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‘Dancing With the Stars’ Review: Tickle My Bum and Call Me Donald

Well, it was “Disney Night” over at Dancing With the Stars, and you know what that means – lots of glitter, princess gowns, and Len Goodman making THE most random comment of all time (see title of this review). Guest Judge and former runner-up of the show, Zendaya, was in the house. The show opened with a rousing rendition of “Be Our Guest” with Mickey, Minnie, and a whole lot of pro-dancers, and amateur ones. Let us begin before Len falls asleep:

ANTONIO / SHARNA: They danced to “Friend Like Me” from Aladdin. It was a Jazz routine, complete with white suit and top-hat. Extremely entertaining dance, great steps. Len called it “your best so far.” Zendaya said “I was smiling the entire time.” Carrie Ann made a horrible pun with: “I wish I had a friend like you!” Oh, I’ll bet you do! And Bruno rounded out the comments with: “You’ve been PIMPED!” What??? Scores were 9/8/9/9.

MARLA / TONY: They did a Waltz, to “Part of Your World.” Marla played the mermaid of course, and the dance was very fantasy-like and made to look underwater. It was pretty good, but the underwater effects made me slightly dizzy. Carrie Ann told Marla that her HANDS “were not in character.” Really? Her hands??? Should she write a character backstory for her hands? Give them each an intention? What does that even mean? Carrie Ann is obsessed with people’s hands. Bruno said: “Daaaahling!!! Nothing fishy about that! Slippery when wet!” Dude, what on earth are you yapping about? Scores were across the board at 7/7/7/7.

NYLE / HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD!!!: The Samba. He was Tarzan. And shirtless. OH MY. Did I mention that he was shirtless? And those hips. Swaying back and forth. And that ass! Wait, did I just say that? I’m sorry. What were we talking about again? Right, the dance. The Samba. Something about Tarzan. Please just keep dancing shirtless. Wow. Len actually made a funny joke with the comment of: “You know, I look at your body, and we are so much alike!” Horny Carrie Ann said: “What can’t you do? You are the happiest place on earth!” Yikes. I bet she would like to go there. And Bruno screamed violently: “Perfectly undressed for the occasion! Emmy Award for Best Supporting Loin Cloth!!!” And oh yes, that loin cloth. Did I mention the loin cloth? And the body? And the … well … he is amazing. Bergeron asked him about keeping rhythm and not being able to hear, and he said “sound has never existed for me, so in a way, it’s easier than if I knew sound and then didn’t.” Wow. I love this guy. And that chest …. Wait where was I again? Oh yeah. Scores: 8/8/9/9.

DOUG / KARINA: They did a Jazz routine to “Spoonful of Sugar” from Mary Poppins. They had giant canes and hats and it was all very cute and sweet and very well-intentioned, but Doug’s timing was very off. They went so far as to attempt a kickline on the judges table. Bit of a frantic mess, but great effort, and I like Doug Flutie, he is such a genuine guy and he is trying so hard. He isn’t awful. I’ve seen worse. Len said it was “out of sync”, like his pee stream. Bruno punned: “The medicine kicked in about halfway through.” Hahaha!!! Scores were pretty harsh at 6/6/6/6.

KIM / SASHA: They did a Quickstep to “Be Like You”, and it was lots of fun. Len said it had “plenty of zip, and a bit of doodah.” Okay, then. Bruno screamed; “Fastest girl in the jungle!!!”, and Kim screamed like a maniac again in total over-reaction excitement, and then she jumped over the table and hugged Bruno. She gets WAY too excited about pretty much nothing. Wow. Scores were 8/8/8/8.

JODIE / KEO: They danced with an animated figure and it was a bit off. The Cha-cha, and definitely lots of fun. Bruno called it a stumble in the jungle, and Jodie explained that she couldn’t hear the music because the fans were so loud in the audience. I guess that’s a good problem to have. Len gave another one of his awful simile/metaphors: “It was like getting a pimple on your nose. You hope no one notices but they always do.” Alrighty then. Scores were 7/6/7/7.

VON / WITNEY: They did the Viennese Waltz from Cinderella. He was Prince Charming, and she was …. well, you get the idea. Her dress was beautiful and fantasy-like, and the dance itself was the same. Bruno was enchanted, and Zendaya found it beautiful. Scores were 8/8/8/8.

GINGER / VAL: They did a Foxtrot to “Bon Jour” from Beauty and the Beast. The whole set was made to look like the neighborhood with all the stores and streets and people. This was such a cool dance, both the visual aspects and the choreography. So much fun to watch, as they took us into this world of this great opening song from the film. Len called it “the best dance this season.” Zendaya said it was a great production number, and Bruno said something about “panache.” Scores were high at 9/9/9/9.

WANYA / LINDSAY: They did the Samba, to music from The Lion King. Horny Carrie Ann called it “primal!!! More of that!” I bet you want more of that, you horndog. Bruno called Wanya a “magnificent beast!” Jeez, relax there, Bruno. And then Len said something I will never in my life understand. He said: “Well, tickle my bum and call me Donald!” Ummm ….what???? Donald? Donald who? Donald Duck? Donald Trump? Who is Donald? And why are we calling you Donald? And furthermore, why on earth are we being instructed to tickle your bum??? Ummmm … no. This comment is disturbing and baffling on so many levels, my head feels like it might explode. And is this comment meant to be a compliment or an insult to the dancers? I am so many kinds of confused on this one, and I think Tom Bergeron was too, since I could hear him make a slight “Huh?” sound. Scores were 8/9/9/9.

PAIGE / MARK: They did the Quickstep, to “You’ve Got a Friend In Me” from Toy Story. It was super cute and everyone loved their chemistry and friendship. Really good footwork too, and the real life dancing toy army men was a nice touch. Zendaya said they “brought it to life”, and Bruno made an “infinity and beyond” reference, because that is what he does. Scores were 9/9/9/9.

GOING HOME: Marla Maples. Her partner Tony, seemed shocked, and sad that they were eliminated. He told the audience to please continue supporting this amazing show that is so positive and good. I agree. And we will.

NEXT WEEK: Wanya realizes his name is Wanya, and becomes inconsolable. Bruno tickles Len’s bum and calls him Donald.

About Kelley Lynn

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