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A Look Back: Fast Five (2011)

Every day this week we’ll tackle the next movie in the Fast and Furious franchise, leading up to our review of Furious 7. Buckle up and join us as we all prepare for Furious 7 and that one last ride.

 

Day One: A Look Back: The Fast and the Furious (2001)

Day Two: A Look Back: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Day Three: Tokyo Drift was the Last Great Movie about the Love of Cars and Racing

Day Four: ‘Fast & Furious’ (2009) is Perhaps the Quintessential Film of the Franchise

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FAST FIVE (2011)

Ah, one of the laziest films in the entire series. So far, we’ve had The Fast & The Furious: The Rise of Groot, 2 Fast 2 Furious 2: The 2-quel, The Fast & Furious: Season of the Witch, and Fast & Furious: The Search for the Word “The”. I mean, don’t get me wrong: they’ve been lazy. I’m pretty sure every sequel in this franchise is inspired by one of the producer’s kids playing with their Hot Wheels at the dinner table which, later, becomes a script where every three pages ends with “EXT. – THEY DRIVE OFF.”

If all that doesn’t sway you, compare the posters for the last two flicks. JUST LOOK AT THEM.

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I can just imagine Universal all proud of themselves after this: “All right! We’ve got our title and our script and our poster and it only took five minutes! Time to hit the bar, fuckers!”

In any case, the story follows Brian (the late Paul Walker), who is “in trouble with the law”. For realz, this time. Not like two movies ago when he was just “in trouble with the law”.After his buddy, Dominic (Vin Diesel), was sentenced to prison in the last movie, Brian and Dominic’s crew manage to knock over his prison bus and save him. They don’t actually show the whole ordeal. All we know is that they knocked the bus over and Dominic’s missing. So, trust them. They totally did that.

Anyhow, Brian’s only friend is his girlfriend, and Dominic’s sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster). They’re hiding out in South America — but they’re also running out of money and, by extension, basic human necessities, which makes no sense being that these people can knock over prison buses and gas haulers and tanks but, ok, they’re fucking poor now. Brian figures that now would be a good time to pull a job: one that consists robbing a DEA transport train of some hot cars. Unfortunately, some DEA guys get killed during the heist and they send in their best guy to take Dominic and his crew down.

Which one was this again?

The one where The Rock joins the cast as the superhuman “DSS Agent Hobbs”, whose primary goal is to lay the smackdown on some car-stealin’ candy asses.

Best scene:

The opening train heist. It doesn’t exactly break new ground in the action genre, but it’s worth a view just for Vin Diesel not giving one actual fuck as he, willingly, drives a car off a 50-story cliff, which has an end result similar to when Wile E. Coyote’s ACME Rocket Skates malfunction.

Best (most iconic) line:

The Rock: “Hey, Toretto, you’re under arrest!”
Toretto: “I don’t feel like I’m under arrest…”

Actual best line:

Roman Pierce: “Sexy legs, baby girl. What time do they open?
Gisele (pulling a gun on him): “They open at the same time I pull this trigger. Want me to open them?”

How fast is it?

It’s pretty fast — and enjoyable. Despite the movie ditching its “race car movie” trappings for a heist flick formula, this movie works, even though it’s just as brainless as its predecessors.

How furious is it?

The Rock just chews scenery like Pac-Man. So, I guess he makes the movie kinda furious. Dealing with John Cena night after night will do that to you. Just give him the damn veggies, get him the girl who smiles all nice and stay the fuck out of his way.

About Matt Perri

Matt Perri
Matt Perri is one of those literary Ronin you’ve never heard of until he shows up and tells you he’s a literary Ronin. He’s a native Californian, a film buff, old school gamer geek, and a sports/entertainment fan. A lifelong Giants, 49ers and Sharks fan, he also covers the world of pro-wrestling, writing recaps for WWE Monday Night RAW and Total Divas at Scott’s Blog of Doom. You can follow the guy on Twitter via @PerriTheSmark as well as here at The Workprint and his own blog, We Hate Your Gimmick.

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