Six matches on the card.
And Barrett already jobbed to Truth on the Money in the Bank Kick-Off Show.
Let’s see who wins and loses this thing…
We start with a Dusty Rhodes memorial. We ring the bell ten times as WWE’s roster is on the entrance ramp to pay their respects.
Then we get the MITB sizzle reel, showing who’s on the card as well as snippets from past matches.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Columbus, Ohio for WWE Money in the Bank!!!
Cole, JBL and King man the big desk while Marcelo Rodriguez and Carlos Cabrera have the Spanish Desk.
And we are starting with the MITB Contract Match…
MATCH #1: Randy Orton vs. Neville vs. Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns in a Money in the Bank Ladder Match
It’s a Pier Six to start with Kofi avoiding everyone to set up a ladder. He starts to climb — and everyone turns around, sees him and pulls him down, stomping a mudhole in him. Every single guy starts climbing but each guy gets pulled down by somebody else. Kane and Sheamus clear the ring. Sheamus knocks Kane down and climbs the ladder. Kane gets to him and pulls him down, knocking him to the mat. Ziggler enters the ring and DDT’s Kane. He climbs the ladder but Sheamus stops him. Ziggler tries the DDT but Sheamus counters into White Noise. Reigns enters the ring with a ladder but Sheamus kicks him out and takes the ladder. Orton attacks but Sheamus nails im and sends Orton into the crowd barrier outside. Sheamus grabs another ladder — but fails to see Kofi climbing the ladder. He nearly grabs the case but Sheamus comes in to pull him down and knocks over the ladder. Sheamus sets the ladder up in the corner, picks Kofi up in White Noise but Kofi counters and kicks at Sheamus’s legs. Kofi gets on the top buckle and flies at Sheamus who catches him. Neville enters the ring and it’s chaos with Sheamus getting dumped. Kofi sets up a ladder but it’s not centered. He climbs and him and Neville fight each other off of it. Roman pulls Neville down, then knocks Kofi off. Roman moves the ladder and battles Kofi, powerbombing Kofi into the ladder that Sheamus put in the corner. Neville rushes at Reigns and tries a Frankensteiner but Reigns counters it and powerbombs Neville into Kofi!
Reigns climbs the ladder but Kane rushes in to stop him. Kane hits a Chokeslam off the ladder. Kane climbs and Orton gets in, hitting an RKO. Orton climbs the ladder but Kofi is up, grabbing Orton’s leg. Orton falls and hits the RKO on the way down. Orton looks up — and Neville springboards to the ladder! He climbs but Orton gets up, yanks him down — AND RKO’S HIM! Wow. Sheamus gets in and climbs and actually has his hands on the hook of the case — but Orton pulls him down and knocks him to the mat. Orton climbs again but Sheamus pounds on his back and it’s a fist fight until Sheamus nails him with a Brogue Kick. Sheamus sets up the ladder and here comes Ziggler to fight him off. Ziggler grabs the case and NEARLY unhooks it but Sheamus gets in the way and it’s a brawl at the top of the ladder. Sheamus climbs and grabs the case hook but Ziggler punches him. Sheamus grabs the case but Ziggler’s had enough and climbs around, putting the Sleeper Hold on Sheamus — then hits a HUGE Zigg-Zagg off the top of the ladder! Neville hits the top buckle and hits the Red Arrow but appears to have injured his wrist on the fall. Ziggler and Neville both begin their climb up the ladder and battle at the top. Finally, Ziggler is knocked off! Neville grabs the case…but Kane is there to pull him down. Ziggler comes in and hits a Superkick on Kane.
Ziggler and Neville grab the ladder and run at Kane who just destroys the two with it. He baseball slide kicks it into them from the inside. He turns around and Kane eats a Superman Punch from Roman Reigns. Reigns hits a Suicide Dive to everyone…and then the New Day shows up, putting Kofi back into the ring. They toss a ladder in and stand guard as they watch Kofi climb. Suddenly, Reigns nails them all with a Sitting Dropkick. Kofi is near the top. Reigns races in and starts pulling him down. Kofi struggles with Reigns until Reigns grabs him and POWERBOMBS HIM INTO EVERYONE OUTSIDE. He goes for the ladder and has his hands — Wyatt Edit…what the holy hell? Bray Wyatt shows up, knocks the ladder down and hits Sister Abigail on Reigns. He leaves. Sheamus climbs and fights off Nevill to grab the case and win the match at around 21:00.
RATING: **3/4. Too much of these guys just laying around doing nothing. And, really? Sheamus? I like Sheamus a lot but this is random as hell with a twist that makes no sense whatsoever as Sheamus really doesn’t fit into the title picture.
Renee Young interviews Paige backstage. She says she will bring “change” to the WWE Divas division “for Dusty” whatever the hell that means.
MATCH #2: Nikki Bella (champion) vs. Paige (challenger) for the WWE Divas Championship
The two women lock up a couple times then battle in the corner with Paige kicking at Nikki’s head. Nikki gets out of the ring, clutching her cheek, then gets back in only to have Paige toss her out the other side. Paige his a 360 Flipping Kick off the mat, then gets up on the crowd barrier. Nikki grabs her and drops her, face-first. She rams Paige’s back into the edge of the mat, then rolls her into the ring for a two count and chinlock. Paige breaks and hits a Sunset Flip. Nikki rolls out of it but Paig e knees her in the face. Two count. Nikki recovers and hits Body Scissors. Paige breaks but Nikki knocks her down and it’s Chinlock of Doom #2. Paige breaks and hits a High Kick to Nikki for two. Paige goes for the PTO but Nikki counters into a Spinebuster for two. Nikki misses a splash in the corner and Paige elbows her. Paige hits a modified version of the PTO but Nikki breaks it as we suddenly get a random shot of the Divas watching the match backstage. Nikki slams Paige to the mat and goes for the Rack Attack but Paige fights out and goes for the PTO but Nikki counters and kicks out. Nikki hits an Enzuguri of sorts but Paige kicks out. Nikki tries the Rack Attack but Paige counters and hits the Ram-Paige! Two count! Paige puts Nikki on the top turnbuckle but Nikki knocks Paige off. The two brawl in the corner, both on the second rope. They knock one another off — and it’s another Twin Magic spot…but, this time, Paige rolls up Brie and WINS! Oh, but wait. No. The ref sees that Paige pinned Brie. Brie pulls tissues out of her bra, which is the only thing redeeming about any of this. Paige kicks her to the mat. Nikki comes in, hits the Rack Attack and wins at 10:45 or whatever. I stopped the watch far earlier. What a joke.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Nikki Bella via Rack Attack
RATING: **. We already had a Dusty Finish. Now, it’s a Dusty Finish plus the fact that the ref didn’t DQ Nikki meaning Nikki just wins no matter what plus the fact that Paige is reduced to a crying wreck after that…how fucking stupid does the Divas Division need to get?
Oh, good. The Miz is here. He yells a lot. And he’s at ringside. We’re being trolled tonight. I can’t wait until Miz costs Ryback the title.
MATCH #3: Big Show (challenger) vs. Ryback (champion) for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Ryback hits a Meathook right away but Show dodges Shell Shock and rolls outside. Ryback rolls out and attacks Miz, sending him into the announce table. Ryback gets back in the ring but Show hits a Flying Bus, knocking the wind out of Ryback. He slaps Ryback’s chest, then slams him. Ryback fights back but Show just shoulder tackles him. Ryback fights back again and hits a Cross Arm Breaker. Shows breaks and Ryback hits a HUGE suplex. Warrior Splash gets two. Ryback goes for the Meathook but flies into the Chokeslam but Ryback kicks out at two. Show sets up for the KO Punch but Ryback ducks and goes for the Shell Shock. Show kicks out and hits the KO Punch…but Ryback rolls out of the ring. Miz goes for the attack but Show gets in his way. He rolls Ryback back in — then Miz attacks Big Show for the DQ at 5:30. Sigh.
WINNER: Big Show via DQ
STILL CHAMPION: Ryback
RATING: 1/2 a *. This show is quickly collapsing.
We get the sizzle reel for Owens vs. Cena and here we go…
MATCH #4: NXT Champion Kevin Owens vs. WWE United States Champion John Cena (non-title)
The two hold up their belts to start, then grapple with Cena hitting a shoulder tackle. Owens returns the favor. Owens starts throwing some punches and puts Cena in a headlock but Cena breaks and hits a clothesline to Owens’ nose. Owens hits an immediate dropkick and Senton, getting two. Cena hits a dropkick and hits Moves 1 and 2. Owens dodges #3, then hits Cena’s first three moves! He goes for the 5KS and hits it. He goes for the AA but Cena counters with the STF. Owens gets to the rope to break, then tries the AA but Cena counters into a reverse suplex, getting two. Cena tries to follow up but Owens hits a Codebreaker, nearly getting a fall. Cena hits Move #3 and goes for the 5KS, hitting it. He goes for the AA but Owens reverses and hits a Lesnar-like German Suplex. Owens follows with a Corner Cannonball, getting two. The two trade punches until Owens grabs Cena and drops him on his back, getting two. He puts Cena near the turnbuckle and goes for the Flying Senton but Cena gets his knees up. Cena puts Owens on his shoulders and puts Owens to the mat, face-first. He gets a two count. Cena sets for the AA and hits it but only gets two. Cena yells at the ref for a slow count but the ref tells Cena to back off. Cena puts Owens on the top turnbuckle and goes for the AA again but Owens counters and Powerbombs Cena! TWO COUNT. Owens goes for the Pop-Up Powerbomb but Cena counters it on the way down, then runs at Owens who hits a MEAN Superkick and gets two. Holy shit. Cena elbows Owens then hits a Tornado DDT for two. Cena misses a Flying Legdrop. Owens hits a Driver and, AGAIN, nearly gets a fall. Cena’s in the middle of the ring. Owens misses a Moonsault and Cena hits an AA! 1…2…3KICKOUT. What a match. Cena lifts Owens up and places him on the top buckle again. Cena goes for the Superplex but OWENS COUNTERS IT AND REVERSES IT IN MID-AIR. NEAR FALL. Owens grabs Cena who counters and hits the STF. Owens breaks it and tries a Sunset Flip. Owens won’t fall so Cena flips and hits a Sitting Powerbomb! NEAR FALL! Cena runs at Owens who grabs him for the Pop-Up Powerbomb AND NEARLY GETS THREE!!! Owens punches at Cena, telling him to stay down. He shoves Cena into the ropes for another Powerbomb but Cena hits the Springboard Stunner and the AA to win this at 19:13. What a match.
WINNER: John Cena via AA
RATING: *****. This one was just as great as the last one. What a match.
Post-match, Cena and Owens go face to face. Cena shows his respect for Owens and hands him the NXT Title. He offers his hand and Owens shakes it. Cena goes to raise Owens’ hand but Owens knocks him down with a kick. Cena rolls out of the ring. Owens powerbombs Cena into the edge of the mat, then goes in the ring grabs the U.S. Title and drops it with Cena who’s being tended to by the entire referee staff and a doctor. Owens laughs like The Joker and goes up the ramp.
Renee Young is backstage and promises us an update on Cena’s health. She has Dean Ambrose backstage. Ambrose says he’s not an animal. He took what was his and, tonight, he will be the World Champ.
Cole, JBL and King talk about Dusty Rhodes and we get his memorial tribute again.
AFTER RAW TOMORROW: Dusty Rhodes – Celebrating the Dream
The New Day is out for their match. They say what happened to Kofi wasn’t fair and ask fans to give him “clap therapy”. He’s absent…for now.
MATCH #5: The New Day (Xavier Woods & Big E) (champions) vs. The Prime Time Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil) (challengers) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Young and Woods start off but Woods elbows Young in the face and it’s quick in-and-out tags with a Mudhole Stomp in the corner. Big E throws Woods into Young with a Sitting Dropkick. Woods hits a legdrop while Big E hits a Warrior Splash. E puts on a Abdominal Stretch. Young breaks but still gets beat up in the heel corner. Woods tags in and splashes him and hits a front facelock. Young breaks but gets kicked in the face and it’s a side headlock. Young fights out but ends up getting double-teamed again by Woods and E as they destroy Woods with a clothesline. E misses a rush and hits the corner post instead. Tag to Titus and he shoulder tackles Woods, then sends E out of the ring. He hits a backbreaker on Woods, then tosses him across the ring. Titus tackles Woods and nearly gets a three count but E interferes. It’s chaos with Titus hitting a Sitting Powerbomb…for the win?! Wow. Time around 5:31.
WINNERS AND NEW CHAMPIONS: The Prime Time Players
RATING: *. This was awful. Darren getting his ass kicked and Titus coming and destroying everyone by himself — then somehow winning the titles? Just nonsensical on every level. That, and there wasn’t much to it. They had the time to dedicate to this thing and they went a whole five minutes.
We visit the CNN WWE News Desk where we revisit who won the MITB case.
We get the build-up reel for Ambrose and Rollins.
Rollins walks backstage and J&J is behind him. So is Kane. Kane says that he’s been waiting for this moment and tells Rollins that he’s dug his own grave. He says that the future is history. Steph and HHH are there as well. Steph says that they’re still behind Rollins…but if Ambrose wins, they’ll have nobody to blame but him. HHH tells Rollins to clear his mind and stand on his own two feet. He wants Rollins to show everyone why HHH chose Rollins.
MATCH #6: Dean Ambrose (challenger) vs. Seth Rollins (champion) in a Ladder Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Ambrose clotheslines Rollins to the mat and chops at Rollins’ chest. Ambrose drops some elbows and hits a Crosslock. Rollins breaks and Ambrose rushes him in the corner. Rollins kicks at him and stomps at him in the corner. Rollins sends him out of the ring. Ambrose gets back in, sends Rollins outside the ring ropes and chops at his chest. Ambrose hits a standing clothesline then runs at Rollins who trips him and sends Ambrose into the buckle. Ambrose rolls out of the ring. Rollins body slams him and goes for a ladder. Ambrose flies into the ring and then dives outside, nailing Rollins. Ambrose grabs a ladder and heads to the ring. He puts the ladder against the mat and tries to toss Rollins into it but Rollins scales the ladder and jumps on the mat. It’s chaos with Ambrose somehow sending the ladder into Rollins. He puts the ladder in the ring but Rollins pulls him down. They trade climbing spots over and over, then they both go up two sides of the ladder. Ambrose knocks Rollins off the ladder, then folds it and sets it up in the corner.
Ambrose tries to suplex Rollins into it but Rollins doesn’t budge. He fights out but Ambrose counters and hits an Arm Hook Suplex into the ladder. Ambrose sets the ladder up in the corner and hits a Flying Elbow Drop into Rollins and then kicks him out of the ring. He sets the ladder up again but Rollins comes in with a chair and hits Ambrose’s knee with it. Rollins climbs the ladder but Ambrose stops him. Rollins kicks him away and stomps at his knee, then drops the ladder on him. Rollins puts Ambrose in the corner, then kicks at Ambrose’s knee. He takes the ladder and rams it into Ambrose’s knee. More hurt knee spots as Rollins works on the knee of Ambrose with the ladder. Rollins picks Ambrose up but Rollins pulls him down and wraps Ambrose’s knee around the steal pole, then hits a Figure Four to honor Dus–uh, Ric Flair, I guess. Back in the ring, it’s ANOTHER Figure Four by Rollins. Ambrose fights back with slaps, telling Rollins to bring it on. Ambrose turns the Figure Four around. Rollins breaks.
Rollins puts Ambrose up on the top buckle and stomps away at Ambrose’s head. He grabs the chair again and whacks Ambrose’s knee HARD. He climbs the buckle and stomps right on Ambrose’s chest. Ambrose just hang there as Rollins sets up a ladder and climbs. Ambrose finally gets loose and knocks the ladder over. He punches at Rollins until Rollins knocks him back. Ambrose goes for the Rebound Clothesline but Rollins pulls the ladder up, knocking Ambrose flat. Dean Ambrose gets up and takes the chair and just throws it at Rollins. Ambrose goes for a Superplex but can’t handle the weight of Rollins. Rollins tries to go for a Springboard but Ambrose knocks him down and then nails him with a hard clothesline. He goes to town on Rollins, hitting quick punches, then clotheslines him out of the ring. Rollins tries for the backstage area but Ambrose chases him. They fight. Rollins fights Ambrose off, then runs to the ring to set up the ladder. He picks it up — then throws it Ambrose, who ducks. He gets in the ring. Rollins fights him off and Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline.
Rollins gets out of the ring and the two fight into the crowd. Rollins manages to fight off Ambrose and lose him about 20 rows up, then goes under the ring for a ladder. He sets it up on the Announce Desk but Ambrose appears out of nowhere to fly at Rollins and knock him down. The ladder is set up as a bridge to the ring. Rollins goes for a Powerbomb but Ambrose fights out and hits a Back Body Drop on Rollins who flies into the ladder. Ambrose goes under the ring and pulls a ladder out. He sets it up in the ring with the crowd cheering him on. Ambrose begins his climb which is ultra-slow…but Rollins picks him up for a Buckle Bomb. Ambrose fights out of it and the two fall out of the ring. Ambrose clotheslines Rollins over the Spanish Announce Table. The two get to their feet and fight it out until Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds! Dean gets to his feet and climbs into the ring. Ambrose climbs the ladder again…very slow. He’s almost there….then Rollins runs in with a TV monitor and nails Ambrose in the knee with it. Rollins gets to his feet and he begins to climb…but Ambrose is up and stops him…Rollins kicks Ambrose off — then hits The Pedigree! Rollins sets up the ladder again and climbs, grabs the title and — Ambrose gets up and grabs at Rollins…Rollins kicks him, gets off the ladder and runs at Ambrose, who sidesteps him.
Ambrose crawls to the ladder but Rollins pulls him outside, sends him into the Bridge Ladder, then hits two Buckle Bombs into two sides of the crowd barrier. He goes under the ring, gets a bunch of chairs, then puts them on top of that ladder that was bridging to the ring. He Powerbombs Ambrose into it and Ambrose is just plain out. He buries Ambrose under the ladder and bunch of chairs, then gets up and into the ring. He climbs the ladder and gets to the belt…but Ambrose is UP!!! He climbs OVER Rollins! They both get to the title and they BOTH fall with it…but Rollins is the one who comes down with it in the end to retain at 35:41.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Seth Rollins
RATING: ***1/2. Another “Dusty” style finish. Three in two weeks. Just, no. In any case, the finish, the first ten minutes and the last bit before the finish when the match really slowed to a crawl (plus the “TV-monitor-takes-out-Ambrose” but) brings this match down from what WAS going to be *****.
Post-match, Triple H comes out to congratulate Rollins while JoJo comes out of nowhere to interview Seth. He rants about how he’s the best of all-time and how he’s awesome. The show ends with Ambrose glaring at him.
OVERALL: Two great matches in the middle of a bunch of so-so garbage. It’s still a solid show. I’ll go ***1/4 for this.
Er, that’s it.