Schitt’s Creek is back for its sixth and final season with a premiere that packs some of my favorite one-liners, facial expressions, and hijinks while setting the stage for David and Patrick’s wedding.
“I fit my highschool best friend into a suitcase way smaller than this when we were crossing the border between Laos and Vietnam, so I’m pretty sure I can figure this out.” – Alexis Rose
Picking up about a week after the end of Season Five, “Smoke Signals” finds Alexis poorly packing for her six-month trip to the Galapagos to accompany Ted. To her shock, Alexis learns that David and Patrick planned to see wedding venues without her. To add insult to injury, both Johnny and closet-dwelling Moira were extended invites.
David: “Touring a wedding venue is an incredibly intimate thing and we wanted to keep it small.”
Alexis: “You invited Dad.”
Patrick offers Alexis an invitation to the wedding venue (with Alexis getting a free ride to the airport after), but the tension between the two siblings continues past the walls of the motel.
“It’s the only venue for miles that doesn’t look like a crime scene from a missing person docu-series.” – David Rose
At the wedding venue, everyone quickly falls in love with the place but there are a few caveats. The venue’s price is extremely high, prompting David to ask “Is there a package lower than the bronze package, perhaps a copper package?”
Luckily for David, there is an opening available in a month’s time. Sadly, this would exclude Alexis and Ted from attending. Herein lies the rift between the two siblings.
Alexis, in her attempts to keep herself from backing out of her trip to the Galapagos, has repeatedly thrown her upcoming trip in the face of her family. It’s not surprising when Stevie alerts Alexis that this is the reason David is upset.
This particular spat between the siblings only highlights the growth of the characters throughout the series. Alexis, who did everything in her early days to escape the town and avoid her family, now finds it hard to leave those she loves and head into the unknown. David, who like Alexis tried to find a way out of Schitt’s Creek, has spent the last few seasons setting roots in the small town with his business and finding his husband.
The two end up apologizing, after a hilarious mix-up with Alexis misreading the date of her airline ticket. Instead of booking her ticket for July 8th, Alexis managed to book it for August 7th instead – a mistake she’s apparently made in the past for Kate Winslet’s wedding.
This opens up the venue for the taking, but the sound of pigs being slaughtered at a nearby farm quickly changes everyone’s plans.
Later when the family meets up for lunch, Patrick suggests to David that they get married in the backyard of the motel. If anyone could pull it off, it would be David.
The idea of a wedding at the motel feels perfect for the series. What once was a place of hell for the Roses, has slowly brought the family together and helped them grow as people.
“David, I’ve asked you not to overindulge in that smoky cologne. It’s enough to give someone a seizure! *coughs* Is someone vaping?” – Moira Rose
It’s safe to say Moira has started to lose touch with reality after learning her movie, The Crows Have Eyes 3: The Crowening, was shelved in Season Five finale (during David’s much-spoiled engagement announcement). Her self-banishment to the closet still holds true a week after learning the news. Her shame has led to David’s embarrassment leading him to warn Patrick to avoid coming into his parent’s room to find a disheveled wig-wearing Moira.
After everyone leaves, Moira is left alone in her closet as smoke slowly starts to seep in through the vents. The latch on the closet refuses to open, causing Moira to panic. Roland bursts into the room and releases Moira from her self-inflicted imprisonment leading to an onslaught of amazing one-liners that include:
- “This is not how I go!”
- Roland – “Moira!”
Moira – “Stevie! Thank God!”
- “My legs are in slumber. Carry me!”
- “My baebaes! My girls!”
- “If she [a wig] takes on smoke, she’ll never recover!”
Reeling in her near-death experience, Moira tells Johnny that perhaps it’s time to end her acting career. “This may come to a shock to you my dear. I don’t believe my career has been that kind to me.”
It’s a sad moment, but there seems to be an underlying bright future for the older couple. It almost seems as if Johnny and Moira have relinquished any thoughts of becoming rich again and have accepted their life in the small town of Schitt’s Creek.
Unfortunately for Johnny, Moira receives news that The Crows Have Eyes 3 has been picked up by a streaming service called Interflix. Any dreams of hanging up her career go right out the window. Old Moira is back with her nearly impossible vocabulary.
- “I’m not wearing them [high heels] on the plane. They hand out slippers with the mimosas.” – As much as Alexis has grown as a character, I still love her detachment from reality when it comes to living a normal life
- Apparently Ted isn’t upset with Alexis’ month delay as he hasn’t lizard proofed their place. How many lizards are there?!?!
- I wish Stevie had more to do this episode. There is a scene of her questioning what is next for her after Cabaret and seeking more meaning for her life outside of Schitt’s Creek. It’ll be exciting to see where the final season takes her.
- “I’m moving to a place that doesn’t have a Sephora for literally 2,700 miles, so I’m sorry if I’m trying to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing!” – I relate to this line so much more after being married to wife.
- There are many amazing quips this episode. This may be my favorite:
Patrick: “What if we got married here?”
David: “What if we got married under a highway overpass?”
Final Grade: A-