‘Dancing With the Stars’ Review: Where the Hell Is Len?

It was “Cirque de Soleil” week on Dancing With The Stars, where all the songs and dance routines were inspired by and taken from Cirque shows. In addition, the dances featured performers from “Cirque de Soleil,” doing everything from acrobats to aerialists, breathing fire, and other odd circus events. At the top of the show, Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews stand side by side, and Bergeron looks like a human Emmy Award standing next to her, he is so short. Erin could put him in her pocket and take him home.

Bergeron makes the funny comment: “Tonight we are looking for the level of excitement that exists in Bruno’s head 24/7.” Speaking of the judges, where the hell was Len? He was missing in action in this episode, and I gotta say, I MISSED HIS CRANKY ASS. Bergeron gave a vague and quick “explanation” at the top of the show that made little sense – something about “our head judge passed out earlier”, but he didn’t expand on it. At least, that’s what I think he said. Perhaps Len was napping, or maybe it was pork chops and applesauce night back at the nursing home, and he didn’t want to miss it. In any case, let’s get started on the dancing, shall we?


Performed the Charleston, from the show “Kurios.” There was a dude on a flying bike behind them the whole time, so it was hard to pay attention to what the heck they were actually doing in the dance. It was good fun, though, and quite athletic. Julianne said, “you nailed that!” Bruno said: “You were tossing her in the air like she was a pancake!” Len said nothing because he didn’t exist on the show this week.

Scores were 8/7/8.


The show was “Mystere”, and the dance was Argentine Tango. Her wrinkly face and neck get creepier each week, and she cries a lot during rehearsals. He was frustrated with her, then they had a really good dance. Again, there was a dude doing flips in the background, which I found way more riveting than their dance. Bruno called Maureen a “1920’s beauty queen”, and Carrie Ann said, “we were drawn into you, it was dreamy.” Maureen freaked out with excitement at the scores, yelling: “Dreams DO come true! They do!!!” Okay, Marcia. Calm down. It’s just a meaningless score on a fun little dance show.

Scores were 8/8/8.


They danced the Foxtrot to the Beatles “Here Comes the Sun” , from the show “The Beatles Love.” Holy hell, he is sexy. The dance was cute and sweet. He was fully dressed this week, which I did not care for or agree with. Carrie Ann loved the choreography, and Bruno said he was “bathing in the afterglow. I’m still high!” Well alright then.

Scores were 8/7/8, and Bruno enjoyed his joint and got the munchies.


They did the Pasa Doble to the show “Ka.” It was a really cool dance, that ended with her shooting an arrow at Derek, metaphorically. And then he dies. Metaphorically. Julianne thought the creativity in the dance was “out of this world”, and then Bruno stood up and said lunatic type things that nobody understood.

Scores were 7/7/7.


Their dance was very sensual, and Julianne said, “this is your essence.” Bruno said it was “Hot! I would have plenty more of that dish, I’ll tell you that!” Okay, then.

Scores were high, but not as high as Bruno, at 8/8/8.


The show is called “O”, and they dance The Viennese Waltz. In their black and white costumes, they looked like moving chess pieces, which was very cool. Julianne said, “you’re on the right track, great dance.” Bruno said something weird about yin and yang, and then random people, protesters maybe, began yelling things at Lochte once again, during the scoring.

Judges scores were 7/8/8.


They did the Tango, from the “Beatles Love” show, and the song was “Come Together.” The premise was really cool, a bunch of moving spotlights that they had to find and dance into. What ended up happening, though, was quite the clusterfuck. It looked like they were chasing and running after each spot, and they could never catch up. The timing was very off. He knew it and had a good attitude about it. Julianne noted it was not their best performance, while Bruno yelled something insane about “It was like POLTERGEIST! STAY IN THE LIGHT!” What??? Carrie Ann noted: “Next time, I want it harder.” Oh, I’ll bet you do. WHERE THE HELL IS LEN??? I miss him. This episode was boring without him yammering on and on about things, and acting all cranky-like.

Scores were bad at 6/6/6.


From the show “O”, they did the Samba, and it was wonderful. She moves very well and has great rhythm and timing and a good feel for the music. Bruno said, “you light my fire!” Carrie Ann said, “you’re in a league all your own.” Julianne called it sexy and told Terra that she was officially a dancer.

Scores were 9/8/8, making her the first cast member to receive a 9 this season.


This was the dance of the night, by miles and miles. From the show “One”, they danced to the Michael Jackson classic song: “The Way You Make Me Feel”, and it was fantastic. So fast, energetic, and so much like the original music video. Maks played Michael himself, and Laurie played his love interest. I want to watch this again and again. Carrie Ann said, “a star is born!” Julianne called her the Queen of the Ballroom, and Bruno said it was stunning. Scores were 10/10/10, making that the first tens and

Scores were 10/10/10, making that the first tens and first perfect score of the season. Laurie’s reaction backstage with Erin was in¬†complete and utter shock.


They did the Viennese Waltz, from the show “La Nouba.” There was a woman spinning upside down behind them on stage. He danced pretty well, though. He is likable. Carrie Ann thought it was much improved, and told him to keep it up.

Scores were 8/7/8.


The Quickstep was the dance, and it was pretty awesome. Carrie Ann couldn’t get words out, so she made weird sounds instead. “Hammered it. Boink! Wee!!!! Yay!!!” What the …??? Bruno called them “pure Fred and Ginger.”

Scores were the second highest of the night at 9/9/10.


It was a double elimination this week, so two couples went home. They were:

Babyface and Allison AND Vanilla Ice and Witney.

I hope Len is back next week. I can’t handle watching this show without him.

Latest articles

Related articles

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.