Look to the stars and wave your flag. Time to signal episode 5 of Space Force, “Space Flag.”
Space Force Season 1 Episodes:
Episode 5 – “Space Flag”
There are many ways we can stake our claim. We may call “Shotgun!” We may say “I got next!,” “Last standing,”or “Que Ball, Corner Pocket” or if you’re from back in the day, ya just fucking lick it. This is all childish jackassery, though… but what happens when you’re an adult and still harbor the same pettiness? Welcome to the fifth episode of Space Force (Netflix) titled “Space Flag”.
General Mark Naird (Steve Carell) gives a Patton-like speech. His squad has mere seconds to patch up a wound by the Game Master… Mark… but who is ready and raring for a fight… and he has it.
They will be wearing “Iron Man Pants”, compliments of either Lockheed Martin (founded 1995) or Raytheon (formed 2020). These exoskeletons will not only pilot the man but also bring him home. Who are they paired against? The Military, headed by General Kick Grabaston (Noah Emmerich).
Oh, it’s on. This is not a play for who is better, but rather which one snatches the job. Kick’s be grabbing at the position since Mark’s taken in an a huge… let’s just say he has it work cut out for him.
This is especially due when Dr. Adrian Mallory (John Malkovich) is bored from the meeting, saying that the suits can both bring home the injured and the dead. He’s against the machines, any machines that war can profit from. It matters none to Mark which person is set on colonizing a galaxy.
Being hit up my Adrian, he prefers Lockheed, though he says both are high-tech body bags. Mark wants none of that nonsense and proceeds, though he wants Adrian as his aide-de-camp.
He doesn’t care much for it, seeing there’s no outcome but “death,” however, he’s mercilessly harangued by Mark for not going into battle. Little does he know Mallory’s brain is thinking two steps forward, despite his nonchalant demeanor. He can predict the war before it even happens… or can he?
This is WAR…. and no smattering of conversing betwixt Mark and Kick could ever pull that apart. The Game is afoot.
These two dingbats will engage in what is to be open moon combat… in the desert. Adrian sees the absurdity in this, but when you have two men trying to see whose the more machismo, it matters none.
The first round is worth 100 and everything else is arbitrary with Space Force opting for Lockheed and the other guys going Raytheon. Let the games begin.
As Mark tries to go on a stirring and involving speech (which Adrian undercuts at all sensible angles), these greens are ready and rarin’ for battle. This includes the Daisy 760 Pumpmaster, which you all may know colloquially as a B.B. Gun. This is with purpose in Adrian’s eyes, as the difference betwixt life and death can be as small as a tear in your suit on the moon. This is war.
Oh, yeah, prepping those guns are pretty lengthy. These are basically child’s toys. You can’t even shoot your eye out with them. That’s how slow they are to prep. Hold on, even the muskets in the Revolutionary War had better loading time. Jeeze, even PS1 games had better loading… I’m getting off-topic.
Look, we all like the moon. Especially when if you’re fortunate to see the beautiful handshake agreement when it goes out and the sun comes in. That isn’t any reason for combat… but goddamn if this episode isn’t funny.
All able hands and balloons are on board, including Fuck Tony (Ben Schwartz). The only problem? Their choice to go with the Lockheed suits.
The Airforce is having a ball with Raytheon performing acrobatics that could make a gymnast blush, but it’s not about the technology… it’s about the will to survive out on the battlefield.
Though Mark has properly pissed off Adrian, accusing him of picking the wrong brand on purpose to teach him a lesson because war doesn’t belong on the moon, survival knows no allegiance, much less a fucking flag.
Stressed out and singing to himself to alleviate the pressure, Mark comes across Kelly King (Jessica St. Clair). She’s no problem with his handling of a problem… she’s just interested in him. More about that in another episode.
So here’s the rub. Each team is militarized with BB guns. Each balloon shot on someone counts as a tear in the spacesuit. If that happens, your “corpse” is marched home through which what company you back: Lockheed Martin or Raytheon.
What transpires next is probably a mixture of Francis Ford Coppola’s Patton and Mel Brooks.
As it turns out, Lockheed straight fucks up soldiers’ legs and doesn’t so much “march” them to base but rather ferries them unwillingly, redefining the phrase “kicking and screaming.”
As Space Force collapses under the Airforce’s mercy, a dark knight arrives. ADRIAN!
Dude, through sheer knowledge, is able to rain hellfire on the Airforce in the form of finding a chink in Raytheon’s technology. You can disable them with a few keystrokes.
This is overall my favorite episode. They brought the funny and that’s no mean feat so this comes as a turning point. Like a rocket ship, it can only go from here.