It’s a sad day for fans of HBO’s Looking as the network has announced they will not be moving forward with a third season for the series. While the news is grim, there is at least a shining light. In lieu of a third season, Looking has been given a special to wrap-up its story.
“After two years of following Patrick and his tight-knit group of friends as they explored San Francisco in search of love and lasting relationships, HBO will present the final chapter of their journey as a special. We look forward to sharing this adventure with the shows loyal fans,” the network said in a press release.
Looking starred Jonathan Groff, Murray Bartlett, and Frankie J. Alvarez. The second season concluded on March 22, 2015.
Entertainment Weekly has given us our first look at the newest iteration of Lex Luthor, played by Jesse Eisenberg.
The infamous supervillian and foe of Superman, will be unlike any other version of Lex Luthor, director Zack Synder tells Entertainment Weekly.
“He’s not any of the Lexes that you’ve seen, that’s for sure,” says Snyder, “other than him being a captain of industry and one person to the world and another person to himself. And bald, of course.
“Our Lex is disarming and he’s not fake,” says Snyder. “He says what he believes and he says what’s on his mind. If you can unravel the string and decipher what he means, it’s all there.”
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will hit theaters March 25, 2016.
The real S.H.I.E.L.D. Since it was revealed that Bobbi and Mack’s secret is not that they’re covertly working with the Avengers (like we might have thought) and rather that they’re working for a different operation of suits altogether, we’ve theorized what “the real S.H.I.E.L.D.” might be. Was it S.W.O.R.D.? Was it an undercover organization led by someone like General Talbot?
As it turns out, “the real S.H.I.E.L.D.”, headed by a man named Gonazles (Battlestar Galactica‘s Edward James Olmos), is a group of agents (including Fringe’s Kirk Acevdeo, who seems to be popping up all over these days), working underground and behind the scenes because they don’t like Coulson being in charge. They’re close with Bobbi and Mack, they still think Fury’s dead (or at least, they’re pretending if they know otherwise) and they blame Coulson for the death of Tripp — as well as Skye and Raina’s transformation, and also for the untimely death of Isabelle Hartley (Lucy Lawless), someone that Gonzales was apparently close to. It’s interesting that Coulson is the one repeatedly telling Skye not to blame herself for the damage she’s caused with her powers, while there are numerous people who are blaming him for all the things that he’s telling her not to worry about.
Mack brings Hunter into the “real S.H.I.E.L.D.” world, despite the fact that Hunter is wary of their intentions based on their secrecy. While Hunter vows that Bobbi would never allow for this (protip: don’t talk about your exes behind their backs, Hunter), Bobbi and Mack are revealed to be gathering intel on Coulson, whom they believe has been compromised. That part isn’t so much of a surprise to us as much as the trustworthy part is – but I’ve always believed that Bobbi and Mack (or at least definitely Bobbi) have Coulson’s best intentions at heart, and would never truly do something malicious that could bring him down. And to be fair, Gonzales has a point…though he’s also operating from the outside world, which means like most situations similar to this one, we only get about half the story.
Bobbi ends up appealing to Hunter alone, which turns into a heated discussion about their relationship. While Bobbi maintains everything she felt for him was and still is real, Hunter is feeling slighted by the fact that she could distrust Coulson in the first place, and is also upset that she’s been keeping secrets from him. I’m not ashamed to say that one of my favorite Bobbi and Hunter scenes came out of this episode, and it didn’t even involve sex – or Bobbi throwing sticks in someone’s face. The emotional connection between these two characters is so strong that it resonates no matter what they’re doing together.
Hunter asks her to leave with him, but she can’t – she has a loyalty to finish out her job here, however it ends. Hunter tries to run, though he doesn’t get very far because apparently they’re on a moving barge. He manages a way off, however, which leads Gonzales and his team to panic. They don’t want Bobbi going back in to S.H.I.E.L.D. because they’re afraid Hunter can now blow her cover, especially given his anger. But with Mack already a suspect of sneaking around thanks to May’s eagle eye and Hunter’s disappearance, Bobbi has no choice – and now that Mack has alerted them about Skye’s situation, they need someone on the inside. (Besides, she’s Mockingbird. She doesn’t need the 12 hours she’s been given. She only needs 6. Atta girl, Bobbi.)
“Love In The Time of Hydra” promised us the return of Grant Ward, a character that we haven’t seen since the fall finale. It didn’t disappoint – Ward returned as not only the embodiment of the Best Boyfriend Ever, having taken Agent 33 under his wing, he also returned seemingly as the new face of Hydra. With Whitehall dead, it’s really a chance for Ward to carve out his own path both as a character and with his loyalties…and I think it’s safe to say that based on this episode, Ward is done answering to anyone but himself, which should prove interesting down the road.
When we last saw Agent 33, she had been abandoned by Whitehall and also was in a bit of a predicament, having had half her face removed thanks to laser mesh mask issues. The two cut their pancake date short to abduct a guy who can apparently fix these kind of things, and the man manages to laser on another type of mask that hides Agent 33’s imperfections. And stabilizes her vocal process. And lets her replicate the face of another woman, based on her preferences so that she can be anyone she wants. I’m pretty sure this is the coolest kind of tech ever, and I’m also pretty sure it would solve my own emotional problems, which probably means it should be outlawed. Much of this season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been people finding themselves and learning “who they really are” – and even though she’s on the periphery, this absolutely extends to Agent 33, who spends most of the episode trying to find her footing in a world where she has no idea what to do, except cling to the person who has come to her rescue. She thinks that Ward is incredibly well-adjusted for all his abandonment issues (HA), so it’s no wonder that she tries so hard to win Ward’s trust, most notably by pretending to impersonate Skye to get his attention. (That moment also allowed many SkyeWard fans their happiness – even if it wasn’t the real Skye, it’s clear that Ward’s intentions and emotions were there, and he’s still into her. He’s still in love with her. He still can’t let her go.)
And what of Skye? May’s ex has recommended her to be removed from S.H.I.E.L.D., a decision that May agrees with despite the fact Coulson feels otherwise. Skye’s abilities aren’t man-made, they’re not something she was born with and can’t control. She’s kind of like the Hulk (a wonderful Avengers reference between FitzSimmons in a scene that made the Marvel nerd in me delight in happiness), and she’s an unfortunate causality of something she didn’t ask for. (Also, as Fitz reminds Simmons: Hulk saved the world. And yes. Yes he did.)
Coulson ends up taking Skye to a safe house for people with powers (complete with all the safety procedures in place to account for powers), though he can’t at first tell her where they’re doing. In the process of their journey, he gives her the story of Lola, and it’s heartening to see a little bit of human!Coulson come through here as he talks about his favorite thing in the world — a strange yet cute way to father-daughter bond. The good news of being pulled of active duty is that Skye (kind of) gets her gauntlets! Well, they’re really gloves, and it’s what Simmons has been working on to help Skye attempt to control her powers. And what she’s subsequently clashed with Fitz on, as the two apparently have very, very different ideas of how to react to someone becoming a superhero.
Ward uses Agent 33’s vulnerability to convince her to extract revenge on the man who made her life miserable: Bakshi, who is being held in Talbot’s care. Thanks to Agent 33’s face, she’s able to impersonate Talbot’s wife in order to get past security, which then allows her to change into a guard, which allows her to break out Bakshi with Ward’s help. At least to Talbot’s credit, he realizes what’s going on pretty early into the whole heist, but there’s apparently going to be a lot of make-up taco nights to account for the fact that Talbot freaked out so much on his life he didn’t trust her.
And our tag? In a continued journey towards revenge, Agent 33 (who has embraced her new, disfigured face and has gained Ward’s approval) is now the one brainwashing Bakshi. This can’t end well.
Odds & Ends:
Anyone want pumpkin pancakes now? Because I crave pumpkin things on a regular basis, but damn, I’d really like some pancakes.
Easter egg of the night, and one not exactly Marvel related: during the flight to the safe house, Coulson offers Skye some red vines. Red vines were Walter Bishop’s food of choice on Fringe, and Charlie on Fringe was one of Kirk Acevedo’s best known roles for years.
Another fun Avengers easter egg, because this episode was full of them: Coulson tells Skye that Captain America spent some time at the special cabin after his de-icing. I’m waiting for the head canons to go wild with that one.
Look how good Coulson has become with tech! Remember when he could barely figure out how to swipe a hologram and it was one of the best moments of the show’s first season? Now he’s a regular pro. Four for you, Coulson, you go, Coulson.
“Down on the DL.” “The downlow?” “The disabled list.” “Oh yeah, that makes more sense.”
Skye playing Operation – a classic subtle moment. What’s the point of Operation? Don’t let the tongs touch anything as you’re removing things. (Also another fun Marvel easter egg, if you stretch that far: Tony tells Pepper in the first Iron Man that removing his arc reactor is just like playing Operation. Which Pepper has apparently never played. That’s another story entirely.)
In the first episode of Total Divas, “Welcome to the WWE”, we learned that our Divas are opinionated women some of whom seem just as likely to get into a street fight with each other as fight a match in the ring.
I’m joined on this recap with special commentary from Matt Perri, who is able to put aside his feelings about this show enough to sit through it with me and write his comments even though he’d probably prefer listening to our cat yowling in pain after a vaccination.
Tonight’s recap will feature more direct dialogue as requested by ABeyAnce1 (thanks for reading and commenting, ABeyAnce1!)
Last time, on Total Divas:
We were introduced to The Bellas, Natalya, and Funkydactyls who use ring smarts and ass to win matches.
Cameron is jealous of the heirarchy.
I never knew JoJo Offerman existed until this show.
That’s about it, really.
Roanoke, VA for Monday Night RAW
Ringside – JoJo and Eva Marie
JoJo and Eva Marie are enthralled watching RAW live in an arena. JoJo says every time she goes to RAW it is beyond words. All the reactions of the fans make her think this is what she’s meant to do.
Eva Marie is especially into watching and studying Fandago who she describes as “one of the biggest superstars for WWE…who is getting a lot of attention for his ballroom dancing”. (MATT: “One of the biggest superstars because he dances” — now you KNOW this is scripted.) Cut to the crowd where one group of people even spells out Fandango in letters. (This episode of course was filmed in 2013 when his gimmick was much more fresh than it is now.)
“Every week I see him with a different girl I think, I can do that, too,” she tells the cameras. She wants to get out of training development camp as soon as possible (even six months is too long of a wait for her) and thinks she can by becoming his dancing valet get into the main roster. “This is my in,” she says, “because once he has me as his partner, he won’t want anyone else.”
Backstage – Cameron & Naomi A frustrated Naomi finally finds Cameron. Cameron is complaining they have nothing to wear, (while pawing through dozens of outfits in a box). She says one gold sparkly pair of shorts looks like a diaper and, picking up the blue costumes they were supposed to wear at Wrestlemania 29 says it reminds her too much of ‘Mania. Naomi agrees and suggests they burn the outfit. Cameron loves their seamstress Miss Sandra but after what happened at Mania (when Miss Sandra was shown taking up to the last second to get their costumes ready), she wants to use someone new. Ironically, Cameron had said Miss Sandra is one of three seamstresses the WWE has but, because we need a “plot” they have to find someone completely out of the WWE payroll I guess.
Naomi says Miss Sandra will “go hell on them if they do”. Both Divas agree that Sandra often finishes pieces late and that they often don’t get what they ask for, but still if Cameron’s plan goes wrong, Naomi is putting all the blame on her.
Backstage – The Bella Twins Brie and Nikki grab some coffee backstage. Nikki actually calls the coffee from the canisters “our saviors”. Coffee is a major plot-point in this episode but I hesitate to claim “product placement” since I don’t see a brand name on any canisters. The twins and their boyfriends (John Cena and Daniel Bryan) are gonna hop on Cena’s private jet for a bit of what she calls “a life swap” (MATT: WHAT?!) to check out their respective homes in Tampa and Aberdeen, WA (MATT: Oh…). Cena’s home is opulent and Bryan’s is the more modest home he grew up in. (MATT: Technically, he really lives with Brie in their apartment, as was revealed last episode, but this probably makes for better television.)
Nikki says John’s house is perfect (not surprising, as she thinks everything about John is perfect), and that Brie will never want to leave. She then compares it to being at a resort and tells Brie to “wash the sheets when you’re done”. What Cena can’t afford a maid for his palace? (Methinks Bryan is gonna be making Brie scream “YES!” all night long…)
Backstage – Natalya, JoJo, and Eva Marie Eva Marie and JoJo are talking with Natalya over lunch. Natalya tells her to stay out of the treats as they have to “wear spandex for work” to which JoJo who is eating what appears to be a brownie on top of chocolate ice cream for them and tells her, “It’s OK, I’m 19, I can do it”. (MATT: This is like watching telegraphing the death of a Red Shirt on Star Trek.)
Eva Marie wastes no time in directing this conversation by telling Natalya that they had noticed that Fandango comes out with a different dance partner every time and Natalya agrees that he does as “he’s very particular and wants the best dancer he can get”.
Fandango comes to the table, calling them “single ladies” and kisses Natalya (MATT: After an uncomfortably long lean into it.), then moves to do the same with JoJo and Eva Marie. He asks if they’re staying out of trouble. Eva Marie flirts and says she is trying and he tells her she looks nice. Fandango explains that he has a “different girl in each city” (MATT: How this even still appeals to Eva, I will never know.), however, if they could find him a permanent girl who was “good looking enough and could move well”, he’d be in favor of it. The girls giggle like their brains left their head. Eva Marie says she can dance and wants to try out. Fandango flirts with her a bit more, saying he hopes they can dance together soon, then leaves telling Natalya to “keep a leash on her for me”. (MATT: I will NEVER know…)
Backstage – Brian James & The Divas Producer Brian James talks to the Diva and briefs them on the match between Brie vs. Naomi (though Nikki and Cameron will be accompanying them to the ring). Brian tells them they are the villains of the match and suggests they do the Twin Magic move they are famous for.
Nikki says their characters are “the biggest bitches you would ever come across and the nastiest” but insists they’re far different in real life. I believe this about Brie, I still haven’t seen sweetness from Nikki.
Monday Night RAW – Bellas vs. Funkadactyls Brie explains, on camera, that “Twin Magic” is their finisher move. It’s comprised of one twin hiding under the ring, with the other twin rolling out of the ring and under it to replace the hiding twin. (MATT: Somebody saw “The Prestige” and based the idea off that…) They do this at the match with Nikki (still pretending to be Brie) is the winner, but Naomi complains to the ref and the twins are disqualified. (MATT: I’m not getting how the ref didn’t realize that Nikki went from having enormous boobs to having nothing at all.) They have to get revenge Bella Style, so they both roll back in the ring and start beating on the Funkadactlys.
Backstage – Eva Marie and Talent Relations Eva Marie meets with Jane Geddes and Mark Carrano of Talent Relations and they talk about Fandango and the dance partner thing. Eva says she might be helpful as she has a dance background in ballet and ballroom dancing. Jane seems surprised to hear this, but takes Eva Marie at her word without asking questions like “How many years” or “Who did you train under?”. (MATT: Welcome to WWE: were everything is left to chance!) They say she can audition at the next RAW but stress she must take it seriously.
Backstage – JoJo, Eva Marie and Fandango JoJo sees Fandango after his match and tells him that Eva will be out there with him. Eva Marie appears out of nowhere (MATT: What, is she a Wallmaster?!) and when he asks her how she thinks he did out there, Eva replies, “I think you need me…we could make it work.” He leaves to take a shower. And he’ll think about her. In the shower. Also to “hit him up in Tampa”. Eva jokes with JoJo about how she should join him and scrub his back, but she ends up staying there. Eva Marie tells JoJo that she thinks she can do it — but then reveals that she can’t Ballroom Dance…and that she has zero dance experience. Liar liar, hair on fire, this is not going to end well.
Roanoke, VA
Airport and Bus Stop John tells Nikki to take only what she needs to survive the trip. But Nikki, being one of “those chicks”, has several luggage pieces and, in contrast, Bryan appears to only have a backpack with him. Nikki gets on the private plane, proclaming that she “never wants to travel any other way.” Brie asks if she’s wearing underwear, because reasons, and Nikki sounds shocked by the idea. She talks on camera about John’s hard work and lavish lifestyle. (Not to slam my own gender, but this girl sounds like a textbook gold digger a this point. Run, John, Run!)
Nikki complains that Eva Marie shows off too much cleavage, even changing her neckline, on the spot, to flirt and that she even mentioned working with John in some sort of mixed partners tag team event. Nikki will have none of that as she’s “a lioness” as she protects her own. “When I feel like people are threatening mine,” she says “well, then, you see the lion come out.” Assuming Nikki had confronted Eva Marie, that would have been more interesting than hearing about it later, but this is what they chose to show us. (MATT: Cena’s smirking through this just yells, “JESUS CHRIST, I’M ON A REALITY SHOW.”)
Despite Nikki’s obvious dislike of Eva Marie, an oblivious John praises Eva Marie (he doesn’t seem to know her name only that she’s the redhead) for standing out in a business where standing out is how you get over. Nikki gives him an angry look, and he looks sheepish. Nikki tries to change the subject and John has them toast with champagne to “an interesting adventure”.
Tampa, FL
Eva Marie and JoJo’s hotel room There’s a knock at the door. Eva Marie answers to discover that it’s her boyfriend, Jonathan, who flew out from California to surprise her. She seems madly in love and claims to be shaking, seeing him there. PS: they’ve been dating for only two and half months. JoJo had no idea Eva had a boyfriend and goes to read a book to give them privacy while Jonathan says stuff with Tony Scott subs again. Eva tells her to put on music (so as not to hear them having sex). He brings her donuts, to remember their first date at a donut shop. The donut box has a ring box in it. He says in just two hours of their first meeting, he knew she was “the one”. “I used to have the idea of the perfect woman and you blow all that our of the water. I love you so much it’s ridiculous. Then he asks Eva to marry him. Eva Marie wipes away tears and accepts. They kiss and not three minutes later, she’s running off to show BFF JoJo. JoJo seems happy but skeptical.
Los Angeles, CA
Ariane & Vincent Cameron is in the car with her boyfriend, Vincent, and on the phone with Designer Mike who is “the bomb.com” to get tag team outfits for her and Naomi. She describes what she wants: something lime green and sparkly with shorts with a rhinestone buckle that will get the crowd’s attention, and she wants it in 2-3 days. Designer Mike is totally up for this.
Tampa, FL
Cena’s house
Brie and Daniel walk down a long staircase, hand in hand. Brie is happy to see coffee is made. Nikki, dressed like an Italian Countess, gives them the Grand Tour. She and Daniel aren’t used to the extravagant lifestyle or all the rooms in his house. Among other amenities, he has a cigar room, a dressing room (MATT: A giant “dressing room”…REALLY?) which Daniel refers to as a giant closet, an elevator to the master bedroom, pool with outer grotto and a guest house. Brie and Daniel laugh over the fact that the guest house is not only bigger than the apartment that they share, it might be bigger than his childhood home (for which they plan on living after they retire). Now that he’s injured and she has quit – at least in kayfabe – I wonder if they spend any significant time there.
Nikki is driving Cena’s Maseratti (MATT: Slumming it since Cena’s Batmobile is in the shop.), but she’s driving it way too fast. She delights in telling Brie it can go 200 MPH. When Brie asks what she would do if she was pulled over in a car she doesn’t own, Nikki she says she will “show her tits and get out of a ticket”. The twins are hot and don’t most men fantasize about being with twins? I don’t think a cop would give them a speeding ticket if they were pulled over together even without Nikki taking “the girls” out of her shirt. Of course, they aren’t pulled over and we move on.
Brie says she and Daniel enjoys low key homes, but the extravagance of Cena’s place is very nice.
Eva Marie and JoJo’s hotel room Jonathan leaves Eva Marie she immediately springs into action to prepare for meeting with Fandango. She is wearing a very tight dress, stilettos and fake eye lashes. She says on camera, “Jane and Mark said it’s all about chemistry so I’m pulling out all the stops tonight.” Was she at the same meeting I saw, or did production for this show chop out some important pieces? The parts I saw seemed more they were interested in her dancing abilities than on-screen chemistry (which ironically, they already seem to have).
JoJo correctly deduces that Eva Marie didn’t mention the date (or as Eva Marie calls it a business meeting) to Jonathan. Marie calls Fandango “her mission” and she takes off her engagement ring, much to JoJo’s disgust. JoJo says, on camera, “Last time I checked, you don’t take off a ring for an engagement business meeting.”
John Cena’s House The four are swimming and diving and having fun. Daniel is teased a bit for doing the doggie paddle. Nikki is totally into it, telling the cameras “The thing about being at Johns’ house is, I feel like I’m in a rap video. I have my bikini, my Christal, I love it!”
Los Angeles
Stage Hollywood Costume Shop Cameron gets her costume from Mike, she loves it and it fits her perfectly.
Tampa, FL
Malio’s Prime Steakhouse
Eva Marie jokes that she’s surprised he came. They reminisce that they met at WM 29 and that Fandango lifted her hand to kiss it, but ended up kissing his own hand instead. She lies to him that she can dance and worries on camera that telling him the truth would probably be detrimental. When pressed, she says she can’t do a split since wrestling training has made her right hip tight. and he offers to massage her before they go out, and she can massage him after the match. He invites her to go out with the boys to a club and she accepts.
The nightclub, later that evening He tells her they’re gonna ballroom dance. On camera she muses, “You’d think this would be the time to tell him my secret, not being able to ballroom dance,” but of course, being someone who impulsively disobeys a direct order to change her hair color and impulsively accepting a proposal from someone she’s dated for less time than it takes to complete most college classes, she isn’t about to see the wisdom of own idea. Somehow, they end up just having him flirt more (saying she should wear a black dress for RAW with an “I’m with Fandango” sign on it) and she finally realizes she’s way in over her head.
Airport After spending three days at Cena’s home, they’re off to Daniel’s home in Aberdeen, Washington. On the jet, John challenges them to a Battle of the Sexes wood-cutting contest. The rules are these: the Divas only have to chop one piece of wood for every three John and Daniel do to win. The girls want “intimate massages” if they win. Daniel Bryan’s acts like this is the worst thing he’s ever heard, but they accept. Stakes are set at an intimate massage once a week for a month to the winning team.
Aberdeen, WA
Daniel’s Home Daniel asks Nikki what she thinks of the town and she says it’s cute. When pressed by Daniel for honesty, she admits she couldn’t live there full-time. Brie likes all the trees but admits she wishes it was sunny more often.
They arrive at his house which, while modest, many people could appreciate living in. When John notices there is no TV, Brian replied, “Yeah, it’s not my thing…we do have antlers though,” (there is a set mounted on the wall). Daniel gives them the tour which includes many simple things owned by his parents.
Nikki, however, isn’t impressed and complains on camera: “I can handle this for a hot minute, but Brie is going to be living here…forever.” Nikki further laments that while she thinks Brie living there will work for Daniel, she thinks it won’t make Brie happy long term. Brie, Nikki and John talk in the kitchen with Bryan absent as he’s trying to go get some wood logs for the contest. John asks Brie if she really thinks the place is big enough for the two kids she wants someday. Brie admits she’d make some changes. Nikki suggests she should start by getting rid of his parents’ furniture.
(MATT: Reason #73 to hate Cena and Nikki. That place does need work but it’s not bad at all.)
Tampa, Florida
Naomi and Jon’s apartment Cameron calls Naomi, excited that she has the new costumes. Naomi listens on speakerphone and Jon seems concerned that Cameron describes the costumes as “sexy” and says that bits of Naomi will be hanging out, so Jon might be mad. After the call, Jon mocks what Cameron said, and Naomi seems genuinely worried about how much the costume will show.
Aberdeen, WA
Daniel Bryan’s House The twins come out in tight jeans and skimpy tops to help them win the contest. Brie cuts a few well (MATT: Wearing high-heeled Clogs for this sorta thing really helps her, I guess.) but Nikki fails dramatically. She hurts herself and actually says, “Ow, I actually just hit myself in the vagina!” (MATT: Dialogue by Vince McMahon.) The girls get 8 so the boys need 25 to win. Nikki tries to distract John with showing more cleavage and bending over, but he says that won’t work because he “already has wood”. The cameraman, not content with a wood joke, gives us the obligatory shot of his crotch in jeans. Brie says she loves having a boyfriend who looks like a lumberjack. Bryan makes a show of chopping wood ridiculously slow, he gets only one and John complains that even Nikki cut two. Bryan says that he was trying to just get the tie. It’s obvious he did this out of love for Brie, and it’s sweet.
Nikki and John are cuddling in bed and, instead of enjoying a romantic moment with her, John suggests she gets more wine from the store. Nikki brings Brie because twins. Brie describes them as Cali girls and seems uneasy with willingness to trade sunny days for gloomy ones (as a CA transplant I empathize with this one), as well as a life she loves in San Diego. Nikki is disgusted with all the geese droppings around. Brie confesses to Nikki how hard it would be for her to live there without the sun and into a house she may not be able to change much. Nikki says she’d be unhappy without being near boutiques and in fact the house should be demolished and a new one put up in its place. (MATT: Boutiques! Bitches LOVE boutiques!)
Bok Center – Tulsa, OK
Backstage – Eva Marie, JoJo and Fandango Eva Marie, wearing a sexy black dress with blue sparkly accents, is freaking out about how she has to come clean and JoJo is little help, mainly mocking the situation. Eva Marie confesses to Fandango that she is nervous and he wonders why. Without trying to wait for a reason, he just tells her not to freak out on him.
Backstage – Natalya, Brodus Clay, JoJo, Cameron, Naomi, and Eva Marie Natalya gives Eva Marie two sparkly blue rhinestone bracelets and matching necklaces that work with the dress perfectly and tells The Funkadactyls that it’s a special night as Eva Marie is dancing with Fandango. Natalya says she should ask them for advice if she needs it as they are professional dancers. She sheepishly asks for advice on doing splits. Cameron is appalled that someone could dance and not do splits. This actually does make sense to me as splits also involve flexibility. Growing up I took tap, jazz and ballet for years (most girls in my neighborhood did) and even at my most flexible as a teen I could never complete a full down to the flood split.
Luckily the company is smart enough to have her audition with Fandango before the show in front of the Divas and Talent Management, though again this is the night of RAW. (MATT: NOBODY THOUGHT TO HAVE HER AUDITION DAYS BEFORE THIS?!) She didn’t consider taking a dance lesson or five that week? Google shows an Arthur Murray studio in Tampa! It’s RIGHT THERE.
Though Eva Marie prayed for her feet to do the right thing, God’s clear answer to her was “no”. She doesn’t use her arms in the entrance the way a classically-trained dancer would and she isn’t even walking gracefully. When paired with Fandango, she misses cues in the music and barely knows which way to turn or move, even when he’s using hand signals to show her. “Eva, if you’re a dancer, then I’m an astronaut!” Naomi says.
Jane walks off, clearly pissed and Fandango balks at trying again, walking to the backstage area. Mark confronts Eva, saying, “I’m not a trained dancer, and even I know that wasn’t good. Are you sure you’re a trained dancer?”
MATT: And my reaction to said bullshit.
Meanwhile, Cameron is excited to see Naomi’s costume but refuses to take off the long coat covering most of it as it doesn’t work for her body type. “All my cookies are hanging out,” she complains. Apparently there’s a crotch blur because the costume isn’t tailored right.
They are forced to go to Sandra, with their hat in their hand, to fix this. Cameron claims she was told to have sexier outfits. Sandra is appalled she’s been asked to fix someone else’s work and claims there’s not a lot she could do with Naomi’s costume anyway. An angry Cameron tells her if she won’t fix them, she won’t use Sandra anymore. Sandra seems totally kosher with this, but Naomi is appalled. Sandra makes them apologize for going behind their back repeatedly, then won’t fix the costume to boot. Instead, she sets them up with tight orange outfits with long pants with cutouts. This time, Naomi thinks they look great (she’s right) and Cameron is bummed that it shows little cleavage as her breasts are smaller than Naomi’s. Still, they make up in a minute flat just like last week and when they go out on stage with Tons of Funk, do a great job.
Backstage – Eva Marie Eva Marie is waiting in the “Authority Office” set. She realizes she let the lie go too far. Stephanie McMahon walks in and meets Eva Marie for the first time. “I don’t even know you, Eva Marie, but when you embarrass yourself, you embarrass the company and this is not OK.” Eva Marie confesses to the lie and says she will only be positive for the company from then on. Stephanie tells her if she screws up again she’ll be booted from WWE — and she won’t be back. She tells her she hopes that’s not the case and to take care, leaving Eva Marie in tears.
That’s this week’s episode.
This episode’s punches go to: Nikki and Eva Marie (tie) – Nikki seems more interested in what John can give her materially then who he is, I don’t even believe she knows his favorite color of middle name, she’s also trying way too hard to show off for her sister – Eva Marie – impulsively accepts an engagement only to be ready to throw him under the bus to have the chance to be Fandango’s Valet, then does absolutely nothing to prepare for the audition.
This episode’s hug goes to: JoJo – once again, we learn nothing about her personal life or how she sees herself professionally. She realizes Eva Marie is making all the wrong choices, yet she doesn’t really try to tell her this, (preferring to joke around and mostly hide her real opinions) and, other than that, she gets no real storyline for the second time in two episodes.
Community Season 6 Episode 3- “Basic Crisis Room Decorum” Air Date: March 24, 2015 Grade: B
There’s some I just can’t put my finger on, but there’s something off this season. The tone and the antics might seem one and the same, but it just isn’t the same in Season 6 of Community. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m interested to see if I can figure it out by the end of the season.
The episode begins with Annie being startled by an email and sounding the horn of Gondor to rally the study group/Committee to Save Greendale to an emergency session. Of course, this means sending a text to Frankie and the ensuing farce in the group text is great. Group texting as a whole is a dangerous proposition, but mix in the Dean’s delusions of his relationship with Jeff, and it’s amazing. In fact, the running gag between the Dean and the future head of the Yakuza was my favorite part of the episode.
It’s been awhile since we’ve had the specter of City College lurk over Greendale, but an attack ad featuring Greendale giving an (alleged) bachelor’s degree (not just a two-year degree) to dog is going to run at 7am. Personally, I don’t know what they’re really worried about because the ad is running, AT 7 AM IN THE DAMN MORNING, but I guess an attack on Greendale at any time is an attack on them all. Annie, Frankie, Jeff, and the Dean all show up as promised. Chang shows up (because he has a right to be there) and Britta rolls in drunk from her bartending job. Within a few minutes, she literally craps her pants and wanders out into the wilds of Greendale, only to return with Elroy Patashnik in tow, thus setting the scene in the “Situation Room”.
As the group views the ad, the truth dawns on them that the Dean may have actually given a degree to a dog. Is anyone actually surprised that this could happen at Greendale? To those that are still in doubt, remember the Dean’s dalmation costume from seasons past. Of course, Jeff does his usual shtick and decides to obscure and obfuscate the truth while Annie, now with her new-found partner-in-crime Frankie, go out in search of it. In the mean time, Chang decides to go shoot a porno on City College campus (while decked out in Greendale attire), and Britta goes on a quest to find coffee while wearing Elroy’s pants. While all of this is going on, Jeff and Abed remain in the situation room, crafting an attack ad on Ruffles the dog and asking the hard questions. How many puppies does she have around town? Does she maybe bark a little bit more at black mailmen?
The weakest part of the episode are the scenes between Elroy and Britta. They bond over their shared love of the band “Natalie is Freezing” and we see Britta go on a trip inside a music video, with Elroy snapping her out of it and sending her out in search of coffee once again. We get it, Britta is annoying, she’s in a terrible place, and it just seems like a huge waste of Gillian Jacobs. I personally don’t think the show has been the same since Troy (Donald Glover) left, and that grows more and more evident as the seasons progress. Troy brought an innocence, naivety, and good-heartedness that I feel the show needs, and with that gone, I believe that Community has lost its center, this shows especially during this benchmark 100th episode.
Of course, Frankie and Annie find proof that Ruffles in fact did NOT receive a degree….but only due to unpaid library fines. Of course, a dog could never pay library fines, but the real question is, how did a dog borrow a book from the Greendale library in the first place? Victory achieved (relative to Greendale), but Annie voices her concerns over smearing a dog and winning on a technicality. She threatens to leave if they go through with it, and the group calls her bluff. Of course, in the typical Community fashion, they bring her back in the end with a heartfelt mea culpa from Greendale and all is fine in the end.
This is where I’m really concerned for the direction of this show. I understand that it will be a bit clunky with the addition of two new characters, but it seems all too formulaic. This is a light-hearted show, but the reason why I loved watching this show week in and week out was that it was unique and it showed heart, as well as incredibly sharp writing. I just don’t see that anymore, and that concerns me. So far, the best things in the episodes have been the stingers at the end of the episodes, and this one keeps up the trend, being the prologue of a Japanese teenager’s descent into organized crime.
Oh, and how many of us are morbidly curious to see Chang’s genius arthouse solo porno?
“RICO” opens with a flashback of Bob Odenkirk, his “Slippin’ Jimmy” days in the rearview mirror, as he pushes a mail-cart down the halls of HHM. His route ends in a back room where Kim opens an envelope containing his Bar results for him. Learning of his acceptance, they embrace in a full on kiss and we see another layer to their nebulous half-formed relationship that continues in the show’s present day. Meanwhile, Charlie is still the juggernaut lawyer that sprung Jimmy from jail. Upon finding out that his brother became a lawyer, Charlie is flabbergasted. Not proud nor happy, merely confused that this event could happen and that it is in fact genuine. His esquire status is real and though his circuitous route lacks glamour, it more than makes up for it with hustle. Despite this stunning achievement, when Jimmy asks his brother (a name partner of the firm) for a job, Charlie deflects an outright rejection by citing his need to check with the other partners.
This answer comes sooner than a piece of congratulatory cake. Hamlin gives us the answer, well not so much us, as just Jimmy. Sadly we’re on the outside, forced to watch Hamlin talk down to Jimmy dutifully perched on a stool in a Dwight Shrute short-sleeved button-up. Our only audio is the droll monotony of the copy machine. The audio resumes when Howard opens the door, calling back “let’s reassess in six months.” And we know enough.
Back in the present, Jimmy is pushing forward with his Elder Law practice. In true, anti-Saul fashion, Jimmy forgoes his meager fee till his client receives her allowance the following month. He’s about to press on until he doubles back, the term “allowance” ringing in his ears. There he learns about the assisted living facilities shakedown style billing practices. When he returns to the establishment, he is forcibly removed, causing him to draft a “legal document” on a scrawl of TP to cease the back office’s document shredding. Again h’s physically escorted out, the consummate little man with unconventional means trying to fight the establishment. Despite this setback, Jimmy doesn’t give up. Jimmy never gives up! Look at how he became a lawyer: University of American Samoa, distance learning on nights and weekends, and three bar attempts. With his options limited, he does the antithesis of what an “ambulance chaser” would do. Ruining his Matlock attire, he dumpster dives for the shredded documents. And labors to piece the evidence back together.
Elsewhere, Mike reconnects with his daughter-in-law. She’s looking for someone to babysit and Mike jumps at the chance to be in his granddaughter’s life. When she comes back from her shift they begin to talk about her growing debt and need for more money. This leads Mike back to the vet who stitched up his gunshot wound looking for work more lucrative than his current toll job.
For better or worse (it remains to be seen) Chuck offers to help Jimmy get this case off the ground. Jimmy, just wanting Chuck to be proud of him, accepts, and in a bit of teamwork, the two are able to piece together the documents and find “the smoking gun”. It’s here that we see where Chuck supersedes Jimmy’s hard work. He effortlessly rattles off the necessary case files they’ll need relegating Jimmy to note taking. The lawyers to Sandpiper shows up and Chuck tightens up, rattled at outsiders coming into his electronics free zone. The opposing lawyers propose a settlement, and while Jimmy doesn’t agree with their figure, Chuck brazenly gives them a counter offer significantly higher than their previously estimated figure.
The episode ends with Chuck so busy and in the zone with the case that he forgets his malady and ventures outside to get some files in Jimmy’s car. It’s only once Jimmy alerts him of his current location that we’re left wondering how he’s going to react.
With every new episode of Better Call Saul, I find myself asking, “where will it all go wrong?” We know what James McGill becomes, but we don’t know how. In “RICO” we see Jimmy and Mike going down two very different paths that we know will cross again. Jimmy, during his foray into elder law, stumbles across a scam that is ripping off his clients. Mike, true his character all along, needs to provide for his granddaughter and goes about it in a questionable manner. Moments of light and dark; like a pointillist painting. The series is speckled with good and bad choices, so that when you take a step back the answer to this “how” shows itself in stark clarity.
The what ifs abound, but Gilligan’s shows are all about consequences. The consequences of dumb moments of happenstance that make up these characters lives. We know there isn’t a happy ending, we’ve been paying attention.This fact makes the eighth episode of “RICO” all the more heart-wrenching. The ability for Jimmy to help his clients, establish himself as a legitimate lawyer, work with his brother, and better himself financially all seem within reach; like a mirage.
Thirteen years later, The X-Files will return to television with a six-episode event series. The series will be helmed by creator Chris Carter with stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson returning in their roles as iconic FBI Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
“I think of it as a 13-year commercial break,” said Carter in the press release. “The good news is the world has only gotten that much stranger, a perfect time to tell these six stories.”
Production on the event series will being in Summer 2015.
The X-Files originally premiered in September 1993. The show follows FBI special agents Scully (Anderson) and Mulder (Duchovny) as they investigate unexplained cases – “X-Files” – for which the only answers involve paranormal phenomena.
After this show, WWE departs for my neck of the woods as Santa Clara/San Jose is the final stop on The Road to WrestleMania.
Despite all my carrying on, I’m actually stoked to be going to this event, to WrestleMania — if Dougie hasn’t shown up yet to clue you all in that “I’m paying for WrestleMania” yet.
There. You can stop trolling the threads now, Dougie. Lol bro. Or whatever.
Anyhow, I love wrestling and WWE despite what everyone may or may not think. I love covering it. And, judging by the multitude of readers who read and comment across three blogs, you love clicking on the recap and seeing what the hell I care about watching some dude pretending to be Russian and representing Rusev.
I am excited about WrestleMania because I believe this stuff can be GREAT again.
THIS is the “going home” show before WrestleMania…let’s see if WWE can get some last-second buys…
We are LIVE(!!!) from Los Angeles, California for WWE RAW!!!
Cole, JBL and Booker are the guys on the mics.
TONIGHT:
Brock and Roman go face to face.
Bill Simmons and Snoop Dogg are here.
Sting starts us out. At least I think this is him. Michael Cole hasn’t freaked out about the arena suddenly going dark yet.Crowd loves him. He yells out loud for them. He says that, when he was with WCW, he watched Triple H rise and bury WCW. He’s not here to fight for WCW as that would be pointless. He’s here to take Triple H down.
Out comes Steph. She calls him “WCW’s last holdout”. Finally, he knows what it’s like to be in the “big time”. Sting calls her a spoiled little brat who thinks she earns what she’s gotten. Then he condescends to her: “But it’s nice to finally meet ya’, Steph.” She says that Sting was a minnow in a tiny pond when he was in WCW. She says he’s loyal…like a dog. Dogs are stupid. She doesn’t wanna call him a dog. She says that Sting lost everything. His integrity and pride are gone. And the rest of him will be gone when he loses to Triple H at WrestleMania. She calls him a “face-painted freak”.
Sting whoops at the audience. Steph tries to slap him. He blocks it. Triple H comes out to the ring, loosening his tie and tossing it away. He approaches the ring, asks Steph if she’s ok, then takes off his jacket and rolls his sleeves up. Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME” as Steph goes for a sledge from under the ring — but Sting has his baseball bat — and he invites Triple H into the ring. Sting, off-mic: “You got a sledgehammer. I’ve got a bat. C’mon, make a move!”
Instead, Triple H chickens out and walks back to the aisle. Sting removes his coat and drops the bat. He tells Triple H to get in the ring. Triple H starts to…but Steph eventually holds him back and the two heels back off and retreat.
PLEASE live up to what you guys just kicked the show off with.
TONIGHT: We get to choose Randy Orton’s opponent. Will it be Big Show, Kane or Seth Rollins & his Security Goofs?
Backstage, Paige and AJ yack.
MATCH #1: Dean Ambrose & R-Truth vs. Luke Harper & Stardust Holy shit, a spot where Truth wrestles and doesn’t steal anything? I’m not used to this. Truth starts with Star as Barrett is on commentary. Star gets tossed from the ring, then yells at Barrett that the belt is “his”. Cole just can’t leave well enough alone and calls Star “Gollum-like”. Tag to Ambrose and a tag to Harper and the Battle of the Wife Beaters commences as Ambrose puts him in a wristlock. Harper breaks it but Ambrose hits a nice flying lariat off an Irish Whip. Ambrose hits a sitting dropkick and Crucifix Pin for two. He hits a bulldog and Star gets into the ring. Truth and Ambrose dump him, then toss Harper. We go to break.
When we come back, Star has Ambrose locked in a cross armlock. Ambrose fights out but Star counters with an Alabama Slam for two. Tag to Harper and he works Ambrose’s eyes with a gouge. He slings Ambrose’s neck into the middle ring ropes and gets two. Ambrose tries a rush but Harper hits a Spinning Sidewalk Slam for two. Tag to Star. He tries a Superplex. Ambrose tosses him to the mat. Star quickly gets up and tags Harper. Harper nails Ambrose, then goes outside to taunt Ambrose. When he comes back, he runs into Ambrose who rolls him back in the ring.
Ambrose hits a Tornado DDT, then hits a hot tag to R-Truth. Truth takes out both men and hits a Sitting Suplex Bomb. Ambrose gets into the ring and hits a Comeback Clothesline on Harper who bails. Flying Psycho by Ambrose. Star freaks out and watches. He turns around and runs right into What’s Up? Truth gets the pin at 10:39. WINNERS: Truth & Ambrose
RATING: **1/4. Not bad. As excited one can be for a match featuring three of the four weakest stars on the roster. At least Cole didn’t end every sentence in “izzle”.
Renee Young has this year’s Special Olympics candidates.
We get a response from Roman Reigns via TV interview backstage. Aren’t we supposed to have a Face-to-Face meet?
Apparently, JBL and Bill Simmons “don’t like each other” because of passive aggressive tweets.
Also, The Miz and Damien Miz-dow interviewed Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell where Miz acts like an arrogant jackass and Ferrell and Hart like Miz-dow better. They show a minute of it which is about a minute too long. Then they offer the rest “on the WWE App”.
MATCH #2: The Miz, Damien Miz-dow, The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor), & Adam Rose vs. Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Ryback, Erick Rowan and Zack Ryder in a Ten-Man Tag Team Match ESPN’s Bill Simmons joins the commentary team. Miz and Titus start off, Crowd doesn’t care and chants for Miz-dow. Titus hits backbreakers and tosses Miz backward. Tag to Young. Titus suplexes him on top of Miz. Miz hits a chinbreaker to gain momentum. He teases a Miz-dow tag but Rose gets it instead. Young hits an inverted Atomic Drop and swinging neckbreaker. Tag to Harper who beats Rose up in the corner. Harper puts Rose in the corner and tags Ryder. Rose hits a clothesline and it’s a tag to The Ascension so they can get their licks in. Young saves a pin. Miz-dow gets a tag. Miz tells him to stop it and tag him back in. Miz-dow does. Ryder drops Miz’s head on the mat. Ryder hits the hot tag to Ryback. Press to Miz and a Spinebuster. He goes for the Meathook. Rose comes in to interfere. Ryback drops him. Ascension in. They get dumped by Ryback. Miz boots Ryback and kicks at him bur Ryback hits a clothesline and Shell Shock and we’re done at 5:48. WINNERS: The Faces
RATING: *. This was just a bunch of guys waiting for Ryback to outshine them. It’s weird to see a bunch of vets in singles matches — and the rest of the card relegated to “piles of bodies” matches.
LAST MONDAY: Orton was gonna be attacked except Sting showed up.
Randy Orton comes to the ring. Booker says that Orton’s opponent is…
Seth Rollins with 77 percent of the vote. At this point, the remaining 23% who voted for Show and Kane have got to be trolling.
MATCH #3: Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins, Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury in a Handicap Match Mercury starts this thing out. Orton drops him to the mat, face-first, then demands Rollins get in the ring. Mercury tags Noble instead. Orton just shoves him to the mat and stomps at his shins. He throws Noble out of the ring like a bag of meat and goes after Rollins. There’s a brief scuffle and Rollins kicks Orton in the head. Noble stomps at Orton and drops elbows. Orton retaliates with a clothesline, then takes out Mercury. He tosses Noble out and powerslams Mercury in stride. He hits a Double Rope Drop DDT on both men as Rollins just glares. He calls for an RKO. Rollins runs into the ring for a Curb Stomp but he misses. Orton nearly hits an RKO but Rollins counters and shoves him into Mercury, who gets clothes-lined outside. He turns back to Rollins, who bails. Noble tries to sneak up on Orton who just RKO’s him into next week and gets the pin at 3:19. WINNER: Randy Orton via RKO
RATING: *1/2. Other than that, build-up was nice. I just expected more from a handicap match.
John Cena was interviewed in the Barbara Walters Room of Doom.
TONIGHT: Swagger takes on Rusev.
AJ approaches Paige about the Divas Title match tonight. They argue over who should fight against Nikki — only they offer each other the title shot. Paige calls her “crazy” for passing up on the opportunity. This doesn’t sit well with AJ.
We go to break.
MATCH #4: Paige (challenger) (w/ AJ Lee) vs. Nikki Bella (champion) (w/ Brie Bella) for the WWE Divas Championship Initial lock-up goes nowhere. Paige charges Nikki, then headbutts her. She knees Nikki in the chin/neck/boobs/not sure because of the editing, then says this is her house. Nikki gets back in the ring tosses Paige to the mat and does push-ups. Paige attacks her and Nikki rolls out of the ring. Paige isn’t through with her and flies at her with a knee. She rolls Nikki back into the ring but Nikki comes back, smashing Paige’s face with her knee. When we come back from a break, Nikki has Paige in a headlock. Paige breaks but Nikki puts Paige down with a Spinebuster. Two count. She taunts Paige with slaps to the head, so Paige kicks her and the two women rush at each other. They both eat a clothesline and hit the mat. Paige hits clotheslines and a dropkick. Two count. Paige rushes Nikki who elbows her and dropkicks her. Two count. Nikki sets up the Forearm but misses. Paige hits a Crescent Kick for two. Paige gets up and goes for the Ram-Paige but Nikki counters with a Small Package cradle for two. A series of counters and Nikki hits an Alabama Slam for a CLOSE fall. Nikki goes for the Rack Attack but Paige fights out and hits the Ram-Paige. TWO COUNT. Paige can’t believe it. Crowd is big-time into this. Paige tries to pull Nikki to the center of the ring. Paige flies out of the ring with her. Brie tries to get involved, so AJ takes her out. Paige goes to thank her and eats an AJ elbow for her troubles. Nikki rolls Paige into the ring. Rack Attack and Nikki retains at 10:41. WINNER: NIKKIWINSLOL via Rack Attack
RATING: **1/2. At this point, I’m convinced Nikki’s not just sucking Cena off.
Post-match, Paige attacks AJ. And we’re going back down this route, I guess.
ON SMACKDOWN: Bryan jobbed to Dolph Ziggler. Tune in next week, when he jobs to Zack Ryder.
TONIGHT: You get to help overbook tonight’s match choose the special guest referee in the match between Ziggler and Bryan by voting on the WWE App.
NEXT: Snoop Dogg.
Lilian Garcia introduces Snoop Dogg. This oughta give me time to scope out the Best of Monday Night Open Mic. Oh wait. Curtis Axel has a problem with Snoop Dogg. He says that he doesn’t like “SnoopMania.” Snoop doesn’t care. The only important “Mania” is this one:
Hulk Hogan appears for, like, the sixth time in a year, which is like five more times than The Undertaker. He doesn’t know about AxelMania. He asks what Axel’s been smoking. Axel tears off his shirt and attacks Hogan. Hogan hits him and Snoop tosses him out of the ring. They pose for about 80 minutes.
We get the Brock Lesnar video interview from last week.
ON THE WRESTLEMANIA KICK-OFF SHOW: The Fatal Four-Way Tag Team Championship between The Usos, Tyson & Cesaro, The New Day and Los Matadores.
MATCH #5: WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro & Natalya vs. Los Matadores (Fernando & Diego) & El Torito in a Six-Being Interspecies Tag Team Match Fucking hell. I skip this shit on Smackdown, so WHY am I seeing it on RAW? Cesaro shoulderblocks Matador I Don’t Care About #1. Matador #1 comes back with a body splash for a one-count. Torito is in with Nattie who smiles because I’m convince that the Botox has reduced her to that and “pissed off”. Tyson tags himself in and evades Matador #2 or #1. Cesaro comes in for a short cover. Meanwhile, the Usos and Naomi’s boobs join the commentary team. Cesaro hits the Swing Kick. Tyson locks in a headlock. Matador breaks and Tyson goes top rope, only to eat a dropkick. Hot tags on both sides. Matador beats up Cesaro and tags in Torito who nearly pins Cesaro. Matador dumps Cesaro from the ring. This leaves Torito, who pins Nattie with a Sunset Flip. JBL just highlights how far Nattie’s fallen in WWE by asking, “Has Bret Hart ever been pinned by a bull?” WINNER: Matadors and El Torito
RATING: DUD.
Barrett is backstage. Kane approaches him and says that he needs to collect Barrett’s IC Title, so he can “dangle it above the ring”. Barrett is reluctant, but gives him the belt.
NEXT: Rusev vs. Swagger
ON SMACKDOWN: 8-MAN TAG MATCH featuring Roman Reigns, John Cena, Mark Henry & Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt, Seth Rollins, Kane and Big Show
MATCH #6: WWE United States Champion Rusev vs. Jack Swagger (non-title) JBL reminds us that Rusev’s the reason we haven’t seen Zeb Colter. Continuity! Rusev kicks at Swagger in the corner, then beats on him. Swagger fights back but Rusev clotheslines him. He kicks Swagger repeatedly, then puts on a clutch. Swagger finally fights out and hits a Big Boot. He hits a huge clothesline, which knocks Rusev down. He rushes Rusev but Rusev goes for a kick. Swagger catches him and tries the Patriot Lock. Rusev kicks out. Rusev beats Swagger in the corner again, then clotheslines him. Rusev hits a HUGE Superkick and the Accolade for the win at 4:36. WINNER: Rusev via Accolade
RATING: More of the same from Rusev.
Rusev won’t break The Accolade, so here comes Cena to break his face. They battle in the ring, then fight outside. Rusev gets the upper hand and tosses Cena into the crowd barrier. He picks Cena up and shoves him into the ringpost. He picks Cena up again and tosses him into the announce table. Rusev picks up the Russian flag and waves it. A ref tends to Cena who looks hurt. Rusev sees this and puts the flag down. He takes Cena out with a Flying Superkick, then starts stripping the announce table. He picks Cena up and slams him, face-first, into the table. He climbs the table and locks in The Accolade until Cena passes out, while six refs tug lightly at Rusev’s arms, saying “Stop it.”
MOMENTS AGO: Rusev kicks the shit out of John Cena.
Cole, JBL and Booker assess what just happened. Cole surmises that Cena “is no longer 100 percent”.
Bray Time. He comes to the ring and says that everyone hates. That’s all they do. They care only about money and hate who they are in life. They lie to themselves. He’ll give them all the truth: The Undertaker is a liar. He’s just like everyone else. He’s hiding the fact that he lost. He says that angel wings are here to take him back to the other side.
We hear rumbling and see lights flashing as the arena lights up like the Tiki Room at Disneyland. He says that The Undertaker’s spirits are all in Bray Wyatt’s control now, not The Undertaker’s. He says there will be no redemption or shield. Sister Abigail’s Kiss will end him. Then, he will take his rightful place amongst the gods as the new face of fear. He says that once WrestleMania is over, The Undertaker will finally rest in peace. Aaaaaand, still no ‘Taker. Even on the Raw before ‘Mania. Sigh…
Diesel/Kevin Nash is the final inductee into the 2015 WWE Hall of Fame.
Nattie is backstage, doing her make-up. Tyson is eating Burger King. He talks to his food like he talks to her. Nattie smile-frowns through it, then pretends to like what she’s eating.
Oh, look. Daniel Bryan’s out here and he’s more over than Reigns. Funny that. So’s Ziggler. Booker gives us our Special Guest Referee and it’s…
Dean Ambrose. Wonder how many people tried voting for Kane and Big Show.
MATCH #7: Daniel Bryam vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Special Guest Referee Dean Ambrose Initial lock-ups and quick back and forth to start. Then an actual Test of Strength. Ziggler puts Bryan in a corner and beats on him. Big elbow by Ziggler. One count. Ziggler puts Bryan in the corner and it’s a slap and punch fight. Bryan flips over Ziggler in the corner, then ends up outside. Ziggler chases and Bryan uses his legs to pull Ziggler outside as well. Bryan misses a flying knee outside. Ziggler runs at Bryan and takes him out. When we get back from break, Ziggler has a Sleeper on Bryan. Bryan breaks it and goes for a Fame-Asser but Bryan rolls Ziggler up fro two. Ziggler attacks and Bryan hits a German Suplex for two. Bryan goes top rope but Ziggler knocks him off. He goes for a Superplex but Bryan blocks it and punches at Ziggler. Ziggler falls to the mat, then leaps up, grabbing Bryan by the head, and pulls him down into the mat for a close fall. Ziggler goes for a Zigg Zagg but Bryan fights him off and tries a Backslide pin. Ziggler reverses for two. Bryan kicks Ziggler in the corner and then hits a rushing dropkick. Ziggler hits a Superkick when Bryan comes rushing in and hits the Superkick for the win at 10:54. Boy, that “special guest referee” gimmick really added to the match, didn’t it? WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via Zigg Zagg
RATING: **3/4. Got going late and never really got to the level of the match on Smackdown.
Post-match, Dean predictably hits Ziggler with Dirty Deeds, goes under the mat for a ladder and goes for the IC Title which is hanging above the ring CUZ REMEMBER KANE PUT IT UP THERE HIMSELF. Barrett stops him and the rest of the IC Title fighters come out to join the fight. Bodies fly everywhere. Barrett hits a Bullhammer on Bryan because he hasn’t been buried enough in two shows. Ziggler hits a Superkick on Barrett. More fighting and the ladder gets knocked over. Everyone’s down and…that’s that. Everyone’s down and not getting up.
Backstage, Heyman knocks on the dressing room door of Brock Lesnar and tells him that “it’s time”.
Finally, at 11 PM PST / 2 AM EST, out comes Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Heyman plugs Lesnar vs. Reigns. He says that either Lesnar is great like he’s been saying — or he isn’t. The same goes for Reigns. He says that Lesnar makes failures out of everyone who has stepped in front of him. He says that everyone doubted Lesnar’s ability to beat The Undertaker and John Cena. Both men were beaten. He says that people call Lesnar a “mercenary”. The problem is that Lesnar actually enjoys beating people up. He says Lesnar’s the type who will fuck wives and eat kid’s food. Sheesh. Paul Heyman says that Reigns keeps saying “he will” beat Lesnar. But Lesnar says he CAN’T…and he WON’T.
Out comes Reigns. The two men face off, as promised. Lesnar holds the belt in Reigns’ face. Reigns grabs it. Lesnar grabs back…and we go off the air?! Ok.
OVERALL: **1/2. Not a bad “going home” show…it’s gonna be an interesting WrestleMania. It’s time for WWE to reap what they’ve sewn.
That’s it for me for this week.
I will probably be posting the WrestleMania Trip Report starting on Thursday with Axxess. If you’re going to WrestleMania, feel free to find me and talk me up. I’m not that much of an asshole in real life. 🙂
And, of course…the best of the internet water cooler on this week’s action:
There I was, pressed against the wall, only peeking out long enough to count the guards. Two. Only two guards standing between me and my goal. Crouching alongside a car conveniently abandoned between me and the enemies allowed me to creep in range. One thrown bullet casing was all it took to pique the curiosity of one of the guards. While he wandered off, questioning whether or not the sky was falling, my night stick became acquainted with the back of his partners head. One.
By the time the goon turned around and spotted me it was too late. I whipped out my secret weapon. The embodiment of truth, justice, and righteousness — my badge! Frozen in awe, I ordered him on the ground and although I had cuffed around 200 of his friends in the last ten minutes, I still had at least one pair left for him.
You’d be forgiven if you assumed that was a scene out of one of the Splinter Cell or a Metal GearSolid game, but nope, this was my experience playing Battlefield: Hardline. You step into the shoes of Nick Mendoza, a cop on Miami’s Vice unit fighting to put a stop to the city’s cocaine drug war. The campaign is broken down by episodes, complete with “previously on” and “next time on” cheesy intros and outros. And when I say cheesy, I mean full on “liquid gold Velveeta” cheese. It bounces from the drug war to dirty cops before turning into a revenge plot. More often than not, Hardline feels like a parody or low budget version of shows like CSI and Law and Order.
While the story may be ridiculous and forgettable, the gameplay in Hardline’s single player campaign is actually quite interesting. The developers over at Visceral Games decided to forgo the linear first person shooter formula of Battlefield campaigns past and instead allow the player to have choice in how they approach a given situation.
As described in my opening, you could play through the majority of the campaign using stealth and nonlethal tactics. With the level design featuring wide open maps with various pathways, you’re rewarded for planning out a game plan and executing it with precision. Approaching three or fewer enemies undetected allows you to “freeze” them by flashing your badge, at which point you can cuff them one by one with your endless supply of handcuffs. Seriously, Nick’s pants must have been imbued with an Undetectable Extension Charm (insert genital joke here).
While tackling each situation silently gains you more “expert points” to unlock new weapons and gadgets, you can still run and gun through every level if your heart so desires.The controls handle like your typical first person shooter and the environmental destruction that has become the calling card of the Battlefield franchise is still present in Hardline, so you won’t be in unfamiliar territory. In fact, I found myself using a mix of both stealth and guns blazing in my playthrough, which allowed me to channel my inner John McClane and still max out my expert level. I applaud Visceral for giving me this option and hope to see other developers adopt this.
While I enjoyed Hardline’s single player efforts, the star of the Battlefield franchise has always been multiplayer. I am here to report that Battlefield: Hardline multiplayer plays like… well like Battlefield. The focus is on large, open maps, with high player counts and vehicles everywhere. Hardline adds some new wrinkles to the formula by including a cops vs criminals motif.
In Heist mode, playing on the side of the Criminals finds you and your teammates attempting to rob a vault and transport a duffel bag full of money to an extraction point with limited respawns. Unlike the Criminals, Cops have unlimited respawns which helps balance the fact that extracting the bags results in an instant win for the Criminals. Hotwire mode is similar to traditional Conquest, except instead of holding down stationary points, you capture and drive vehicles at high speeds to gain points. Blood Money is capture the flag, if the flag was a stack of cash. The common theme being that these are all modes that experienced Battlefield players have played before, just with some added pizzazz.
This brings me to Hardline’s biggest problem; it just feels too much like Battlefield 4. Take a look at any internet thread about Hardline’s multiplayer and you’ll find a number of concerned citizens (*read Trolls) stating how it’s just an overpriced mod. While I think the single player is fresh, if you are still playing Battlefield 4’s multiplayer and enjoying it, I’m not sure the “new” modes here are different enough to justify buying a brand new game.
From a technical standpoint Hardline ran smooth (at least on the Xbox One). Even with the large player counts, I never experienced frame rate drops or lag. In what can only be described as some sort of miracle, Hardline’s severs have held up fine since launch and I’ve had no issues finding matches. While the game ran fine, somehow the graphics fare worse this year, with environments and textures appearing flat and dull on most maps. The audio is top notch as always but fails to make up for the muddied visuals.
Battlefield Hardline is an over the top, cheesy cop movie with interesting gameplay mechanics bundled with a familiar multiplayer experience. It reminds me deciding to buy the “s” variations of the iPhone. If you’ve never owned an iPhone, or it has been some time since your last one, then the “s” is great and fresh. If you currently have last year’s model you’re probably better off just waiting for the next one. Either way you’re getting a solid, if not revolutionary, product and that is Battlefield Hardline in a nutshell.
The full trailer for Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation has been released today by Paramount Pictures. The fifth film in the Mission: Impossible franchise pits Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and what’s left of the IMF against the Syndicate, an equally skilled rogue organization committed to destroying the IMF.
Along with former team members Benji Dunn (Simon Pegg), William Brandt (Jeremy Renner), and Luther Stickell (Ving Rhames), the film introduces a mysterious new ally played by Rebecca Ferguson, and Alec Baldwin as a shadowy figure with likely ties to the Syndicate.
Directed by Christopher McQuarrie, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation premieres in theatres and IMAX on July 31st, 2015.
The Walking Dead Season 5, Episode 15 – “Try” Air Date – March 22, 2015 Grade: B
With the season finale looming, The Walking Dead is quick to stoke the fires of conflict in Alexandria. Tensions are higher than ever following last week’s disastrous supply run; we find Rick running out of patience with the naive townsfolk as casualties and conflicting accounts on both sides blind everyone to a growing threat beyond the gates. While he tries to deal with the Jessie’s abusive husband Pete, others from Rick’s group cling to memories of life outside the walls, Daryl and Aaron discover more mutilated zombies with the letter “W” carved into their foreheads, and Carol bakes a passive-aggressive tuna casserole.
“Try” largely focuses on the connection Rick and his group still have to life before Alexandria. Some, like Glenn and Michonne, understand the need to stay within the community and make it work, while others continue to be wary of the complacency that security brings. Sasha remains isolated from the rest of the community–when she isn’t in the watchtower, she goes on solitary expeditions to hunt walkers in the woods. Even Carl, who has been following Enid as she climbs the walls and ventures into the forest, finds solace in roaming free in the wilderness.
Rick, however, continually sees the lines between life within and beyond the walls becoming blurred. To him, the rules of the world are simple and universal. He brings the news of Pete’s abuse of his family to Deanna, but it turns out that she already knows. When she refuses to consider execution, Rick decides to confront Pete himself, and the ensuing brawl spills into the street. It’s a bloody, visceral fight that finally stops after drawing the attention of the entire town. In his anger, Rick pulls a gun on the town and gives a speech that stops just shy of calling the Alexandrians “sheeple.” Berating them for their weakness and timidity, he seems ready to declare a hostile takeover when Michonne finally knocks him unconscious.
It’s still surprisingly difficult to get a good read on Deanna’s thoughts and motivations. A former politician and semi-professional poker player, she absorbs more information than she reveals and claims to possess a talent for reading people. Unfortunately, her interactions thus far haven’t provided any evidence to suggest she’s particularly skilled at anything. She was nothing but optimistic and welcoming at first, but Gabriel’s warning and Aiden’s death have driven her predictably towards a less favorable opinion of Rick and the other newcomers. Still, there are moments that hint at her having a wiser, more measured understanding of the situation. After Nicholas provides her a more self-serving account of the supply run and blames Glenn for Aiden’s death, she gravely reminds him, “You don’t know what I see, Nicholas… And I see a great deal.” However, the rest of the episode is filled with a much more predictable mistrust and hostility towards Rick, so it still remains to be seen whether she’s as naive and impulsive as the rest of the townsfolk.
“Try” isn’t the most thrilling lead up to next week’s finale–from the looks of it, we’re mostly just in for a town hall meeting. It’s an episode that mostly coasts from last week’s inertia, and doesn’t do much to raise the stakes for the conflict we all already know is coming. Rick’s interactions with Jessie were more awkward than they needed to be, and Carl’s slow motion romp through the forest added a bit of unintentional comedy. Still, there’s the looming threat of the group behind the zombie mutilations, and it turns out that Nicholas is in possession of Chekhov’s blender gun, so there are plenty of ways that everything can (and invariably will) go wrong.
When you’re listening to “Somewhat Damaged” by Nine Inch Nails off of your dead son’s “RUNMIX” CD, the last thing you’re probably in the mood for is tuna casserole.
“People die now, Deanna. They do. There’s times like this, you can decide who and when. Or it can be decided for you.”
“In here is the same as out there… If you don’t fight, you die”
“You still don’t get it. We know what needs to be done and we do it. We’re the ones who live.”
What if who we thought was Morgan is actually Evil Morgan, a.k.a. Worgan, and he’s the one responsible carving the W into all the zombies?
Are you ready for another Mission Impossible movie? You better be! The trailer for Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation has just dropped!
The fifth movie in the Mission Impossible franchise will star Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt. Rogue Nation will also star Jeremy Renner, Ving Rhames, Alec Baldwin, Rebecca Ferguson, Johnny Harris, and Simon McBurney.
Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation hits theaters July 31, 2015.
12 Monkeys Season 1, Episode 10 – “Divine Move” Air Date: March 20, 2015 Grade: A-
It’s all crystal clear now, Cole is Kyle Reese, Cassie is Sarah Connor, and well, you’ll find out who plays The Terminator! The entire season of “12 Monkeys” so far has been a roller coaster thrill ride of epic proportions and this week’s episode is no exception.
We pick up with Ramse destroying the meeting room, burning the collected clues on the wall, and stealing the injections that Cole needs to travel back in time. The bromance is truly dead as his interest is solely on protecting his family. Still, seeing him so adamantly against Team Splinter after being a part of it for so long is unsettling to say the least.
In 2015, Cassie and Aaron are enjoying normalcy as they try to figure out what to do next now that they’ve saved the world. Apparently that includes some sexy time until Cole enters, completely ruining their moment. While Cole is relieved to see the virologist alive again, she is completely surprised and shocked by his appearance. Aaron gets completely upset since it means that they have to get back in the game and I’m sure he’s none too pleased that his competition is back. He storms off after yelling at Cole that he doesn’t know how to save Cassie and stop the virus from spreading.
RAMSE SMASH!!
Cassie then realizes that Peters, who was previously a Markridge scientist and had been at the CIA, must be how the virus gets loose. She finds his last known address via the CDC’s database and Team Casserole heads out. Unfortunately as they drive over, Cassie’s mood is decidedly dark as she confesses that the situation seems hopeless. Cole understands as he struggles with his own damaged relationship with Ramse that feels irreparable.
Their destination turns out to be lab with a dead body inside and the tell tale signs of Pallid Man’s work (more flowers to mask the smell of death). The Army of the 12 Monkeys have beaten them yet again. The victim this time was Peters’ husband and they figure the scientist must have been coerced into recreating the M-510. Cassie does manage to find Peters’ personal journal and discovers that the plague’s origin, aka the body, was excavated in the Himalayas during the 80s. There’s also a clipped Japanese article inside and Cole decides that this has to be another clue, remembering Leland Goines’ claiming to have met him in 1987. While Cole is excited with this new development, Cassie remains apathetic. She recites monotonously that she’ll use her capacity with the CDC to trace any shipments of animals for testing that Peters’ will undoubtedly need, thereby tracking him. Cole confronts her and Cassie admits knowing that splintering is killing him. He tries to reassure her that he’ll be fine, but as he vanishes a nearby plant starts to turn from green to red. Now what is that about?
In 2043 all is not well. Cole tells Jones that he’s discovered the origins of the virus to a club called the White Dragon in 1987 Tokyo. She meets his eyes with an unsettled look and shows him the destroyed meeting room. Cole is shocked that Ramse would do such a thing and then collapses, the effects of time traveling rapidly catching up with him. He is put on bed rest while a machine is prepped to help keep his body together for one final jump. However, their more immediate problem is that Ramse has the injections. Jones promises Cole that no harm will come to Ramse and dispatches Whitley and his men to retrieve the stolen goods (after Cole reveals his former bff’s likely location). Jones though inadvertently gives the soldier a license to kill Ramse if it comes down to the injections and the other man.
Speak of the devil, Ramse is at a nearby amusement park called the Wilderness Adventure and has allied with a group of other survivors. He tells Elena that he’s stopped Team Splinter by taking the injections but she’s worried that they’ll come looking for it. And of course she’s right! But before Whitley and company arrive, Ramse goes off and meets with a new enigmatic group calling themselves the Daughters after seeing the image of the Army of the 12 Monkeys on the side of one of their caravans. Things take a turn for the weird when he is introduced to their leader who is none other than Jennifer Goines!!! What the what?!? Yes exactly, what the hell is going on here?
Looking good Jennifer.
Jennifer is naturally much older now and whether or not she has immunity to the virus is unknown. She is still talking in riddles and mentions Cole to Ramse. He asks her how she knows what he needs and she hands him a necklace with a strange symbol etched on it, telling him that it will be useful later. Jennifer then comments that he’s a good friend adding, “not yet but you will be.” She also somehow knows that something important is going to happen to him tonight, revealing that she’s probably met Ramse in her past and his future. More baffling questions!!
Back at the Wilderness Adventure things take a terrible turn as one of Whitley’s men accidentally kills Elena. Whitley shoots the individual to prevent more bloodshed, but he knows that there is no hope of Ramse ever coming back to their side. This defining incident basically drives Ramse over the deep end and all hell breaks loose after.
He makes his way back to the facility determined to truly eliminate Project Splinter. His plan was to blow up the time machine itself but circumstances go awry and he ends up shooting Max in the gut. I know, I’ve been wondering where Max has been this whole time as well. She’s sadly only in the episode for a brief time because she soon dies from the gunshot wound. Cole had been inside the body repairing machine and hadn’t heard all the commotion. In a moment of desperation, Ramse trapped in the time machine chamber decides to save his son by becoming a chrononaut as well. He injects himself with the serum and orders one of the scientists to fire up the device. By the time Cole is released from his statis he only manages to see Ramse before the man splinters to 1987 Tokyo.
Yes, Ramse is The Terminator trying to eliminate John Connor from one day leading humanity in the battle against Skynet. Though not quite a perfect fit, Ramse will be there to stop Cole from destroying the source of the virus. Jones tells Cole that his former friend’s jump was a one way trip because they do not have the means to track and return him to 2043. While Ramse’s intent was noble in doing whatever it took to save his son, he would also probably never see Samuel again. That seems kind of short sighted in retrospect. Alas, the two ex-friends will soon be battling it out in the land of the rising sun.
Let’s not forget about the good Dr. Railly though. She’s convinced Aaron to come with her to a container yard where she’s tracked a shipment of monkeys that has likely been used for Peter’s experiments. She finds the scientist and has a moment of weakness nearly taking his life after he asks to be given death (granted he just got news that his husband was dead). Instead Cassie tells him to vanish and puts the gun away. Meanwhile, Aaron encounters the lady from the Army of the 12 Monkeys and she urges him to listen to her. She explains that Cassie is very important to them and asks what he is willing to do to keep her alive. Uh oh!
Ramse and Mini-Ramse say goodbye.
So what have we learned in this episode? Well things have definitely gotten even more crazier that we could have possibly have imagined. With Ramse back in the past, who knows what kind of havoc he’ll wreak and could he join the Army of the 12 Monkeys now that their agendas are somewhat aligned? In fact, could he be the Witness who might have started the whole group in the first place?!? I don’t even know how to process this because that would be so amazing and messed up at the same time.
The Daughters are also an interesting new development, as Jennifer seems to have created some kind of cult between 2017 to 2043. Still she looks great for her age! How involved she is in with Ramse and the Army of the 12 Monkeys is still a mystery and what role does she really play in all of this?
Aaron may also now be allied with the Army of the 12 Monkeys after his encounter with the lady in his interest to keep Cassie alive and his anger towards Cole.
Cole really is in an ugly position as he tells Jones at the end of the episode that if Ramse tries to stop him then he’ll kill his former best friend. This just so sad that it’s all come to this.
Cassie seems to be the one person who’s still trying to save humanity without any hidden agendas. Why do I feel like this can’t last?
The question of whether to save one person or billions of lives is a recurring one and characters are constantly coming up against it. What makes the show so interesting is how they’ve all acted when put in the situation. Each individual believes that they are doing the right thing, but their choices have consequences. At the heart of the show it’s seeing what people will do to protect themselves and their loved ones.
“12 Monkeys” continues their fast paced narratives and I am just happy to be along for the ride.
PS: I hear by acknowledge that the above speculations may sound crazy.
Whether you loved it or hated it, there is no denying the cultural phenomenon that was Glee. The show about a small town high school’s choir club took the world by storm as audiences tuned in week after week for the latest performances and wacky storylines.
While many of us at The Workprint stopped watching Glee at one point or another, we all agreed that there were certain performances in the seriesthat stuck with us long after we stopped watching.
With Glee coming to an end tonight, the Workprint staff compiled a list of our favorite performances from the series. It’s been a long and bumpy road Glee, but we’ll never forget you and the lessons you taught us – Dolphins are just gay sharks.
Disclaimer: No writer was allowed to choose Don’t Stop Believing. The performance alone kickstarted the series into an unstoppable force months before the series even began.
Geoff Peel: Dream On – Aerosmith (Season 1, Episode 19)
Oh it’d have to be when Neil Patrick Harris serenades Vinnie with “Mr. Sandman”. What’s that? That’s not Glee, that’s Doogie Howser? Huh. Okay. Well I’m still sticking with my boy NPH. Shuster vest excluded, when those two battle-sang Aerosmith’s “Dream On” it was, dare I say, legendary. (See what I did there?) And even though this scene had less fog machine action than his foray into The Chordettes catalog, the entire spectacle feels like a karaoke fever dream.
Terence Chen: Somebody to Love – Queen (Season 1, Episode 5)
The first two movies I remember seeing as a kid were The Lion King and The Sound of Music. As such, I can really never say no to a musical. Mix that with a glaring weakness for pop music and I was just a sucker for Glee. Sure, I’ve stopped watching now because the storylines have gotten so weak and convoluted, but I remember watching the first episode and completely buying into the show especially after ‘Don’t Stop Believing’. For me, one of my favorite songs they ever did on the show was Queen’s ‘Somebody to Love’. Glee took an iconic song and did it justice, but also in a way that reintroduced it to an audience that may have never heard it before. They featured Lea Michele and Amber Riley, who easily topped the vocal talent and were spotlighted on that show back when they didn’t have to service all the characters songwise. Add that to the message of the song and the way it brought together the episode, ‘Somebody to Love’ was a number that I loved from Glee.
Nicole C: Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson (Season 3, Episode 8)
As the final song that the New Directions sang during Sectionals in Season Three, it’s my personal favorite because of soulful solos that Finn, Artie, Puck, Blaine, and Sam gave. It’s nice that the boys are featured this time around with Rachel in the audience to let other talent shine. Also it’s a Michael Jackson classic and hearing it never fails to make me want to sing along.
Matt DeGroot: Rumor Has It/Someone Like You Mashup – Adele (Season 3, Episode 6)
Ever since we got our first real taste of Naya Rivera’s powerful voice during “Like a Virgin” in Season One’s Madonna-themed episode, Santana Lopez became my favorite character of the whole series. Her wicked tongue and fantastic singing chops delighted the evil diva inside of me to a point where I was pretty much dancing on the ceiling when she became one of the most prominent characters in the seasons that followed.
But never have I loved her more than when she joined the short-lived, all-female glee club, The Troubletones, to sing this mashup of two of Adele’s biggest hits at a time when was coming to terms with coming out and professing her love to Brittany. This mashup has become more iconic than the two original songs for me and when Santana wails, “Don’t forget me!” all I can think is: Don’t you worry, honey. We definitely won’t after that performance.
Trisha Leigh: Poker Face – Lady Gaga (Season 1, Episode 20)
I haven’t watched Glee for what seems like forever, but this performance stuck with me over the years. It’s one of the numbers I downloaded to on iTunes and one of the only one of those I still listen to when it pops up on shuffle. The song (and Lady Gaga) are obviously fabulous to start out with, but the combined girl power (and vocal chords) of Lea Michelle and Idina Menzel is really something to witness. For what it’s worth, it IS a little awkward that they’re mother and daughter and the song is about tempting juicy man-meat into one’s bed but what the hell. It’s fun, they sound amazing, and while I won’t go so far as to say it’s better than the original, I do think it’s equal.
Kelley Lynn: Don’t Rain on My Parade – Barbra Streisand (Season 1, Episode 13)
This is one of my absolute favorite Broadway songs. Ever. Like, ever. Of all time. Add that to the fact that the song is sung (in “Funny Girl”) by the incomparable Barbara Streisand, and it seems virtually impossible that anyone on earth would ever be able to do the song justice ever again. Enter Lea Michele. Not only is her voice “like buttah” and kind of mind-blowing in the extremely challenging vocals of this tune, but because of her perfect combination of overly-theatrical and somehow genuine as the super-talent Rachel Berry, she is able to sell this song like nobody else ever could.
Rachel sings this number as her solo performance in the Sectionals competition during Season one. What makes it work even more for me, is that, during that episode, New Directions is blindsided when their competition, Jane Adams Academy, steals their signature number “And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going.” Forced to come up with a brand new set list in minutes, the gang goes to their big guns – Rachel – to bring out THE performance of the competition. It is awesomeness in every form, and it is a huge part of what made the early seasons of Glee so damn good.
Jen Stayrook: If I Were a Boy – Beyonce (Season 5, Episode 5)
Confession time: I haven’t watched Gleesince the beginning of season two. Because of that, my mind defaulted to choosing “Take a Bow”. While I still ADORE Glee‘s cover of the song, it does come second to another. Even though I couldn’t get past Glee‘s insane plot lines, I didn’t stop listening to the songs, because let’s face it, that’s why people watch Gleeanyway.
I came across the fifth season’s cover of Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” and perked up. I *love* the original, so I wasn’t sure how Gleecould possibly improve on it, but Unique proved me wrong. The only thing I knew about the story was what I saw in the above video, and still without any knowledge of this character, holy.mother.of.god did she broke my heart. Usually I cannot help but giggle any time I see all the Gleestudents watching someone sing solo because WOW that must be weird, but this time, I shut my mouth and took it all in. Way to make me feel feelings, Glee.
Bilal Mian: Keep Holdin’ On – Avril Lavigne (Season 1, Episode 7)
There is a moment in every television series when everything comes together and clicks into place. For me that moment in Glee happened in the seventh episode. After Sue forces Jacob to run the story of Quinn’s pregnancy, Quinn comes clean to the club about being pregnant. To show their support for her, the group performs Keep Holdin’ On. Even after all these years, the performance still manages to pack an emotional punch.
The two-hour Glee series finale airs Friday, March 20, 2015 at 8:00 PM.
Archer Season 6, Episode 11 – “Achub Y Morfilod” Airs March 19, 2015 Grade: B+
Archer and Lana are finally together, but it hasn’t taken long for their honeymoon period to sour. The return of Katya and her robot vagina hasn’t been an easy situation to explain, and Archer instead opts for what he believes to be the best course of action: tranquilize Lana and fly her overnight in a CIA plane to a romantic getaway in Wales, where they may or may not be aiding some local Welsh separatists. “Achub Y Morfilod” (Welsh for “save the whales”) provides only a loose framework upon which to hang Archer and Lana’s fight, but the absurdity balances out the mostly serious, still hilarious lover’s quarrel. From the sillier-than-usual spy mission to the office drones giving Ray a new arm, it’s Archer at its most effortlessly irreverent.
This episode was a great showcase for Lana, who hasn’t received much screentime this season. She received some backstory in “The Kanes” and has had a more prominent role in the past couple of episodes, but we haven’t seen such sustained levels of rage and withering scorn all season. Aisha Tyler has been doing some amazing work; I could listen to her threaten Archer and goats in the bucolic Welsh cottage all day, and the venom dripping from her voice whenever she refers to Katya’s robot vagina will never stop being hilarious.
“Achub Y Morfilod” succeeds mostly because Archer and Lana are at their best when they’re fighting. Granted, there’s rarely a moment in the series where they aren’t at each other’s throat, but I’m glad to see that their rekindled relationship hasn’t altered this fundamental dynamic too much. Generally the voice of reason and most professional character, Lana spends the episode seething with rage at Archer and the ridiculous mission set before them. Though largely just a backdrop for their bickering, the mission involves aiding Welsh separatist Lloyd Llewellyn (Matthew Rhys) and his hulking but mentally slow brother Davith. Between the Of Mice and Men dynamic and their delusional opposition to English rule (after the English government relocated a small village of 48 people to construct a reservoir), Lloyd and Davith add just the right amount of absurdity to make Lana even angrier. In typical fashion, Archer and Lana’s bickering ultimately blows their cover and ruins the mission
As for the others, Malory gets only slightly more screentime this episode and she’s still concerned about how fat AJ has gotten (“Mother, she’s a goddamn baby!”), while the office drones are in the operating room giving Ray a new hand. There’s a relentless flurry of hand puns and a long discussion about African-American characters on M.A.S.H. (for some reason…), but it looks like Ray is mostly back to his old self. It’s less of a subplot than a long series of jokes, but it fits well into the particularly farcical tone of the episode. Archer makes a smart decision by taking itself less seriously than usual–somehow, the more frivolous moments in “Achub Y Morfilod” manage to make a fight about an ex-lover actually seem fun.
By this time many of you are like me – staring at a calendar, trying to predict how many days till the return of Empire. You’re also trying to find the best scene of the Empire finale in gif form. That’s right – Cookie vs Boo Boo Kitty.
You see, many people thought the culmination of the first season of Empire was all about which one of Lucious Lyon’s sons would succeed him. All those people are simply wrong.
The culmination of the first season of Empire is this scene and this scene only.
Man Seeking Woman Season 1, Episode 10 – Scepter Air Date: March 18, 2015 Grade: B
Man Seeking Woman began with Maggie breaking up with Josh, and it’s only fitting that this season ends with Josh breaking up with Maggie. But before we get to that, let’s go to the arctic tundra.
As the episode opens, we find Mike and Josh trekking across a frozen wasteland to reach the last available woman on the face of the Earth. Sure, being single can be a bit rough sometimes, so I can see the unforgiving cold of the arctic as an apt comparison. As we arrive in the hut of the last available woman on the planet, Mike serves as the translator to the budding relationship between Josh and the wild-woman, who thinks of Josh as a god, but I mean, if you’re desperate, you’re desperate right? Things are good, small talk goes well (ugh, the dreaded, ‘do you like music?’ question) and of course, then we get the dicey part of the exchange. It’s that moment when you take whatever chemistry that you have and gamble that it’s enough for it to turn into a first date. This of course, leads Mike to translate that she “likes where she’s at” and again, Josh is cast out into the bitter freezing wilderness that is singledom. As far as surreal situations go, this was pretty weak, and failed to live up to the increasing quality of the episodes in previous weeks.
Of course, this leads us back to Mike and Josh playing videogames, when out of the blue Maggie calls and wants to “get together”. Getting together can mean so many different things, but when an ex calls, especially when you were the one getting dumped, the cacophony of thoughts running through your mind is overwhelming. If anyone has ever been dumped before, I think everyone has had the fantasy of your ex groveling and coming back to you saying that she made a huge mistake. The close second of course is the aforementioned ex wanting to get back together. Of course, this is a very logical conclusion with Maggie calling out of the blue and wanting to “get together”. Mike of course, the adult ADD sufferer that he is, absent-mindedly reassures Josh as he focuses on the latest Madden (or Call of Duty, whatever bros play).
Josh dives head first into the fantasy that he’s concocted in his own head and goes out to a nice lunch with Maggie, only to literally (fantastically?) get his heart ripped out when she tells him that she’s getting married to Graham, who we last met at the wedding in hell. At this point, Josh is devastated, but he keeps trying to keep a stoic front as to keep Maggie from knowing how badly he’s hurt. I think we’ve all been in this situation before, but one of the best things about Man Seeking Woman is its depiction of what we go through internally brought to reality. The gory and disgusting spectacle of seeing Josh bleed out while trying to make small talk to try to save face was incredibly uncomfortable. Of course, none of us can really hold our poker faces that well, and we’re all saved from the discomfort as the EMTs come to cart Josh away.
While trying to figure out what exactly went wrong, Josh and Mike end up at a convenience store. Mike, being the horndog that he is, spots pills that give you sexual madness, but at the cost of liver failure. At the same time, Josh figures out exactly what went wrong between him and Maggie (gifts are a relationship minefield) and somehow, the store also sells time travel pills, but at the cost of ruining the space-time continuum. So, Mike and Josh, now armed with their choice of pharmaceuticals (at a very cheap $2.50 for three pills) make their adjustments. Josh succeeds in changing the past, and in turn, sees himself with Maggie and makes up for lost time. He then uses the next two pills to make himself richer, and have distinctive facial hair. Of course, he doesn’t pay attention to the side effects and he ends up having the Earth getting enslaved by an alien overlord named Trackanon. You know, typical space-time continuum stuff.
It’s in this oppressed post-apocalyptic world where Josh finally starts to realize somethings about himself. He loved Maggie, that’s true, but in a way, he lost himself when he was in that relationship. Looking at himself in this alternate future, he realized that the Josh in ‘Josh and Maggie’ isn’t the Josh that he really is. This is of course is intercut with Mike as Trackanon’s sex slave (featuring Eric Andre in a way too revealing outfit and sickening amounts of lube) and Liz as a Sarah Connor-esque freedom fighter trying to overthrow Trackanon. Finally gathering up the courage to split from Maggie, Josh finds out that Trackanon is a strict Catholic (who knew alien overlords are one step below a pope?) and that divorce is outlawed. Josh, finally over Maggie, decides to disguise himself as a sex slave (featuring Jay Baruchel in a way too revealing outfit) and slay Trackanon with his own scepter in order to get divorced, you know rather than living out his life in a loveless marriage. Who said Josh doesn’t take his lovelife seriously?
And that’s how the season ends, with Trackanon dead, and Josh and his crew finally moving on. This whole season really, has been about Josh and Maggie. While the protagonist of the series has always been Josh, it’s so obvious that he was simply in orbit around Maggie. Getting over someone is never easy. It’s not just the big things, but a million tiny details about them that you have to get over. You can never fully forget that person, and nostalgia dictates that you’ll remember the good more than the bad, but when you finally come to terms that you deserve happiness on your on terms, you can finally put things in the past.
As a testament to Josh’s maturity, he actually sets Maggie up with Graham with his parting words to her, truly hoping to give her the happiness that she deserves. Josh then rallies Liz and Mike to go out on a Saturday night, because hell, Trackanon is dead, and the night is young for three single thirty-somethings.
Season one of Man Seeking Woman was an incredibly high-concept show, which was executed incredibly well. I’m very excited to see season two, where the specter of Maggie is finally gone, and we can really dive into the deep dark wells of neuroses that is Josh, and see where his love life takes him.
Man Seeking Woman will return for Season Two next year.
Seems like just a few months ago (or maybe it WAS just a few months ago, since this show is on an average of 14 times per year) that we last watched our favorite cheese-fest celebration Dancing With the Stars. And yet, here we are again, only this time – the show is celebrating its 10th year anniversary, and they are doing it in style.
All of your favorites are back, including pro-dancer Derek Hough, who was rumored to not be returning, but “just couldn’t stay away.” The entertaining judges are back too. Cranky, old man Len, Horny Carrie Ann, and makes-no-sense , over the top Bruno. Julianne Hough has also joined the judges panel, because why not make the already 2-hour long show seem even longer with a 4th judges opinion? Most of the dances are about 60-90 seconds long – at this point, the judges are twice as lengthy as the dances themselves. Erin Andrew is back as the pretty-faced interviewer (I still miss Brooke Burke Charvey, who provided me with endless quotable comments, year after year), and my favorite host of everything and anything, Tom Bergeron, leads the pack once again with his wit, charm, and humor. So, let’s not waste any more time. Let me tell you a bit about each couple and what they danced in this week one episode. There are 237 couples, so this may take a while:
Willow / Mark: At 14 years old, Willow Shields is the youngest cast member on the show, ever. She is also the actress who plays Primrose in “The Hunger Games” movie series. Her and partner Mark Balis begin the night with their Cha-cha, which is quite strong for week one. Julianne told her to work on her legs, while Horny Carrie Ann pointed out to Willow that “your chest was open and your neck was elongated”. Tom, Erin, Mark, Len, Bruno, and a couple of guys from the makeup department all mentioned that Willow is only 14. It was mentioned about 356 times in about 10 minutes. WE GET IT! SHE IS ONLY 14!!! Scores were 6/6/6/7 .
Robert /Kym: This is the rich tycoon dude from the show Shark Tank, for those of you who watch that. I do not. What I noticed right away about this silly dude is that he smiles a lot. Like, a LOT. He is like a creepy game-show host with the constant smiling. I guess if I had that kind of money, I’d be smiling too, but he is still pretty weird. He told pro-partner Kym Johnson that if they win, he will buy her a plane. Her own private plane. Because what woman doesn’t want her own plane, right? Right. They did a Cha-cha with the theme of, what else, money. His dancing was a tad conservative and dopey, but not bad for the first time out. Bruno called him a “crazy dolphin”, whatever that means. Len mumbled something and then took a sip of his prune juice. Scores were 7/7/7/7, and Len passed gas from behind the judges table.
Riker / Allison: Okay, so this is when I start to feel as old as Len. Every season, especially lately, there is at LEAST one or two contestants who I have literally never in my life heard of. I have no clue who this kid is. Apparently his name is Riker Lynch (really?) and he is the base player and singer in a duo band called R-5, which is apparently a real thing. All I know is that he has annoying surfer-dude-hair and he looks like he is eleven. His partner, Allison Holker, and he, did a great Jive to the song “What I Like About You”, that had a pretty awesome rock video vibe to it. Bruno did his first “standing up and ranting” of the season, except this time he stood ON the judges table as he raved about the pairs performance. “Cool, hip, brilliant!” Horny Carrie Ann touched herself under her seat as she proclaimed Riker as “driving the beat.” I bet you’d like it if he drove YOU, Carrie Ann, huh? HUH??? Scores were 8/7/8/8, and Brooke Burke Charvey watched from home as she sobbed into her 5th vodka and tonic.
Boobs McGee / Keo: So apparently this chick is a model of some kind, and she is known for a burger commercial that aired during the Superbowl that featured her massive tits. All I saw was tits, the entire time she was talking and dancing. Just tits, tits, tits. Her boobs are ridiculous. They take up 3/4 of her body. A few seasons ago, Nancy Grace was on the show, and she showed her tits so much and had cleavage falling out of every costume, that I dubbed her as “Tits McGee.” Well, now we have “Boobs McGee”, which is the younger, hotter version, I guess. All I know is that my eyes hurt. She blinded me with cleavage. In rehearsal footage, she said she did the show to prove to people that she is more than just her boobs, but then every sentence after that sentence was about her boobs. They did a Jive, and between her boobs and Keo Motoepe’s bare lovely chest, there was a lot of fun things to look at. Len commented “There were a couple of things that stood out.” Bruno congratulated Charlotte, which is her actual name, on “carrying America’s most imposing frontage.” He received no reaction from the crowd. Just awkward silence. Even the crickets were embarrassed. Scores were 6/5/5/6, and Bruno’s lame joke got a negative 4.
Patti / Artem: So this is Patti, as in legendary and Grammy Hall of Fame singer Patti LaBelle, who says she has never danced before. She is paired with Artem Chigventsev, and their Foxtrot is quite good. Patti moves very well for a 70-year-old woman, and with grace even. Old man Len woke from his nap and said “You rung my bell!” (eewww!) Tom Bergeron’s hilarious response: “And that’s one rusty bell, let me tell you!” Julianne called the dance “pure joy!”, while Carrie Ann found it “simple and graceful.” In the post-dance interview, Erin Andrews asked Patti why she wanted to do the show. “Because I’m 70 years young and wanted to show that I can do something like this!” The crowd loved her and gave her a standing ovation. Scores were 7/6/6/6, and the crowd booed , thinking those were too low.
Farmer Dull / Witney Carson: Great. I can’t get away from this bore. I just spent the last 3 months writing weekly reviews for The Bachelor, and now this boring dullard crosses over onto THIS show too? The ONLY other show that I write reviews for? Oh, what cruel punishment is this? What torturous irony? And yes, I know I’m sounding a bit like a bad Shakespeare play right now. Farmer Blah is partnered up with Witney Carson, because her name is also Witney, like his now fiance Whitney, except without the H. His comment about this? “I’m engaged to a Whitney. Now Im dancing with a Witney. This might get complicated.” Ummm, no, Einstein. It’s really pretty simple. They have the same name. One of them you dance with, and the other you have a relationship with for a few more months until it inevitably doesn’t work out.
Their dance is The Jive, and it’s done to “Footloose.” They basically do the moves from the film, using a pickup truck as a prop to climb in and out of. The other Whitney is watching from audience, along with Bachelor host Chris Harrison, who got pretty much the same amount of air-time on his own show that he got tonight, the one time they panned the camera over to him. Bruno called Chris Soule’s “the salt of the earth” (huh?), while Horny Carrie Anne said that he has “charisma up the ying-yang”, and then called him a “strapping young man.” She really needs to get herself laid – it’s getting embarrassing now. Len made one of his horrific analogies by saying “like this truck, the dancing needs some polish. ” Right. Kind of like your wrinkly ball-sac. Polishing. Scores were 7/6/6/7, and Len’s old-man balls received a 3. Carrie Ann sent Farmer Boy a text backstage asking him to meet her in her dressing room later, and come take a look at her ying-yang.
Michael / Peta : He is the first ever openly-gay football player drafted to the NFL. She is last years Mirror-Ball winner. Together, their Cha-cha of Bruno Mars “Uptown Funk” was a total blast of energy and delight. He is a really good dancer, and can definitely move. Bruno called it hot. A lot of people talked about Michael’s butt. Len said “you could win rear of the year and I’d win ass from the past.” What the …?? Horny Carrie Ann told him he is gorgeous and also referred to his ass. Scores were 6/6/7/7.
Nastia / Derek: Let me first just say how thrilled I am that Derek Hough is indeed back on the show, even though he is currently starring in The Radio City Rockettes Spring Spectacular. He is just awesomeness, and needs to be on this show. Nastia is a 5-time medalist in the sport of gymnastics in the Olympics. Their Foxtrot was more like an extravaganza than a first-week dance. It even had backup dancers and a Rockette-style kickline. The song was “New York, New York”, and the energy was fantastic. Bruno stood up and announced “there is nothing nasty about Nastia, my darling!” Scores were 7/7/8/8. Highest of the night. So far.
RedFoo / Emma : So that’s your name? RedFoo? Really? That’s what you’re going with? Okay, then. He is the singer and one half of the duo from the band LMFAO. That’s really all I know about him, other than that looking at him makes me feel dizzy and headachey. His clothes are filled with scribbled color and his hair is all over the place and he has on giant ridiculous glasses and I need some Advil. Their Cha-cha made me feel nausea and unsafe. Bruno called it “sparkly lunacy.” But then again, he is also sparkly lunacy. Scores were 6/5/5/6.
Noah / Sharna : Former model and US army combat vet who lost his left arm and his left leg in combat. So, he is dancing on one leg and with one arm. He has a prosthetic leg but not arm. He runs marathons and things, apparently. I knew nothing about this man until watching him rehearse in the footage and then dance their Cha-cha, and now I think he is kind of amazing. Julianne complimented Sharna’s choreography , and Carrrie Ann called the dance “profound. You broadened my scope of what dancing is.” Tom Bergeron made the very true point that “moments like this are when this show is at it’s best.” Scores were 7/6/6/7.
Suzanne / Tony : Actress and Infomercial / Thigh-Master creator Suzanne Somers,, best known for playing Chrissy Snow on Three’s Company. She is now 68, and still has some amazing looking legs. They did a funny, cheesy-on-purpose Thigh-Master / exercise class style-video in hilarious workout getup, to the classic Olivia Newton John song “Physical.” Tom Bergeron told Tony Dovalati that he looked like “an athletic smurf” in his silly costume. Carrie Ann called Suzanne a “ray of sunshine.” Their dance was fun and bright. Scores were 6/6/6/7.
Rumor / Val: The daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, and an actress in her own right, Rumor Willis is also a very good dancer. Who knew? She was the best of the night. The Foxtrot between her and partner Val Chmirkovskiy was elegant and mature, and felt like a dance you would see on the show in maybe week 3 or 4. Demi and Bruce were both in the audience, although not sitting together. Carrie Ann called her a “fierce competitor”, Len told Val “this could be your season” (to win), and Julianne said “What a vision! I have chills.” Bruno ended the comments with his silly pun “Rumer has it … big time!” Scores were highest of the night at 8/8/8/8, and Len fell face-forward into his prune juice.
NEXT WEEK: One contestant goes home. RedFoo and Riker Lynch battle it out for the dumbest hair award. Chris Harrison and Farmer Chris make sweet love in the fantasy suite. Oh wait. Sorry. Wrong show.
Former medical student Olivia “Liv” Moore takes a bite out of crime and then some in Rob Thomas’ latest CW series “iZombie,” based loosely upon the Vertigo comic of the same name. While pop culture’s fascination with the undead might seem to be well past its fever pitch, Thomas’ previous work on cult favorite “Veronica Mars” proves the showrunner has a knack for strong female leads and deadpan wit to keep “iZombie’s” pulse ticking.
New Zealander Rose McIver (“Masters of Sex,” “The Lovely Bones”) stars as Liv, an ambitious young woman with such enduring promise even her fellow surgical residents are threatened by her prodigious success. “So, every day for you is basically like the last scene of ‘Sixteen Candles,’” a colleague bemoans, upon spying Liv’s handsome fiancé (Robert Buckley) waiting for her in the parking lot. A classic overachiever, Liv has spent her life too focused on academics to bother navigating certain social rites of passage her peers have long perfected. When she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a raucous party, however, a sudden, conveniently isolated zombie outbreak cuts her bright future short and leaves Liv a (very) pallid shell of her former self.
The comedic undertones bobbing on “iZombie’s” surface make it easy to suspend disbelief when Liv’s family blames her severe change in behavior and appearance on post-traumatic stress. Viewers don’t need Liv’s self-deprecating narration to explain the real reason for her morose demeanor and chalky pallor, but the visual feast while watching Liv utilize a new job at the coroner’s office to satisfy her newfound craving for human brains is delightfully macabre. Liv’s boss, Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti (Rahul Kohli), had already noticed the lab’s increasing inventory of empty skulls before he caught his new protégé slathering a fresh cerebral cortex with hot sauce. Instead of reacting with horror or disgust, he’s immediately fascinated with the scientific conundrum and becomes Liv’s ally in both researching her condition and helping her put it to good use.
Murder victims being wheeled into the morgue come with the added baggage of unsolved mysteries surrounding their deaths. Liv soon realizes she’s absorbing the memories and personality traits of the people whose brains she eats, ostensibly giving her the ability to solve puzzles the police can’t. Hotshot investigator Clive Babineaux (Malcolm Goodwin) is stumped how the odd new mortician is able to supply such impeccable details regarding his most urgent cases, but Liv soon proves such a valuable resource he makes her his unofficial crime scene analyst without asking too many questions himself.
Of course, Liv, Clive and Ravi can’t exist as their own makeshift Scooby Gang without the presence of a charming antagonist to balance the narrative scales. David Anders (“Once Upon a Time,” “The Vampire Diaries”) fits the bill nicely as Blaine, Liv’s maker and token rabble-rouser who isn’t so quick to keep his newfound lifestyle a secret. Blaine’s physical and psychological resemblance to “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” heartthrob and erstwhile villain Spike (James Marsters) can’t possibly be coincidental, and fans will likely interpret his character as a clever riff rather than cheap replica.
“iZombie” circumvents a deceptively formulaic structure with referential humor and multi-genre zing that incorporates supernatural intrigue, crime saga suspense and millennial ennui for a refreshing twist on the standard detective procedural. Those already citing it as a mere derivation are missing the point. “Buffy” and Thomas’ own “Veronica Mars” eschewed the temptation to take themselves too seriously, and “iZombie” wisely follows suit with another smart, self-sufficient heroine possessing personal depth, well-crafted comic timing and an especially pertinent set of skills. The TV landscape may already be overrun with hordes of comic-book spinoffs and flesh-chomping lurchers alike, but “iZombie” sets itself apart by melding both templates and featuring a female lead whose effortless likability transcends any cliché. This is one new series that goes down without any hot sauce necessary.
Will you take a bite out of “iZombie”? Or are comic book adaptations ready for the morgue? Sound off in our comment section, and stick with @TheWorkprint for all your pop culture needs.
The apocalypse isn’t over just yet in Sleepy Hollow as FOX has renewed the sophomore series for a third season.
The new season will have an 18-episode order along with The Glades‘ Clifton Campbell serving as the showrunner. Mark Goffman stepped down as the series’ showrunner earlier this month.
Per Fox, season three will “will explore how the partnership between Crane and Mills will evolve and what challenges these two witnesses will now face.”
Say what you will about writer Max Landis…no, I don’t have an end to this sentence.
Say what you will. I’ll wait.
I feel I need to get this out of the way because his name just gives people feels in the weirdest ways.
When you mention his name or hear it, depending on who you are, you’re thinking, “Landis…that name sounds familiar,” or “I know that guy…he did that great Death and Return of Superman vid a few years back.” Or if you’re the type of person who gets upset because Kanye interrupted Benjamin Netanyahu’s address to Congress and then, next week, you’ve forgotten all about your phony outrage and it’s all about who Taylor Swift slept with, you’re like, “Max Landis?! Fuck that guy because he hates women and boobs and vaginas and female orgasms because Jezebel said so a few years ago.”
Depending how you look at it, Max Landis is insanely cool and clever…or he’s a giant, sexist “bro” “douche” “mansplainer” (or what ever dismissive, post-modern Feminist terms are being used these days that make Feminist pioneers roll their eyes in disgust) because Jezebel questioned his audacity in asking why women, who claim they “enjoy sex don’t know anything about their own orgasms”. And Jezebel isn’t fucking insane.No really, they aren’t. Really. They’ve never been wrong. Ever. In the history of ever. Ever.
Fine. I’ll accept that Jezebel’s right about him because I’ve got this thing I gotta write and I don’t have time to talk about how Jezebel thinks that Kim Kardashian is, indeed, a human being and not just a selfish, shallow robot who gives a bad name to women everywhere.
Max Landis is a sexist pig. Let’s just move this train along.
Unless you consider that he casts women in most of the male roles in his videos. Just ignore that.
In any case, Landis (the screenwriter who brought you “Chronicle”) has given the world a new video: one that explains how pro-wrestling is the ultimate in sophisticated plot and character development — on par with “Game of Thrones” (though I wouldn’t go that far these days) — and that it’s being completely categorized incorrectly and, in the process, disrespected.
And he proves it by detailing the long career of one Triple H.
If you have about a half hour and you’ve had your fill of the newest Game of Thrones trailer, take a look. You might be enlightened — or offended.
In all seriousness, the video is well worth the time of any seasoned wrestling fan (such as myself) and any newbies who don’t really give it the time of day.
Last week I compared the first episode of A&E’s The Returned to the original, Les Revenants. While I think it was important for me to note the similarities, I won’t be doing that for the rest of the season because I don’t want to spoil the story and ruin what might be good surprises for the former.
There gon’ be spoilers, y’all. I’m breaking down the good and bad from each episode so there’s no way around it.
A show’s first episode sets the tone, reels in viewers and piques our interests. The second episode, however, is more important; it’s the piece that can make or break a show, driving us to continue watching or give up completely. The Returned‘s second episode “Simon” wasn’t particularly bad, but it also didn’t leave me aching for more, which is a shame given the show’s premise. The first episode ended with a spooky revelation that Victor is another (of many) terrifying child and we shouldn’t trust him. “Simon” tried to recapture that suspense, but ultimately fell flat.
Here’s how things went down:
Camille, the teenager who died in the bus crash, finally accepts that she should not be alive and that, understandably so, leaves her frightened and confused. Her parents try to act as if the world hasn’t gone bananas but elder (?) sister Lena wants nothing to do with their Stepford ways and angst-steps her way right out the door.
When she isn’t impersonating Zooey Deschanel, Rowan is planning her wedding to oh-so-bland Tommy, but Simon with all his undead ways and hair products has other plans. And by that I mean he stalks Rowan but doesn’t even try talking to her so of course she thinks she’s gone mad. We see a flashback of the two of them but it didn’t add much. Eventually Tommy Boyfriend realizes that the man he interrogated IS Simon and whoa, he should be dead.
Elsewhere in more exciting parts of the world, the police (Tommy’s posse) are investigating Lucy’s stabbing because the stab wounds match those left by a serial killer from seven years ago. Several people are questioned, including bar manager Tony who seems to be suspect numero uno, despite being the lovably angry Chief Tyrol from Battlestar Galactica. I mean, it’s like these people don’t even watch TV. The episode ends with Creepy Victor, doing what children do best and coloring terrifying pictures in the dark, while Julie strips down and we see scars across her abdomen similar to the ones the police introduced earlier.
The Good
Julie remains the most interesting character on the show for me. However, I don’t understand why she keeps Victor around. As a parent, I know that when a child is quiet, bad things are about to happen, but Julie isn’t one, so I use that as her excuse. Tony also intrigues me but that’s mostly because the police think he’s a murderer and I have issues in finding that fascinating.
The serial killer mixed in with the dead returning was a nice change of pace that added some much needed excitement to what felt like a drawn out episode. GET TO THEM FINDING OUT, ALREADY.
The Bad
Simon is The Returned’s Jon Snow. He’s the mopiest of the mopey and I cannot fathom why anyone would have feelings for him. I don’t want to say it’s the curly black hair, but common denominators prove otherwise.
I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to hate Lena. Just a thought.
The Meh
Having each episode focus on one character feels like a misstep to me. Not a huge one, but in a story like this where relationships are integral, separating them into individual arcs takes away from the excitement. And in the case of this episode, if it focuses on a static character, momentum and suspense goes down the poop chute.
I’m still in The Returned game, but the characters need to up their game and not be so stereotypical. Teenagers being obnoxious? Check. Cop who seems nice at first but is probably jealous and crazy? Check. Mopey musical emo dude who tries to win his girl back? Check. Here’s hoping next week’s episode, “Julie” has more in store for us.
(I really didn’t want to add another paragraph because ending an article with “poop chute” would be a crowning achievement in my book.)
One thing I love about Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is that lately, it’s not just writing episodes. It’s weaving mythology, and giving our characters grounding, and building a world in which we can understand them better. For example: tonight’s episode centered on the showdown between Skye’s real father, Cal, and her “adopted” father, Coulson, as Cal attempted to extract the revenge he’s been promising Coulson since he took away his chance to kill Whitehall. Cal’s assembled a team of special and gifted individuals from The Index, which is also where we find out Coulson wants Skye to be placed because of her powers. And suddenly, we’re looking at sweet, innocent Skye in the same vein as we’re supposed to look at “monsters” who can’t control their powers — or who want to use them for evil. The episode title is “One Of Us” because that’s what Skye is and has become: one of the people in the world who will forever be changed by her powers, and who will potentially have problems deciding how to use them. But as May told Garner, the group is Skye’s family. She’s one of them. And they’ll stand by her and protect her for as long as they believe in her. It’s really a great layer to the story, proving that Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is not just about building up the comic book world and about flashy action sequences.
While having grilled cheese lunch with Coulson, Skye is trying to convince him that she’s got her powers under control. She’s convincing, but not so convincing that Coulson doesn’t believe that she could use a proper psych evaluation. After talking with May, they enlist none other than May’s ex-husband, Andrew Garner (Blair Underwood), who apparently isn’t happy with S.H.I.E.L.D. — part of the reason why he left. I guess someone wasn’t into Nick Fury’s way of running things, but then again, I can kind of see why. Garner agrees to see Skye, and it provides a nice little aside in an episode filled with a lot of action and high stakes. We have high stakes in these moments too, with Skye — and we see it when she almost takes down the Bus by unconsciously releasing her powers while sleeping — but they’re so finely constructed they don’t feel as intense.
Skye doesn’t need therapy. Skye doesn’t want therapy, and it’s understandable — it’s something she’s used to at this point. She tries to get Garner off the subject by asking him about his marriage to May, information which he does end up sharing, in order to gain her trust. Suffice it to say that the moments of the episode I enjoyed the most, aside from the end fight, were the ones that we got to see more of this history explored. May’s a complicated character, but not so complicated that we can’t keep digging into her and finding more layers to peel back. And it’s clear that while the two ended on less than ideal terms, they don’t hate each other (Andrew’s calling her mother!) I hope that the show will allow him to come back in some capacity, especially since they certainly left the door open for future opportunities.
Cal’s recruits include Karla Fay Gideon (the talented and lovely Drea de Matteo, who plays her role with ease and skill), a woman with bladed finger tips, as well as Francis and Levi, two other men he’s already convinced to join his crusade. Getting Karla to join up with him is easy enough once he proves he has no association to S.H.I.E.L.D., and soon Cal and his Traveling Caravan of Misfits are stealing trailers and holing themselves up in fancy mansions like they’re students of Charles Xavier. (Okay, it’s a mental institution they break into. But it’s still mansion-like. And we can still use the Xavier School analogy because MARVEL!)
Quite honestly, the best part about this episode was seeing more of Cal’s “Mr. Hyde” side emerge. Kyle MacLaghlan is such a deliciously wonderful antagonist for this show and he brings so much to the role, and I love any chance he gets to fully dig in to his character. The scene on the football field, when he started baiting Coulson, was pure villain — and yet when Skye got in front of him, presenting herself to her father, you could see the softer side of him trying to sneak in underneath the hurt and the pain. Speaking of the football field — how amazing was that fight scene? May getting down and dirty and showing why she is a force to be reckoned with, Bobbi being her awesome kick-ass self and besting Karla with a towel (darn right) and Coulson taking on some action in his hometown. Couple that with the atmosphere, Skye, and Cal, and you’ve got yourself a pretty awesome third act that really gets at the heart of why Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. has been so on the ball this season.
And then there’s Bobbi and Mack and Hunter. Hunter, after last week’s mishap, has been handcuffed to a room in an undisclosed safehouse. I’m sure there are other places he wants to be handcuffed to (and other people he wants to be with) but that’s besides the point. He’s upset that Mack is keeping secrets from him, and Coulson, meanwhile, calls Bobbi out for rekindling her relationship with Hunter. At least Bobbi owns up to it pretty easily. It’s clear that she’s still emotionally compromised about leaving Hunter out of her business, but by the end of the episode, at least one thing is clear: Bobbi and Mack are willing to open up about who they’ve been working for: the real S.H.I.E.L.D. Which is…something we’re not sure of yet. Possibly S.W.O.R.D. (Sentient World Observation and Response Department) though that remains to be seen — though as S.W.O.R.D. was introduced by Joss Whedon in Astonishing X-Men, it wouldn’t be a far off guess.
Odds & Ends:
Absolutely adored all the girl talk tonight, especially between Bobbi and Simmons, a pairing we don’t see enough of. More of that, please!
So Gordon (the faceless man from the premiere) took Cal. And why was Cal taken? He was apparently making “too much noise.” Cal’s not the supervillain he thinks he is — he’s just a science experiment. And I think this is going to provide a very interesting path for him as we get deeper into the season.
Marvel easter egg alert! Angar (the screaming man) and Karla are both related to the Daredevil comics. It’s interesting that Marvel chose to feature those two in this episode, and it makes me wonder if there’s another tie-in coming down the line. I mean, Karla was in New York…
Cal and his buddies at the diner — shades of “damn fine coffee” all over again. Truly, I enjoyed how these random Index people could sit around without anyone paying them much mind, but let’s just roll with it. Besides, maybe they liked the pie.
I love how Garner brought out a bit of mending in the rift between Fitz and Simmons. God, it’s been forever since I’ve been able to call them FitzSimmons, hasn’t it? And really, that’s a big difference between seasons one and two. The first season, the duo were very much joined at the hip in many ways. Fitzs’ injury aside, season two has forced them to examine who they are as individuals — what they want and how they react to situations around them. It’s really helped their character growth.
We’re two weeks from WrestleMania iPod Touch Play Button…and nobody’s listening.
Most of us wanted Daniel Bryan to win the Royal Rumble. Roman Reigns won it instead.
A lot of people said, “All right, fuck us,” and expected Bryan to find his way into the main event at WrestleMania — just like last year. Nope. Roman Reigns vs. Lesnar.
The remaining people who cared held out some sort of hope that Bryan would kinda, sorta limp into the main event with what fan support he had left. Nope. Next week, it’s Snoop Lion/Dogg/Lemur/whatever and Bill Simmons from ESPN for some reason.
Meanwhile, Sting and The Undertaker barely show up and speak to their respective opponents via Jumbotron text message.
Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar don’t even cut promos together.
The fans throw their hands up and yell, “WE GIVE UP!”
“But, wait!” WWE said. “Come back…we’ve got one more surprise…”
The fans turned around and, with the last faint hope welling up and showing itself in the form of misty eyes — and with the Anti-Smarks folding their arms and saying, “See, we told you they’d fix it,” WWE said, “LL Cool J is gonna open WrestleMania. You can go. It’s cool.”
Let’s get moving with this week’s recap of WWE Raw…
We start with Michael Cole interviewing Randy Orton in the Barbara Walters Interview Room of Doom. He talks, seriously, about seriously attacking Seth Rollins in a serious manner.
We are LIVE(!!!) from Des Moines, Iowa! As “LIVE” as Des Moines allows one to be, that is.
Big Show, Rollins, Kane and the two security mooks are neatly and geometrically positioned in the center of the ring like they’re about to take a bow after the final performance of Les Miserables. Rollins says he was betrayed last week. Orton turned his back on him. The crowd chants “RKO” as Rollins seethes. He says that Orton stalked him like an animal and he got beaten up bad. He suffered. He says that what Orton did was UNLIKE what Rollins did with The Shield. That was called for. Orton’s behavior was borderline sociopathic.
Show takes the mic and says he owes Rollins an apology. He says Rollins is the biggest talent in the business right now. It’s more “Orton is evil/a snake/an animal/horrible/etc.” Kane gets in on the sob-fest. Orton will pay. He betrayed Rollins. Noble says that Orton’s a rat. Noble declares himself “the secret weapon of The Authority”. (DANIELLE: “Does Rollins realize his bodyguards couldn’t stop El Torito yet? Why does he keep these guys around when they don’t do anything right?”) And, finally Joey Mercury has his turn. He cries into Big Show’s big, sagging boobs, the way you’d think of god’s as big.
Rollins has the mic again. Orton did what he did with no consequences — but it’s a new week and Orton’s never faced a guy like Rollins. He accepts Orton’s challenge at WrestleMania which is cool because I had no idea Orton ever challenged him. Rollins says there’s one condition for Orton: he faces Rollins tonight on RAW. More Orton is scheming/evil/snake-like/pretty awful — and, mercifully, Orton’s music hits.
Orton says he isn’t the face of WWE. He’s the guy who made Rollins look like a bitch. He says he “accepts Rollins’ challenge”. Wait…what? Who challenged who here?!
Even still, that’s a more appealing match than the main event.
TONIGHT:
John Cena and Rusev go nose to nose when they sign a contract — for the United States Championship match at WrestleMania.
Brock Lesnar gave a really stern interview about Roman Reigns.
Paige and AJ head to the ring.
13 days until Danielle and I head to Levi’s for WrestleMania…
MATCH #1: AJ Lee (w/ Paige) vs. WWE Divas Champion Nikki Bella (w/ Brie Bella) (non-title) The ladies lock up and AJ runs into a Bella shoulderblock. Nikki picks AJ up and tosses her into the corner, then hits some shoulders. Nikki backs off and does push-ups. AJ doesn’t like that and hits a nice flipping pin combo. Nikki kicks out and runs into an AJ armbar. Nikki breaks it and puts AJ into an armbar. AJ breaks and it’s Nikki in an armbar. Nikki hits the weakest “clothesline” ever and gets a two count when AJ hits the mat. AJ comes back with a clothesline of her own and it’s a side headlock by AJ. Nikki breaks but AJ hits a Frankensteiner. Nikki flies outside the ropes. AJ attacks but Nikki drops AJ’s arm on the top rope. We go to break. When we come back, AJ breaks a headlock only to end up on the mat for two. More hot armbar action as Nikki has AJ on the mat. Crowd kinda cheers to move things along as they realize that Jay Leno knew more moves than Nikki. AJ suddenly locks in an Octopus Hold but Nikki backs her into the buckle. Nikki rushes at her but AJ kicks her and hits a crossbody, nearly getting a fall. Nikki goes for a belly to belly suplex but AJ counters into a Sunset Flip. One count. AJ rushes Nikki and Nikki slings her out of the ring. Brie swarms like a vulture and Paige is right there to defend AJ. Nikki backs both women off but AJ tosses Nikki into the mat. Paige and Brie call each other names. Brie tosses Paige into the ringpost. AJ is distracted, so she eats a Nikki forearm and a Rack Attack for the win at 11:02. WINNER: Nikki Bella via Rack Attack
RATING: A cautious **1/4. Decent action — and a brave move by WWE to start the night with a Divas match.
TONIGHT:
Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler take on Stardust, Bad News Barrett and Luke Harper in 6-Man Tag Team action.
Something regarding Roman Reigns. Remember him? He’s in the main event with Brock Lesnar.
LL Cool Jis going to WrestleMania.
LAST THURSDAY ON SMACKDOWN: Mark Henry got his ass kicked by Roman Reigns.
TONIGHT: Brock Lesnar spoke to somebody about Roman Reigns.
Renee Young has Kane and Big Show backstage. Kane announces that Big Show will be in Seth’s corner for tonight’s match. Show yells at Kane. Kane yells at show. Does this count as a turn, or…? Seth shows up and says that the two of them need to see the “big picture”. Kane suddenly admits that they kinda enjoyed seeing him get beat up last week. So, Kane, for one will not be at ringside. He tells Big Show to ditch Rollins as well.
Ryback is out for a match as we are reminded how Ryback crushed Miz on Smackdown while Miz-dow (who is not really on tour with Wiz Khalifa, sucker) watched backstage, smiling.
MATCH #2: Ryback vs. The Miz (w/ Damien Miz-dow) Miz stomps at Ryback but Ryback tosses Miz outside. Ryback grabs Miz by the hair and instructs Miz-dow to hit Miz. Miz-dow balls his fist but can’t do it. Miz elbows Ryback and tells Miz-dow to un-ball his fist. Ryback attacks Miz, rolls him into the ring, hits the Meathook and Shell Shock for the win at 1:55. And, so this Miz/Miz-dow thing continues endlessly on into the good night… WINNER: Ryback via Shell Shock
RATING: DUD.
Post-match, Miz-dow gets into the ring and fans him with his cost. He helps Miz up and Miz repays him with the Skull Crushing Finale. It just. Keeps. Going.
Cole builds the United States Championship with more fervor than the actual main event at WrestleMania.
We get clips of the Cena/Rusev feud where Cena says that “Rusev doesn’t have the right to disparage America”. Well, that’s not exactly true, Cena…
NEXT: The contract signing for THE MOST IMPORTANT CHAMPIONSHIP EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THIS BUSINESS.
Cole is in the ring when we come back from break. He welcomes John Cena to the ring. Cena goes to sign the contract, then puts it down and hits the ‘MURICA button for about three minutes. Cena signs it after his rant. Rusev is called out.
Rusev comes out, dressed in Pronto Uomo like he’s guest-starring on Miami Vice. Lana’s conspicuously absent and, instead, Rusev is lead to the ring by a guy who looks like Ron Howard cos-playing Tyler Durden who sounds like a Yakof Smirnoff imitating a Frenchman, imitating Yakof Smirnoff. I cannot even begin to make this up. It doesn’t help that JBL is audibly annoyed by the dude and calls out his horrible accent or that the dude loses his composure and nearly laughs at his own horrible acting on live television.
He says Rusev isn’t signing the contract because Rusev never agreed to the match, himself. Anyhow, Rusev reaches into his coat to retrieve some creative writing which is peppered with phrases like “stupid Americans” and “stupid little country”. Rusev says American will die. Rusev signs the thing. Shit happens. The table gets tossed and Rusev rolls out of the ring. Cena waves the contract at him. Russian flag falls again because nobody ever bothers to piss Rusev off by loading up the American flag.
TONIGHT: 6-Man Tag with 6 of the IC title peeps.
ALSO: Randy Orton faces Seth Rollins.
New Day is in the ring as Big E shudders and shakes like he’s having a crack fit.
MATCH #3: The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) (w/ Xavier Woods) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro (w/ Natalya) (non-title) Suddenly, Los Matadores show up as they’re getting the Roman Reigns Violent Push treatement. Cesaro enters after Big E tosses Kofi into Tyson. He hits some uppercutes. Kofi tries to come back with a dropkick but Cesaro shrugs him off. He hits the Spin but something happens and Cesaro needs to drop him. All hell breaks loose and Kofi catches a goofy-looking uppercut to the back of his head. Cesaro covers for the win at 1:52. WINNERS: Cesaro & Kidd
RATING: DUD. The build-up for the RAW pre-show, everyone!
Post-match, Matadores and The New Day jaw at one another. Cesaro hits a neutralizer on Kofi. Torito hits a physically-impossible Hurricarana on Cesaro and so it goes.
LAST MONDAY: Bray taunted The Undertaker who didn’t show up, yet managed to light a chair on fire with worse VFX than what was seen in Sharknado.
TONIGHT: Bray does more freaky shit in order to draw out The Undertaker.
NEXT: Lesnar speaks.
We get a nice shot of the outside of Wells Fargo Arena. I guess it’s as good a time as any to point out that we’ve had 3 matches in 90 minutes, totaling 15 minutes — and 11 minutes of that was a Divas match.
Rollins is backstage as the Lollipop Guild argues with him about his fame. Noble gets so pissed that he quits the Security team. Mercury quits, too. So, naturally, Rollins will be booked to job to them next week in a handicap match.
Cole sets up the Brock Lesnar thing where Lesnar’s curse words get bleeped…except for “ass” which will get bleeped next week when the censors suddenly decide it’s a curse word.
Erick Rowan is wrestling Big Show when we come back from that. Months after his face turn and, still, no fucks have been given. Show kicks the shit out of him, then hits the KO Punch. He goes to the second rope and hits a elbow/body splash. There’s no match here. But, nobody wanted one anyhow, so…
THE NEWEST INDUCTEE INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME IS…Larry Zbyszko!
STILL TO COME: That 6-Man Tag Match
When we come back from break, Kane is in the ring with the WWE’s also-rans: Zack Ryder, Fandago, Heath Slater, Curtis Axel, Titus O’Neil, Goldust, Jack Swagger, Adam Rose and Darren Young. He declares that he will win the Andre Battle Royal. He will demonstrate that right now. So Mark Henry shows up and he gets mic time because we haven’t had enough promo spots. He says HE will win. Axel vacates. Dust, Swagger and a slew of others eat the outside mat. Kane and Henry are the only ones left after Kane dumps Titus. Kane hits an uppercut. Henry shrugs off his blows and tries to dump him. He succeeds. In runs Axel, who tries to dump Henry. Henry reverses that attempts. And that’s about as well as one could do to pump that match up.
STILL TO COME: Orton and Seth.
After, yet, ANOTHER BREAK.
THIS THURSDAY: 6-Being Interspecies Tag Match on Smackdown…which is the reason I quit watching it.
Out comes Paul Heyman to remind us that we’ve now had over 2 hours of RAW with 15 minutes of actual wrestling. At this point, this has become so tiresome, I can’t even enjoy whatever the hell this is supposed to be. Everyone hates Reigns. Everyone loves Lesnar. Heyman gives a good promo. None of this is working.
Roman Reigns appears. He wants to beat up Paul Heyman but he has “respect” for him. He’s here, instead, to speak to Brock Lesnar. Who isn’t here. So, he’ll speak to the camera. He says he’ll kick Lesnar’s ass. Seriously. There’s nothing here. I was in the kitchen, washing dishes during that entire segment and I rewound the thing to write this, thinking I’d need to recap something a lot more in-depth and sophisticated. Right now, it’s two guys speaking to each other through lawyers. That’s it.
Anyhow, when we come back, Renee Young catches Paul Heyman in the hallway. Heyman states that Lesnar will be here to confront Reigns.
HOLY SHIT A MATCH.
MATCH #4: WWE Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett, Luke Harper & Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler & Dean Ambrose in a Six-Man Tag Team Match Just FYI: all three of the faces got a bigger pop tonight than Reigns has had in weeks. Oh, by the way, here comes R-Truth because he’s still in this shit but not white enough to compete. Stardust does cartwheel but Dean grabs him and slams him. Stardust comes back with punches in the corner. Ambrose whips him into the opposite corner, then hits a suplex. Tag to Bryan and Bryan puts him into a Surfboard, despite the fact that Stardust is completely mobile and not at all tired. Bryan kicks at Dust in the corner. Bryan hits an armbar and Ziggler tags himself in. Bryan argues with Ziggler. Stardust gets in the middle of that, so he gets dumped from the ring. It turns into a near-Pier 6 and we go to break.
We’re back and Harper is roughing up Dean Ambrose in the corner. Ambrose hits a nice Tornado DDT on a counter as “R-Trizzle” (because it’s 1995, see) sits in on commentary. Tags on both sides. Ziggler hits a DDT on Stardust but Dust comes back with a dropkick. Ziggler flies from the ring and Barrett attacks after a tag. He runs Ziggler into the crowd wall, then rolls him in-ring for a two-count. He puts Ziggler into the corner and kicks him in the ribs. Two count. Tags to Star and Harper. They rough up Ziggler. Barrett gets back in and kicks Ziggler, then hits a nice swinging neckbreaker for two. He tosses Ziggler into the corner and tags Harper. Harper tosses Barrett into Ziggler who evades. Harper charge and he flies out of the ring. Dust attacks and he gets sent to the mat.
Ziggler goes for a hot tag and completely misses as the heels take out Ambrose and Bryan. Ziggler counters a powerbomb and hits the Fame-Asser. Barrett saves the pin. All hell breaks loose as everyone gets into a huge brawl in the ring. It ends when the ring clears. Harper hits a Big Boot and a Sitting Powerbomb — but Ziggler kicks out! Wow. After another break, Barrett has Ziggler in a headlock. Ziggler starts to break it and hits a nice DDT. Ziggler gets the hot tag to Brayn. He’s all over Barrett after taking out Dust and Harper. Flying Goat to Harper as he tags Ambrose. Ambrose hits a splash on Barrett. Two count. Stardust sends Ambrose into the ropes. Comeback Clothesline. Everyone goes for a spot. Ziggler hits a Superkick on Bryan by accident, then nails Harper. Barrett goes for Wasteland but Ziggler counters and dives at both Harper and Stardust. In the ring, Barrett sets up for the Bullhammer but Ambrose ducks and counters with Dirty Deeds to get the pin at 17:00. WINNERS: Ambrose, Bryan and Ziggler
RATING: ***1/4. A VERY welcome quality match.
Post-match, Stardust tries to steal the IC title and run into the crowd but leaves the belt behind. Truth grabs it but Harper gets in his way. Truth throws it back into the ring. Bryan gets up and grabs it. So does Ziggler. The two fight over it. Barrett comes into the ring and it’s like an episode of Oprah: everyone gets a Bullhammer. He grabs his title, takes out Ambrose with a Bullhammer, then takes out Truth, who also gets in his way.
Steph and Triple H are having a moment backstage. Seth interrupts. He wants to know what Steph and Triple H are gonna do about things tonight. Steph says that it’s time for Rollins to lay down in the bed he made. Seth blames Steph for what’s going on. Triple H asks who Seth thinks he’s talking to. Seth goes nose to nose and dares him to mess up the company’s future. Steph gets between them. Triple H says that Seth should go before things go from bad to worse.
NEXT: Bray Wyatt talks.
LAST WEEK: Bray Wyatt talked. His chair was set on fire.
Bray Wyatt time. It’s another promo. It’s not in a ring. Doesn’t involve The Undertaker. So, who honestly cares?
NEXT: Orton and Rollins.
NEXT WEEK: Lesnar and Reigns go face to face.
ALSO NEXT WEEK: Snoop Dogg & Bill Simmons are here.
Orton’s out for the final match. Rollins is out for a promo. Rollins says that Orton has made the Authority look like fools. Then he laughs because, surprise, it’s a set-up that nobody, but the entire fucking WWE Universe saw coming. He’s made a fool out of Orton. He brings out the entire Authority in Triple H, Steph, Big Show, Kane, and J&J Security. Orton goes outside to grab a chair. He stands his ground. Triple H mocks him. They surround the ring.
Crowd chants for Sting. Everyone gets in the ring. Lights go out. The sound of a crow and Cole ruins the fucking moment by saying, “What in the world…?” Lights come back up. Sting’s in the ring with the baseball bat. The faces clear the ring out. Sting hits the Stinger Splash on J&J. Sting hits a Scorpion Deathdrop on Noble. Orton hits an RKO on Mercury. Crowd is INSANE right now, chanting Sting’s name.
We go off the air because OMGFANSWEREOUTTATIMEENJOYTHEFIFTHELEMENTONTHETBSNETWOR–..
OVERALL: A LOT of build-up. I’d go ** for the decent Divas match, the IC tag battle, and the Sting/Orton team-up at the end. There was a LOT of filler here, however. 4 matches on a RAW card totaling in 35 minutes of actual, recorded action? Not good.
Before we go…the best of the internet water coolers concerning this week’s show:
Community Season 6, Episode 1: Ladders Grade: C+ Season 6, Episode 2: Lawnmower Maintenance and Postnatal Care Grade: B
#SixSeasonsAndAMovie
By hook or by crook right? We’re finally at the sixth season, and though it’s technically not on television anymore, Yahoo brought us the beloved and tenacious Community back. Honestly, the show’s saga is only possible in this day and age of media, but hey, I like the show, so I’m not complaining. We’ve decided to review these two episodes together, due to their release and similar tone, and then the single episode reviews every week thereafter.
Ah, Greendale. After Subway decided to leave the little school that could alone, we snap back to the community college with a PA announcement written by Abed. It was great to see that even though season six is on Yahoo, they carried over so much, even the to-do board that Annie fastidiously updated was back, and lo and behold, due to some faulty tape, a major catastrophe occurs, bringing back old memories for Leonard. Can we just take a second and marvel at how different he looks with a wig? Also, the CGI here is just absolutely awful, it completely knocks you out of the story, but I guess Yahoo doesn’t have the budget that NBC has.
This episode is obviously the introduction to Francesca “Frankie” Dart, who is the typical type-A pathological problem fixer that is all the rage in TV nowadays. She steps in and immediately tries to whip Greendale into shape, and she succeeds…but in the process alienates the study group because she’s actually a professional. As the study group decides to rebel, they create a secret committee which of course turns into a speakeasy in the back of Shirley’s Sandwiches. In the meantime, Frankie convinces Abed that making a real difference is hard, because it lacks drama and tension.
This is where the episode weakens for me. The show is trying to introduce the character of Frankie, but it also tries to out-meta Abed, which in a sense is just trying to directly break the fourth wall and speak to the audience. This attempt seems clunky, and out of character for the show. Of course, Frankie finds the speakeasy, shuts it down, and in turn finds herself out of a position at Greendale. What I love though, is that in her next interview, her type-A personality is called out as no real person would speak like that in the workplace. This makes her an oddball, so of course, she’s welcomed back to Greendale with open arms (but mostly just to deal with medical bills and lawsuits for negligence).
AND JESUS WEPT!
But, not really, I just couldn’t stop burst out loud laughing whenever the Dean screamed that phrase from the top of his lungs. The second episode was much stronger, because Greendale went back to its usual nutty antics, involving the Dean putting himself in a 90’s era virtual reality machine (and misquoting the aforementioned line) and meeting Britta’s parents.
While the last episode introduced Frankie, this episode introduces Elroy Patashnik, the inventor of virtual reality machine which the Dean spends $5000 dollars on. While the last episode revolved around the introduction of Frankie, this episode gently introduces us to Elroy in a more casual manner, which may be the reason why I like him more. Of course, it could also be the fact that Keith David’s voice is incredibly soothing for some reason.
But, as the Dean becomes entranced in the ridiculously complex virtual reality world (you have to drown/murder a file in a fountain of a monastery to delete it), he gets trapped in ‘worlds within worlds’ and Jeff has to go track down Elroy in order to get a refund, which after some cajoling, happens, because Elroy comes back to Greendale and shows the Dean the next advent of virtual reality technology, which is in fact, the mouse. And so, with that out of the way, the stage is set for Elroy to enter, who I guess will be the new curmudgeon, a la Pierce/Hickey.
But, before the episodes are over, we get to meet Britta’s parents! Britta’s parents have secretly been paying off Britta’s debts to the study group for years and in fact have had them over for both game nights and dinners, dinners at which Jeff will eat mashed potatoes because they’re not made from carbs, they’re made of love. Britta’s realization of this (after having her parents pay for her to move in with Annie and Abed) sends her on a route of confrontation with her parents, only to realize that the parents she knew and rebelled against are gone, and that they, like herself have grown. Britta realizes that the reason why she can’t see her parents for who they are now is because she was there when they were still growing into those people (as Frankie hilariously puts it, Jimmy Fallon syndrome). I really hope that we see her parents in future episodes, they seem like they’d throw a wrench into the bummer that is Britta, and that’s a good thing.
All in all, these two episodes were mixed, but I understood what they were for, exposition. With the arrival of two new main characters for the season, there had to be a vehicle for them to be introduced. Frankie’s episode was clunky, Elroy’s less so. We’ll have to wait till next week to see where this leads us.
Oh, and hopefully by then Chang’s cat bite will have healed, that thing looked gruesome.
Tabloid fascination with the British monarchy has never quite caught on stateside, despite American popular culture celebrating the manufactured exploits of its own makeshift royalty with rabid enthusiasm.
It’s fitting, then, for entertainment news and celebrity lifestyle juggernaut E! to debut its first scripted effort following Sunday’s 10th season premiere of flagship reality enterprise “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Centered on another high-profile, albeit fictional, family, “The Royals” aims to offer a soapy send-up of regal privilege in the digital age, plastering its contemporary opulence with the kind of self-aware swagger that helped like-minded predecessor “Gossip Girl” set a new standard for primetime guilty pleasures.
Creator Mark Schwahn is no stranger to serialized angst: having served nine seasons as showrunner for stalwart CW drama “One Tree Hill,” Schwahn knows a thing or two about targeting content toward young, impressionable demographics. The material is practically a live-action mashup of BuzzFeed and a Vogue editorial spread, featuring swaths of beautiful people in unabashedly outlandish situations, all primed perfectly to become hashtag-laden trending topics by the hour’s end.
Indeed, “The Royals” already faced a reputation to uphold months before its premiere, as news of an early second-season renewal gave Schwahn the creative jolt he needed to expand his vision beyond the proverbial palace walls.
“I feel invigorated and revitalized in a way because of the new cast and because of the new stories, because of London, and in many ways because of E!,” Schwahn gushed at January’s Television Critics Association conference in Pasadena, Calif. “People are very excited about the show. This pickup caught us all off guard and we’re so thrilled. We’re so happy to be able to do another season. And quite frankly, I feel like if we’re not doing seasons five and six and seven, I’ve made a big mistake.”
“The Royals” may claim to present wholly original characters, the most publicized of whom is arguably Elizabeth Hurley’s icy Queen Helena, but plenty of critics have noticed parallels between the show’s raffish Prince Liam (William Moseley) and another second-born son of particular English pedigree. When asked if he drew inspiration from the real royal family when approaching his character, Moseley explained how the struggle to achieve a personal identity in the midst of a very public existence transcends any potential comparison between fact and fiction.
”That’s something that my character toys with throughout the entire season. It’s who he was before and who he is now. He never thought this was going to happen to him,” Moseley said, referring to a family tragedy that takes place in the show’s pilot and suddenly pits Liam first in line for the throne. “It thrusts him into a life that was nothing that he thought it was going to be. So he meets a lovely girl and that also changes things, but old habits die hard and it’s a hard thing to break. So Prince Harry, I can’t speak for. But Liam definitely does have to rethink himself.”
Liam’s reckless twin sister, Princess Eleanor (Alexandra Park), is also facing a turning point in the midst of the family’s upheaval. While her party-girl persona does make for an endless stream of gossip headlines, the schtick has long worn thin in the eyes of her image-obsessed mother. To Eleanor’s chagrin, she begins to realize she might be growing weary of it as well.
“In terms of the partying and wildness and makeup, I think all of that is gonna be pretty relatable for young women, in general, around the world because Eleanor uses all that stuff as a mask at the end of the day,” Park revealed. “She fronts as this confident, boozehound, table dancing, don’t care ‐‐ but you get to know her, and I think like how you get to know many young women in that age of being 20, and realize that they’re actually pretty lost. They’re searching for what their reason is and their point is. She’s a royal. She’s got a destiny. She can’t do a lot of stuff.”
While Park cited both Snow White and “Twilight” as templates upon which she based her portrayal of Eleanor, Hurley discussed how she took a page from a real-life princess when crafting her role.
“I thought to myself when I got offered this part what it would have been like if Princess Diana had become Queen of England,” Hurley confessed. “Because I felt she was someone we could identify with more because she’s a more similar age group, and her kids would be about the age of these kids now. And so I sort of took some inspiration from her, knowing how she dressed, how she spoke. Everything that we saw for the public — stepping out of cars, raising money, making speeches — I took that as some inspiration.”
Of course, the late Diana was also renowned for her philanthropic humanitarian efforts, a selfless trait the unabashedly narcissistic Queen Helena doesn’t even attempt to convey. Hurley acknowledged the differences and explained how she and Schwahn integrated a literally cartoonish icon within Helena’s demeanor to better suit the show’s campy framework.
“Of course, what we never got to see with Princess Diana really was behind those closed doors, so all that, I made up myself. Mark gave us a lot of it. Some of it we picked from Cruella de Vil,” she laughed.
The game cast also has the added benefit of an on-set sounding board, as “Dynasty” alumna Dame Joan Collins will appear later this season in a highly touted guest arc as Helena’s mother, the Grand Duchess of Oxford. Collins’ shrewd casting could potentially insert an added boost of winking bravado to the already ostentatious presentation; her blunt quips when responding to reporters’ questions and her own castmates’ observations ignited an undeniable spark to the show’s TCA panel.
“Well, I certainly see the royal family as being kind of in show business. That’s for sure. I mean, how do I know if they’re acting?” she declared, when asked if she thinks “The Royals” is really the high-octane parody its marketers would have us believe. “I don’t know if we bore them senseless when they talk to us. I have no idea. But certainly, I think all the ones I’ve met do a phenomenal job of being fabulous to their humble subjects such as ourselves,” she joked.
Hurley couldn’t help but dish about the opportunity to work with Collins, confirming she was “obsessed” with “Dynasty” in its heyday, but Park and Moseley admitted their generation won’t likely recognize 80s-era soap opera royalty when they see it. Collins, however, seemed unfazed. While Hurley discussed girlhood fantasies of palatial privilege, Collins offered just the opposite.
“I never wanted to be any of those things,” she said. “I really just wanted to be an actress or a detective or a writer.”
At first glance, “The Royals” unfolds with the stylized flair and visual dazzle of a pop star’s music video. The saturated colors, lavish production design and quick edits appear designed specifically to prevent viewers from noticing the distinct lack of narrative cohesion or character depth. Even at its most superficial, however, “The Royals” does know its network and its audience, largely prioritizing appearance above substance — not unlike Queen Helena’s own life philosophy.
It’s a smartly conceptualized project that could initiate a whole new platform for original content on E!, provided at least some emotional resonance peeks through the exhaustive, opaque brocade of pomp and circumstance every now and then. A promising scene featuring Eleanor and her father, King Simon (Vincent Regan), bonding over late-night pie inserts some welcome pathos into the spectacle, and mercifully alleviates the weight of weaker links like Simon’s abhorrent, predatory brother, Cyrus (Jake Maskall), and Liam’s plucky American squeeze, Ophelia (Merritt Patterson). Cyrus’ hopelessly daft daughters, Princesses Maribel and Penelope (Hatty Preston and Lydia Rose Bewley), meanwhile, elicit the highest ratio between eye rolls and spoken dialogue than any other series regular thus far.
Schwahn hopes to maintain a working balance of American TV tropes alongside the show’s definitively British setting to cement “The Royals” as a collaborative clash of cultures both sides of the pond will appreciate. With season two already set to begin production this spring, there’s plenty of pearls left to clutch.
“Americans should think the show is so British and the British should think it’s not British at all. And that’s where we’ve sort of lived. And I think that a lot of people who read the pilot, they tended to whisper a little bit how much they liked it, because they felt like it was a little cheeky,” Schwahn chuckled. “But ultimately, I think if you’ve seen the episodes you can kind of tell what we’re doing. And I think they got very comfortable with it … We like to say it’s ‘a’ royal family. It’s not ‘the’ royal family. So hopefully everyone approaches it with that spirit.”
As for Collins, the pressure of satirizing such a ubiquitous institution hasn’t seemed to even cross her mind. When asked if she’s worried how the real royal family will react to the show, she balks with an appropriately dignified scoff.
“What? Worried? No,” she dismisses, flicking her wrist for emphasis.
Are you ready for an entirely different game on an entirely different throne? Share your thoughts on “The Royals” in our comment section, and stick with @TheWorkprint for all your pop culture needs.
Monday night on The Tonight Show Jimmy Fallon hosted Jim Parsons, Miles Teller, and musical guest Wiz Khalifa in a game of Catchphrase.
The rules of the game are simple. A button is pressed on the Catchphrase device and a hot potato-like counter begins. Players on two teams must draw a card and have their teammate guess what is written. Once a card is guessed correctly, the device is passed to a player on the opposite team. The goal is to not be holding the device when the counter ends.
During the second round of the segment, Miles Teller draws a card labeled “Shake It Off” and is met with the greatest look of confusion by his teammate Wiz Khalifa.
Either Wiz had an epic brain fart at that very moment or he somehow managed to get this far in life without hearing “Shake It Off” at least once. A part of me wonders if Wiz has been exposed to Frozen yet.
The Walking Dead Season 5, Episode 14 – “Spend” Air Date – March 15, 2015 Grade: B
How lucky are the citizens of Alexandria that they’ve managed to survive this long? The Walking Dead doesn’t always have particularly subtle writing, but “Spend” contains a comic display of incompetence from the clumsy, cowardly Alexandrians. It’s no surprise that Rick and his group are quickly assuming positions of power within Alexandria (a fact that hasn’t gone unnoticed by Deanna), but it’s a wonder that the entire community hasn’t collapsed in on itself already. Nevertheless, things are escalating quickly as the show prepares itself for a showdown between Rick’s group and the locals. It’s a thrilling but inconsistent episode that delivers plenty of gory action to make up for its largely obligatory plotting.
Zombies aren’t really a big threat to our heroes anymore. That’s the way it should be, but it also means that we don’t see things go as horribly wrong as they do tonight unless there’s some clumsy idiot to panic and ruin everything. The Walking Dead strains a little too hard trying to highlight the skill gap between Rick’s survivors and the locals; the incompetence and cowardice on display borders on slapstick. Aiden Monroe and Nicholas are joined by Glenn, Tara, Noah, and Eugene on an ill-fated supply run for parts to fix Alexandria’s malfunctioning power grid. Things quickly go from bad to worse as Aiden accidentally shoots a grenade on a zombie’s military vest–the explosion leaves Aiden impaled on some debris and Tara unconscious from a traumatic head injury. In the ensuing chaos, Nicholas’ desperate panic leads to the gruesome deaths of both Aiden and Noah. Even Eugene, who spends much of the mission reminding everyone of his cowardice, steps up to the plate and does his part to get the others out alive. It’s another small triumph for his character, albeit a little ham-handed.
In a similar but far less disastrous vein, Abraham finds himself at the head of Alexandria’s construction crew after he rescues a lookout named Francine from zombies while the rest of the crewmen scatter like field mice. It’s a nice victory for Abraham, who has been searching for purpose after Eugene’s alleged cure fell apart. No one dies, the crewmen eagerly rally behind him, and even the previous foreman Tobin is all too willing to officially resign his post. Apparently abandoning your friends at the first sign of danger is just standard procedure for the citizens of Alexandria; they’re just a town full of Shaggys and Scoobys waiting desperately for a Fred to lead them.
Deanna Monroe is well aware that Rick and the rest of the survivors are quickly supplanting the locals in positions of power. However, she’s given more to think about when Gabriel appears to warn her about trusting the new arrivals. Gabriel’s crisis of faith is still ongoing, but not in any particularly interesting or compelling way. His tortured conscience is projecting his own guilt onto Rick and the others, and in doing so, plants the seeds of doubt into Deanna’s mind. Deanna herself is still somewhat convincing as a wise and cautious leader, but we haven’t seen much beyond her trust and idealism in welcoming Rick and his people. Her character still has potential, however–it’ll be interesting to see how she reacts to Gabriel’s warning (particularly in light of Aiden’s death), and whether she had any contingency plans in place for when the situation with Rick’s group deteriorates.
To further complicate things, Carol finds herself reluctantly bonding with Jessie’s son Sam, who is still on the hunt for some cookies. Despite being a big bully, Carol teaches Sam how to bake his own cookies, and in the process stumbles upon the revelation that Sam’s father Pete is an abusive drunk. After paying Pete a visit to confirm her suspicions, she informs Rick of her discovery. In Carol’s eyes, the situation is fairly clear cut: “I know how this is going to go with Pete–there’s only one way this can go. You’re gonna have to kill him.”
“Spend” is another busy episode that succeeds largely from its action and forward momentum. We haven’t seen action or gore like this in a long time–Rick’s group has gotten so good at surviving that they don’t really find themselves getting trapped in revolving doors anymore. Both the warehouse supply run and Abraham’s single handed zombie massacre were a lot of fun to watch, but unfortunately the characterization and plotting in the rest of the episode aren’t particularly compelling. The comic levels of ineptitude are a little too distracting–our heroes are hurtling inexorably towards a major conflict with the citizens of Alexandria, but from what we’ve seen so far, the fight seems like it’ll be pretty one-sided.
Daryl fixed up his motorcycle, and he and Aaron set off on their inaugural recruiting mission.
I had a note about Noah’s eagerness to learn architecture from Reg, and how the role was a good fit for him, but never mind I guess.
Dr. Katrina Jones truly shines in this week’s episode of “12 Monkeys” as a complex badass who is willing to do anything to get what she wants. While we’re still reeling from last week’s revelations, circumstances escalate to critical levels in both timelines as audiences discover that the good guys aren’t so good after all.
We start off with Cole in 2017, wandering the streets of Chechnya and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Everything seems to be in chaos as the plague has now been fully released with most of the world’s population infected. He comes across a small group of people watching an emergency television broadcast from the CDC in Baltimore and none other than Cassie being interviewed. She’s asking for all people immune to the virus to make their way to Baltimore because the CDC’s headquarters in Atlanta is no longer operational. Yikes.
Meanwhile in 2043, Jones is quelling some dissension in the ranks. Some on her team had heard the rumors that Foster had found the cure to the plague. She quickly explains that he had cured the 2033 version of it and not the current mutation (which has gone through 2 changes already). She reiterates that the colonel lied to give his people hope and to allow him to continue his obsessive search. According to her, Project Splinter was only way to save humanity and for that they need Spearhead’s core.
We jump to the Spearhead compound where Ramse has arrived to usher Elena and his son to safety before the impending attack. Elena is resistant to leave though, saying that this was their home and that Foster wasn’t lying. She was in the lab when they had found the cure. She convinces Ramse to let her show him evidence, but Foster and his men catch them before she is able too. They are locked up in a room and soon after gunshots are heard, ushering in Team Splinter’s arrival. Their assault is bloody, quick, and decisive thanks to the help of Whitley’s father, who is convinced by his son to aid them. The greatest shock of the episode comes when Jones is alone with Foster and they are once again arguing their fundamentally different views on the best course of action. We learn more about their past together in the early days of the plague, when their loved ones were still alive. Foster reminisces that back then they were both better people because they had hope. While Jones agrees, she adds that at the time she was still a mother and then proceeds to shoot him in the gut without even flinching.
Jones is one cold lady. You can see in her eyes that when her daughter died a part of her died as well. She is now just as single-minded as Foster was when he killed all those officials who wanted to move out of Spearhead. The poor guy is in complete shock and keeps gaping at her while she coolly gazes back unfazed. Damn. Well the core is definitely hers now.
This episode also takes us to 2041, where we find out how Ramse and Cole first became involved in Project Splinter. The two men tried to take on a whole bunch of Whitley’s guys but get caught naturally. Whitley beats the crap out of them trying to determine how much they knew about the facility when Jones walks in and asks Cole for his name. Once he tells her, she says that she’s been waiting for him for a very long time. The doctor lets them hear Cassie’s recording and explains what Project Splinter’s goal is. Cole thinks the German doctor is crazy and attempts to break out, but Ramse prevents him from getting away. He realizes that they are much better off in there and takes the leap of faith that Jones could be telling the truth. Ramse once again shows audiences that he’s the guy to trust (for now!!).
Run for your life!
Changing gears to 2017, Cole manages to make his way to an American base where he is allowed in and surprisingly finds a female officer who’s been waiting to take him back to the States. He arrives at the Baltimore CDC via armored truck as protection from the throngs of angry and scared people looking for a cure. As Cole is ushered into the building, he doesn’t notice Jennifer outside with the protesters. She dons the role of preacher to a small crowd of women who watch her with mixed expressions. Amongst her babble is this gem: “When disappearing men die on their sword, we daughters shall make from 12 what man could not. An army.” This little speech makes me wondering if after Cole’s splinter the last time she saw him she somehow joined up with the Army of the 12 Monkeys because she felt abandoned.
Inside the CDC, Cole finally meets Cassie who isn’t doing so well herself (she is though sporting the strip of white hair ala Rogue). Dr. Railly says that she thought that they had stopped the plague in 2015 and that Cole had disappeared, but that obviously wasn’t the case. Apparently a lot had happened between them as well in the last two years leaving Cole totally perplexed by the statement (can we get any vaguer?). She passes out for a few moments and wakes up not remembering having spoken to him minutes ago. Cassie asks him if he’s found the red forest and when he looks confused she realizes that he doesn’t know yet. He wants her to tell him everything but the virologist says she can’t change the path he’s on. Cassie hands Cole a piece of paper and makes him promise to always keep it to himself and on his person. It’s an important address that his life depends on. The next few seconds are heartbreaking for Team Casserole as Cassie says her final words and dies. Cole soon splinters to 2043, the gash he made on her watch disappears and becoming the watch he eventually finds in the future. AAHHH!!!!!!!! Tears are pricking my eyes just a wee bit.
In the future timeline, Jones is able to bring Cole home to his present via Spearhead’s core. Before that happens however, Jones takes a printout showing the cured status of the 2041 virus mutation and then BURNS IT. That’s right, she freaking lied!!!!! Jones couldn’t stand to live in a world where her daughter was still dead and so screw everyone else. At this point my mind was just going WTF over and over and over again. Because this really could mean that Jones somehow caused the whole virus to begin with and that would mean she is the bad guy. Holy crap.
But let’s get back to Cole. He returns to 2043 to an empathetic Jones who understands the rawness of his emotions as he tells her of Cassie’s death. At some point Ramse comes back to the facility having escaped Spearhead with Elena and Sam. While hiding out, Elena manages to make Ramse doubt Jones, asking what if she was the one who actually lied and not Foster. When the two best friends meet they find themselves on opposing sides. Ramse asks Cole how he can be with Jones when she murdered half of Spearhead and lied about the cure. Cole though is too emotionally wrought from Cassie’s demise that all that matters to him is the mission. Ramse tells him that he found Elena and that he has a son, which has changed his perspective even more now that he has his child to protect. They get into a nasty argument with Ramse saying that Cassie was supposed to die, earning Cole’s ire. He then pisses Ramse off by scoffing that his kid is already dead because there is no future. Guys can’t we all just get a long?
Gone far too soon.
In this action-packed episode, let’s take a moment to lament the death of Colonel Foster. He was a character that made a big impact during his brief time in “12 Monkeys” (though he may be poised to return during a jump to the past!) with his larger than life view of himself. I was seriously hoping he would be alive for a few more episodes, but the shock was well worth it and his untimely passing served to show audiences Jones’ stone cold persona.
Speaking of Jones, it’s interesting to see how both she and Cole have people in the past to save while Foster and Ramse were trying to save those in their present. Its evident here that the road to hell is paved with good intentions as all four characters are motivated by the same thing and have committed terrible acts in order get what they want.
This episode takes us to a whole new place as everyone continues to have their own agendas, except Cassie perhaps. I have a feeling we will see some very surprising things from Dr. Railly between 2015 to 2017 that will make us question her as well. Something to do with the red forest maybe? She made it sound like a real place and not just a hallucination. Those two years also must be a critical time for Jennifer Goines who appears to be crazy as ever, but whose side is she on now? Well, we’ll find out soon enough.
It feels like we’re entering a new chapter in the series as Ramse and Cole’s friendship ends due to their choices and circumstances. Their relationship has been a constant on the show and now that it appears to be over I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Cole no longer has a moral compass and this time it doesn’t look like he’s going to see Ramse’s point of view the way he did while they were still with the West VII. Things will probably get worse as Cole seems to be on the same path as Jones in securing their loved ones’ futures.
What is in store for us on next week? A lot more madness I hope. “12 Monkeys” continues to be a show full of twists and turns at every corner and where the unexpected is the norm. Thank goodness for that.
“12 Monkeys” airs Fridays 9/8 central on Syfy. Follow Nicole on Twitter: @niixc. Images courtesy of Syfy.
After watching Jupiter Ascending when it released (and sharing Trisha’s sentiments about the film completely), I have come to the conclusion that without the crutch of a source material, Hollywood simply cannot make a compelling science fiction movie.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED Guardians of the Galaxy. It was one of my favorite movies in recent years (sorry, Joss and the Avengers). However, relatively unknown as the comics may have been before the movie, there isn’t exactly a shortage of material from which to draw. Heck, the compilation by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning is an excellent study guide for anyone wishing to learn about the Guardians. James Gunn and Nicole Perlman definitely wrote the heck out of their screenplay for the film, but they also already had firmly established characters with years and years of background, history, and relationships. Maybe it sounds harsh but of course it’s easier to craft a compelling narrative when the characters and subplots between them have been handed down to you. Just look at the world of fanfiction. (I’m not knocking fanfiction; I love you guys!)
However, even with the entrenched characters and pre-made world, Guardians is still an anomaly in the realm of science fiction movies. With a backing of source material and large fandoms, movies like Divergent, Tron: Legacy, and Ender’s Game still floundered. (But my god were they stunning to look at.) I have yet to see the film, but the newly released Chappieseems to also suffer from the same flaws. (And racking up less than stellar box office numbers.)
And therein lies the issue.
Hollywood has been amazing at crafting fantastical worlds. Jupiter Ascending, for all its flaws, was gorgeous to behold. The premise, the differences between planets and spaceships was everything I wanted in a sci-fi movie. But when all is said and done and the movie releases, these Hollywood-made worlds are left out to rot and I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe all of the energy was put into CGI, costumes, and fight scenes so then nothing was left for the actual story or the characters in it. Or maybe Hollywood has the wrong impression of viewers. Have I missed some stereotype that any fan of sci-fi must want 35 minutes per movie of ridiculous, over-the-top battles that have little to no bearing on the story at large? Dazzle viewers with the pretty and hope they don’t notice the Mary Sue and Gary Stu leading the charge, amirite, Hollywood?
Except we do notice. We notice every time. We aren’t cats, able to be distracted with a laser pointer. No matter how gorgeous a film is, we prefer substance. Why do you think fans still watch the original Star Wars trilogy on repeat even though the graphics are abysmal compared to modern standards?
Could not more time be spent on developing real characters with flaws and personalities, who maybe don’t instantly fall in love with the first person they come across in their age range? I’m sorry, Hollywood, but love doesn’t make a character complicated and ten minutes of background narration at the beginning of a film isn’t a substitute for telling a real story.
TV shows have had better success with their ventures into the science fiction realm. Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Helix, Farscape, and so many more have maintained momentum with fans. (My editor would like me to remind you that The 100 and 12 Monkeys–newer shows–are also fantastic.) Is it because there is more time to learn about characters and plots, subplots, etc.? I suppose I can understand that reasoning, but it still isn’t an excuse. Besides, Hollywood doesn’t seem to have nearly as many issues with other genres.
I don’t know that I have an answer for Hollywood, other than to start giving a shit about the stories they write. This is one instance where I desperately want someone to prove me wrong. (Okay, maybe I want writers of video game movies to prove me wrong just a bit more.) If anyone has suggestions for movies I may have overlooked, I am all ears.
