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Wrestlemania 31 Predictions

Who are the winners and losers at WrestleMania 31 (AKA “Play”) in Santa Clara? Our 2K Sports article gave you a bit of an idea…but this is gonna be less Turing and more human..

WrestleMania is today, live from Santa Clara, California and Danielle and I will be there in person – a dream come true, to be sure – so, we tasked Gimmick writer, Jared Patterson, with helping us with our predictions.

Let’s go!

ANDRE THE GIANT MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL

JARED
Matt’s out rubbing elbows with the stars of the WWE, so I’ll kick this shindig off. My pick for this is Sheamus. He’s been it for a while. I feel he will make his return here and take the whole thing.

MATT
It’s hard to disagree. WWE hasn’t been very subtle with their returning stars: Barrett came back from injury and he won back the IC Title. Batista returned and he won the Royal Rumble — ironically, the year Reigns should have won the thing. Bryan returned — but, like clockwork, WWE Creative decided that now was the time to kiss and make up. Reigns won and here we are. In any case, Sheamus MAY win this thing…but I think it’s gonna be Curtis Axel. Dude is riding a huge wave of momentum and I’d be surprised if he didn’t win.

DANIELLE
Matt and I saw Curtis Axel beat Heath Slater at the NXT Stage on Day Two of Axxess. Creative might have put that match on a sign of things to come. Plus with his shirt ripping antics paying homage to Hulk Hogan, he knows how to rile a crowd up, which is needed for an early match to get things started on the right foot, so why not have him do that then win soon after (as he did in Axxess). As Matt pointed out Curtis is currently riding a wave of public fan love and that goes far in Wrestlemania.

Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (Champs) vs. The New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos
in a Fatal Four Way for the WWE Tag Team Championship

JARED
Kidd and Cesaro. I feel they haven’t had the titles for very long and, since this isn’t even on the actual card for ‘Mania, they’ll retain for a later PPV.

MATT
Agree. Tyson and Kidd aren’t even fully cooked yet. I have a feeling that Los Matadores could be the sleeper favorite but today isn’t their day. The New Day is on death’s door with their DOA gimmick and The Usos are the only thing close to quality. The only issue is that they had two good runs with the titles. Kidd and Cesaro retain.

DANIELLE
Matt and Jared are both wrong as they are forgetting that The Usos are the hometown boys as they reminded us at Hall of Fame last night when they inducted their father, Rikishi, into the Hall of Fame. The Usos win and we probably see Rikishi come into the ring to dance and celebrate with them as well. 

THE UNDERTAKER VS. BRAY WYATT

JARED
The Undertaker. This is a pointless filler match, only because they don’t have a good storyline for Wyatt. Might as well let him have it, we won’t see him again for another 366 days. (Next year’s a leap year.)

MATT
I’m really torn…but I think I’m going with Bray Wyatt. First, this is the match that should have happened last year. If there was anyone more fitting to end “The Streak”, it’s Bray Wyatt. Secondly, Bray’s sucked for a LONG time. He beat Dean Ambrose up in nearly every single match, which…well, pretty much proved that Ambrose can take a beating and not care. I can’t see them sacrificing him to a guy that, by all means, should be retired because, holy shit, did you see him last year against Brock Lesnar?! That was sad, sad stuff.

DANIELLE
The Undertaker.
I have a feeling this might be his last match and while it is traditional for a wrestler to lose at his last match (horrible tradition in my opinion), having him lose for the second time at Wrestlemania especially if he will retire at Wrestlemania (a tradition I like better) would be too much of a crowd killer and a downer.

Paige & AJ Lee vs. The Bella Twins

JARED
I think the Bellas will implode with Brie attacking Nikki. Then, they’ll lose.

MATT
Paige & AJ should win — except they started an idiotic feud where there shouldn’t be a feud and, now, we have Paige and AJ at each other’s throats. I have a feeling this one ends in a screwy, bullshit ending with a distraction roll-up pin or a Double DQ or a countout. Honestly, the Divas Title should be on the line.

DANIELLE
While I’m fearing a Double DQ I don’t think they will do it. I think Paige and AJ will win, and they will do so with some of the other Divas helping them cheat to do so to turn the tides on the twins who themselves cheat a lot. Wrestlemania tends to be a big focus of the Total Divas show and they want this match to be big, memorable and possibly feature other Divas not already on the card.

Daniel Bryan, Stardust, Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, Dean Ambrose, R-Truth, & Bad News Barrett (champ) in a Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship

JARED
I’m going with Daniel Bryan. This will set him up later to get back into main card status. (Once they realize Roman Reigns really DOES suck.)

MATT
Hard to argue that. Daniel Bryan should win…barring a total implosion from WWE Creative. Really, there are two logical choices here: Bryan or Ziggler. Bryan needs this because, give me a break. Remember, last year, when he was raising the World Title with confetti coming down from the ceiling?
This year, dude’s in a match with R-fucking-Truth.

DANIELLE
It’s unanimous here, Daniel Bryan deserves to win if for no other reason then they took a perfectly logical hey he never lost storyline and threw it out the window to force Reigns on us (and this is from someone who likes Reigns a lot, just not at this year’s headliner when Daniel Bryan was available). 

Rusev (Champion) vs. John Cena for the WWE United States Championship

JARED
John Cena. It’s time Rusev got the loss and this is where he gets it. Watch for that American Flag to drop. Look for Cena to come out flanked by the men and women of our armed forces. 

MATT
If only it were that easy. John Cena by countout. Hell, I don’t even know why the U.S. Championship still exists. It’s an old WCW title that was bastardized and made into a tacky, “commemorative” piece by the McMahon Family and it should have been combined with the IC Title a long time ago. I cannot see Cena winning the weakest title on the roster — not when he’s supposed to be attempting to go for Ric Flair’s title record before he retires.

DANIELLE
John Cena
by disqualification. It’s going to look like he has no chance to win, then Lana or whoever is managing him now does something so he is disqualified. 

Sting vs. Triple H

JARED
Sting
. If he doesn’t win, that will tell you exactly how the WWE feels about its fans.

MATT
Yep. Totally agree. No reason for Sting to lose this one. I just don’t really know what this feud’s supposed to be about, really. Awesome to see Sting in WWE, though. And, what’s more — LIVE! Sting wins. 

DANIELLE
Definitely Sting. Triple H has lost more matches than he has won at Wrestlemania and this will be no exception. It’s also our little bone thrown to fans match so we forget how much we don’t want Reigns in the main event.

Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

JARED
No contest. The Authority won’t let this match happen. They’ll jump Orton and leave him decimated so he won’t interfere with their master plan.

MATT
Yeah, but unless they send Orton to the hospital, nothing’s gonna stop him from getting to Seth for the cash-in later on. I think Seth Rollins wins this one — THEN it becomes a bit of a beatdown following the match.

DANIELLE
Orton.
That’s OK, though as it perfectly sets up the last match of the night. 

Brock Lesnar (champ) vs. Roman Reigns for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

JARED
My pick? Seth Rollins. Don’t get it confused, Brock Lesnar will win, and this will be another ass-whooping given, by Lesnar, to Reigns. After the match, the Authority will come in and beat the crap out of Lesnar, then Rollins will cash in. This will set up a feud at the next PPV with Lesnar on a rampage leading up to it.

MATT
I really have no idea. This is gonna be screwy. Too many ways for it to go. You could see Heyman turn heel and go with Reigns. You could see Rollins cash in on a weary winner and get the title himself. You could see The Rock help his cousin win, starting a feud with Brock Lesnar…I’m really unsure. I know one thing: Lesnar isn’t gonna be champion at the end of the night.

DANIELLE
No question about it, it’s Seth. My guess is that they have Reigns win by DQ or count out. Then while Lesnar is freaking out about it as he just signed a new contract, Seth comes by hits both men with the Money in the Bank briefcase and cashes in. He beats Reigns, probably clean as at this point Roman is exhausted and wins for our grand finish.

Tune in to the WWE Network at 4:00 PM PST / 7:00 PM EST (FOR ONLY $9.99) to find out who wins and who loses!

About Matt Perri

Matt Perri
Matt Perri is one of those literary Ronin you’ve never heard of until he shows up and tells you he’s a literary Ronin. He’s a native Californian, a film buff, old school gamer geek, and a sports/entertainment fan. A lifelong Giants, 49ers and Sharks fan, he also covers the world of pro-wrestling, writing recaps for WWE Monday Night RAW and Total Divas at Scott’s Blog of Doom. You can follow the guy on Twitter via @PerriTheSmark as well as here at The Workprint and his own blog, We Hate Your Gimmick.

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