Event planning can be a royal hassle for the inexperienced. It can even be a bigger pain in the ass if it is for a wedding. It can be the biggest headache, however, if the fount of diva-like behavior is none other than a seven-centuries-old imperious egomaniac with a penchant for perfection and abhorrence for the word “No.”
Welcome to the sixth episode of What We Do In The Shadows (FX) titled “The Wedding.”
I hope you brought your formal dress.
We open in on the vampire residence. As Nandor’s (Kayvan Novak) wedding night draws closer, his anxiety grows stronger, convinced that external forces are conspiring to thwart the finalization of matrimony.
It doesn’t help that both he and his best man have been bereft of slumber for one entire week. Nandor’s perfectionist nature precludes him from thinking straight and calming down, which is also taking its toll on Guillermo (Harvey Guillen).
The only thinking keeping Gizmo afloat is staying lubricated with energy drinks, but something tells me the cool and collected fabric of his brain is beginning to fray with unraveling seeming like an unfortunate inevitability.
Even when Marwa (Parisa Fakhri) requests a change of floral arrangement Nandor takes it personally. Given his hair-trigger temper, nobody seems safe around him, not even the Djinn (Anoop Desai) who can only observe the groom-to-be and his best man getting close to being on each other’s last nerve.
Having Laszlo (Matt Berry) extending an invite to human neighbors Sean and Charmaine to an all-vampire wedding isn’t sitting well with Nandor either, as he feels they’re simply another wrench in his already sabotaged nuptials
Guillermo, on his last good nerve, confronts the bridezilla. Some of his demands are simply the stuff of legend ie a live dodo bird roasting for the wraiths to dine on. Nandor’s only advice? “figure it out.”
Elsewhere, as Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and the Guide (Kristen Schaal) are figuring out club matters, they hear a ruckus in the next room. It’s Guillermo letting off some steam and with a few boots to the wall and one eviscerated pillow later, Nadja and the Guide offer their assistance to the ostensibly burnt-out familiar.
The dodo isn’t that big of an ask, as the Guide has a nest in her Chamber of Curiosities, so the next order of business is getting the Baron to agree to officiate the ceremony so off to Nutley, New Jersey they go.
Still living out his existence to the best of his ability alongside hellhound Aspen and the Sire (Chris Mark), Baron Afanas (Doug Jones) initially declines the offer due to him being a charred shell of his old visage and not even a complete husk at that!
Nadja’s plan to turn the Baron’s plight into a sight to behold is the classic makeover montage, complete with a Hall and Oates backing. I mean you can’t get any more wholesome to warm somebody’s broken spirits.
Back at the homestead, Marwa brings up to Nandor’s attention that her parents are not on the guestlist on account of them being long dead. Growing stingier with what little wishes he has left in favor of burdening Guillermo with all the planning, Nandor decides to burn one off in the name of love.
Off running errands, Guillermo runs into his friend Derek, now a full-time vampire, and part-time cashier. It’s been a while and Derek seems to be managing the lifestyle change, it hasn’t been the kindest to him when it comes to making and keeping friends. In fact, to him, the vamp life is rather lonely. Feeling bad for him, Guillermo invites him to the wedding, where he may socially spread his wings, so to speak.
Back at the abode, in a departure from her typical nature, a cross Nadja sticks up for Guillermo to Nandor’s face, convincing him to lighten the load for all involved. With the click of his pen, Nandor’s knocked out his wish for a live dodo bird, for Baron Afanas to return to his original glory, and lastly for Marwa to like all the things he likes, and just like that, the wishing well is closed indefinitely.
In a total non-sequitur, we are treated to a mock commercial of Go Flip Yourself starring the Sklars.
With everything set for the perfect wedding, Nandor looks back bittersweetly on how cavalier he’d been with the gift of instant gratification, including a wish to have his coffin closed instead of letting Guillermo handle the simple task.
It’s now wedding night and the only two mortals, Sean (Anthony Atamanuik) and Charmaine (Marissa Jaret Winokur) are being preparatorily hypnotized by Nadja and the Guide to fear not the guests and retain no memories of the festivities lay just beyond the venue doors.
As guests are filing in, a very regal-looking Nandor is still prattling on about guests who only wish the night a failure. Guillermo assures him that though it’s just nerves, he’ll be by his side, as any best man worth their dignity would.
Sean and Charmaine press the flesh with the vampiric gen du monde and Guillermo gets the party started by introducing Baron Afanas, making an entrance with as much brio and radiance as any legend, eliciting cat calls from all corners of the joint.
In sparing all in attendance an interminable speech, the Baron gets down to brass tacks, opening up the floor to any objections. The first to speak up is none other than Marwa’s mother (Aida Keykhaii), chastising the practice of being previously married to her, leaving her to die alone only to be brought back by the magic of a Djinn as unnatural.
Marwa insists this is what she wants but before being united in unholy matrimony, Nadja cosigns, as she feels Nandor’s heart just isn’t in it.
After an hour of objections from around the joint, including Laszlo praising only his marriage, the Guide professing actual love for Nandor Derek complaining about a lack of friends, to Sean and Charmaine putting in their two cents to the Sire speaking delivering a downer speech on the invariable ruination of love, the poor couple simply cannot catch a break.
Marwa does speak up, however, admitting that even she had her moments of doubt in the time leading up to being across from her forever husband, however, as of the other night, she’s had a change of heart as “she likes what he likes” bringing the crowd to tears, jeers, and cheers. Only those that witnessed Nandor use his last wish know what the marriage will be predicated on.
As the nightclub is in full swing, Nandor confirms what caused her to jump into wedded ‘bliss’. meanwhile, Laszlo shoots his shot with the Baron after learning that Nadja had a little taste of him immediately after the ceremony.
Nandor does admit to the Baron that though not exactly dead set on giving Marwa life everlasting, he’s thinking about it.
Marwa does ultimately thank Guillermo for pulling off a wedding for the ages, although awkward appreciation through smooches does hint at potential trouble in paradise before the couple’s marital bed even got warm.
In a rather thoughtful if not misguided gesture, the Djinn presents Nandor with a wedding gift in the form of a new genie lamp that only contains 3 wishes. These ought to be ruminated with a judicious mind.
Keeping the energy from slacking, Laszlo and Nadja are back to their musical roots with an original: “Who Will Come First On the Wedding Night?” and a more fitting song does not exist.
Out in the lobby, Nandor finds Doll Nadja and Baby Colin (Mark Proksch) adorning a down-for-the-count Guillermo with some phallic flare.