer’s character, Rabbi Dan. I’ve said that he’s boring as hell and might as well be invisible what with the lack of character development paid to him. In this episode, we finally get to see more of him. And I remain unimpressed.
This is, more or less, the episode I was afraid to see.
In “Kimmewah Kup”, Emma and Maggie are off to the famed “lake house” we’ve been hearing about since the first season. They’re gonna spend the weekend bonding and doing each other’s hair and make-up and take in a little “‘Terms of E’, followed by some ‘Fried Greens to the T’ and finish with some ‘Hope Floats’ with Sandra B.” Emma’s ecstatic about that last part. With guy problems and baby responsibilities temporarily in their rear-view mirror, the ladies are ready for a weekend of fun
If only Emma’s boyfriend, Rabbi Dan, weren’t along for the ride. He’s not actually invited, mind you. He kinda invites himself after he and Emma Facetime and text and call one another like love-starved teens much to the complete dismay of Maggie who just wanted to spend a little time with her friend. But there he is, solving the jigsaw puzzle it’s taken Maggie “three summers to complete” because the portion with the wagon wheel was tricky. This makes Dan’s love of jam bands almost tolerable.
Jam bands?!
“Weirdly enough, at night, [Dan] prefers ‘Two Princes’ by The Spin Doctors,” Emma tells Maggie who winces in such a painful manner that we hurt with her. “Don’t knock it! It’s very athletic!” Maggie revisits that unfortunate vision in her head later on when Emma and Dan retire to the bedroom and blast it like stoned college students. This wedge in their relationships couldn’t have come at a worse time: the long-time friends have a grudge to settle with Conrad and Ronnie Custerman (Jason & Randy Sklar), twin brothers and lemonade magnates. The Kimmewah Lake Cup goes to the fastest crew ever to man a paddleboat.
Will Emma and Maggie make up in time to win the race? Of course they will. But you already knew that.
“Kimmewah Kup” is a throwaway episode and the worst show of the new season. The usual Emma/Maggie banter is here but that really only carries things so far. The rest of this just isn’t very funny or entertaining. That may be because Kyle Bornheimer continues to flail aimlessly with the character of Rabbi Dan. The more we get to know him, the more we see him as an object to create strife. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but the relationships between Emma and Dan continues to feel forced.
The other attempt to mine humor comes from Emma and Maggie’s interaction with the Sklar twins who are, essentially, the male equivalent of Emma and Maggie. If only they hadn’t been stuck with a horrible running gag: they jokingly refer to their lemonades as “‘Ades”. I’d put the word “jokingly” in italics except that the awkwardness of that running joke is already awkwardly reprehensible on its own. Such a strange choice for this show which, until now, never ventured into the realm of bad taste.
Overall, the episode is strangely unsatisfying, falling somewhere between sugary-cutesy and a sitcom you’d watch on Lifetime. I do hope the series has a strong finish because I’m not sure USA has this pegged for a third year.
Date: September 2, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Corey Graves
The focus goes back on the tag teams tonight as we begin the Dusty Classic. This is a tag team tournament for a prize to be announced and with most of the participants to be announced as well. The idea is to have the past, present and future of NXT involved to honor the spirit of Dusty Rhodes. Let’s get to it.
The opening video hypes up the tournament and talks about paying tribute to the Dream.
Opening sequence.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Ascension vs. Rhyno/Baron Corbin
Rhyno runs Viktor over to start but Viktor rolls into a shoulder to put Rhyno down. Konor and Corbin come in but a quick double shoulder drops Baron. The double teaming doesn’t last long though and Viktor is sent shoulder first into the post, allowing Rhyno to get some shots in. Back to Corbin as it seems the Ascension are the faces here. Konor gets the hot tag and cleans house on Baron before avoiding a Gore. Corbin breaks up the Fall of Man though and Rhyno Gores Konor for the pin at 5:39.
Rating: D. This was an awkward match with both teams looking a bit off. It’s also very telling that the Ascension can’t even get a win over a thrown together team where the members don’t even get along down in NXT. They’ve just died since they got called up to the main roster and WWE has no issues with it.
Neville and Solomon Crowe are in the tournament. They’re both excited but Solomon freaks Neville out a bit.
Nia Jax is still coming.
Alexa Bliss vs. Blue Pants
Bliss takes Blue Pants down for a beating to start and throws her to the mat by the hair. Pants gets rammed into the buckle and a kick to the back sets up an armbar. Back up and Pants fires off some kicks and a northern lights suplex gets two. She misses a charge in the corner though and the Sparkle Splash gives Alexa the pin at 3:34.
Rating: C-. Total squash but that was exactly what it was supposed to be. Bliss is the evil mastermind and Blue Pants is nothing more than a cult favorite who can only win matches through interference. There’s no point in having her win here when she just shows up for goofy appearances so everyone is fine.
Johnny Gargano and Tommaso Ciampa are in Regal’s office when Tyler Breeze storms in. Tyler demands a spot in the tournament so Regal gives him Bull Dempsey to face Gargano and Ciampa next week.
Emma says the Divas Revolution isn’t happening without her.
Apollo Crews vs. Martin Stone
Apollo starts fast with an armdrag but Stone clotheslines him down to take over. Off to a chinlock for a bit before Crews comes back with a standing enziguri. The gorilla press and standing moonsault put Stone away at 2:57. Crews looked good but he needs to do something besides just being all athletic and awesome.
Chad Gable and Jason Jordan say they’ll get to write this tournament’s history after winning the whole thing. Neville is flying too close to the sun and Crowe is going to be forgotten. Jordan finally says the Ready Willing and Gable line. Gable is money.
Finn Balor is ready to defend his title in Texas, but first of all he’s in the Dusty Classic. His partner, Samoa Joe, comes in and says he wants to win it all. Balor shakes his hand and says he’s ready. So I guess Joe is going to be the next major challenger.
Eva Marie vs. Billie Kay
We get an Eva chant to start, which I don’t buy as legit for a second. Eva fires off some shoulders in the corner and grabs a suplex for two. A seated abdominal stretch is countered by a small package but Eva comes back with a backsplash (that’s WAY too common a move these days) for two more. Kay makes a quick comeback with a clothesline and suplex for two of her own, but the interesting part is the fans booing Eva out of the building for kicking out. That was awesome in a way. Back up and Sliced Red #2 beats Kay at 3:45.
Rating: D. Eva is gorgeous and looks great in her gear, has awesome presence, but above all else, she’s just not that good in the ring. If they try to push her as a star in the division, the heat is going to be out of this world. The NXT fans simply do not want her in their company and it’s not surprising in the slightest.
The Hype Bros and Enzo/Cass argued over what part of New York to celebrate in after winning last week.
Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic: Solomon Crowe/Neville vs. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan
Gable takes Crowe to the mat to start and easily rolls him around into a backslide for two. Back up and Crowe counters a leapfrog into a flapjack (nice move) before it’s off to Neville for a very nice welcome home reaction. Jordan takes Neville down to the mat with some nice amateur stuff but Neville flips out of a suplex and sends Jason to the floor as we take a break. Back with Jordan throwing Solomon down just like he did to Neville before a wicked overhead belly to belly drops Crowe again.
Gable comes back in and mocks Solomon, even having Jordan fan him off while Crowe is on the floor. Jordan throws on a chinlock for a bit before Solomon adds a bow and arrow of his own. The hold is finally broken and Crowe dives over for the tag, allowing Neville to come in for his usual fast paced stuff.
Gable pulls Jason to the floor to break up the Red Arrow. That’s fine with Neville as he dives on both of them with Crowe following with a dive of his own. Back in and Jordan catches Neville’s next dive and throws him face first onto the mat. Crowe tags himself in and gets suplexed again, setting up the Grand Amplitude (the announcers don’t know the name) for the pin at 12:48.
Rating: C+. Good match here and Crowe tagging himself in might lead to a heel turn for him, which probably won’t save him but it’s better than whatever it was he’s been doing for the last few weeks. Neville really does come off as a star here and you can see what they’re going for with the superhero idea.
Overall Rating: C+. I liked the show for the most part and they’re making the tournament feel like a huge deal. That’s exactly what something this important should be and I love the fact that they’ve made the whole promotion want to get involved with it. Good stuff here and what is hopefully the sign of good stuff to come.
Results
Baron Corbin/Rhyno b. Ascension – Gore to Konor
Alexa Bliss b. Blue Pants – Sparkle Splash
Apollo Crews b. Martin Stone – Standing moonsault
Eva Marie b. Billie Kay – Sliced Red #2
Chad Gable/Jason Jordan b. Neville/Solomon Crowe – Grand Amplitude to Crowe
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Date: August 31, 2015
Location: Amalie Arena, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield
Last week saw the return of Sting and the disappearance of a statue, meaning tonight is likely to continue the time honored tradition of destroying that statue once and for all. Sting vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE World Title is confirmed for Night of Champions, but what about Rollins’ US Title? John Cena is still lurking so let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s closing segment where Sting appeared in the statue’s place. HHH made the match after the show went off the air.
Opening sequence for Monday Night RAW.
Here’s Sting (with complete face paint this week) to open things up. JBL: “The man who put Starrcade on the map!” Just….no. Under no circumstances can that be considered correct. Sting hasn’t been around much since Wrestlemania where he lost to HHH. Due to that match, he’ll always have respect for HHH, but now his sights are set on Seth Rollins.
Ever since Wrestlemania it has been injustice after injustice and last week he had to hear Seth Rollins comparing himself to names like Bruno Sammartino, Andre the Giant and the Ultimate Warrior. Sting has won titles around the world but there is one that has eluded him throughout his career. At Night of Champions, Sting is going to prove that Rollins isn’t half the man HHH is and that Rollins can’t hang with Sting on his best day.
Rollins is upset but Stephanie talks him down. Seth lists his accomplishments this year and calls everything Sting said wrong. Stephanie brings up Sting’s comparison to HHH and thinks Sting is absolutely right. Seth wants his statue so Stephanie suggests he go ask Sting.
Rusev vs. Dolph Ziggler
An attempt at a single leg doesn’t get Dolph anywhere so he dropkicks Rusev in the face instead. Back in and Rusev slowly stomps Ziggler down, as is his custom. We get a dueling Rusev chant, followed by Dolph missing a splash in the corner. The sleeper slows Rusev down a bit so he backs Ziggler into the corner for a break. Ziggler gets knocked into the barricade and we take a break.
Back with Rusev throwing on a bearhug, which really should have been put on during the break. Rusev misses a charge of his own but easily breaks up a neckbreaker with a suplex. A running flip backsplash gets two more and Ziggler is in trouble. The spinwheel kick gets the same for Rusev but he walks into a superkick out of nowhere.
They head outside with Rusev charging into the steps but both guys dive in to beat the count at nine. Rusev superkicks him down as well because everyone has to use superkicks in this company. Ziggler sneaks out of the Accolade and a quick Zig Zag drops Rusev, only to have Summer come in for the DQ at 14:21.
Rating: D+. This was more long than it was good and again they’re setting up the mixed tag. Why we needed to see another match between the two of them to set up the obvious match is beyond me, but at least they didn’t have a clean finish. Lana is going to be awesome in the ring, mainly because she’s awesome at everything else so why would this be any different?
A catfight ensues until Ziggler pulls them apart.
Post break Ziggler brags about what just happened. He goes into a room as Renee talks a bit and we see Summer sneak in behind him.
It’s time for the Beat the Clock Challenge for the #1 contendership to the Divas Title, but Team Bella has something to say. Nikki is so proud of making it this far, but we’ve got a Bellatron counting us down to the second she breaks the record.
Alicia Fox vs. Becky Lynch
This is the first match in a Beat the Clock Challenge, meaning whoever wins in the shortest time wins, earning a title shot, presumably at Night of Champions. Becky tries for some fast rollups to start but she gets a bit sloppy and Fox takes over. A chinlock slows things down even more and you can see Becky panicking over the time being spent. Back up and some clotheslines get two for Lynch, followed by a springboard kick in the corner. They hit the mat and Becky grabs Disarm-Her for the win at 3:21.
Rating: D. This is the other issue with the Divas Revolution: the newcomers got over having these epic 10-15 minute wars but now they’re stuck with the three minute matches that have plagued the division for years. For once, this isn’t on them because there’s very little they can do in so little time and that’s not going to change.
Ryback talks about defending his title against everyone and tonight the Big Show will be no different. As he’s talking, we hear someone scream and see Summer Rae running out of Ziggler’s locker room. Ziggler is in a towel and looks surprised.
Intercontinental Title: Big Show vs. Ryback
Big Show is challenging, Miz is on commentary and we get big match intros. Show takes him into the corner for the loud chop to start and slowly drops an elbow for a close two. With Ryback down, Show demands a microphone so he can address the PLEASE RETIRE chants. He says find someone to do it so Ryback picks him up for a slam, only to have Show fall on him for two more. Show hits the chinlock for a few moments but Ryback fights up and hits a good looking flying tackle.
The splash is caught by the throat though, only have Ryback slip out and hook a double leg takedown (no that wasn’t a spinebuster) for a near fall of his own. The Meathook is countered into the chokeslam for two but Show goes up. Since we’re in Flair Country, the slam off the top is very appropriate. Another Meathook attempt is countered with a spear but Miz gets up for a distraction, allowing Ryback to grab Shell Shock to retain at 7:14.
Rating: C. They had me worried that they were going to change the title here in what would have been one of the dumbest ideas in a long time. I’m sure we’ll get Miz vs. Ryback now, even though Ryback beat him in two minutes a few weeks back. Ryback is the best Intercontinental Champion in a long time and it’s nice to see the title meaning something.
Charlotte vs. Brie Bella
Charlotte’s time to beat is 3:21 because only PCB can win. Brie starts hiding in the ropes to start because she must “protect the Bella Empire.” A Figure Eight attempt doesn’t work and Charlotte has less than two minutes to go. Instead Natural Selection hits out of nowhere for the pin at 1:40 to set Charlotte’s time.
We look at the Dudleyz returning last week.
The Dudleyz say they’re back for one more title reign because it would make then ten time Tag Team Champions. Tonight: New Day goes through a table.
Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens
Owens talks trash to start (shocking I know) and gets shoved down to the mat. A big boot stops Owens cold and Cesaro casually lifts him up for a suplex, complete with right hands to the gut. Cesaro gets two off a double stomp and it’s time for Owens to bail to the floor. That’s fine with Cesaro, who follows him out with a running European uppercut.
A high cross body gets two for Cesaro but Owens comes back with an elbow to the jaw and a backsplash. Owens: “WHERE’S YOUR SECTION NOW???” A corner clothesline sets up the Cannonball and we hit the chinlock on Cesaro. That goes nowhere so Owens busts out the torture rack neckbreaker for two instead and we take a break.
Back with Cesaro failing to superplex Owens so he dropkicks Kevin in the face and gutwrench superplexes him instead. That reverse Angle Slam gets two for Cesaro but Owens superkicks him for the same. Owens tells Cole to watch but misses another Cannonball.
Instead of doing something smart though, Kevin slaps him in the face. In a scary power display, Cesaro catches a tornado DDT in mid air and slams Owens down into a Crossface. Like, how do you even do that? Cesaro can’t suplex him over the top and Owens knocks him HARD into the announcers’ table. Back in and Cesaro can’t Swing him because of the ribs, allowing the Pop Up Powerbomb to put Cesaro away at 16:10.
Rating: B. I liked this better than the Summerslam match as Owens beat him clear after setting up an injury right before the ending. Cesaro took a great looking bump onto the table and Owens has won his last three singles matches. It’s very nice to see him not jobbing every single week for a change and I’d love to see him go after Ryback and the Intercontinental Title next.
Ziggler tries to explain that he thought Summer was Lana. Nothing happened and he threw on a towel as soon as he knew who it was. Lana doesn’t buy it and leaves.
Dean Ambrose vs. Braun Strowman
The fireflies still look awesome. Bray thanks Abigail for giving him the black sheep as her greatest gift. For thousands of years, mankind has tried to predict the end of the world. Tonight the seventh trumpet sounds and they will walk among you undisguised. Stroman, in a voice that Christian Bale would think is too over the top, says this is the apocalypse. Reigns comes out as backup as you would expect.
Strowman throws Dean around with one hand to start and I think the message has been sent. Dean gets in his fast striking but Stroman just throws him down again. A kick knocks Dean to the floor and the slow beating continues. Reigns finally comes over for the DQ at 3:09.
Rating: D+. Nothing to the match here but it did exactly what it was supposed to. Stroman looks like the best monster that we’ve had in a long time and that’s all he’s supposed to look like. Eventually someone is going to beat him, but until then it’s going to be fun watching him be the modern day Zeus or whatever other monster you pick. It’s an old formula that keeps coming back because it works.
Stroman cleans house and no sells a chair to the back. Reigns’ right hand has a bit more effect but Harper comes in with the superkick to put Roman down. Dean gets choked out and Reigns takes that spinning powerbomb thing. Bray comes in for Sister Abigail to Reigns. Notice that Bray didn’t have to do a thing here, which is exactly why he needs minions.
We look at Rollins beating Cena at Summerslam.
Clip of Sting’s opening promo.
Rollins wants his statue back and tells Sting to stay out of his business. Maybe if Sting had a subscription to the WWE Network, he could know how great Seth has been. Yeah HHH used to be a big deal, but HHH never held the US and WWE World Titles at the same time.
Paige vs. Sasha Banks
Paige has to beat 1:40 so she starts very fast and gets some rollups for two each. The fans are split as Paige fires off some running knees for two. The Rampaige connects but Tamina and Naomi pull Sasha to the floor as the clock runs out at 1:40.
Team Bella comes out to pose.
Summer Rae says that Ziggler called her into his locker room but then he just started stripping. She was mesmerized and speechless and then he asked her to join him in the shower. After he got out, he gave Summer the look but she ran out. Summer will never forget the image though.
Lana is crying and can’t say anything.
New Day vs. Dudley Boyz
Non-title. Woods calls the Dudleyz a menace to culture, society and furniture around the world. Big E. asks if you remember the times sitting around the table with your granny and that weird uncle around the Thanksgiving table. Or all that money you cleaned up at the poker table. Or all those summers around the pool table. And where would we be without the Periodic Table? Remember all the fun you had learning your multiplication table? Big E. and Kofi pull out what Woods calls the last table (covered in bubble wrap) here tonight. A SAVE THE TABLES chant takes us to a break before the match.
The Prime Time Players are on commentary as Big E. and D-Von get things going. But it’s quickly off to Bubba vs. Kofi. Woods suggests clapping but Bubba turns it into NEW DAY SUCKS. A clothesline under the arm stops Kofi cold and New Day is sent out to the floor as we take a break. Back with D-Von clotheslining both champions down but Woods low bridges him to the floor. As Woods brushes his hair, Big E. drives D-Von into the barricade. That sounds like a valid reason to dance to me and Big E. agrees.
The rotating stomps set up Big E.’s splash for two. An abdominal stretch slows things down and Kofi’s chinlock does the same. Woods mocks the TABLES chant but Kofi dives into a clothesline, allowing for the tag off to Bubba. Bubba hiptosses Woods in but D-Von hiptosses him right back out in a funny spot. 3D quickly ends Kofi, which JBL calls the Dudleyz’ first match in WWE in ten years. Even he doesn’t watch Smackdown.
Rating: C. I liked the match but the booking makes my head hurt. You have three members of New Day and two of them are the recognized Tag Team Champions. I think you get what I’m going for here. It’s very interesting that the Dudleyz have been doing the same thing for about ten years now and it’s still more entertaining than 90% of most tag teams.
Here’s Seth Rollins to call out Sting. The things Sting said earlier tonight showed him why WCW went out of business. We can’t possibly be talking about that again…..right? Rollins wants Sting to take back what he said about HHH being that much better than him because Seth is every bit as good as HHH and one day could even be better. However, Rollins wants his status but gets Stephanie instead.
She suggests the Rollins chill out because Sting is getting in his head over a stupid statue. Rollins still wants his statue but this time gets John Cena. John talks about the Authority bending Rollins to their will because that’s what they do. They picked Rollins because he was the only one willing to stab the Shield in the back. Rollins is going to be the flavor of the month because the Authority would never allow him to do what he’s about to do right now.
Rollins has a lot of titles right now and since the Authority said every title is on the line at Night of Champions, Cena is cashing in his rematch for the US Title on the same night Rollins has to defend against Sting. Cena asks Stephanie if he can do that and she reluctantly agrees. Sting comes out to pose with Cena to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. This was one of the best shows they’ve had in a very long time. It kept moving all night and they didn’t have anything out there that took too long. There’s enough stuff going on here to find something interesting and nothing was really bad. Well maybe the opening match but at least it led somewhere. I had a really good time with this show and it flew by, which is a rare thing for Raw.
Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Rusev via DQ when Summer Rae interfered
Becky Lynch b. Alicia Fox – Disarm-Her
Ryback b. Big Show – Shell Shock
Charlotte b. Brie Bella – Natural Selection
Cesaro b. Kevin Owens – Pop Up Powerbomb
Braun Stroman b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Roman Reigns interfered
Paige vs. Sasha Banks went to a time limit draw
Dudley Boyz b. New Day – 3D to Kingston
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Based on the 2013 YA novel by Rick Yancy, The 5th Wave follows the story of Cassie Sullivan (Chloe Grace Moretz) as she tries to survive in a world attacked by aliens seeking to annihilate humankind.
Watch the trailer:
Official synopsis:
In the new film The 5th Wave, four waves of increasingly deadly attacks have left most of Earth decimated. Against a backdrop of fear and distrust, Cassie (Chloë Grace Moretz) is on the run, desperately trying to save her younger brother. As she prepares for the inevitable and lethal 5th wave, Cassie teams up with a young man who may become her final hope – if she can only trust him.
Moretz is joined by Liev Schrieber, Maria Bello. Nick Robinson, Maika Monroe, and Tony Revolori.
Ubisoft had a big showing at PAX this year with Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate, For Honor, andThe Division hogging a large portion of the main expo area. It didn’t matter how much room the booths took up because all of the above games were incredibly popular with fans, some waiting more than two hours to get in some demo time. Because of this, unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to try out The Division, which is a shame because it looks amazing, but I did get to try the other two and here’s what I think:
I went in with low expectations for Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate because I’m still afraid it’ll be 20% female missions and 80% male missions. I fully realize that’s an irrational response coming out, and I’ve already gone into my feelings on the subject, but if you’re going to advertise a playable female character as a selling point then don’t relegate her to the shadows. Sadly, I still couldn’t get any solid word about what the split would be like between Jacob and Evie Frye, but I did get a chance to play a full mission as the thief, Evie.
It comes as no surprise that AC: Syndicate is a beautiful game and as much as I want to knock the location and time period in favor of something more exotic, I can’t because I love Victorian London. The missions are similar to previous Assassin’s Creed games, some involving more stealth while others encouraging the beat-em-up play style. Some missions, however, have multiple ways to navigate from start to finish. Playing as Evie was just like playing any other assassin character. With time comes more polished controls, naturally, but minus a few exceptions, she feels just the same as any other character in the franchise.
That being said, Ubisoft did add a few more skills to the assassin’s arsenal: the first is the steampunk grappling hook and I have to say that this item felt incredibly over-powered as its reach is insanely long. Ever wanted to play Assassin’s Creed as Spider-Man? Well, now you can. Escaping guards is a total breeze because there’s no way they’ll run the length of the four buildings you just flew over in time to catch your thieving behind. The other addition is specific to Evie and it’s a new stealth mechanic that makes the player invisible to guards if they stand still. It’s good if things start to get out of hand and guards take notice of you, but again, if you really need to get away, just zip on by with your grappling hook.
To sum up, I played for half an hour with my foot in my mouth because dammmmmmit AC: Syndicate was pretty fun.
As an added bonus, Ubisoft released a new trailer today for all our drooling goodness:
For Honor is completely different from the other two Ubisoft titles. It’s a medieval multi-player arena fighting game and if you’ve ever played Chivalry: Medieval Warfare, you’ll understand the concept behind For Honor. Each team consists of four players and the goal is to play capture the flag and gain control of the three “zones” all the while murdering the shit out of your enemies. It’s the kind of game where you HAVE to communicate with your team, otherwise, you’re all dead. Unless you’re fighting the bot enemies, in which case it’s super easy and you’ll kill them all in one sweep of your sword.
There’s a brief tutorial explaining the controls of the game, of which there aren’t many. You can use a basic attack, heavy attack, break, or guard in three stances. Guarding properly requires you to “lock on” to your enemy or else they’ll just hack you to bits. There is a dodge, but it’s very slow and for someone accustomed to fast-paced fighting, it was underwhelming and didn’t do much to save me in the event of a 2v1 fight. Essentially, once you’re outnumbered, you’re dead. Sure, there’s strategy to keeping each of the three zones, the main one being “never go anywhere alone” but there isn’t much fun to the game. On top of that, the controls felt clunky and confusing, even though there were so few of them. Guarding is not a technique easily mastered and if you plan on mashing heavy attack, you’re going to have a bad time.
For me, the game wasn’t as fun as Chivalry, mainly because of a lack of choice. Everyone looks the same, fights the same, uses the same weapons and armor. I did, however, appreciate the option to play as a female character, even if it was the illusion of choice, it made me happy all the same. I wanted something more from the game as we played. I wanted to be able to pick up a halberd or a crossbow or something, anything but a sword. For the actual game, Ubisoft says you’ll be able to play as either a viking, knight, or samurai but, surprise, all three wield swords in promotional art. There is also a single-player campaign for For Honor, but we still don’t know much about it.
Also worth mentioning is that twice while waiting to play, the PS4’s overheated while running For Honor. Not exactly the best vote of confidence, but I’ll concede they were running nearly nonstop for three days by that point.
Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate is set to release on October 23rd, 2015 on PS4, XBOX One, and PC.
For Honor is slated to release sometime in 2016 on PS4, XBOX One, and PC.
Patti Lupone is returning as a series regular for the third season of Penny Dreadful!
Lupone, who guest starred in Penny Dreadful‘s second season as a Cut-Wife who guided Vanessa Ives, will step into the role of Dr. Seward, an American therapist who treats Vanessa with an unconventional new approach.
The nine-episode third season will also add Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Henry Jekyll to the lineup of literary characters featured in the show. Shazad Latif has been cast to play the legendary character.
Joining Latif will be Christian Camargo as Dr. Alexander Sweet, a zoologist who strikes up an unlikely friendship with Vanessa; Sam Barnett as Dr. Seward’s mysterious young secretary; Wes Studi as Kaetenay, an intense, enigmatic Native American with a deep connection to Ethan who also becomes an ally to Sir Malcolm; and Jessica Barden as Justine, a young acolyte to Lily and Dorian Gray.
DARK MATTER -- Season:1 -- Pictured: (l-r) Zoie Palmer as The Android, Melissa O'Neil as Two, Jodelle Ferland as Five -- (Photo by: Dennys/Ilic/Syfy)
If you’ve read my posts or listened to Workprint’s podcast, you know that I’m a fan of Dark Matter. Along with Killjoys, Dark Matter has filled that gaping sci-fi hole in my nerdy heart this summer and boy, am I glad about it. I’m also all about girl power in TV, movies, video games, comic books, everything–vagina loyalty, you know–so it comes as no surprise that I latched onto the female characters of Dark Matter with reckless abandon. The Android was lovable and naive, Two was empowered and took no shit, and Five….Five was my boo, favorite among them all.
However, I have issues regarding Dark Matter’s female characters in the final episodes, “Episode 12” and “Episode 13.” Thankfully, Five is safe from my judgment because she’s been pretty consistent throughout the first season. I like her quirky attitude, her face off with Two, her intelligence and loyalty. I do wish her back story had been given more screen time, especially with Four getting nearly two episodes to himself, but I can live with such an oversight. However, after the final two episodes of the season, Android and Two are on notice.
Let’s start with the Android. For much of the season, I thought the Android was a fantastic character, a computer navigating emotions, at an impasse between programming and humanity. Her main plot has been an ongoing struggle to understand her changes, even going so far as to create what is essentially a Quality Assurance version of herself. Even as an anthropomorphic representation of the Raza, it’s this inner turmoil that makes the Android a more complicated, fascinating character. And yet, that struggle came to a screeching halt in the show’s finale, shooed away like a bug. Maybe more will come of the story in the show’s second season, but it felt so anticlimactic for QA Android to disappear so suddenly that I could only be disappointed that the Android was treated as such, especially since the Android has spent more time “off” this season than “on.”
And then there’s Two. When Two first came barreling onto the scene, all power and confidence, I wanted big things for her. She was the Raza’s natural leader, taking charge and kicking ass. I was impressed with her handling of the mining colony situation, but since episode two, she’s been a piece of meat for One and Three to fight over. Decisions were made by one of the two men and Two seemed to go along with whatever plan was made. She kind of made up for that behavior in “Episode Eleven” when she and Five took back the Raza. However, things took a dive with learning that she was organically made by Wil Wheaton’s Alexander Rook for, presumably, nefarious purposes.
I don’t take issue with the fact that both “created” humans on the Raza are female. But it does bother me that without their nanites, both of them are nothing, unable to defend themselves, especially against the likes of Rook. Two isn’t “strong” because of her character. She’s strong because a man-made her that way and when she gets to be too strong, he can snap his fingers and make her not so.
Again, much of this criticism is based on the fact that we don’t know where season two will take things for the Android and Two, but as it stands right now, I’m incredibly disappointed that the Android is a constant victim and Two looks to be following in those footsteps. Add on top of that the fact that One and Three still bicker over her affections, trying to play her against the other, when in reality, the Two I know would have told them to shut the hell up by now. Things aren’t looking so good for these two characters in the future, but I hope I’m wrong, Dark Matter.
Syfy has announced the renewals of freshman dramas Dark Matter and Killjoys.
Killjoys will return in 2016 with a 10-episode order, while Dark Matter will receive 13.
“With exciting space-based action, deep world building, and a standout cast, Killjoys has struck a nerve with viewers and critics alike,” said Bill McGoldrick, Executive Vice President, Original Content, Syfy. “We can’t wait to see what adventures Michelle Lovretta and Temple Street take Dutch, John and D’avin on in season two.”
“We couldn’t be more excited to bring back Killjoys and its stellar cast to audiences across the U.S.,” said David Fortier and Ivan Schneeberg, co-Presidents of Temple Street Productions and Executive Producers of Killjoys. “We look forward to working with the team at Syfy for a thrilling second season.”
“With its mysterious premise and fascinating characters, Dark Matter has built an incredibly loyal, passionate and engaged fan base,” said Chris Regina, Senior Vice President, Program Strategy, Syfy. “We look forward to another out-of-the-world season from this talented creative team.”
WWE Tough Enough down to the final four competitors as Amanda, Sara Lee, Josh and ZZ battle for a WWE contract! Last week, Tanner went home in a shocker…but anything can happen on this show. Josh had a sudden shift over ZZ and Sara’s seemingly took a hit on Tough Talk when Amanda accused her of being a WWE groupie. Who will be crowned tonight’s Tough Enough champions? Let’s find out…
We start with clips from “four months ago” when the competition started, showing everyone from past shows going home.
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena Jericho and Renee Young plug the big story of tonight’s Tough Enough: two of these competitors will get a WWE contract. Our competitors will each have a “match” tonight. We meet the judges
WWE PERFORMANCE CENTER
Barracks Amanda says that she won’t let Sara beat her for the contract tonight. Sara’s excited to get into the ring. ZZ just uses swamp language: “I’m gonna be like a bullfrog going after a cricket”. Amanda rolls her eyes. Josh says that he’s picked up steam and now he’s getting votes. Suddenly, Amanda brings up Sara’s “groupie” thing. Sara shrugs her off. Amanda calls her a fraud. Sara says that Amanda doesn’t “play a bitch, she is one.”
Gym Jericho is with Lita, Dogg and Booker. Jericho will work with each of the competitors so they can have great matches with color, music and design. Josh wants to be “The Yeti”. Jericho says that he should have what John Snow wears. Jericho: “If we’re gonna be the Yeti…let’s be the frickin’ Yeti.” ZZ wants to be “King of the Bayou” and wants a gator head on his head. Jericho laughs and says he told the Creative staff that ZZ’s “probably already got one of those” at home. Amanda wants to be “Mandy Rose” and wear black leather. and Sara wants to be “Hope” because that’s the town she comes from. She wants a flannel crop-top with a denim vest.
Jericho goes over their promos. Josh says that Yetis are crazy and lose their minds. Jericho says that ZZ should tell people that they’re gonna “get bit by the gator grip” and harp on the “haters”. Amanda just wants to shake her ass and look hot. Totally original Diva behavior. Sara wants to “come out to Kid Rock”. So, they play some lame rock ditty that isn’t impressing her. Jericho: “That’s the only thing she stopped smiling about. ZZ’s music is horrible. He wants some rock with some baby gators yelping.
Barracks Dogg, Booker, and Lita suddenly show up and tell everyone to get into the living room. Cesaro will be the men’s opponent and Alicia Fox will be going against the women. Cesaro tells Josh that “he promised to bring the sauce…and now the sauce is here.” Cesaro also tells ZZ he’s in trouble. Fox says that the Divas have a sisterhood. Sara’s afraid of looking like a joke compared to her.
FULL SAIL UNIVERSITY
Arena We are LIVE(!!!) from Full Sail University Arena!
Amanda is “Mandy Rose” and has no sex appeal whatsoever except giant boobs. She gets into the ring and says that this is reward as hell. This is the best experience of her life and an honor. That was Amanda — and introduces everyone to “Mandy Rose”. If she wins Tough Enough, everyone’s invited to the party — except for Miz. She says Miz is “The Moneymaker”. She has the “Money-Shaker”.
MATCH #1: Mandy Rose vs. Alicia Fox
Alicia clocks Mandy who comes back with a Press, then chokes Fox against the mat. Alicia trips her on a rush, then hits a Sidewalk Slam for two. Alicia knees Mandy in the face, then tosses her head into the mat. Mandy comes back with a Hurricarana, then a sunset flip for two. Alicia knocks her down with a clothesline but misses an elbow drop. Side headlock and Bulldog by Mandy gets two. Fox kicks her in the gut and botches a Scissor Kick to win at 2:41. WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: Not a bad showing for Mandy Rose but there’s no personality except tight clothing.
Post-match, Jericho says the girls beat the hell out of one another. Miz says that he loved when she called him out. Paige says that she looked like a Diva. Bryan said the match was sloppy but they brought it when they needed to.
Sara comes to the ring as “Hope”. She’s bouncy and goofy. She says she’s bringing everyone “hope”. She came out stronger and more determined each week. After this match, Alicia Fox becomes a footnote in her career.
MATCH #2: Alicia Fox vs. Hope Hope gets shoved down. Hope comes back with a headlock and shoulderblock. Hope tells her to bring it and kicks her in the stomach. She runs at Fox who trips her and tosses her across the ring by her hair. Fox hits a snap suplex. Hope suddenly rolls her up for two, then botches the Cross Armbar badly, going after the wrong arm. It’s immediately broken. Fox punches her in the face — then botches the Scissor Kick AGAIN for fuck’s sake. Fox wins at 2:25. WINNER: Alicia Fox
RATING: Sloppy as hell. Sara looks green as turtle shit. No personality whatsoever.
Post-match, Miz says her promo was “really good”. Paige says her entrance was dull but the match was good. Bryan says there wasn’t any energy in the entrance. Good promo though.
FEMALE WINNER…will be revealed at the end of the show.
The women don’t look happy at all.
ZZ comes out with the dumbest fucking gator costume ever. The head is a gator and the body is the skin of the gator with red cape lining inside. ZZ says he’s from the deepest, darkest parts of Louisiana. He beat gators easily. So he’s come here. All his baby gators put him here. He talks up the coaches and says that he’s here, answering every doubter’s question. Is Cesaro ready for the Gator Grip?
MATCH #3: The King of the Bayou vs. Cesaro Cesaro hits a side headlock, but seems to fuck up the Irish Whip. Cesaro grabs him for a Gut Wrench, then hits an uppercut and a Swing, getting a few reps. ZZ comes back with an uppercut of his own and gets two. He hits a Flap Jack and goes for the Gator Grip, but Cesaro reverses with a Cross Face to win it at 1:51. WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: Loved this match. Beautifully wrestled with the exception of the Irish Whip.
Bryan liked the match. Paige didn’t like the entrance. Miz says that he doesn’t think that ZZ has the work ethic.
Josh comes out in a fur cape and grey shorts. He says he’s been living a savage lifestyle. It’s all been for this. He’s been down and out a couple times — but the Yeti Nation kept him here. He wants the Yeti Nation to stand up and he’ll pay them back by beating Cesaro.
MATCH #4: Cesaro vs. The Yeti Long lock-up and Yeti hits a Cesaro uppercut. Cesaro comes back with one of hisown, then hits a chest stomp. Cesaro goes for a Delayed Suplex but can’t get Josh up. Josh can’t get him up either, so it’s time for a Swing. Josh regroups and tosses Cesaro into the corner for a splash. He goes for a Running Powerslam which Cesaro kicks out of. Cesaro comes back with a dropkick and Neutralizer to finish it at 2:32. WINNER: Cesaro
RATING: Great match.
Jericho calls it “choppy”. Miz hates his ring outfit. He likes Josh’s intensity. Paige thinks he kicked ass and wants Josh to win. Bryan says the promo was weak but ended strong.
Voting is closed. Jericho brings out Triple H to award the winners with their contracts.
Triple H says he has a half-million dollars in his hands…let’s find out who wins…
NEW FEMALE DIVA: Sara Lee
Amanda looks PISSED.
NEW WWE SUPERSTAR: Josh
He’s stoked and ZZ smiles. Everyone congratulates the winners.
OVERALL: This was a fun show to watch. Most likely because it was nice to see the competitors mature.
Well…thanks for reading our recaps for this show. Hope you enjoyed them. We may see you back here next time if Tough Enough returns!
How wonderfully fitting that ABC Family’s Shadowhunters is coming to New York Comic-Con this October given that in the fictional world, these demon hunting Nephilim are based in NYC!
Here’s the official press release:
The new ABC Family television series “Shadowhunters,” based on the New York Times bestselling young adult fantasy book series The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, follows 18-year-old Clary Fray, who finds out on her birthday that she is not who she thinks she is but rather comes from a long line of Shadowhunters – human-angel hybrids who hunt down demons. When her mother, Jocelyn, is kidnapped, Clary is thrown into the world of demon hunting with mysterious Shadowhunter Jace and her best friend, Simon. Now living among faeries, warlocks, vampires and werewolves, Clary begins a journey of self-discovery as she learns more about her past and what her future may hold. “Shadowhunters” is set to premiere in early 2016.
The panel will take place on Saturday, October 10, from 11:00am-12:00pm on the Empire Stage.
The panel will include exclusive footage and a Q&A with cast members Katherine McNamara (“Clary”), Dominic Sherwood (“Jace”), Harry Shum Jr. (“Magnus”), Alberto Rosende (“Simon”), Emeraude Toubia (“Isabelle”), Matthew Daddario (“Alec”) and Isaiah Mustafa (“Luke”), as well as showrunner Ed Decter (“Helix”), Executive Producer McG (“Charlie’s Angels,” “Chuck”) and book author Cassandra Clare.
In addition author Cassandra Clare will also by at NYCC to promote her upcoming new book Lady Midnight:
Friday, October 9, from 12:30 pm- 1:30 pm in Room 1A10 : Cassandra Clare Q&A and a sneak peek of Lady Midnight
Cassandra Clare is the #1 bestselling author of The Mortal Instruments series, soon to be adapted into the Shadowhunters TV show on ABC Family, as well as the Infernal Devices trilogy and the Bane Chronicles. A global phenomenon, her books have more than 36 million copies in print worldwide. In conversation with Entertainment Weekly’s Amy Wilkinson, she’ll discuss her career and give a sneak peek at her new book, LADY MIDNIGHT, the first in the Dark Artifices trilogy, which comes out on March 8.
Will fans be treated to some preview footage at the panel? Here’s hoping and crossing both my fingers and toes!!
Here’s a little more behind the scenes treats from the Shadowhunters cast and crew!
It has been a great week for fans of Shovel Knight. This is especially true for those that own the game on Wii U or 3DS. Free DLC is just around the corner for every version of the game, and a new Shovel Knight amiibo is on the way!
While the new DLC, Plague of Shadows, doesn’t have an official release date, Yacht Club Games promises that it’s coming “very, very soon”, even going so far as to say that it was in the final stages of approval as of August 5. In Plague of Shadows, you play through the campaign as Plague Knight, using his magical projectiles and spells to fight your way to the top. A new trailer was released this week to show off this exhilarating new campaign (and if you aren’t excited for this, you are CRAZY).
In other news, rumors swirled through the internet this week that a Shovel Knight Amiibo was on the way. This rumor was later given some credit when UK retailer GAME tweeted a picture, along with a description, of the new Amiibo. It was quickly pulled, but not before people on the internet saved it and shared it across the digital landscape. As of today, August 28, Nintendo and Yacht Club Games has solidified that the Amiibo is indeed coming this November.
One of the best parts of Amiibo, aside from the awesome statue you get, is their functionality in games. Yacht Club Games has confirmed that the Shovel Knight Amiibo will work in both the Wii U and 3DS versions of the game, along with future Yacht Club products. In the Wii U version, the Amiibo unlocks a special co-op mode, and the 3DS version unlocks a new challenge mode. Do you think this Amiibo could signify that the lord of Shovelry could make his way to Super Smash Bros? One can only hope!
Are you excited for all of the new content coming to Shovel Knight? Do you have no idea why Shovel Knight is such a big deal? Let us know in the comments down below!
Date: August 27, 2015
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jimmy Uso, Rich Brennan
It’s hard to say what’s going to happen tonight as the big story coming out of Raw is the return of Sting, who I can’t imagine is going to be here tonight. There’s always a chance of some fresh Wyatt Family stuff, as this show has become the main ground for the Shield vs. Wyatts feud, which isn’t the worst thing in the world. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
We open with a clip of the Dudley Boyz returning on Monday.
Here are the Wyatts with something to say. Shocking I know. Harper talks about our eyes and ears being shut by the lies we’ve been told. We’re all dead and we don’t even know it but Bray Wyatt’s truth will give us new life. Bray says he doesn’t just throw out words like brother because family means everything to him. Sister Abigail has given him so much in this life and just when he thought he had nothing left, she provided him a savior. That’s what being a family is all about. Abigail’s eyes light up when she talks about Braun Strowman and now it is time.
Cue Reigns and Ambrose with the former saying it is what it is. That wasn’t the first time they’ve been whipped so if he and Dean are going down, they’re going down swinging. Ambrose: “I’ll take the ugly one.” There are always points in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line, intentional or not. Strowman is ready to go but Bray calls his men off and leaves.
Ascension vs. Dudley Boyz
Bubba takes Konor into the corner to start and asks if he knows who they are. D-Von comes in and runs Konor over but gets kicked down into the corner. It’s quickly back to Bubba for the Flip Flop and Fly, followed by What’s Up. Bubba calls for the tables but Konor breaks it up. The attempt, not the table. Back in and Ascension gets in a little offense, including a jumping knee to Bubba’s face. Not that it matters as a quick clothesline allows the hot tag to D-Von for some house cleaning. Bubba comes back in off a blind tag and 3D ends Konor at 5:10.
Rating: C-. This was fine and just a way for the Dudleys to show that they’re back. There’s nothing wrong with running through your old standards before they come back with the bigger stuff later on, especially considering they’re probably going to get a title shot at Night of Champions.
Post match it’s table time but New Day comes out with signs, including “Save a table, break a Dudley” and “hashtag give tables a chance.” Viktor gets powerbombed through the table and New Day panics.
Neville vs. Kevin Owens
This could be good. The threat of a kick to the head sends Owens into the corner and a headscissors puts him on the floor. Neville misses a baseball slide though and Owens blasts him with a clothesline. Back in and a torture rack neckbreaker (cool move) gets two for Kevin and we take a break.
We come back with Neville fighting out of a chinlock and striking away, followed by a missile dropkick for two. The German suplex sends Owens to the floor but this time Neville is smart enough to duck the clothesline. Instead it’s a superkick to set up the Red Arrow but Owens rolls away before it can launch. The Pop Up Powerbomb ends Neville at 8:19.
Rating: C+. The match was fun while it lasted but there’s only so much they can do with less than five minutes of the match actually airing. It’s nice to see Owens getting back to back wins, but I’m worried about where Neville is going. There’s only so much he can do, but the hero character could take them somewhere.
The Bellas get catty with Team PCB over Paige being the leader but never showing up because of Tough Enough. A tag match is set up for later. High school style drama: empowering women around the world.
Bella Twins vs. Becky Lynch/Charlotte
Team BAD is on commentary because Heaven forbid all of these teams aren’t in the same place at the same time. Jimmy has recused himself from commentary to avoid a personal conflict. Nikki and Charlotte get things going as BAD rips on the Bellas for their singing on Total Divas. As usual, I love that something that happened two and a half months ago on Total Divas (some of it happened backstage at Battleground) is never mentioned until after the show aired.
A double dropkick puts Nikki down so it’s off to Brie, who gets her head slammed onto the mat. Back to Charlotte who misses a knee to give Brie a target and one of her kicks actually connects for a change. A leg lock doesn’t get Brie anywhere so Charlotte kicks her out to the floor. Everything breaks down as Nikki pulls Becky off the apron, leaving Charlotte to roll Brie up in the Charlotte’s Web for the pin at 3:15.
Rating: D+. I’m sure this means the Bellas are mortal and PCB has the momentum now or something, even though there still seems to be no advancement in this story. The Divas Revolution continues to be nothing more than a way to drag new Divas in so the Bellas can have fresh names to go over in the end. I had some hope that things would turn around with Summerslam ending but the first week is the same as all the previous ones: meaningless matches taking place while Nikki gets closer to the record.
Here’s Seth Rollins to address what happened on Raw. This Monday was supposed to take him from legendary to immortal. He mentions cashing in at Wrestlemania and being the first man to hold both titles at once (save for Goldberg, whose titles don’t count I guess because all those titles being unified only counts when they want it to. I like it better this way though as the idea of the World Heavyweight Championship being the NWA/WCW Title was one of the most ridiculous things even WWE had ever tried to pass off). Actors should be fighting to play him in his biopic.
Here’s a clip of Sting’s unveiling and subsequent beating. Rollins brags about being on top of the mountain while Sting has spent years down in the minor leagues. So why does Sting think he can ruin Seth’s moment without provocation? Rollins is going to finish what HHH started at Wrestlemania when the Architect faces the Artifact.
This got better as Rollins kept going but that’s the problem: it felt like he was still going for the sake of going, not because he had anything else to say. That’s a major problem with so many WWE promos: they’re designed as one size fits all, but not everyone speaks the same. Look at this one for example. Rollins could have cut this in half and said the same thing. Orton is the same way. He has to talk forever when it’s clear that he’s covered everything in a fraction of the time, but WWE has decided that this is how you do promos and everyone has to be the same.
Sheamus says he’ll kick Ambrose’s head off tonight.
Ryback/Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev/Big Show
Big Show throws Ryback around to start but Ryback kicks away in the corner. Something like a spear puts Ryback down up against the ropes. The chokeslam doesn’t work so Ryback shoulders Show down. That wasn’t a bad power sequence. Show runs him over in turn but Rusev tags himself in, much to Show’s annoyance, and we take a break. Back with Rusev dropping elbows on Ryback and ignoring Show’s requests for a tag. Rusev: “I don’t trust you giant!”
Ziggler gets knocked off the apron but the distraction lets Ryback score with a spinebuster. Off to Ziggler vs. Big Show and the giant gets put down with the swinging DDT. A superkick gets two but the Fameasser is countered into the Alley-Oop and the KO Punch knocks Dolph out. Rusev tags himself in though and slaps on the Accolade, only to have Show KO his partner. Show walks past the black hole that Ryback has fallen into as Ziggler covers Rusev for the pin at 10:16.
Rating: C-. So I guess Big Show is a face again. That guy turns more often than I have to change the oil in my car so he must have been overdue. Big Show vs. Rusev does nothing for me, but I think I’d rather see that instead of forcing myself through another Lana/Ziggler love fest.
Clips of the end of Undertaker vs. Lesnar and Brock leaving Bo in a heap on Monday.
Video on Jon Stewart screwing John Cena at Summerslam and Monday’s fallout.
Ambrose and Reigns try to figure out what Sheamus means by respect the hawk. Sheamus better learn to respect Dean’s fist and his boot. Reigns will take care of the Wyatts.
Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose
Now I know the Wyatts are either going to run in to end the match or just after it’s over, but how refreshing is it to not have Dean fighting one of them for a change? Ambrose vs. Sheamus isn’t the most thrilling match in the world, but I’ll take it over Dean vs. Wyatt or Harper again.
Sheamus takes over to start and dumps Dean to the floor to turn it into a brawl. Dean comes right back by throwing him inside for a clothesline to take it back to the floor, only to be sent into the barricade as we go to a break. Back with Sheamus kneeing him down onto the apron and slamming him out of a suplex. The Brock Lock doesn’t make Dean tap out so he pulls himself up, only to get planted with a sitout powerbomb.
Six forearms to the chest have Dean in even more trouble but he gets in some forearms to Sheamus’ chest to even things out a bit. A big clothesline drops Sheamus and Dean is all fired up. The bulldog out of the corner sets up la majistral of all things to give Ambrose two. Dean’s suicide dive connects and another big clothesline knocks Sheamus silly. Of course we’ve got Wyatts and the distraction sets up the Brogue Kick for the pin at 11:31.
Rating: C+. I liked this more than I was expecting to because they didn’t try to make this a wrestling match. Just let these two beat each other up for about ten minutes and then let the rest take care of itself. The Wyatts were the obvious ending but at least Sheamus isn’t being treated like a loser for a change.
Post match Reigns comes out for the save and is smart enough to Superman Punch Harper as fast as he can. Strowman is waiting for him though and Roman’s right hands have almost no effect. Braun slams him face first into the mat and chokes Reigns out, leaving the Wyatts posing to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. Standard Smackdown fare here with almost nothing interesting or worth seeing. The ending to the show was the same as when Strowman debuted on Monday and Show is still having issues with Rusev. It’s back to normal with two hours of talking, average matches and nothing that won’t be done on a bigger stage in four days.
Results
Dudley Boyz b. Ascension – 3D to Konor
Kevin Owens b. Neville – Pop Up Powerbomb
Charlotte/Becky Lynch b. Bella Twins – Charlotte’s Web to Brie
Dolph Ziggler/Ryback b. Rusev/Big Show – Ziggler pinned Rusev after a KO Punch
Sheamus b. Dean Ambrose – Brogue Kick
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
PLAYING HOUSE Season 2, Episode 5
“Employee of the Month”
RATING: B-
Mark is a wounded man — but not in the way you’d expect.
His foot is bandaged and elevated, resting on top of a pillow provided by Emma and Maggie after he fell off their roof during a botched home improvement project. He was only supposed to be fixing their weak water pressure. That quickly escalated to checking their insulation and discovering a bee hive within their walls. That became roof repair.
Now, Mark’s in pain. And he wants to watch “Murder, She Wrote” on Emma and Maggie’s TV. Emma’s exasperated. This isn’t the first episode of the show he’s watched today — and it won’t be his last.
“You’ve got to stop watching those!” she tells him.
“I’m in pain,” he whines. “I gotta go to Cabot Cove because nothing bad ever happens there…”
“ONLY bad things happen there!” Emma yells. “There’s a murder there like everyweek!”
“Employee of the Month” is an ironic episode which explores Mark, post-Bird Bones, but does so in its usual goofy fashion because Pinebrook, unlike Cabot Cove, doesn’t have tragedy and sadness — even in short bursts. Mark should be as broken as he was in “Knotty Pine”. Here, he’s unrestrained, doing laps around Emma and Maggie’s house (while wearing a garbage bag vest a’la Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook) and talking at the same speed Usain Bolt runs. He’s just working through his issues and living in a complex which is comprised of “mostly guys ousted by their wives and a couple strippers”. Even the Digiorno pizza he’s inhaling gets an automatic five-stars.
In the first seaons of this show, we saw Keegan-Michael Key play Mark as level-headed and with paintball shots of manic which only surfaced because of Maggie and Emma’s non-stop, whirlwind shenanigans. In “Employee of the Month”, Mark is acting alone, letting out all that frustration and energy in one sitting. He may be re-aligning the patio door drapes and resurfacing a wall while proudly showing off his work like he’s filming a show about flipping property for profit but the hyperactive handy man act is all hurt. As somebody who’s been down this road, I get it and I identify with it — but Key, as has been status quo with his character since the start of the second season, may be overplaying it just a bit.
The avoidance of digging into Mark’s mental state is this episode’s Achilles’ Heel. While his issues may resurface on a future episode, the decision to present Mark as a man who suddenly drank an entire 4-pack of Rockstar laced with Cocaine and having him act like nothing has happened in order to force Emma and Mark into a “thing” is slightly disconcerting. As much as I like this show, there’s been a noticeable change in the production of this show. Whereas one could join the first season in the middle and not miss anything, the second season is almost a soap opera. This isn’t a bad idea but a lot of the running stories are a bit weak. For instance, I like Kyle Bornheimer as Rabbi Dan but he and Emma simply don’t share much chemistry. Initially, I thought we’d see a compelling love triangle but that doesn’t exactly work when his character only shows up for about four minutes over three episodes. I’m not even sure I should count the picture on Emma’s cell as a “cameo”. He’s so boring and unmemorable, he might as well be invisible. I really don’t understand what Emma saw in him except that she bumped into him on the street.
The other storyline concerns Maggie which is refreshing since she’s been a bit of an afterthought since the season began. She still works at “Rosie’s”, Pinebrook’s little bar and grill, and whether she likes it or not, she’s “Employee of the Month”! This, courtesy of her boss, Phil, (Matt Walsh of HBO’s Veep) who celebrates the occasion with a confetti popper, hugs and happy tears. While Maggie winces and begs off on the spoils (a plaque and a gift card to the restaurant she works at), Phil begs her to become full-time — then asks her for some tears. When a confused Maggie asks for clarification of that request, Phil nudges a shoulder at his office webcam. “I’m trying to get on Undercover Boss,” he shamelessly explains to her. She doesn’t want to live in this world anymore where awards are given to thankless jobs that require her to sing to customers on their birthdays.
Conveniently, she’s given an out: as she’s always been the surrogate mother on the show (as was recently highlighted in this season’s “Cashmere Burka”) after taking the injured Mark to the hospital for a check-up, she bumps into an old school chum named Michaela (Jean Villepique) who also happens to be a nurse. Michaela is stunned that Maggie never followed her dream to become a nurse and dropped out of school. Unfortunately, Maggie explains, life got in the way what with the death of her parents, taking care of her brother, her marital woes and a baby. As Maggie soon learns from everyone around her, there will always be obstacles in life and they can always be overcome.
The revelation about Maggie’s important because it finally gives her character a purpose. The problem, however, is that the exposition is, once-again, hurried along and too sudden to be believable. Obviously, this is a key moment in the series and coincides with Emma’s near make-out session with Mark on the couch, so it’s going to be interesting to see if Emma and Maggie support one another in their endeavors or turn on one another. Overall, “Employee of the Month” isn’t a bad episode at all. It has some funny moments but it feels uneven as the episode starts with Mark’s issues, plays cutesy, tosses a bunch of balls in the air, then catches half of them. Hopefully, this will lead to a meaningful close to the second season and a renewal for the series — but I feel like Playing House might be losing its way just a little bit.
HOMELAND season five will pick up two years after Carrie Mathison’s (Danes) ill-fated tenure as Islamabad station chief. Struggling to reconcile her guilt and disillusionment with years of working on the front lines in the “war on terror,” Carrie finds herself in a self-imposed exile in Berlin, estranged from the CIA and working as the head of security for a German philanthropist.
I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in this trailer and my big take away is that, “Wow, that’s a lot of information to get in two minutes.” That being said, I’m more hopeful about this trailer than the teaser we saw a few weeks ago and with the fresh plot line, I hope that Homeland can get back on its feet.
Homeland season 5 airs October 4th at 9PM EST on Showtime.
Date: August 26, 2015
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Corey Graves, Rich Brennan
This is an interesting show as we have the matches that were taped prior to this past weekend’s Takeover special. I can’t imagine we’ll see anything that gives away show results aside from highlights for the sake of the live crowd, meaning this could be a different looking show. This episode is also ninety minutes long. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Takeover, as you might expect.
Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady/Hype Bros vs. Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder/Chad Gable/Jason Jordan
Enzo and Cass are over with the live crowd to put it mildly. They keep it simple this week though and just call their opponents sawft. Mojo drives Dash into the corner to start and hands it off to Ryder for a quick clothesline. The fans want Enzo but have to settle for Ryder’s missile rope dropkick instead.
Now they get Enzo who does a little dance and punches Dawson in the face, setting up a big eight man staredown. Everything breaks down and the heels are sent to the floor for a HUGE dive from Enzo (with an assist from Cass) to take them down again. Back from a break with Jordan getting two on Enzo and the fans cheering for their diminutive hero. Gable bends the arm over the top rope before it’s back to Dash to keep Amore in trouble.
The villains take turns on the arm and Gable monkey flips him into the corner to prevent a hot tag. Now the fans want Cass and a tornado DDT almost gives them what they want but it’s Jordan breaking up the tag this time. Enzo sends him into the corner and NOW the hot tag brings in Cass. The big man comes in to clean house and it’s time for the parade of finishers, capped off by the Rocket Launcher to pin Gable at 13:12.
Rating: C. Totally fine eight man here as the whole point was to get Enzo and Cass out there to fire up the crowd. That’s the kind of act you always need to have on the card as they can set the pace for a show and keep everything hot. Enzo playing Ricky Morton is such a simple formula and it worked just fine here.
Regal hypes up the Dusty Classic when Neville comes in and asks for a spot in the field. The boss makes it happen.
After his title defense Saturday, Balor says he proved Japan wasn’t a fluke. The future is now.
Video on Emma.
Video on Becky Lynch.
Carmella vs. Eva Marie
Remember how much the fans liked Enzo and Cass? Reverse it here for Eva. The fans tell Eva that she can’t wrestle as she shoulders Carmella down, only to take a bad looking dropkick. Some running forearms stagger Carmella again and a backsplash gets two. We hit the seated arm crank and Eva mocks Cass’ chants. Carmella comes back with some Thesz presses but walks into a jawbreaker and the Kendrick gives Eva the pin at 4:12.
Rating: D. If Eva is supposed to be the next big thing in this division, they’re in trouble. She was adequate in there but it’s adequate in the Bellas’ fashion: if she has time and can think about every move she makes she can look passable, but if anything goes slightly wrong, it looks like her head would explode. Also good luck on getting the fans to not boo her out of the building every week. It’s forcing a peg into a hole in NXT and that’s not a good idea.
Quick look at Liger beating Breeze.
Breeze says he has a bigger idea for Regal.
Dana Brooke (with her very nasal voice) and Emma are ready.
More Takeover clips.
Video on Dana Brooke.
Bayley vs. Sasha Banks clips.
Bayley can barely speak after her match so her family comes in to hug her.
Regal puts Rhyno and Baron Corbin in the Dusty Classic against the Ascension next week.
Kevin Owens promised to break Cesaro at Summerslam and won’t talk about his loss.
Bull Dempsey vs. Elias Sampson
Dempsey has a new look, including a big robe which makes him look like Steve Williams in a way. Sampson on the other hand has a guitar and calls himself the drifter. Dempsey looks to have lost a few pounds. He headlocks Sampson down to a nice reaction but Elias punches him in the ribs to take over. A chinlock doesn’t get him very far though as Bull Hulks Up and slugs away. Bull’s top rope seated senton puts Sampson away at 4:34.
Rating: D+. This was little more than a way to showcase Bull’s new look and style and it worked more than well enough. Bull as a face is going to take some getting used to but at least the first match could have been worse. The finisher looks good if nothing else and you can’t have too many characters to throw out there if you need one someday.
Samoa Joe say the win over Corbin was just the beginning and now he wants the title.
Nia Jax is coming.
Apollo Crews loved the energy out there.
Blake, Murphy and Bliss say they were robbed, not beaten. Bliss wants Blue Pants.
Video on Charlotte.
Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Emma vs. Dana Brooke
One fall to a finish. Emma and Brooke back into each other to start and are thrown to the floor, giving us Becky vs. Charlotte. It’s a double dropkick into a double nipup before Becky takes her down with an armbar. The villains come back in to break it up as this is going to be one of those tag matches disguised as a four way for most of the match. Charlotte gets knocked outside to keep up the double teaming, including a hard slam into the barricade as we take a break.
Back with Becky getting double teamed in the corner but Dana and Emma argue over who should get the cover. They actually don’t fight but instead go after a different opponent each. The peace lasts all of ten seconds though as both of them go after Charlotte, leading to a brawl. Dana yells at Emma but they shake hands, only to have Dana take Emma’s head off. Charlotte comes back in and chops away before DDTing Emma and Dana at the same time.
It’s Becky sneaking in with a missile dropkick though and it’s time to clean even more house. A series of suplexes get Becky two on Dana but Emma comes back with some Emma Sandwiches….for the pin on Becky at 12:38. That was a confusing ending as no one seemed ready for that to be the three. Even Emma looked up at the referee with a stunned look on her face.
Rating: C+. I liked the story here but the ending took so much out of this. Emma winning couldn’t have been the original plan, at least not like that. I was really digging the idea here as it was a glorified tag match with some little twists to keep things interesting. Well done here and it’s kind of good that Emma won to potentially move her up the card.
Charlotte and Becky put on their submissions to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. There was no need for this to be half an hour longer than a usual episode. The only reason it lasted that long was because we saw a highlight of every single thing that happened on Saturday. If you’re watching NXT here, odds are you saw Saturday’s show, so why would I need to see them all again? The wrestling was fine on the other hand, especially considering it was just a collection of dark matches. Back to normal next week and I’m sure things will be fine.
Results
Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady/Hype Bros b. Scott Dawson/Dash Wilder/Chad Gable/Jason Jordan – Rocket Launcher to Gable
Eva Marie b. Carmella – Kendrick
Bull Dempsey b. Elias Sampson – Top rope seated senton
Emma b. Dana Brooke, Charlotte and Becky Lynch – Emma Sandwich to Lynch
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of NXT Reviews: The Full Sail Years Volume I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
USA has announced the postponement of the season finale of their popular show, “Mr. Robot” as a result of the live, on-air murders of two members of Franklin County’s WDBJ’s news crew.
Reporter Alison Parker and her cameraman Adam Ward were shot and killed during a live interview on the channel’s morning news program. A former station employee, Vester L. Flanagan II, was responsible for the shooting, which also left interview subject Vicki Gardner injured. Flanagan killed himself shortly after the incident.
USA’s released an official network statement, saying the following:
“The previously filmed season finale of Mr. Robot contains a graphic scene similar in nature to today’s tragic events in Virginia. Out of respect to the victims, their families and colleagues, and our viewers, we are postponing tonight’s episode. Our thoughts go out to all those affected during this difficult time.”
USA will, instead, air last week’s episode in its place.
The finale has been re-scheduled to run next Wednesday, September 2, at 10 PM EST.
Dammit, Scream. You had one job. That was it! Just one!
And you squandered it.
I don’t want to believe that writers employed for MTV’s various dramas are willfully stupid. I picture honest-to-gosh people who stare at the same blank slate I have each week and wonder how they can give their audience something to connect with. I don’t want to believe that they write scripts in four hours with Stickies attached to various pages with the words, “LET’S GET STUPID HERE” scribbled in red pen.
It starts well enough. We actually see The Killer a year before this whole mess started. We don’t see their face. They’re in a hoodie and they invade an evidence locker that has all of Emma’s personal stats and the Brandon James mask. This little moment is very cool and actually reminds me of the bit in Scream 3 where Dewey tells Sydney that The Killer raided an evidence locker in order to find everything about her life. I liked this.
Then the show started.
Last week, Mr. Branson was taken into custody by the Lakewood Police. I’d give them full credit for the bust, except Noah and Audrey did all the field work. They found the murder weapon, they called it in, they even found out that Kieran was with Nina the night she was filleted. I’m beginning to think the only reason Lakewood’s cops exist is because they’re the only ones legally allowed to have jail cells in their building. Of course, Noah and Audrey probably have to show them how they work but, still…
Emma’s curious about Branson and wants to interrogate him in order to obtain some sort of confession. Emma’s Mom’s basically like, “She has no training and she’s not a cop, but she can do this.” And Sheriff Hudson’s cool with that. I’d sit here and waste time trying to point out how that’s totally fucking illegal, except I have no strength left to do it. All I can do is cry now. I just sit and watch this shit and I whine at my TV like Bill Paxton in Aliens.
Anyone with a brain can see that Branson’s incarceration is a red herring, but the writers are content to play the angle out in the most illogical fashion possible. Branson now glowers at his interrogators menacingly, speaks in a creepy Hannibal tone and, when Emma asks Branson if this is all over now, he gets smug and cryptically intones, “I guess you’ll find out soon enough.”
But enough of all that! Emma’s back to normal! “But, Matt,” you’re saying. “what about Will and–.”
Shut up.
“But, she watched as he got chopped in ha–.”
I said shut up.
“But she was on medication and couldn’t slee–.”
I SAID…
Are you done? Good. Emma’s totally fine. In fact, she’s back to banging Kieran now. She makes out with him when he comes over to visit and Emma just welcomes back into the fold, no biggie. Let’s recap: she started the series with Will. He betrayed her trust, so she went to Kieran and had sex with him — then dumped him after Will was rescued from The Killer. She watches WIll die and, two weeks later, Emma’s not only mentally cured, she’s hot for Kieran because he’s in one piece and has a pulse. Does anyone else find any of this really awful? Because I do. She even invites him to stay for dinner which is comprised of “pizza her Mom is ordering”. Kieran’s Dad will be there, too. What’s he gonna say, “No”?
Scream does us the service of actually showing said dinner. It’s done in slow-motion as the camera tracks around the table. Music plays while everyone’s laughing and having the time of their lives. Nine episodes and we get this. It’s so completely surreal and out-of-place, even Lars von Trier would find it disturbing. But there it is. It’s just dropped in front of us, whether we like it or not, just like the Yellow Pages.
Also seemingly over her depression is Brooke. She’s staying with Jake since both her Dad and boyfriend are in jail. Because Carlson Young is contractually obligated to walk around in her underwear every other episode, she prances around in bra and panties before using the shower. Somebody’s spying on her, hacking the camera on her computer. Due to her trust issues, she automatically suspects Jake since Seth is behind bars and, after confronting him, leaves his house to “go home”. But, not to worry: Brooke’s gonna have a Halloween party! She’s even able to buy liquor, no questions asked.
As long as I live, I will never understand Brooke as a character. Nearly every single thing she does is rash knee-jerk bullshit or just plain incompetent. Her character is supposed to be intentionally “broken”. Instead, she only does things because that’s what the script says. She’s wholly unbelievable. She has trust issues but constantly trusts morons. Her life is threatened — but she does nothing to stay out of that predicament. She has sex with a guy who waffles all the time and who isn’t interested — and she goes back to him and even defends him — even when it’s apparent that he’s behind all the murders. There are characters with layers and flaws and then there are characters who are doing things for the sake of the script. Brooke is the latter. She’s worse than the kids on GLEE, and that’s something I never thought I’d say. In fact, I think Ryan Murphy has come up with more stable, solid characters than Brooke.
So, the main story here is that somebody’s been visiting Brandon James’ mother (AKA “Another Character Who Suddenly Exists On This Show”). Because Piper has no idea how to conduct a thorough investigation (she needs to team up with Noah and Audrey), she gets nothing out of the woman. The second time around, however, James’ mother claims Branson visits her. The third time around? Kieran. Yeah, it’s gettin’ weird. On top of this, Audrey and Noah discover that Kieran was with Nina the night she was murdered — but, in true Scream on MTV fashion, Emma just cannot believe this. Why? “Branson is the killer!” She tells Audrey. “The DNA test will prove that!”
All this is revealed to Emma at the school’s Halloween Dance where Emma and Kieran dress like Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega, respectively. In fact, a good minute of the show is spent reenacting the entire goddamn dance sequence from “Pulp Fiction”. What purpose does this serve? First, it’s not even a horror film. Second, who in the hell is going to “get this”? I get it because I’m in the demographic who would get it. MTV’s overall demographic is teenagers. But, fear not! Noah’s on it, spinning Chuck Berry’s “Never Can Tell” just so Emma and Kieran can do their thing before he goes back to blasting Kaskade for the young ‘uns. Eventually, Emma does confront Kieran about the night with Nina but Kieran claims innocence, then tells Emma that Branson has made her paranoid of everyone. “Even from his jail cell, he’s won,” he tells her before walking off.
The big twist in this episode is that The Killer has used this event as the giant distraction it is. While Sheriff Hudson checks out houses near the source of Seth Branson’s phone calls (illegally, I might add), GhostMcMeltFace shows up to knock his ass out and kidnap him. Then he hacks the giant movie screen behind Noah’s DJ station to show the entire school that Hudson’s tied to a tree and begging for help. It can’t be Seth right? Oh! I forgot…he kinda escaped from jail, leaving a a bit of a mess behind.
I want a strong finale from this show. It’s already locked for a second season so it has nothing to prove to its corporate overlords in New York. It’ll need a strong finish because that will keep people like me watching and I know for a fact that there aren’t many of us left. The ratings among the main demographic of this show are in the proverbial toilet. This episode isn’t exactly a sign of good things to come. Week after week, Scream gives us moronic programming, the product of a team of morons who believe that they’re catering to morons. It’s an incredibly cynical view to have.
But what else can I expect from a network that put this irritatingly distracting ad in the bottom right hand corner of my screen for two straight minutes during the show?
Ok, we may be getting somewhere. After turning in slop for weeks on end, Scream looks like it may be in for a run down the stretch. It might have a broken leg or some sort of hip condition but it will lurch toward the finish line with everything it has.
After Emma watched her boyfriend-again-for-five-minutes, Will, get sliced in half like deli meat, she’s now…back at school? Yes, she’s back at school. On pills. but back at school. Also, she’s seeing her undead boyfriend all over school with his head split open, so the pills probably need to be taken away or the dosage needs to go up. Depends on who you ask, I guess.
Emma is so damaged. She returns to school much to the surprise of everyone. As the first season is coming to a close, the net around GhostMcMeltFace is getting ever so tighter. While the police are sifting through 50 suspects (and having sex with Emma’s mom), Noah and Audrey are doing their thing, comparing stuff to movies and figuring out who the killer really is. The main suspect? Mr. Branson, the stud teacher who’s been doing Brooke every so often. At least that’s who Noah and Audrey suspect. Piper, the Plucky Podcast Pundit from…I’ve got nothing. Anyhow, Piper suspects the mayor because of the video of him dragging a gigantic body-sized thing out of his car in plastic. But, wait, it can’t be him. He confessed to Brooke that it was nothing, just a guy who OD’ed in his living room. Your usual corrupted mayor stuff. No biggee. Plus, Brooke spoke with her Mom on the phone, so everything’s fine.
Well, everything except the fact that Emma’s seeing the Will-1000 everywhere in Lakewood High’s hallways. HE comes bearing gifts: a beating heart, a necklace, something, and Emma basically reverse-engineers that in her brain and figures out that, hey! These things were at that Abandoned Hospital next to the Abandoned Strip Mall with the Abandoned Safeway and Abandoned Nail Salon! Using shit from her fever dreams, she basically figures out that her Mom was preggers with the child of Brandon James. Emma 1, Long Island Medium 0.
Meanwhile, Noah and Audrey are Scooby-Doo-ing it again. They suspect Branson as their killer and end up finding a knife hidden in the air conditioning vent, a’la Dexter. Yeah, no, Noah made that reference as soon as the reference forced itself on us. Not to fret. They also figure out that Branson hasn’t exactly been around when the Killer makes all of his/her moves — plus, he had another identity befoHe turns this evidence over to the Sheriff who immediately puts an APB on Branson — except where’s Branson? He’s about to get Barely Legal with Brooke, who’s so depressed, she feels like having hot sex in the middle of the high school theater. That is until Seth vanishes to “investigate a strange noise”, leaving Brooke to run, screaming, from the Killer in her bra and panties. That’s when the cops show up to grab Branson and bring him in — but do they have the right person?
This episode of Scream works because it did exactly what it needed to recover: cut the bullshit, advance the story, narrow down the suspects, and give the viewer what they want in the final moments of the show. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of garbage that the show asks you to put up with, starting with Emma’s visions of her sliced-up boyfriend, which is effective when it’s first seen but becomes laughable and hokey the more it’s incorporated. Also, the moment between Brooke and the Killer is horrifying and genuinely scary due to the theater set-piece being used to maximum effect. The Killer walks through shadow, then suddenly runs at leaps at her. That’s a nightmare in anyone’s book.
What also works is the confrontation scene at the hospital between Emma and her Mom. This moment feels real. In the past moments on this show, I never truly bought that Emma was actually her daughter. As soft Herrmann-esque strings score the background, her Mom fills Emma in on part of her regretful past. It’s a delicate and moving moment, but also one that underscores the notion that we haven’t been told the whole truth and that past mistakes have come back to haunt her and Emma. Lastly, the chemistry between Noah and Audrey is still the greatest thing on this show. I sincerely hope that Audrey doesn’t turn out to be the Killer (or one of them if tradition is to be followed) because it would be sad to see her go.
Scream may have found it’s final stride and next week’s episode is pivotal because it might prove that the series is able to sustain any momentum.
We are 24 hours removed from SummerSlam and it was a decent show with some very strange booking at the end of the main events. Obviously, it foreshadows what we might see at WrestleMania — but first thing’s first: let’s see what happens in the first lead-up to Night of Champions…
We start with a segment with Triple H and Seth Rollins. They’re at WWE Headquarters. Rollins brags about beating Cena, declaring “THE CHAMP…IS…HERE!” and shows off both belts. Triple H says that he’s proud of Rollins. He beat one of the greatest superstars ever. He says that Rollins is no longer “the future”. He’s “the man”. He says a promise is a promise. Rollins will have a statue next to Bruno Sammartino, The Ultimate Warrior and Andre the Giant. Rollins says that he’s excited and thanks Triple H, hugging him in a fairly moving segment.
We get the show titles…
…and we are LIVE(!!!) from Brooklyn, New York for Monday Night RAW!!!
Cole, JBL and Saxton are your hosts.
TONIGHT: Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose take on the Wyatts in a re-match from last night.
ALSO: Jon Stewart is here to explain why he did what he did.
Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman start us off, coming to the ring. Brock’s face looks a bit ripped up from last night’s fight with The Undertaker. The crowd does their usual SUPLEX CITY chant. Heyman is the “pissed-off advocate” for Brock Lesnar. Heyman wants to know what the hell happened last night. How did we go from making The Undertaker tap out to getting a victory over Brock Lesnar? Brock took The Undertaker to Suplex City. Last night, Brock locked The Undertaker in the Kimura. We get video of ‘Taker tapping out. Heyman says he knows how hard it is to stop believing in a fairy tale, but the reality is always harsh and The Undertaker tapped. He calls The Undertaker a wuss who basically told Lesnar he was a better fighter by tapping out. Heyman says he doesn’t blame the timekeeper who jumped the gun. The timekeeper knew ‘Taker tapped. Heyman says that The Undertaker collapsed on the way to the backstage area. The crowd’s getting impatient but Heyman doesn’t care. He says he has “enough material to last all three hours of Monday Night RAW”. He says that The Undertaker was desperate and nailed Lesnar with ANOTHER Low Blow. He put Lesnar in Hell’s Gate and instead of tapping, Lesnar gave the ultimate symbol of disrespect with the middle finger, telling ‘Taker to “GFY”. (DANIELLE: HEY! You and I always say “GFS”! I’m suing!) He says that The Undertaker thinks he’s the ancient “gunslinger” who can shoot it out with anyone in the back. He gets that. So, Brock wants to face The Undertaker one more time — and he wants it TONIGHT. He tells The Undertaker to get out to the ring for the re-match…
But, oh dear, out comes Bo Dallas to get murdered. Even by outrageous booking standards, this is unbelievable. Cole: “He’s not ‘The Dead Man’, he’s a con-man.” JBL: “He’s about to be a dead man…” Blah, blah, blah, BO-LIEVE! Lesnar clotheslines his head off and hits four straight German Suplexes before leaving the ring. Heyman stops him and says, “One more.” Brock goes back and hits #5 as the crowd basically advocates Brock killing Bo and yells for another one. Brock leaves again — but Heyman stops him and says, “One for me!” Lesnar goes back to the ring and puts Bo up for the F5. Heyman tells Bo to BO-LIEVE. F5 and Brock leaves for good.
TL;DR? Just watch this:
TONIGHT: Team PCB is on MizTV.
NEXT: The New Day is here in action against The Lucha Dragons.
Titus and Darren Young are at ringside for commentary. The New Day come to the ring with Xavier Woods playing “New York, New York” on a trombone.
MATCH #1: Lucha Dragons (Sin Cara & Kalisto) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day (Kofi Kingston & Big E) (w/ Xavier Woods) (non-title) Kofi and Cara go at it first. Snapmare by Kofi but Cara gets up and plants Kofi into the mat. Tag to Kalisto who Cara slings into Kofi. There’s a tussel near the ropes and Kalisto sends Kofi outside. E attacks and he ends up outside as well. Kalisto flies at them but E and Kofi catch him. Cara splashes everyone. After a break Sin Cara flips out of trouble and makes a hot tag to Kalisto who flips all over the place, beating up Kofi and hitting a Sunset Flip for two. E and Cara get into it and fall out of the ring. Kofi hits a Reverse Suplex on Kalisto and it’s the 11th Hour for the win at 6:15 as Woods plays “Taps” on the trombone. WINNERS: The New Day
RATING: 1/2 a *. Boring as hell and far too quick.
Post-match, The Dudley Boyz show up for no reason whatsoever, causing the Brooklyn Smark crowd to shit their pants.Woods goes outside and they hand him his lunch. They dump Kofi, E misses a corner splash. Bubba beats him up and hits a Bionic Elbow, Dusty-style. Woods flies back into the ring and Bubba slams him. They hit Wassup! on Woods and it’s GET THE TABLES time. The Boyz hit a 3-D and everyone in the arena is nuts. The Dudleyz go outside and taunt PTP and the segment ends.
Cole recaps when Jon Stewart cost John Cena the title. JBL forgets he’s a heel announcer and insults Stewart for “being out there”.
TONIGHT: Jon Stewart answers why he attacked Cena.
Cole gives us a look at John Cena granting his 500th Wish for Make-a-Wish. His guest is at RAW tonight.
Triple H and Steph look at Rollins’ new statue which looks like it’s made of chocolate. Rollins interrupts and they cover the statue box. Rollins says he doesn’t wanna spoil the surprise. He’s just here to thank Triple H and Steph. He sucks up to them, telling them that it’s better that they’re in charge. They tell him to get out of here so they can make him immortal.
MATCH #2: Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose vs. The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper) Dean starts with Harper and takes him down, then knocks Bray down and dives at him. Harper dives at Dean. Rerbound Clothesline outside to Harper. Reigns hits a Sitting Dropkick to Bray. When we come back, Bray has clotheslined Ambrose. Harper gets in for some stomping and a slingshot into the ropes. Bray comes back in brawls with Dean who comes back with shots of his own until Bray DDT’s him. Bray hits a Gutbuster and it’s a tag to Harper who hits a 360 Senton and Gator Roll. Ambrose breaks the side headlock and slams Harper to the mat. He goes second buckle and hits a Tornado DDT. Hot tag to Reigns who hits a Samoan Drop to Bray as well as two Arm Hook Suplexes. Side Suplex and he sets up for the Superman Punch. He misses and ends up in Sister Abigail. He escapes, clubs Harper, but Bray grabs him for a Spinebuster. Dean makes the save on the pin, then gets into it with Harper. He dumps both men out and dives at them. Back in the ring, Harper Superkicks Dean and Reigns. He and Bray pick up Roman and goe for the Shield Powerbomb but Reigns kicks out. He ends up in Sister Abigail which, I swear, hasn’t worked in a major match since WrestleMania, and SURPRISE! Reigns kicks out and hits the Superman Punch. Dean goes top rope to take out Harper outside. Reigns goes for the Spear — Wyatt Cut. When the lights come back on…what the…? A dude with a black tank, brown pants and huge beard steps into the ring wearing a black sheep mask. Nobody knows who he is. When he takes his mask off, it’s Braun Stowman of NXT but the announcers pretend like NXT doesn’t exist. Reigns tries a Superman Punch but the dude catches Reigns and tosses him across the ring and we get the DQ at 10:37. WINNERS: Ambrose/Reigns, presumably by DQ
RATING: **. Just kinda there. The action was lacking until the final few minutes.
Post-match, Reigns and Ambrose try to fight this guy but the dude no-sells everything like Zeus used to and chokes both Ambrose and Reigns out. Wyatt and his “Family” celebrate and Wyatt does his Raven thing.
After a break, we get a nice shot of the Barclay Center.
MOMENTS AGO: Evil Santa Claus beat up Reigns and Ambrose.
Miz is in the ring for MizTV. He brings out Team PCB. Miz talks them up. Charlotte “woos”. Miz congratulates Becky for beating Brie. Becky says that doesn’t matter because it doesn’t matter…that…Divas pin other Divas? Huh?! Charlotte talks about Ric Flair and calls The Four Horseman “the greatest faction in WWE history” despite the fact that they were WCW. Miz says he perfected the Figure Four. Charlotte sarcastically says that Miz lived up to her father’s legacy. Miz fights back with his entertainment prowess and presence on social media. Charlotte looks defeated by Miz’s dominant male showcasing and I’m already tired of this. Miz hits on the girls. Paige says they aren’t into him. Charlotte will take on any woman or man. Becky’s LSD kicks in and she suddenly starts fantasizing outloud about matches with ghosts and dinosaurs and cyborgs until Paige tells her to shut the fuck up. Paige says that now is the era of the female athlete. They won’t back down or surrender and they’re dominant as any male competitor.
That brings the Bellas to the ring. Nikki says that Team PCB saying they’re “dominant” is like saying “Donald Trumps favorite holiday is Cinco de Mayo”. Brie gets on the mic and the crowd doesn’t care and chants for Sasha. Fox talks and Becky calls her the “NeNe Leakes of the WWE”. Nikki says that nobody cares about wins and losses. That’s unfortunate. Nikki says that she will be the longest-reigning Divas champ in WWE history in just a few weeks and that’s all that matters. Miz tells them all to shut up which makes the neckbeards fap with glee. Miz tells them to shut up, too. He says it’s all about HIM, not them. They wrestle like a “bunch of girls”. The women get in his face and Miz begs off. The Bellas attack and the crowd is about as blah as a TNA crowd. The Bellas celebrate as we go to break. What a shitty segment.
Oh, remember that segment we just had? It’s a match now.
MATCH #3: Team PCB (Paige, Charlotte & Becky Lynch) vs. Team Bella (Alicia Fox, Brie Bella & WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella) Brie tags in Nikki who taunts Charlotte and slaps her in the face. Charlotte attacks her and brings her back into the PCB corner where Paige tags in and knees her in the face. Lynch tags in and it’s a wristlock and armbar. Nikki fights back by reversing it, then snaps Becky to the mat. Becky FINALLY fights out and rolls Nikki up twice. Backslide by Becky for two and ANOTHER wristlock. Finally, it’s a tag to Charlotte and an ARMBAR. Nikki tries to break but Charlotte knees her in the gut and tags Paige who powerslams her for two. MORE ARMBARS!!! Finally Nikki breaks and hits a Spinebuster. Paige pushes Nikki into the PCB corner and it’s a three-on-one team-up. Charlotte and Becky double-team Nikki, Rocker-styler, even doing their flip-up. The rest of the Bellas attack but they all get dumped. Charlotte hits a Suicide Dive and we go to break.
When we come back, Nikki’s got Charlotte in a Half Crab. Charlotte breaks and Nikki lunges at her. Charlotte pulls the top rope down and Nikki flies out of the ring. She acts like she’s been hurt and when Charlotte goes to pull her back in, Nikki pulls her out of the ring and runs her into a pole. Nikki just kinda stands around and tosses Charlotte around outside, then rolls her back in the ring as the crowd starts chanting CM PUNK for no reason. Fox gets back in and stars working on Charlotte’s knew. They do the wave as Paige comes in, hitting short-arm clotheslines and a kneelift. Fox comes back and botches a big boot and Paige sells it like Shawn Michaels. The crowd pats themselves on the back, yelling WE ARE AWESOME, then JBL and BORING. Paige hits clotheslines and goes for the PTO but Brie makes the save. Brie hits the Bella Buster and kicks Charlotte to the mat outside. With the ref’s back turned, Nikki hits a forearm. Fox hits a Scissor Kick and, mercifully, we’re done at 14:06. WINNERS: Team Bella
RATING: 1/2 a *. The Divas Division needs to change. A good start would be giving us a reason to care about any of what we’re seeing. An even better one would be to take the title of Nikki and have the Bellas fired from WWE. The best would be to cut half these women.
TONIGHT: Ryback, Ziggler, Cesaro and Orton vs. Sheamus, Owens, Rusev and Big Show.
King Barrett is in the ring. Stardust arrives to team with him for a match…then he kicks King Barrett’s ass, clotheslining him and hitting Cross Rhodes. He poses on the top rope until Neville shows up. Neville kicks at him and puts him to the mat, going for the Red Arrow. The match isn’t happening. I had to sit through nearly an hour of Divas bullshit to watch Neville and Stardust no-contest in two minutes? Ugh. This show…
Cole recaps the Jon Stewart steel chair thing.
NEXT: Jon Stewart explains why he did what he did last night.
EARLIER TONIGHT: The Dudleyz returned and beat up The New Day.
ON SMACKDOWN: The Dudleyz return. Because this return didn’t count, we guess!
Lillian Garcia brings out Jon Stewart. Part of the crowd has “STEWART SECTION” signs and they start chanting “THANK YOU, STEWART”. He says the crowd is welcome but he knows he upset some people — but others were happy with him. He says that there are some who are still wondering why. He didn’t do it for Rollins or The Authority, he could not let John Cena tie the great Ric Flair for 16 Championships because, in his mind, THE CHAMP…IS…FLAIR.
Flair’s music hits and here he comes! Stewart is proud and both men start strutting. Flair yells “WOO!” He hugs Stewart and tells him that he appreciates what Jon did last night — but he was pulling for Cena. He says that, sooner or later, the record will be broken and he prefers that it be at the hands of somebody he respects. The crowd boos and he tells them they don’t have to like it — just learn to LOVE it. Flair says that Jon messed up everything. Jon says he was trying to help. This brings out Cena.
Crowd is molten-hot in their “John Cena sucks” sing-along. He paces and tells Stewart they need to talk. Stewart feigns ignorance. Cena says that a lot of people will agree with what Stewart did. Cena says that, because of him, Rollins is a multi-title holder. He gave wrestlers a chance to fight for their careers. He lists all his past opponents. Stewart mocks Cena’s U CAN’T SEE ME thing. Cena says that he’s got a punchline. Stewart can stand on a line and Cena can punch him. Crowd hates that. Stewart says he couldn’t let it happen, no matter what. Stewart says that he can still win it back. Cena understands and says that he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. He grabs Stewart and hits an AA. Crowd isn’t fond of this as Cena leaves. Flair stands there, looking sheepish and tries not to laugh. WWE personnel and refs escort him backstage.
Ugh…shit segment all the way around. Mean-spirited and ugly. This is the consequence of shit-booking Cena. Let’s never do this again.
NEXT: The 8-Man Tag.
MOMENTS AGO: John Cena acts like an asshole.
Renee Young stops John Cena and asks him what the hell happened. Cena suddenly develops a Southern drawl like he’s from Kentucky and says he simply had a talk with Stewart. Now, he’ll have a talk with Rollins.
Cole talks up Sheamus and says that he has a chance to “cash in tonight”, killing any hopes we have for a match later.
MATCH #4: Dolph Ziggler (w/ Lana), Cesaro, WWE Intercontinental Champion Ryback & Randy Orton vs. Rusev (w/ Summer Rae), Kevin Owens, Big Show & Sheamus in an Eight-Man Tag Team Match How are we only getting four matches in three hours? SummerSlam was NOT that important that we needed huge segments devoted to last night. Ryback and Rusev start. Ryback hits a press and slams Rusev’s head to the mat. Tag to Cesaro who punches Ryback in the side, Rusev puts Cesaro in the whip but Cesaro hits a Powerslam in Stride. Tag to Dolph who hits a dropkick. He misses a Superkick and Rusev slides out of the ring. Rusev refuses to enter so Ryback runs him over outside. This prompts an eight-man standoff outside. After break, Ziggler punches at Big Show who just tosses Ziggler into the corner, then slaps his chest as he comes off the top rope. Show slaps Ziggler in the chest again, then slams Show down. The crowd yells “BIG SHOW SUCKS” which distracts Show. Ziggler takes over but Show just shoulderblocks him. Owens gets back in and punches at Ziggler, drops him on the top rope, then hits a Reverse Senton. He mocks Ziggler’s ass-shake and puts him in the heel corner. Sheamus tags in and just suplexes him. Sheamus wraps Ziggler’s knee around his neck and stands up. Ziggler sits up and punches at Sheamus’s head. He runs at Sheamus who catches him and hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker.
After ANOTHER break, Show continues to beat on Ziggler and tries a Chokeslam. He takes too long and Ziggler counters with a DDT. Rusev comes in and stops Ziggler from making a hot tag. The heels stomp at him. Summer slaps Ziggler and celebrates. Lana comes running over and it’s a cat-fight. Ziggler hits a Fame-Asser on Rusev during the distraction and it’s a hot tag to Cesaro who hits uppercuts on Owens and corner uppercuts, hitting four straight. He goes for the Swing. Rusev tries to make the save. He gets the Swing instead and Cesaro gets ten revolutions. Tag to Ryback and he’s all over Owens. This becomes a brawl and Owens trips him into the corner. He goes for a Cannonball but Ryback counters with a Spinebuster. He hits the Meat Hook but Owens kicks out of the Shell Shock. Tag to Orton and he clotheslines Sheamus and hits the Powerslam. Vintage Orton and RKO attempt but Show gets involved, accidentally knocking out Sheamus with the KO. Orton hits a mean RKO and the faces win it at nearly 18 minutes. WINNERS: Ryback/Cesaro/Orton/Ziggler
RATING: ***. This was fun but nowhere near as good as the match in San Jose.
Post-match, Owens and Rusev get in Show’s face about the finish. Show fends them off until Owens hits a Superkick. Rusev tosses Owens into Show and Owens hits a Cannonball. They leave. So, then the four faces get into the ring and surround Show like they’re the Nexus. Ziggler hits a Superkick, Ryback and Cesaro prop Show up, then Orton drops him with an RKO.
And, holy shit, we’re doing a long Brock/Taker recap. Ugh.
Then, we recap when Sammartino got a statue in 2014.
NEXT: Rollins will get a statue.
OMG…
EARLIER TONIGHT: Dean and Reigns got beaten up by the new Wyatt Family member. ENOUGH WITH THE RECAPS!
Aaaaaand a late Wyatt segment. Holy fucking shit. Make this stop.
Then Cena bumps into The Authority. Steph’s pissed that he AA’ed Jon Stewart and has him forcibly removed from the building for the Rollins segment.
Triple H and Steph head to the ring. Steph says she’s gonna get in trouble for this tonight — it’s her Dad’s birthday and he won’t come out here to celebrate, so she asks the crowd to sing. This is painful as fuck to listen to, but why not? We haven’t had enough padding on this show. Finally, we get down to it. Triple H says that Seth embodies a typical champion. He deserves to be portrayed in bronze. He brings out Seth Rollins.
Rollins says he joins the “Mt. Rushmore of WWE”. He’s almost part of Monument Park at Yankee Stadium. He recaps what he did last night at SummerSlam and says he is now a “legend”. He gets “choked up” and Triple H helps him come to grips with things. He says he’s now “immortal”. Holy shit, just reveal the statue already. He says that he respects Cena because Cena worked to be The Man every single day. But to BE the man…you know where this is going…you gotta BEAT the man. And that’s what he did last night. He agrees with Triple H: he’s THE MAN. He says he’s now with legends like Sammartino, Warrior and Andre the Giant. It’s time. He asks Brooklyn if they’re ready.
The curtain comes off — AND IT’S STING!!! Triple H and Steph look stunned. Sting stares at Rollins as Triple H just calmly leaves. Sting beats the holy shit out of Rollins with punches and chops in the corner, then hits a Stinger Splash. He clotheslines Rollins out of the ring. Sting picks up the title and holds it in the air. Steph yells to Sting that he’s dead. Rollins is PISSED as we go off the air.
OVERALL: This show had small moments of fun. Other than that, each match was unmemorable slop, with a terrible Divas segment and horrible, horrible padding. Why are the post-PPV shows like this now?
MR. ROBOT Season 1, Episode 9: “eps1.8_m1rr0r1ng.qt”
GRADE: A
(***WARNING: IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY SPOILERS, STOP READING NOW.***)
We already know Mr. Robot doesn’t exist. We’ve known it for quite some time. That’s what this episode tells us. Mr. Robot is the mental manifestation of Elliot who has been mentally scarred for years following the death of his father. It’s what half of the internet has suspected since the show started. Last week, the “Robot is Elliot’s father” camp was vindicated. This week, the “Mr. Robot doesn’t exist” camp got their licks in. Both are true. So, congrats. Everyone can stop fighting now.
This episode is clearly about the past, living in it, with it and eventually confronting it and facing the emotional consequences that come with moving on in the form of guilt, regret, denial, acceptance, so on and so forth.
This is hammered home from the very start of the episode: A phone rings. A familiar voice answers it: “Mr. Robot!” We see Mr. Robot…but something’s different: he’s seemingly happy, cheerful and acquiescent. He talks computers with the caller, who wants to know what kind of computer would suit them. “Right now, it’s the Pentium 90,” Mr. Robot says, explaining that it’s very fast and has an “800 MB hard drive”. Imagine that!
It’s 1994. This is a Mom-and-Pop computer store, one of those places no longer exist because larger computer superstores are all the rage. (Even the episode’s trademark title system has a “.qt” extension, an obvious homage to Apple’s old QuickTime movie files.) A man in a suit walks in. He claims that Mr. Robot’s son stole money from him. Robot wants to calm things down and talk about it, but the man just wants to yell and demands his money back, loudly telling Robot that he “doesn’t give a shit” about Robot’s calm approach to the man’s accusations. After gaining emotional high ground, the man finally cools off and asks Robot to do “the right thing”.
“No,” says Robot, after a beat. “The answer is no.” He’s not falling for the man’s moral code. Robot’s seen his true colors. This pisses the guy off. He becomes childish and brags about how he “earns money” rather than “stealing it”. He declares that he’ll call the police. He accuses Robot of teaching his son how to be thief. He calls Robot a liar. None of this phases Robot. He sits and reads his newspaper. It isn’t until the man tells Robot that he’s a “bad father” that Robot reacts. He asks the man to leave — only the man isn’t done. He tells Robot that he’s a middle-aged man doing a job his “retarded nephew” can do. He even adds a little chuckle to that attack, just to make that little jab sharper. Then he finally relents, storming off while saying he’ll be a “Best Buy” customer from now on. That might sting since corporate retail would go on to outshine shops like his.
Once he leaves, Robot confronts a young Elliot, who coughs up the $20 dollar bill. Robot tells Elliot that they’re gonna use the money to go see a movie and asks his son to choose what he wants to see. After being given the choice between Stargate and Timecop, Elliot chooses Pulp Fiction, a film Robot’s never heard of, but ok. Elliot asks his Dad why he isn’t being punished. Robot simply says, “Even though what you did was wrong, you’re still a good kid. And that guy was a prick. Sometimes that matters more.” They leave for the movie and we realize that his name isn’t Mr. Robot — the shop is named as such.
Following their departure, we witness time’s inevitable effect on things: the shop goes out of business, being replaced by cafes and small retail shops until it becomes an Evil Corp banking building — and we’re suddenly in the present. The brilliance of this cannot be overstated. From what we already know, Evil Corp ended up killing Elliot’s father. Even their property is built on his “grave”, so to speak.
The majority of the episode is spent with Mr. Robot as he works to bring Elliot into the present, promising to show him something that will finally sober him up. On the way, we get a good look at Elliot and Robot’s early life together. He was a boy who loved his father and looked up to him. One day, Elliot discovers that his father has cancer and, against his father’s wishes, Elliot tells his mother about it. This angers Elliot’s father and, after a confrontation and altercation between the two, he pushes Elliot out the second-story window of their home — or at least, that’s what Elliot remembers. His memory’s Swiss cheese if current events are any indication. Any traces of what he is or was are now bits of data on a disk.
Elliot is woefully naive to all this:
“I am remembering more and more now as time goes on. That’s a plus. It’s all starting to come back. And once we get all the answers, I’ll be back to normal. Except for the fact my dead father isn’t really dead and is sitting across from me.”
Except that Elliot isn’t living in reality. That’s the fatal flaw in his logic. Ironic for somebody who believes himself to be apathetic to major changes to his environment. The next shot to his fragile brain? Robot’s not the reason for Elliot’s spill out the window — Elliot did that to himself out of guilt when he saw how hurt his Dad was. His Dad even tells him that he doesn’t have to be angry with himself anymore — Elliot can just let go. Out of anger, Elliot quite literally does so and Robot takes a nasty bump to his head and also hurts his leg. Or does he? As Robot’s just a manifestation of Elliot, it’s Elliot who ends up hurt.
We see it later when they make it to a cemetery where Elliot finally comes to terms with the fact that his father really is dead and that he has been living out the Mr. Robot identity this entire time. It isn’t a shocker. We, the audience, already suspected it. But the way it’s presented is beautifully handled and brilliant. Aside from the fact that the episode features a soft piano version of “Where Is My Mind?” by The Pixies (a playful little nod to Palahniuk and Fincher’s Fight Club) after the reveal, Elliot continues to break the fourth wall, grabbing us and demanding answers, much like he did to his own father:
“This is happening, isn’t it? You knew all along, didn’t you?”
His sister, Darlene, and Angela show up to console him. They do their level best to get Elliot to remember what happened but Elliot struggles to comprehend just how fucked up he’s been all this time, which gives us a gem of a Pulp Fiction reference:
DARLENE: “Are you OK?” ELLIOT: “Nah…I’m pretty fucking FAR from ‘OK’.”
The aftermath of all of this leaves Elliot severely depressed, not knowing which way is up, down, left or right. Darlene wants him to go through with the plan that he conceived…but Elliot can’t even remember starting FSociety and, therefore, can’t even see the point in continuing to bankrupt Evil Corp. All Darlene can offer is that Elliot was “trying to do the right thing”. When Elliot’s self-doubt becomes too much, Darlene offers to re-fill his prescription medicine — something that his father, Edward (his real name), warned Elliot not to take because it was the very thing making him forget everything from his past.
There are two other interesting moments that play alongside this storyline.
The first is the fall of Tyrell Wellick. When we last left the Family Wellick, they were about to be questioned about the murder of Sharon, the Evil Corp CTO-To-Be’s wife. Joanna induced labor, breaking her own water using a fork (I can’t even make this up if I was high) as a stalling tactic. Here, we see that the Wellicks have had their baby (the key to the future, perhaps) — except that Joanna has now given Tyrell an ultimatum: either he fixes their standing in the world or he will be forever banished from Joanna and his own child’s life.
It gets worse when Tyrell is fired from Evil Corp because the police have pegged him as a major “person of interest” in Sharon’s murder. Phillip Price, Evil Corp’s CEO, is almost disgustingly delighted to do so. As Elliot melts down, so does Tyrell. Tears well up in his eyes as he begs for his job, telling Price that he was “on a track”, a reaction that Price says is both unexpected and disappointing and, much like Edward telling his son to let go, Price tells Tyrell to embrace reality, let go, learn from his mistakes and move on.
But what is “moving on” for Tyrell Wellick?
How about Tyrell visiting Elliot and threatening his life in a veiled manner? In response, Elliot (who, at this point, is looking for any silver lining he can find) volunteers to take Wellick to the Coney Island hideout. But why? It makes sense when you think about it. Everything that these two characters held dear, up and until this point, was stripped from them. Robot vanished and Wellick’s well-being is entirely in jeopardy. Opposites truly attract and, suddenly, Elliot and Wellick are allies. To what end is another question, one that will no doubt be answered in next week’s finale.
And how will this affect Darlene and Angela?
Angela seemed to be in good shape with the Colby plea deal — but the firm that’s helping her with the case no longer wants her help. This puts Angela in a hell of a spot. She has no income and nobody in the tech field is going to hire her due to her upcoming testimony that about losing chain of custody on the FSociety hack file. Enter Colby who visits her father’s house. At first, the atmosphere is that of a Mafia hit. Big men surround her father and everyone is silent and glaring — except Colby’s come here in peace. He knows that Angela’s been screwed over and he wants to offer Angela a position — with Evil Corp. Angela, of course, balks, saying that Evil Corp killed her mother. Except Colby’s got the high hand: it turns out that Evil Corp created an account specifically to deal with any monetary penalties enforced as the result of legal action over the toxic leak the company was responsible for. Colby will walk and Evil Corp will get a slap on the wrist and everything that Angela sacrificed will be for shit. Angela tries her best to stay strong, vowing to fight on. But Colby, smug and arrogant as ever, calmly says his piece and drops the mic:
“I have a suggestion: if you want to change things, perhaps you should try from…within. Because THIS…is what happens from the outside.”
He gestures around her father’s house, reminding Angela just how deep in debt her father really is and how she’ll soon be following in his footsteps. Have I mentioned just how great Bruce Altman is in his role as Colby? If I haven’t, I should. The man is so effortless. He’s charming and sophisticated, yet such a schmuck that you want to punch him. Even here, when he’s bullshitting Angela, you trust exactly what he’s saying. For as much as people like Elliot and Colby clash, they have so much in common. Both know how the real world works. They’ve just chosen sides and they’re seeing their interests fulfilled to the letter. And speaking of Angela’s father, he knows that Darlene’s back in town — but what’s peculiar is Angela’s reaction to this: shock and surprise. And what’s even more interesting is that we never get an answer to the question, “Where did you see her?” It’s kinda strange that nobody’s really explored Darlene, isn’t it? Last week, we saw that her and Angela are BFF’s. But are they? That one moment in this show that makes your brain pop for just a second is the bit with Angela’s father. Because if Elliot can have a manifestation in Mr. Robot…do you think…possibly…that Darlene is Angela’s…no. We can’t get ahead of ourselves.
I’m not quite sure how much longer I can grade one episode over another. I’m coming to the realization that each episode of this show is better than the last one. “eps1.8_m1rr0r1ng.qt” gives us another delicious chapter, setting us up for a hell of a final course. Rami Malek is beyond brilliant in the role of Elliot. He’s cold and frank and his cynicism wears you out but he’s so human. Watching him in this episode was like watching somebody play the role of a small child who learns about death for the first time. That’s a feat that’s incredibly hard to pull off without venturing into hammy territory. He’s surrounded by such a gifted cast of actors who are so well drawn-out, you feel like you’ve known them for years. We have the innocent Angela, the evil and calculating Tyrell, the equally-evil yet world-wise Colby and the angel-with-broken-wings in Darlene. It’s episodes like these where critics like myself consider themselves lucky to have chosen a show to review.
The finale airs on Wednesday and I’m excited. For many a series that’s been approved for another season, a finale’s a bit of a test. It sets the tone for the next season and also leaves the audience hungry for more. I’m not even sure Mr. Robot needs to try for a “great” finale.
That would just be the cherry on top of an already-delicious cake.
