It’s a bloody Friday at NBC as the network announced their cancellations for series not returning next Fall.
On the drama front, DC’s television adaptation of Constantine, starring Matt Ryan, met the axe. The series’ outlook didn’t look well late last year when NBC decided not to order the back nine of episodes after the initial 13-episode run. Katherine Heigl’s political drama State of Affairs also failed to make the cut.
NBC’s comedies didn’t fair well either with the network announcing cancellations for Marry Me, About a Boy, and One Big Happy.
***UPDATE: Alan Van Sprang has been cast as Valentine Morgenstern
Is everyone as excited as I am to see ABC Family’s Shadowhunters?
Based on Cassandra Clare’s The Mortal Instruments Series, the show follows Clarissa “Clary” Fray as she finds herself entangled in the supernatural world of the Shadowhunters, beings with angelic blood as they battle demons and other creatures who seek to harm mundane humans.
Shadowhunters is produced by Constantin Films with McG and Ed Decter serving as executive producers.
While we are still waiting to find out who will play Magnus Bane and Jocelyn Fray, most of the main roles have been cast. Scroll down to find out!
Katherine McNamara as Clarissa “Clary” Fray
Dominic Sherwood as Jace Wayland
Alan Van Sprang as Valentine Morgenstern
Alberto Rosende as Simon Lewis
BONUS: here’s Alberto wearing Simon glasses!!
Emeraude Toubia as Isabelle Lightwood
Matthew Daddario as Alec Lightwood
Isaiah Mustafa as Luke Garroway
How do you feel about the casting? Who do you want to play Magnus and Jocelyn? Comment below and let us know!
Rosario Dawson will be reprising her role as Claire Temple in the second season of Marvel’s Daredevil when it returns to Netflix in 2016. Part of the deal that will also allow her to appear in any of Marvel’s other Netflix original series. This shouldn’t come as a surprise to comic book fans who know of Claire’s relationship with fellow Netflix hero Luke Cage.
“After working with Rosario in the first season, we knew instantly that we had to have her back for our second,” said Executive Producer/Head of Marvel TV Jeph Loeb. “Claire Temple proved a fan favorite in Season 1, and we can’t wait for fans to see all the plans we have for her next.”
ABC has ordered its first new comedy series for the 2015 fall season and you’re probably already familiar with its cast: the Muppets. Produced by The Big Bang Theory co-creator Bill Prady, and Bob Kushel (Anger Management), The Muppets has been described as more of an adult version of The Muppets we all grew up watching. According to USA Today:
The network describes the new series as a “documentary-style” look that “explore(s) the Muppets’ personal lives and relationships, bot at home and at work, as well as romances, breakups, achievements, disappointments, wants and desires.
Are you a fan of ABC shows? Chances are it was renewed!
The network announced Thursday evening that freshman series Secrets and Lies, Black-ish, Fresh Off the Boat, How to Get Away With Murder, American Crime, Galavant and Marvel’s Agent Carter will all be returning for a second season.
Like its Marvel counterpart, Agents of SHIELD has also received a renewal and will return for a third season. Other renewals include Once Upon a Time, Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, The Goldbergs, Modern Family and The Middle.
Reality series Dancing With the Stars, The Bachelor, America’s Funniest Home Videos, Shark Tank, and Beyond the Tank.
The network announced Wednesday that Resurrection (starring Omar Epps and from Tara Butters and Michele Fazekas), Cristela (starring Cristela Alonzo), and Forever (starring IoanGruffudd and Alana De La Garza) would not be returning to the network next year.
The CW has ordered DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, the Arrow/Flash spinoff, to series.
The official synopsis of the series follows – “When heroes alone are not enough … the world needs legends. Having seen the future, one he will desperately try to prevent from happening, time-traveling rogue Rip Hunter is tasked with assembling a disparate group of both heroes and villains to confront an unstoppable threat — one in which not only is the planet at stake, but all of time itself. Can this ragtag team defeat an immortal threat unlike anything they have ever known?”
The series will star Wentworth Miller (Leonard Snart/Captain Cold), Dominic Purcell (Mick Rory/Heatwave), Victor Garber (Dr. Martin Stein), Brandon Routh (Ray Palmer/the Atom), CaityLotz (Sara Lance/Canary), Ciara Renee (Kendra Saunders/Hawkgirl), Franz Drameh (Jay Jackson) and Arthur Darvill (Rip Hunter).
The Messengers didn’t stand a chance. With only four episodes aired, The CW has officially announced the series cancellation.
The news doesn’t come as a surprise as the shows ratings and late start made it feel as if the network didn’t have much fate in the series.
Official synopsis below:
A mysterious object crashes on earth and a group of unconnected strangers die from an energy pulse it emits, but then re-awaken to find out that they have been deemed responsible for preventing the impending Apocalypse.
The CW has made it official – Hart of Dixie is no more.
After four seasons, the series starring Rachel Bilson, Jaime King, Cress Williams, Wilson Bethel, Scott Porter, Tim Matheson and Kaitlyn Black will not return next year.
The news shouldn’t come as a shock as series creator Leila Gerstein tweeted out about the final three episodes of the series in early March.
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>The final three episodes of <a href=”https://twitter.com/hashtag/HartofDixie?src=hash”>#HartofDixie</a> begin tonight. Buckle up, I think you will enjoy the ride. Xo</p>— leila gerstein (@leilargerstein) <a href=”https://twitter.com/leilargerstein/status/573887221717069824″>March 6, 2015</a></blockquote>
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Have a look at Netflix’s upcoming original sci-fi mystery series Sense8 from The Wachowskis’ (The Matrix Trilogy).
Official plot details:
The series follows eight characters around the world who, in the aftermath of a tragic death, find themselves linked to each other mentally and emotionally. They can not only see and talk to each other as though they were in the same place, they have access to each other’s deepest secrets. Not only must they figure out what happened and why and what it means for the future of humanity, they must do so while being hunted by an organization out to capture, kill or vivisect them.
The series has an ensemble cast including Naveen Andrews, Daryl Hannah, Brian J. Smith, Tuppence Middleton, Jamie Clayton, Miguel Angel Silvestre, Tina Desai, Doona Bae, Aml Ameen, Max Riemelt, Terrence Mann, Freema Agyeman, and Alfonso Herrera.
Netflix will release all 12 episodes on June 5. Looks like it’s going to be an exciting summer binge show to look forward too!
If you thought there were a lot of superheroes in Avengers: Age of Ultron than you’ve seen nothing yet.
With the production for Captain America: Civil War underway, Marvel has released the first story details as well as the first look at the enormous cast.
“Captain America: Civil War” picks up where “Avengers: Age of Ultron” left off, as Steve Rogers leads the new team of Avengers in their continued efforts to safeguard humanity. After another international incident involving the Avengers results in collateral damage, political pressure mounts to install a system of accountability and a governing body to determine when to enlist the services of the team. The new status quo fractures the Avengers while they try to protect the world from a new and nefarious villain.
Here’s a list of the actors:
Chris Evans – Steve Rogers/Captain America
Robert Downey Jr. – Tony Stark/Iron Man
Scarlett Johansson – Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
Sebastian Stan – Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier
Anthony Mackie – Sam Wilson/Falcon
Paul Bettany – The Vision
Jeremy Renner – Clint Barton/Hawkeye
Don Cheadle – Jim Rhodes/War Machine
Elizabeth Olsen – Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch
Paul Rudd – Scott Lang/Ant-Man
Chadwick Boseman – T’Challa/Black Panther
Emily VanCamp – Sharon Carter/Agent 13
Daniel Brühl – Baron Zemo
Frank Grillo – Brock Rumlow/Crossbones
William Hurt – General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross
Fox has announced they will not be renewing the series starring Mindy Kaling for a fourth season. While the series won’t see the light of day again on FOX, The Mindy Project has a chance to return to as a series on Hulu.
Multiple outlets are reporting that a deal with Universal TV could see a multi-season deal over on Hulu in order for the series to pass the 100-episode mark.
If you haven’t heard, there’s a bit of a commotion on the internet about Avengers: Age of Ultron, and in particular, Black Widow’s story in the movie. I’ll try to keep spoilers out of this article and be as succinct as possible. Essentially, some fans weren’t happy with Black Widow’s plot in the movie, so unhappy in fact they took to Twitter to harass Joss Whedon about what he had done to the character. The bombardment of tweets became so much that Joss left Twitter, reminding us all yet again that the internet can be a dark and callous place.
Mark Ruffalo, Bruce Banner actor and all-around good guy, did an AMA today over at Reddit, and the reaction to Black Widow’s story came up. Mark Ruffalo responded (I’ve bolded what I find to be the most important part):
I think it’s sad. Because I know how Joss feels about women, and I know that he’s made it a point to create strong female characters. I think part of the problem is that people are frustrated that they want to see more women, doing more things, in superhero movies, and because we don’t have as many women as we should yet, they’re very, very sensitive to every single storyline that comes up right now. But I think what’s beautiful about what Joss did with Black Widow – I don’t think he makes her any weaker, he just brings this idea of love to a superhero, and I think that’s beautiful.
If anything, Black Widow is much stronger than Banner. She protects him. She does her job, and basically they begin to have a relationship as friends, and I think it’s a misplaced anger. I think that what people might really be upset about is the fact that we need more superhuman women. The guys can do anything, they can have love affairs, they can be weak or strong and nobody raises an eyebrow. But when we do that with a woman, because there are so few storylines for women, we become hyper-critical of every single move that we make because there’s not much else to compare it to.
So I know Joss really well. I know what his values are. And I think it’s sad, because in a lot of ways, there haven’t been as many champions in this universe as Joss is and will continue to be. And I know it hurts him. I know it’s heavy on him. And the guy’s one of the sweetest, best guys, and I know him – as far as any man can be a champion for women, he is that.
So it’s been a little disheartening.
But I also see how much people love that aspect of it. There’s an equal amount of people who find the love interest between Banner and Black Widow to be a big standout. And it’s very satisfying to people. So it’s a movie. People are going to have their opinions. And that’s actually a great thing. The fact that this is a debate that’s coming out of this movie is probably a positive thing.
I just don’t think that people should get personal with Joss, because he really is – of anyone – an advocate for women. He’s a deeply committed feminist.
I know that I’m biased in my Whedon-fandom, but I find it frustrating that the man who wrote Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all of the amazing females on Firefly is being called anti-feminist. I think Mark Ruffalo hit the mark with his response and really, the only solution is to simply have more female superheroes in our media. With Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel dropping in the next few years, I can only hope that things will continue to head in the right direction.
The CW has announced a second season renewal for freshman series iZombie from creator Rob Thomas.
The series stars Rose McIver as a med-student turned zombie after the events of a boat party.
iZombie will be joining already renewed shows The 100, Arrow, Beauty and the Beast, The Flash, Jane the Virgin, Masters of Illusion, The Originals, Reign, Supernatural, and The Vampire Diaries on CW’s schedule next year.
The DC TV-verse is expanding past The CW as CBS has greenlit a series order for Supergirl.
Starring Melissa Benoist in the main role as Kara Zor-El, Supergirl comes from Warner Bros. Television and Berlanti Productions, and is executive produced and co-created by Greg Berlanti with a pilot episode written by Berlanti, Ali Adler and Andrew Kreisberg, and based on characters by DC Comics.
The pilot stars Mehcad Brooks (James Olsen), Calista Flockhart (Cat Grant), Chyler Leigh (Alexandra “Alex” Danvers), David Harewood (Hank Henshaw), Faran Tahir (The Commander), Dean Cain and Helen Slater (both in unspecified roles). Berlanti, Adler and Sarah Schechter are the Executive Producers.
This week’s episode of Silicon Valley, The Lady, admittedly flies under the radar in terms of plot compared to Season 2’s previous episodes. While the first three episodes dealt with Pied Piper acquiring its funding, this episode focuses on the challenges that come with scaling up a company. Board meetings, new hires, and HR grievances, are new headaches that Richard has to deal with.
The episode opens with Richard and Jared interviewing a slew of potential hires and finding out that compared to everyone else they’re in the shallow end of Palo Alto’s weird pool. That being said, I personally admired the candidate who held a strict standard for what constitutes “crushing it” and had the honesty to look at himself and realize that he wasn’t doing it. (He later got back to said “crushing” standard too for what it’s worth.) But none of these hold a candle to Jared Patakian, who after having a pacemaker installed, has adopted a cyborg lifestyle.
From there we’re treated to Erlich informing Jin Yang of the house’s proper trash sorting procedures. Up until this point, referring to Jin Yang as an obscure character would be overstating his role. As far as I can remember, in the entire series he’s: been introduced to the house, walked in on Richard in the bathroom, and informed the gang of Peter Gregory’s death. I hope the dynamic between Erlich and Jin Yang will continue as an off-speed B story to the traditional Gilfoyle and Dinesh antics. Even without speaking, their opposing physiques and mannerisms are hilarious. And with the pretense of Jin Yang being a foreigner, he can get under Erlich’s skin in a way no one else in the group can. Now Silicon Valley isn’t really a show that rests on it own laurels by referring back to previous jokes, but it’s my hope that I hear TJ Miller yelling “God Dammit Jin Yang” in future episodes.
As Erlich teaches him these nuances to the garbage, he sees Jared (the ‘Borg) getting into his car. The two have a history from his Aviato endeavor, and says he’ll have to pass. (Actually, he says he’ll have to “Pasadena Trina” but dammit, I’m neither cool enough nor clueless enough to pull that off.) In the first season Richard might have succumbed to Erlich’s wish, but we’re seeing more spine from Jared this year and he stands up to him – albeit politely.
Across town at the Hooli compound, Gavin Belson’s plan to legitimize Pied Piper is slowly being implemented as BigHead is promoted to the newly established flagship program – Hooli XYZ. It goes without saying that everybody wants the spot BigHead is in, and his interaction with Hooli’s HR rep following the conference plays like a deleted scene from Office Space. BigHead and Richard are foils to one another yet they serve a similar purpose. Richard is the straight man, acting as our proxy to the quirky and all around “weird” world of the start-up culture. Conversely, BigHead – though a moron compared to Richard – acts as the straight man within the absurd, free flowing, culture prevalent among certain Tech juggernauts.
Then there’s the addition of Carla (played by Alice Wetterlund), an all-star Engineer who has the ability to treat Dinesh and Gilfoyle the way they treat, well, practically everyone else. It’s great that the showrunners have brought in another female character with substance. With Carla and Laurie’s additions this season they’ve effectively tripled the number of recurring female leads. Better still, is how these female characters have varied personalities. And since Silicon Valley is very much an ensemble piece, it’ll be great to see how these characters with very unique personalities engage with one another. I immediately enjoyed the interaction between her and Jared, and am looking forward to how she and Monica interact with one another.
Now I realize I’m just rattling off how much I enjoy all these new characters, but Russ Hanneman (played by Chris Diamantopoulos) is yet another example of how the writers create fresh personalities for the core cast members to interact with. I don’t expect Russ to be a permanent fixture in the show, but he provides a new source of problems for Richard and the gang to field that is different than the looming Gavin Bellson. It also steers the plot away from consistent in-fighting, as there is the right amount of that currently.
The conflict between Erlich and Richard comes to a head after Richard feels bad about Elrich’s failed night out at a major networking event. He altruistically offers to forgo hiring the Cyborg, leading to an argument that Daffy and Bugs would be proud of. It ends with Richard calling up Jared to deliver the bad news only to find out that he went with another offer made by….Russ Hanneman. Similar to last week’s ending, Russ – who always talks a big game – does another shifty move keeping them under his thumb. This is pure speculation, but these actions make me wonder if Russ is as dumb as everyone believes he is.
As the secrets go even deeper, the stakes get only higher.
USA’s event series “Dig” is set to launch its explosive finale Thursday night, finally reaching a long-awaited conclusion to the global conspiracy the show has uncovered layer by shocking layer. With Tad Billingham (David Costabile) and his devoted acolytes now in Jerusalem, a kidnapped Lynn (Anne Heche) trying to expose Ambassador Ridell’s (Regina Taylor) treasonous agenda, and the revelation of Emma Wilson’s (Alison Sudol) own corrupt intentions, Peter (Jason Isaacs) now faces a deadlier “Armageddon Protocol” than ever before.
Catch a sneak peek of Peter racing to the bottom of the mystery in this exclusive clip below, and share your predictions on all things “Dig” in our comment section!
Don’t miss the “Dig” series finale Thursday, May 7 at 10/9c on USA.
Last year, Agents of SHIELD picked up massive speed following the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The storyline played heavily into the last half of the season, unfurling storylines and characters that helped bring the show from “good” to “positively great.”
The events of Age of Ultron weren’t entirely as prominent this time around, though it certainly tied into the universe enough that there was a strong connection. And a return surprise from Koenig (Patton Oswalt) during a flashback in which he showed Coulson “Theta Protocol,” aka the helicarrier that we saw Fury resurrect to rescue the Avengers in the film – was a nice subtle tie-in to show events of the show are working concurrently with the MCU, even if we don’t see it. (The line about Gonzales was nice, too.) And it was an interesting note to show how much Coulson had been lying about where he was taking trips to.
Back in the present, Coulson and the team are watching the destruction of Sokovia. Gonzales is not entirely happy that Coulson knew about the helicarrier and refused to say anything. Coulson defends himself, but then tells Gonzales that he’s since realized he can’t do anything alone, so he wants one S.H.I.E.L.D. – where he operates as Director under Gonzales’ advisement. Surprisingly, Gonzales is on board with this.
Skye is still overly obsessed with recovering Lincoln, who wakes up freaking out because, well, he’s in S.H.I.E.L.D. and traditionally, that doesn’t mean a good thing. Lincoln’s convinced that now that S.H.I.E.L.D. knows they exist, the group won’t stop until they find Afterlife. (He’s also not happy that he’s been indexed, but, well, who is?) Meanwhile, Simmons is not entirely okay that Skye has become someone who not only keeps secrets, but has an entirely new group of people she feels comfortable with. She tries to connect with her old friend, offers her things that she thinks Skye might want and busies herself by working on Kara, who seems to be mostly brainwash-free. Kara notes that having Bakshi gone has helped a lot in that respect and you can almost see the guilt on Simmons’ face. Fitz tries to tell her she shouldn’t feel bad about Ward – he wanted to kill him too, but at least she made an effort. And Simmons says she’s still upset she didn’t kill him. Simmons, what has happened to you.
After proving to have predicted the events of Ultron at the end of the last episode, Raina has now started to embrace her gift and use it to help other people in the community. She tells Gordon she sees a giant stone and an ocean, and Gordon realizes that she’s talking about seeing a dangerous Kree weapon intended to destroy their people. Jiaying wants Gordon to go confirm it exists (within S.H.I.E.L.D., where it’s being held) and Raina offers to go with him.
They’re caught pretty easily by Hunter, which gives Coulson the confirmation that the artifiact is hiding in their Bus. Skye promises Coulson and May that she doesn’t know anything about the artifact, but what’s more interesting about this conversation is that she specifically references “Inhumans” for the first time when speaking about who she is. It’s apparently that May and Coulson are wary of her because she’s not telling them much about her “new” world, and are unsure of where she really stands — but then again, as Skye implies, why should she have to tell them about her life? She trusts it, and that’s enough.
Gonzales tells Bobbi that because of Deathlok’s eye and tracking, they know where the Inhumans are. Gonzales clearly sees them as a threat, while Coulson doesn’t want to start a war, and considering the fact we just came out of Ultron, the whole thing has a very “Civil War” feel to it. Coulson proposes a sit-down with Jiaying where she can explain herself. But Gonzales doesn’t trust Coulson to go by himself because the last time someone decided to do whatever they wanted (aka Tony Stark), the world went to hell in a hand basket as the Avengers destroyed it.
Gordon and Raina return to Afterlife and tell Jiaying what they’ve found, and Raina tells Gordon she’s had a vision about S.H.I.E.L.D. coming to destroy them. She implores Jiaying not to talk to them, because that’s how she sees it starting, and instead proposes that it should be her who talks to Coulson. Cal has remained wary of Raina ever since he brought her in, and sees her proposal as a way for her to be manipulative. It’s interesting, because we’re not really sure what Raina’s true agenda is – I’m inclined to believe her, but I can also see how people wouldn’t be trusting. Cal freaks out over the fact that he’s going to lose his daughter again to S.H.I.E.L.D., and then suggests that they give him up in order to find an agreement. It’s almost self-sacrifice, and I wonder how much of this is rooted in Cal’s true desire to unite his family and how much is rooted in that “Dr. Hyde” personality.
In the quinjet on the way to Afterlife, Bobbi and May have a discussion about S.H.I.E.L.D. – if they’ve ever considered life without it, where they’d be without it. Bobbi has a nice line about Hunter being the only time she’d have considered leaving, before May turns on her…except it’s not May, it’s actually Kara, wearing May’s face again. Bobbi puts up a decently good fight but Ward shows up and stuns her, and, well, that’s the end of that.
As the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. touches down, Raina is finally starting to believe she has a purpose. But Jiaying is starting to believe otherwise – she doesn’t trust Raina, and neither does anyone else in the community, and no one is comfortable with her taking the reigns on this mission. Which means Jiaying is going to talk to S.H.I.E.L.D. herself, the very thing Raina (supposedly) sees as their downfall.
The crux of the meeting with Gonzales is pretty simple: S.H.I.E.L.D.’s goal is to protect the Inhumans, and they want to only help them. But Jiaying doesn’t want her people to be helped. They don’t need help just because they’re powered. He brings her an offering, a Chinese gift, and Jiaying gives him one in return – the terrigan crystals with the mist. She breaks the vial and Gonzales dies in a similar way that Trip did when he was caught in the Temple with Skye and the Diviner. Jiaying is positively livid that Gonzales would go so far as to try to even empathize with what her and her people had gone through, and after taking care of Gonzales, she shoots herself in the shoulder (TWICE) to make it look like Gonzales attacked her. Which, given the way she exits the building, Skye seems to wholeheartedly believe. And I have a feeling Skye is not going to take kindly to the fact that S.H.I.E.L.D. “attacked” her mother…
“This is war.”
Odds & Ends:
The return of the lanyards! Also, I love that Koenig is an avid Star Wars fan.
I understand why Mack left, but I’m assuming he can’t be really gone for good given we only have two episodes to go. Come back, Mack!
I know now that it wasn’t really Bobbi and May in the quinjet, but still, Bobbi and May working together in any capacity is my new favorite thing.
“S.H.I.E.L.D. loves it when they get to lock someone up!” Well, Cal, you’re not wrong…
Fresh off The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, the British actor has signed onto Captain America: Civil War. Who Freeman is playing is still a mystery.
“From his roles as Bilbo Baggins and Doctor Watson to Tim in ‘The Office,’ Martin’s range from the dramatic to the comedic has consistently impressed us,” said “Captain America: Civil War” Producer Kevin Feige. “We couldn’t be more honored or excited to have such a talented actor join the Marvel Cinematic Universe.”
“Captain America: Civil War” hits theaters May 6, 2016.
Fresh off Bad News Barrett becoming King of the Ring which means…something, it’s time for another edition of RAW.
Last week saw a pretty decent show and a good tag match. Smackdown is also starting to be consistently good as well. Hopefully, this means WWE is starting to find their rhythm again. Rollins is good chicken shit heel which is gonna equal a good payoff when the belt is finally taken off of him.
Thankfully, Creative finally came to the logical conclusion that Roman Reigns was still doughy and needed some more baking — and that’s paid off. He’s no longer getting booed out of the building and the fans seem to finally be getting behind him…though, whether that good will carries into an inevitable championship push remains to be seen.
We’re a couple weeks from Payback with a pretty good main event set up for that card.
I think split-screening this is gonna be the idea for me tonight. Madison Bumgarner has a no-no going into the 4th inning…
Let’s see where this goes…
We are LIVE(!!!) from Montreal, Quebec, Canada for Monday Night RAW!!!
JBL, Cole and Booker are the guys talking.
Randy Orton starts us off and gets a nice ovation and dim SUSPENSE LIGHTING. Cole gives us our first Kane reference at about 34 seconds in because, as everyone knows, HE is the REASON we have such a spectacular main event at Payback! Orton says that the name of the next PPV is fitting because he’ll have “payback against Seth Rollins”. At Payback, he’ll be champion. There isn’t anything Reigns or Rollins can do about it.
That brings out Reigns. He says that if anyone gets “payback”, it will be HIM. Orton begs to differ by basically saying “nuh-uh”, then reminds Reigns of how many championships he’s won and how many Triple Threat Matches he’s been in. He says that Reigns has “catching up” to do. Reigns says the last time HE checked, he beat Orton. He won’t mind breaking Orton in half one more time. The crowd doesn’t care and chants for an RKO.
The New Day appears. Orton dances to the theme. Xavier Woods says that they’re the only “champions” out there right now. Woods says that Reigns and Orton are negative and nobody cares. Woods says this is a NEW DAY! Crowd: SUCKS!!! They joke around and preach positivity and tell Orton and Reigns to clap with them. But, there’s one more thing: Kane has authorized a match between the New Day and Orton/Reigns. NOW!!!
Good opening here. New Day stole the show from the usual drab, “No, you” back-and-forth between the three top guys.
MATCH #1: WWE Tag Team Champions The New Day (Xavier Woods, Kofi Kingston & Big E) vs. Roman Reigns & Randy Orton in a 3-on-2 Handicap Match (non-title) Woods ends up in the ring with Reigns. Woods puts Reigns in a headlock but Reigns breaks and runs him over with a shoulderblock. Woods goes for a Leapfrog and ends up in a Samoan Drop. Orton tags in and stomps Woods in the stomach, then hits a suplex for two. Woods crawls for his corner but Orton yanks him back, stomping at him. Reigns tags in and stomps Woods in the head. Both wrestlers stomp at Woods’ stomach, splitting his legs while they do it, almost in homage to the Sharpshooter. Orton tags back in and the stomping continues. Woods finally fights back and tags E who hits a nice belly to belly suplex on a distraction by Kofi. Kofi tags in and starts working over Orton. Two count. Woods gets back in the ring and applies a headlock. Orton breaks but Woods hits a dropkick for two. After the break, we learn that Big E took over by shoulderblocking Reigns to death. Kofi has Reigns in the ring and he dropkicks Reigns, getting two. Tag to E. Punch to the chest. E hits a suplex and a belly to belly and it’s a two count. Tag to Woods who comes in with a flying legdrop. Two count. Reigns fights back but Woods hits a Swinging Neckbreaker. Two count. Tag to Kofi and he punches Reigns in the chest. It’s more Reigns peril with Kofi putting on an armbar. Reigns breaks so Kofi tosses Reigns to the mat and we start all over again with Woods coming in with a headlock. Crowd loves this so much, they chant, “WE WANT RANDY”. Reigns picks Woods up and just tosses him clear across the ring. Hot tags on both sides and Orton is all over Kofi, who comes back with a kick and flies at Orton. Orton hits a Powerslam in Stride and it’s a spot-fest with everyone hitting their stuff. The ring clears and Orton hits the Elevated DDT. He calls for the RKO but Woods gets in to interfere. Orton hits the RKO on him — then goes for Kofi. Reigns gets in and tries for a Spear on Kofi — but hits Orton. E pulls Reigns out of the ring and Kofi gets the pin on Orton (something I don’t think I have typed ever) at 13:14. WINNERS: The New Day.
RATING: ***. Not a bad start to things and a good idea to arbitrarily book The New Day against WWE’s top guys. New Day worked well here and it was nice to see them get a win without the usual “cheating heel” spot for a change. Still, while New Day is hitting on all cylinders, Reigns and Orton seemed to be mailing it in here.
And, fuck, it’s HEEL KANE. He knows that Orton and Reigns hate one another so, hold on a second, playa: it’s Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns in the main event tonight. Cole reminds us that OMG: THEY’RE IN THE TRIPLE THREAT SO THAT’S HUGE!Orton and Reigns leave the ring and stare at each other.
Backstage, New Day celebrates and they tell Kane (who’s walking by) that they’re so happy and tell him that they told him they would “win”. Kane rolls his eyes and walks past them, running into Seth Rollins. Rollins shoots his mouth off at Kane, telling him that he’s a spoiled kid. Triple H and Steph will return and punish Kane. But, now, it’s FACEKANE. Kane says he wasn’t much for being a kid. He didn’t leave milk and cookies for Santa. He waited in the chimney with a blowtorch to “burn his chestnuts”. He’s making a match: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins. Also, J&J are banned from ringside. Seth is beside himself and, pretty much stating the obvious, says that there’s “no point” to having that match since he already beat Ambrose. Kane tells him to complain some more and he’ll make life real hard for Seth. Seth storms off.
Renee Young brings Ryback to the ring. He goes off, telling everyone he doesn’t know why Bray’s going after him while, somehow, killing a “GOLDBERG” chant. Then he lists about 110 injuries and obstacles he’s been through. He just keeps coming out and yelling “FEED ME MORE”. He says that talking time is done. It’s now “feeding time”.
That brings out Bray in his Backstage Boiler Room Set of Doom. Bray says that Ryback puts on a good front but that he’s a scared little boy. He says that Ryback will lose everything he loves. In time, Ryback will fade away, too.
This feud isn’t doing it for me. I kinda like Bray. I really don’t care for Ryback. I mean, they had potential with a Bray/Bo link…but we’re not seeing that.
MATCH #2: Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. The Ascension (Konnor & Viktor) Konnor and Viktor ambush Kidd in the corner. Quick clothesline. Two count. Viktor stomps at Kidd and tags in Konnor. Stomps. Two count. Tag to Viktor. Stomps. Two count. Headlock by Viktor as Natalya frowns, breaking every ounce of Botox forcing her to do otherwise. Konnor tags in and hits a suplex. Two count. Tag to Viktor and he hits a dropkick for two. Konnor tags in and misses an elbow drop, but tags in Vitkor. Kidd tags Cesaro and he levels both of the Ascension with HUGE boots and a seires of uppercuts to Viktor. Cesaro whips Viktor from post to post with Uppercut after Uppercut, totaling around 8 to 10, then hits a Gut Wrench. Konnor tries to save the day but Cesaro dumps him. Kidd takes out Konnor outside. Cesaro hits a Swing on Viktor. Kidd hits the dropkick to the head and we’re done at 4:07. WINNERS: Cesaro & Kidd
RATING: *1/2. Worth it for Cesaro having more worth than everyone else here. Speaking of: does The Ascension have anything left?
Seth Rollins is backstage. Renee Young comes out of nowhere like a Wallmaster in The Legend of Zelda to get his “thoughts” on the match coming up. Rollins calls Kane a moron.
ON SMACKDOWN: Rollins won his match against Ambrose because of Kane, which Kane is gonna fix by barring everyone but himself from ringside.
Ambrose and Rollins hit the ring…but Kane’s music interrupts things. Kane says that he’s taking Rollins’ sentiments to heart…so, if Ambrose wins the match tonight, Ambrose will be added to the main event at Payback. Crowd LOVES this.
Rollins goes on a temper tantrum. Ambrose interrupts and says he likes this idea. He asks if anyone here has an issue. Rollins grabs his mic and yells some more, telling Canada that they don’t matter. Kane says that Rollins’s thoughts don’t matter. RING THE BELL, PAL.
MATCH #3: Dean Ambrose vs. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins (non-title) Ambrose tries to roll Rollins up but Rollins kicks out. After some chops, Rollins bails from the ring. Ambrose follows and it’s a fight outside with Ambrose hitting the Rebound Clothesline and tossing Rollins back into the ring. Ambrose locks Rollins’s up and kicks him in the back of the head. Ambrose hits a quick lariat and quick elbow drop for a one count. Suplex by Ambrose. One count. All this while the commentary team argue over this whole fucking stipulation. Rollins takes over, putting Ambrose in the corner, punching at him. Ambrose comes back, tossing Rollins into the corner and chopping him down like a tree when Rollins comes back. Rollins regains control with a knee to the gut and slam. He drops a knee to Ambrose’s head and gets a one count.Ambrose manages to regain control and tosses Rollins out of the ring as we go to break.
As we come back, Rollins is in control with a chinlock on Ambrose. Ambrose hits a headbutt and tries to clothesline Rollins but Rollins trips him and he goes flying into the second turnbuckle. Rollins goes for a Springboard move but Ambrose moves and hits a Tornado DDT. Ambrose his some shots and slaps Rollins in the face, then hits lariats and a Bulldog. Ambrose goes to the top rope but Rollins moves and rolls out of the ring. Ambrose flings himself at Rollins and hits him. He tosses Rollins back in and it’s a series of counters with Ambrose hitting an Inverted Sidewalk Slam. Rollins counters and comes back with an attempt at the Buckle Bomb. He can’t hit it and Ambrose hits an elbow off the top rope for two.
Crowd is loving this and starts an OLE OLE OLE chant which JBL somehow links to Star Wars. Rollins drops Ambrose’s neck on the top rope and hits a Springboard Kick to Ambrose’s head. Two count. Rollins taunts Ambrose who slaps Rollins. Rollins superkicks Ambrose in the head. TWO COUNT. Rollins argues with the ref and then picks Ambrose up for the Buckle Bomb. Ambrose kicks out and it’s a fist-fight with Ambrose clotheslining Rollins out of the ring. Ambrose misses a Rebound Clothesline and Rollins hits a Buckle Bomb, dropping Ambrose on the crowd barrier. Rollins gets back into the ring and the ref counts. He gets to nine — and Ambrose breaks the count.
Rollins flies at Ambrose with everything he’s got, stomping Ambrose in the corner and hitting a splash. Ambrose comes back with one of his own. Rollins hits an Enzuguri — but Ambrose hits the Rebound Clothesline. J&J make their way down to the ring because fuck stipulations, they no longer matter. But Ambrose dumps both of them! Rollins grabs Ambrose but Ambrose elbows out and rolls Rollins up for the pin! WINNER: Dean Ambrose at 16:31
RATING: ****. THIS is the push Ambrose needs. This is LONG overdue. What a match by both guys. Why weren’t we doing THIS instead of having Ambrose jobbing to holograms and TV sets?
EARLIER TONIGHT: The New Day beat Roman Reigns and Randy Orton.
MOMENTS AGO: Ambrose beat Rollins.
AT PAYBACK: It’s a Fatal 4-Way.
Rollins shows up at Kane’s “office” and starts threatening to kick his ass. Face Kane says that Rollins just keeps lashing out…so, he could just add more people to Seth’s match at Payback. Kane says that this is all about overcoming adversity. But worry not, Suddenly Heel Again Kane says, he has a plan…
Byron Saxton is backstage with Lana. Lana says that she doesn’t know anything about the crowd loving her lately. Fandango shows up and tells her to “feel it”. Rusev shows up and yells in Russian. Lana leaves with him. Rusev and Fandango are next.
MATCH #4: Fandango vs. Rusev (w/ Lana) Rusev kicks Fandango and knees him in the stomach, sending him outside. While out there, Fandango flirts with Lana…who, surprisingly, does the “Fandango”. Rusev knocks Fandango down and screams at her, sending her back to the locker room. Fandango attacks Rusev and sends him into the ringpost. In the ring, Fandango hits quick dropkicks and punches Fandango in the corner before Rusev pushes him off. Superkick, Stomp, Accolade. Done at 2:12. WINNER: Rusev via Accolade
RATING: n/a – squash match. Even still, I liked this match. Imagine WWE Creative actually advancing plotlines by humanizing Lana…so strange. I’m not used to this.
We get an ad for ESPN’s E:60 WWE Special.
Cole takes us through audition videos for Tough Enough.
MATCH #5: R-Truth vs. Stardust Stardust has a bag with him. Cole calls him Cody, so we’re off to a great start here. Truth his a hard shoulderblock and tries for a suplex but Cody breaks and hits a reverse suplex instead. Star keeps lunging for the bag but Truth won’t let him get to it. Truth tries to access it but Star attacks him and hits a legsweep. Crowd chants “CODY” as Star starts slugging away at Truth. Both men fly at each other and collide, hitting the mat. Truth comes back with dropkicks but the crowd couldn’t care less. Truth hits a falling front suplex for two, then goes into Star’s bag, only to find a bunch of plastic spiders, which prompts Cody to roll him up like we’re in an Ambrose match for the win at 2:55. WINNER: Stardust
RATING: DUD. First one of the night. Nobody was into this and this angle is lame as they come.
THIS THURSDAY AT SMACKDOWN: All the participants in the Fatal Four-Way will sign the contract for the main event. PLEASE LET THERE BE A SHIELD REUNION AT PAYBACK…
The Canadian fans welcome John Cena with the usual “John Cena sucks” chant. Cena: “I quit.” The fans cheer. Cena talks about overcoming adversity and how he always does. He actually asks the crowd to stop their OLE chant — but says that’s not gonna happen. He asks the crowd if they’d quit. They say “NO”. Cena asks some guy in a pink tank what he thinks and that dude holds up a sign that says “PUSH ZIGGLER” and glares at Cena like the Angry Miz Kid. TL;DR: Cena offers his usual challenge…and it is…
Bret Hart. Hart makes his way down. Hart says he’s not fighting…he’s here to introduce a great wrestler…and that brings out Heath Slater. Slater tries for the Foley Cheap Pop and can’t even get that across. Slater enters the ring and Hart clocks him in the head. Hart introduces…
Sami Zayn!!!
MATCH #6: John Cena (champion) vs. Sami Zayn (challenger) for the WWE United States Championship Zayn gets a MONSTROUS pop. Initial run around ends with Cena taking a dropkick and rolling out of the ring. Cena gets Move #3 twice and gets a two count. And, now, something’s not right with Zayn’s left shoulder and a trainer comes in to examine him. After about a minute, Zayn continues. The two raise their fists and, finally, Cena kicks Zayn in the corner, then hits Moves 1 through 3. He goes for the 5KS but Zayn rolls him up and gets two. Zayn gets up and hits a cross body, getting two. Cena rolls out of the ring, so Zayn hits a Flying 360 Splash into Cena’s face. Back in the ring, Cena hits the STF. Zayn gets to the ropes and it’s a break. Cena attacks him but Zayn hits the Koji Clutch! Cena counters with an AA but Zayn counters that with a German Suplex for two. Zayn charges Cena but Cena clothesline Zayn, then tries an AA. Zayn lands on his ass, not his back, then gets up and the two men run at each other. Both of them clothesline one another and roll out of the ring. Zayn runs at Cena, flies THROUGH the corner of the ring, grabs Cena, and hits a Tornado DDT! Back in the ring, Cena grabs Zayn and immediately hits an AA! 1…2…NO. Zayn kicks out. Zayn hits the Blue Thunderbomb AND NEARLY GETS THE PIN. The two men start trading shots and Cena hits the Springboard Stunner and AA to wrap this up at 10:43. WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: John Cena via AA
RATING: ***1/2. A good debut for Zayn but the match just was really slightly above Cena/Ambrose, post-WM. I understand why Cena won and I understand why Zayn lost…but I see no reason why it couldn’t have been reversed. The stipulation at Payback really overrides any title. It’s about pride and guts, not so much gold. Either way, this was a really good match. We’re being spoiled tonight.
The Bellas are backstage and run into The New Day who’s lost their shit and celebrating at the top of their lungs, lifting E up in the air.
Renee Young is waiting for Sami Zayn — but The New Day interrupts and goes nuts. The do the NEW DAY ROCKS chant. Cesaro, Kidd and Natalya shows up. Cesaro points out that the crowd thinks they suck. Natalya says TND only won because Roman and Orton hate one another. They fight over the New Day chant and New Day takes off.
Nikki and Brie come out to ringside…until Naomi shows up with WWE HALL OF FAMER JIMMY SNUKA’S DAUGHTER, Tamina Snuka and, together, they ambush the Bellas. Naomi and Tamina pick Brie up and bully her, slapping her around. Naomi grabs the mic and says that “family” is what they just witnessed. Nice to see that Tamina’s gone from being AJ’s valet to being Naomi’s valet.
LAST TUESDAY AT KING OF THE RING: Barrett won the King of the Ring.
King Barrett makes his way down to the ring with his “king” costume from Party City. He says that he will “rule his kingdom with an iron fist” and people who don’t obey will be the victim of a bullhammer. He says there are only four words everyone needs to know: “ALL HAIL KING BARRETT”.
MATCH #7: King Barrett & Sheamus vs. Neville & Dolph Ziggler Ziggler and Barrett start things off. Sheamus distracts Ziggler and Barrett hits a cheap shot from behind. Barrett sets Ziggler on the top buckle and kicks him in the chest. He gets two. Ziggler comes back with a snap DDT and two count. Sheamus tries to get involved. Sheamus tries to get in the ring but Neville comes in. Stalemate and a break. After break, Sheamus has Ziggler in a side headlock. Ziggler fights out but ends up in the Irish Curse Backbreaker. Sheamus taunts Ziggler so Ziggler hauls off and Superkicks him. Hot tags on both ends. Neville ducks out of three moves, then hits a nice Hurricarana, tossing Barrett out of the ring. Neville splashes him outside, then tosses him back in and hits the Standing Shooting Star Press for two. Neville misses an attack. Barrett goes for the Bullhammer but misses. Neville hits an Enzuguri and German Suplex for two. Sheamus gets in the ring. Ziggler boots him out and the two fight near the barrier. Neville knocks Barrett down and goes for the Red Arrow but Sheamus distracts Neville. Neville kicks him and goes up top but comes down and hits the Bullhammer. Done at 8:38. WINNER: Barrett & Sheamus
RATING: **. Not bad, but nothing to write home about. Nice to see Neville and Zayn getting some work tonight. Neville is supremely impressive and I can’t wait to see him progress through the ranks.
We go straight from this to the main event — which is a good thing, considering it’s 4 minutes from the scheduled end of the show. Before we begin that, however, it’s Kane, dressed for battle. Rollins follows behind him with J&J Security. Jamie Noble says he’s the “special guest ring announcer” and says that Joey Mercury is the timekeeper. Kane is an “enforcer”. Seth is a “guest commentator”.
In the words of Dwight in Sin City: “And everything was going SO well…”
MATCH #8: Roman Reigns vs. Randy Orton Seth: “I trust Kane.” Cole: “You TRUST him now?!” Reigns and Orton bickers over current circumstances but finally start to brawl. Orton knocks Reigns to his knee but Reigns comes back, tossing Reigns into the corner. Orton comes back with a clothesline. Orton goes to pick Reigns up but Reigns hits a Samoan Drop. Reigns dumps Orton outside as Cole declares that he wants to see Buddy Rogers wrestle. This commentary is DEATH. Noble gets involved. Reigns clocks him. Orton clocks Reigns and tosses Reigns back in the ring. Reigns comes back with a quick clothesline but can’t capitalize. Orton gets up and hits clotheslines. He tries a powerslam but Reigns stops himself on the charge. Orton hits a nice backbreaker and Reigns falls outside the ring ropes. Crowd is dead for all of this. Orton goes for the Elevated DDT but Reigns drops Orton’s neck on the ropes and hits the Missile Dropkick. Reigns goes for the Superman Punch but misses. Reigns runs at Orton again and Orton hits the In-Stride Powerslam, followed by the Elevated DDT. He calls for the RKO but Reigns shoves him away and hits a Superman Punch. Orton rolls out of the ring. Reigns goes for a dive but Kane trips him and all four guys go to attack Orton. Ref calls for a bell but nobody’s gonna ring it because Mercury doesn’t care about his post anymore. WINNER: Reigns by DQ, presumably.
RATING: **. Eh. Barely passable. A shame, considering what we’ve seen tonight.
Post-match, the mudhole stomp continues until Ambrose comes out to save the day. The three Fatal 4-Way guys surround Rollins until Reigns hits a Spear, knocking him out. Reigns celebrates — until Orton RKO’s Reigns. Orton celebrates and Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds.
Ambrose celebrates and we go off the air.
OVERALL: WHAT. A. SHOW. Why can’t Creative do this more often? Even the mediocre matches weren’t as painful. This is the kind of show WWE needs to churn out on a regular basis. I will go ***1/4 here.
And here is the best of the Internet water cooler:
Fans of Lev Grossman’s The Magicians will have something to cheer about as Syfy has announced the greenlight for a television adaptation of the book series.
The Magicians stars Jason Ralph (A Most Violent Year, Aquarius) as Quentin Coldwater, a brilliant grad student who enrolls in Brakebills College for Magical Pedagogy, a secret upstate New York university specializing in magic. He and his 20-something friends soon discover that the magical fantasy world they read about as children is all too real – and poses grave danger to humanity. Stella Maeve (Chicago P.D.), Hale Appleman (Teeth), Arjun Gupta (Nurse Jackie) and Summer Bishil (Towelhead, Lucky 7) also star in this one hour drama.
“The Magicians pilot beautifully delivers a world filled with wonder, fantasy and intrigue,” said Dave Howe, President, Syfy. “We can’t wait to delve deeper into the lives of Quentin and his college friends, as they struggle with the enormity of their burgeoning powers – and unleash them upon the world.”
“Ever since ‘The Magicians’ was published I’ve wanted to see this story on screen,” said Lev Grossman. “The people, the school, the other worlds, the magic. I’m so thrilled that it’s finally happening, and I’m beyond thrilled that we found the right people to do it. Get ready; you’ve never seen anything like this.”
John McNamara (Aquarius) and Sera Gamble (Supernatural), writers of the pilot, will serve as executive producers.
The twelve episode season will begin shooting in Vancouver in July.
DORNE! IN THE INTRO! Now it’s long enough to do that 8-minute workout I’ve seen people raving about on Facebook. Not that I’ll do it, but it’s nice to have the option.
Here we are, almost to the halfway point of the season and still there is no winter, no wars, and very little dragons. There is, however, an abundance of murder and boobs, so we know it’s still Game of Thrones. In “Sons of the Harpy” we follow the wrath of the women in Game of Thrones; from Cersei’s institution of the Faith Militant, to Margaery’s rage over her brother’s imprisonment, to Melisandre’s anger over being spurned by Jon Snow (and saying the line!), and Ellaria’s need for revenge against the Lannisters. I also have no doubt we are building to see the wrath of both Sansa and Daenerys, so hold on to your butts, people.
ESSOS – Somewhere in the water outside Volantis
Oh, hey, look! Jorah’s lost most of his morals and steals a boat so he can sail back to Meereen. Along the way, Tyrion annoys the scorned knight with a muffled rendition of Hot Cross Buns, so Jorah tells him they’re going to Daenerys and Tyrion has a good laugh over the irony of it all. Then Jorah then helps Tyrion sleep without wine. Their banter isn’t nearly as exciting as that between Tyrion and Varys, but it’s nice having Jorah back, kind of. I mean, he’s become a bit of a jerk since he started frequenting brothels with Dany look-a-likes. And he’s a lot more delusional.
Dorne
On a much larger boat, Jaime and Bronn travel to Dorne, but not before sailing by Tarth so that Jaime can wistfully gaze upon it and daydream of Brienne. I assume. Bronn asks why Jaime is there and he fumbles through some answer about rescuing his niece and not wanting to start a war. Bronn doesn’t buy any of Jaime’s story, but decides he likes gold more than the truth, so he lets it go.
Bronn decides to change the subject to the only thing the two have in common: Tyrion. This upsets Jaime because even though he disliked his father and loved Tyrion, revenge is more important so if he ever sees the Imp again, he’ll split him in two. Note: listen to the music when Jaime tells Bronn he’ll send Tyrion his regards.
Jaime and Bronn then “row” into Dorne and Jaime makes the rookie mistake of trusting someone he paid. Then he goofs up even more by opening his mouth in front of a few Dornish riders and Bronn is all, “Are you serious, man? I’m trying to lie us into safety and you are like one-tenth as smart as your brother. SHUT. UP.” It leads to a bloody confrontation that makes Bronn question for the hundredth time why Jaime had to come along.
Also in the land of sand and snakes (HEH), Ellaria meets with Oberyn’s daughters, the Sand Snakes and plots how to start a war. She isn’t very subtle about how she intends to do it, either. (Hint: Jaime’s “niece.”) They then find out that Jaime Lannister is in Dorne to rescue Myrcella, so they are forced to rush their plans. Two of the Sand Snakes are in, but Obara spends these crucial moments taking a forced trip down memory lane to tell us why she eventually says yes to Ellaria’s plan.
King’s Landing
At the Small Council, Mace Tyrell is an oaf and Cersei quickly gets rid of him by sending him as an envoy to the Iron Bank, courtesy of Lannister Travel Agency. Ser Meryn fucking Trant is his escort because the Lannisters spare no expense when it comes to getting what they want. Two guesses as to how that plays out for Papa Tyrell. Cersei then meets with the High Sparrow and institutes the Faith Militant, giving all of the Sparrows fancy new black robes to cover the darkness in their hearts as they destroy everything King’s Landing loves: sex and wine. Ser Loras Tyrell is arrested as a sinner and Margaery doesn’t even try to hide her anger. Tommen acts like a child, completely ignorant of Cersei and Margaery’s hatred of one another, because like a Hobbit, the only thing he cares about is breakfast.
Is it scary to think that Joffrey would have already rid King’s Landing of the Faith Militant? I almost wish he were still alive to see his confrontation with them outside the Sept of Baelor. Almost.
THE WALL
Stannis needs to march on Winterfell, and for that he also needs a larger army and the support of the Night’s Watch. Jon needs men for the Watch, which means asking for help from the likes of the Boltons, and a few other lords he’s never heard of. Melisandre needs….a few other things.
After that incredibly awkward boob stare and grab, Jon reminds Melisandre that there’s only room in his heart for one redhead.
But the best part at Castle Black was the scene between Stannis and Shireen. I’m sure that these scenes hold little weight for the story at large, but I love Shireen. She is one of the truly kind people on the show and for Stannis to defend her, show her he loves her, and prove that he wants her around, well that just adds another ten points to House Stannis. Look at that little girl smile. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE HER, SELYSE YOU MONSTER.
WINTERFELL
Sansa visits the crypts underneath Winterfell, because only good things happen down there. Naturally, Littlefinger follows her down there and then tells the story of the Tourney at Harrenhal, reminding us that Rhaegar and Lyanna caused Robert’s Rebellion. More importantly, Littlefinger continues to play the part of the creepy uncle you don’t sit next to at family dinners. Littlefinger thinks Stannis will take Winterfell and save Sansa, making her Wardeness of the North. Aaaaaand awkward kiss. That’s enough of that for tonight.
Meereen
Barristan Selmy and Dany share a sweet moment reminiscing about Rhaegar, and that’s the second time he’s been discussed this episode. However, what concerns me more is the genuine smile Dany gives the old knight because that’s how you know things are about to get ugly. Any time someone seems happy, they get stabbed. Daario interrupts their bonding moment, only to be reminded that Dany doesn’t pay him to think.
Hizdahr pleads his case for opening the fighting pits for tenth time this season and Dany reminds him that killing men for sport isn’t kosher. As Hizdahr makes his stirring speech about the slaves becoming infamous through death, the Sons of the Harpy lure Unsullied into a dark alley and start their our version of the fighting pits. The Unsullied surprisingly get man-handled pretty well considering they’ve been trained to fight since infancy. Barristan comes across the alley fight just in time to end it, but not before falling to the ground next to a very bloody and defeated Grey Worm.
Random Thoughts:
It would have been hilarious if the person Jorah beat up for the boat was Gendry. Huh? HUH?! AMIRITE? Just me? Okay, then.
Littlefinger is super creepy, right? I’m scared for Sansa, but I don’t know if I’m more scared for her with Littlefinger or with Ramsay. Just kidding. Ramsay is terrifying. But seriously, for a guy who claims to know how to play the game, Littlefinger doesn’t know as much about people as he thinks he does.
Is Barristan going to die? IS GREY WORM GOING TO DIE? I can’t handle this. Why would you do this to me, HBO? (I just watched next week’s trailer and I HATE YOU, HBO.)
There were a few references to a theory about Jon Snow’s parentage this week, including the flashback all the way back to the first season with King Robert at Lyanna’s grave. If you’re interested, you can highlight this bit of text (spoilers, kind of?):
The theory is that Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark are actually Jon Snow’s parents, not Ned Stark and some woman he met on the road.
At Castle Black, there’s the conversation between Stannis and Selyse:
“You think highly of this boy…the bastard by some tavern slut.”
“Perhaps, but that wasn’t Ned Stark’s way.”
Then again, in the crypts of Winterfell, Littlefinger tells the story of the Tourney at Harrenhal, where the spark that led to Robert’s Rebellion began–Rhaegar’s kidnapping and raping of Lyanna Stark. And even later, Selmy, a man who seems to have known Rhaegar better than anyone tells of his true nature as a singer and an intellectual who gave to the poor and loathed fighting, so he’s probably not the kind of guy to kidnap and rape a woman he finds beautiful. Food for thought.
With only three episodes remaining in the season, it seems the world of Outlander is determined to deny Claire and Jamie marital bliss. Last week Outlander ended with Jamie at gunpoint and Claire unable to save him. “The Watch” follows immediately after that moment and thankfully, Jenny has the sound mind to diffuse the situation. The new men are members of the Watch, a group of mercenaries who are paid to protect Scottish lands from the Redcoats, so that horrors like what happened to the Frasers may never occur again. But don’t let that noble intention fool you, the Watch isn’t above raiding merchants, burning belongings, and turning in wanted fugitives to the Redcoats for a reward.
It is the latter of those traits that has Claire and Jamie most worried. Not many Lallybroch outsiders seem to recognize Jamie’s face, which works in his favor, but his sudden appearance has the Watch, especially its leader, Taran MacQuarrie, suspicious. The feeling is mutual for Jamie, and he disapproves of Jenny and Ian paying such a group for protection, but the pair remind him that they cannot fend off the Redcoats alone, and no matter how much Jamie wishes he could, neither can he.
Has anyone thought that Jamie might be the more recognizable part of my name and not Fraser? No? Just me? Alright then.
After a few war stories and a kerfuffle outside over the hay (in the hay, whatever), Taran and Jamie come to a bitter understanding of one another. And then the Redcoat deserter from Jamie’s past and a new member of the Watch, Horrocks, makes an appearance, putting a damper on their budding bromance . Horrocks knows who Jamie is, what he’s wanted for, and that Jamie is noble enough to hand over gold to keep the deserter’s mouth shut. It causes tension between everyone in Lallybroch, each trying to keep Jamie’s identity a secret without raising any suspension, or without angering the unpredictable Horrocks.
Eventually, Jamie confronts the ex-Redcoat, gives him the coin he wants, and asks him to leave. Sensing an opportunity for greed, Horrocks makes snide remarks about Jenny and Claire, and then demands more gold. Just when things between the two men are about to come to blows, Ian rams Horrocks through with a shaking sword. Taran, being a shrewd man, puts two and two together, realizing Jamie and Ian must be responsible for Horrocks “disappearance.” Jamie smirks and fesses up, earning him more of Taran’s respect, but also earning him and Ian a place in the Watch for their next raid.
“Sigh. I wish I could have morning sickness and a baby in my belly that kicks me at all hours of the night.”
All the while, a very pregnant Jenny goes into labor, and with the midwife out of the village, Claire is the only one who can help deliver. The baby is breech and it’s not hard to understand why the two women are fearful of that fact, you know, given the century and Jenny’s family history. An underlying emotion throughout is Claire’s curiosity about becoming a mother. She asks Jenny how she feels when pregnant, how she knows when she’s with child, and in Claire’s silence you can see her real reason for the questions–she fears she may not be able to have children. Only when Jamie discusses filling up Lallybroch with their little ones does Claire finally voice her fear. There’s a distance between the pair when the realization hits and it’s in these moments when the couple shines. Sure, who doesn’t love the smut–I certainly do–but these darker moments that plague any couple are what makes the pair stronger. Jamie closes the gap between them, making a joke about having her all to himself, but once Claire leaves the room, he slides down on to the wooden chest and sits there, staring. It’s something I really enjoy about these two; individually they’re strong-willed but together they so badly want to give the other what they think is expected. Jamie wants to give Claire a safe home, a comfortable life; Claire wants to give Jamie children. Neither seem able to do so.
At the end of the episode, Jenny has her baby girl, Maggie, and the boys ride off on the Watch’s raid, only to find out that Horrocks betrayed them all to the Redcoats, and only Ian and one other Watch member make it back to Lallybroch. Jamie and the other surviving members are taken by the Redcoats.
Back to Black Jack Randall.
Outlander airs Saturdays on Starz at 9pm EST.
Photos courtesy of Starz.
There’s this little movie releasing today that you may have heard a bit about, Avengers: Age of Ultron. Later on this year we’ve got Ant-Man, followed by Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Suicide Squad, and dozens more. As you can tell, Hollywood has been on a superhero kick lately and who can blame them? They’ve got everything we need: action, robots, gadgets, abs that can cut glass. But the actors that play these superheroes weren’t always mankind’s saviors.
Charlie Cox – Daredevil
Previously seen in: Casanova
At the end of Casanova when Heath Ledger passed the mantle on to a baby Charlie Cox, I remember thinking, “Him? HIM?! That shy little nobody?” Well, I’m eating my words now because that shy little nobody grew up, became a king in Stardust, had a stint on Boardwalk Empire, and chiseled his jaw to finally become Daredevil.
Henry Cavill – Superman
Previously seen in: The Count of Monte Cristo
Look at that baby face! Before becoming the man in the cape, Henry Cavill did a few period pieces, starting with The Count of Monte Cristo, then moving to Tristan & Isolde, and finally becoming the best part on The Tudors. Bonus: Cavill was also in Stardust with Charlie Cox, except he played the sleazy boyfriend no one liked.
Chris Evans – Captain America
Previously seen in: Not Another Teen Movie
I know I could have used that iconic whipped cream and cherry photo of Chris Evans from Not Another Teen Movie, but I think the smirk and letterman jacket encompasses the douchebaggery well. Evans was in another teen movie, The Perfect Score, alongside fellow Avenger, Scarlett Johansson. He tried his hand at being a superhero as Human Torch in Fantastic Four, but to purge that memory from our minds, he went on to become Captain America.
Hayley Atwell – Agent Carter
Previously seen in: Pillars of the Earth
Until Captain America: The First Avenger, Hayley Atwell only had smaller movie roles and parts in TV Mini-series, like Any Human Heart. Pillars of the Earth is by far my favorite of her earlier work, but she also worked alongside Ewan McGregor and Colin Farrell in Cassandra’s Dream. Now she’s kicking butt as Agent Carter and I couldn’t be happier.
Ben Affleck – Batman
Previously seen in: Daredevil (Sorry, not sorry)
Something something Good Will Hunting, something something Gigli, something something Daredevil. Okay, I didn’t hateDaredevil, not like most anyway, but it’s hard to compare a mediocre film to one of the most anticipated movies of 2016. It’s Batman, people.
Scarlett Johansson – Black Widow
Previously seen in: Girl with a Pearl Earring
Scarlett Johansson has been acting since she was a wee little thing in North and Home Alone 3. However, she went on to more adult roles in Lost in Translation, Girl with a Pearl Earring, and The Prestige. She also did a voice in a Spongebob movie, but that’s easily nullified after her work in Her. As Black Widow, Johansson has been the most prolific of the Avengers actors, starring in four movies, even without having one of her own. AHEM.
Chris Pratt – Star-Lord
Previously seen in: Everwood
Back in my teen years, I had a thing for angsty CW shows. Dawson’s Creek, One Tree Hill, you name it. Everwood was about as angsty as they came, with a brooding Gregory Smith as the lead, Pratt played his antagonist for much of the earlier years. Pratt then went on to become the lovable Andy Dwyer on Parks and Recreation. I can only assume he learned his world-saving techniques from Leslie Knope before becoming Star-Lord.
Gal Gadot – Wonder Woman
Previously seen in: Wonder Woman (Because I’m just really excited about her playing WW.)
Like, really excited. Besides, I needed more ladies on this list.
Chris Hemsworth – Thor
Previously seen in: Dancing with the Stars
There’s nothing more I can add to this besides a gif:
Lost Girl Season 5, Episode 3: “Big in Japan″ Air date: May 1, 2015 Grade: B-
This week’s episode of Lost Girl ushers in a new phase in Bo’s life as she attempts to navigate her world post-Kenzi. First we see her trying out what any normal human would do with a big change happens, redecorate of course! The chosen one tries out a new shade of green with Dyson lending a helping hand (or two) but while he apparently is all for a no strings attached physical relationship, Bo suddenly gets super thirsty and leaves him in search of a beverage. Did she really just turn him down?
Musashi, fae god of bad karaoke.
Meanwhile at The Dal, it’s karaoke night and a male Fae is performing a terrible rendition of “Ring My Bell” with his two female companions. When they finish their number, the man is nearly assassinated via poison but he is able to detect by freezing his drink.
After his rejection, Dyson goes to Lauren’s lab where they discuss the deaths of the people in an elevator crash (the same ones from the end of last week’s episode). There are some mighty strange things going on such as three of the bodies have no marks, bruises, or cuts whatsoever. Also while there is three identified human blood types, a fourth fae one is also found. Unfortunately Lauren is unable able to determine what kind it is. One of the bodies is revealed to be that of our mysterious candle-holding lady. Of course she’s got to be the fae but what exactly is she? On top of that Dyson discovers that Lauren’s been getting death threats because of her humanization of the Morrigan.
Bo and Tamsin are roomies now and the two ladies decide to go on a night out when they are propositioned by karaoke fae while buying some hotdogs. At first the succubus tells him to go away but in the spirit of yolo, she finally gives in and the threesome have a very alcohol fueled night. In the morning Bo wakes up with massive hangover and Tamsin next to her in bed. She attempts to heal herself by feeding on the valkyrie but is unable to yet again (but I’m sure morning breath did not help). Bo realizes that douchey karaoke fae is still there and he tells them that someone had attempted to kill him and that he them to be his bodyguards.
Valkyries love em warriors.
Over dinner he reveals that he is Musashi, to which Tamsin geeks out because a valkyrie meeting one of history’s most famous warriors is akin to normal people meeting a rock star. Miyamoto Musashi was a legendary swordsman in feudal Japan who fought in many great battles. Tamsin explains to Bo after reading the scroll Musashi hands her that he is ascending soon to become king of his ancestors, basically a god and this could be the reason why someone ordered a hit.
Lauren in the meantime manages to spook herself out one late night at her lab and decides to ask Dyson to train her in self-defense. It’s kind of adorable to see book smart Lauren get fighting tips from the werewolf detective. While the doctor is flustered at Dyson’s aggressiveness and wants to give up, he coaxes her into really giving it a chance, saying that they’ll find something that works for her. He eventually has her practicing throwing ninja stars, which is fitting given this episode’s Japanese themed storyline.
Back to Mushashi (the soon to be god of douches) where an assassin attempts to take his life again but stops as soon as he notices a mark on the fae’s neck and realizes who he is. The ninja then commits seppuku (ritual suicide via disembowelment) to atone for trying to take out the exalted one. It’s weird though that Mushashi is just standing there doing nothing when he should have stopped the man so that they could at least find out who hired him. In the process Bo is injured and she tells Tamsin that she can’t heal the wound. That is a serious problem.
She goes to Lauren who stitches her up and attempts some sexual healing herself but it doesn’t work and Bo in frustration explains that she has no sex drive and that hasn’t happened to her since she was a kid basically. Looks like she’s going to have to endure the pain like normal folks.
Tamsin soon discovers that it was probably one of Musashi’s brothers who hired the kill in order to be the next in line to ascend. Motive = jealousy. Bo goes undercover as masseuse but is quickly found out after asking too many nosey quesitons. However, Musashi’s sister Tomoe knocks out her brother with a stone and Bo realizes that she is the one behind the assassin. Turns out that Tomoe only did it to scare Musashi into not ascending because he had lied about his victorious battle and that if he went through with it, he would become a monster instead.
The twosome proceed to dawn some masks of their own and crash Mushashi’s ascension ceremony. They are stopped by another ninja who turns out to be Tomoe. As the two siblings stare at each other, Musashi caves in and finally admits to their elders that people assumed that he had been the one to win the great battle and he just never corrected them. Thus Tomoe is declared the true exalted one and her brother relegated to serving tea at their family restaurant. However, he gets his revenge when he stabs Bo in the gut after she returns home and gives herself a Stuart Smalley pep talk.
She is somehow brought to Lauren’s lab where Dyson, Lauren, Trick, and Tamsin are all there worried for her. While everyone is coddling the succubus, Tamsin gives a much-needed dose of tough love and tells Bo that if she wants to give up then she should go ahead and die already. This finally gets Bo to admit that she’s terrified of losing all of them after having lost so many people in her life already and that she’s scared she’s going to end up alone. Everyone tells her that they aren’t going anywhere and just like that, her eyes turn blue and orders everyone to leave except Dyson. Oh yes Bo’s libido is back with a vengeance and we get a win for Team Dyson. Tamsin and Lauren share awkward but touching moment outside as the sounds of Bo and Dyson’s amorous lovemaking reverberate in the background.
Bo’s about to serve some sass
Now fully healed, Bo goes to visit Musashi where is has been severely downgraded to waiter and janitor. How the mighty have fallen! He begs her to kill him but she isn’t letting him off the hook that easily. She gives him some advice that being a good leader means being honest and being what you need to be when you need to be it.
Back at the lab, a man puts a knife to Lauren’s assistant’s throat looking to get the special human inducing serum. The doctor puts her skills to use and calmly fills up a syringe with ketamine then lands a hit on the attacker’s neck, combining her science skills and her newly acquired self-defense ones. Nicely done Dr. Lewis. Lauren then meets up with the rest of the gang at Bo’s for movie night where she hints to Dyson that she used her gut to keep an incident under control. Before her arrival Dyson was also trying to convince Tamsin to quit the force and become Bo’s partner at a new detective agency she’s setting up. The valkyrie though is not quite convinced yet to take the plunge.
The group sits cozily on the couch where Bo manages to be physically connected with each of them, showing how they are all important to her despite their complicated lives. Come to think Bo’s kissed all of them, yep definitely complicated.
Much like last week’s ending, the episode closes with the woman from the elevator bursting out of the body drawer in Lauren’s lab. She encounters Lisa the assistant and shortly kills her afterwards. Dun dun dun…..
Now that Bo’s feeling more like herself again and has dealt with the grief of losing Kenzi, it’s going to be fun to see how her friendship with Tamsin grows and of course if anything more happens between her and Dyson (a girl can wish). Lastly, when are we going to meet her dad? He needs to be the main bad guy since this is the last season right? Here’s hoping that the show has something real good in store for his grand entrance because with all the build up from previous seasons, he’s got to be awesomely badass.
Although it seems hard to believe, it was three years ago this weekend that writer/director Joss Whedon collectively blew our minds by unleashing onto the world The Avengers. It was an audacious film that brought together characters we had grown to know and love through their own individual movies and I think that I can speak for all films nerds when I say that seeing Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Black Widow, and yes…even Hawkeye together on screen was enough to make a movie memory that will last a lifetime.
But now three years have past and in that time we’ve continued watching these characters do battle with the forces of evil on their own time knowing full well that they’d be gathered again for us in Joss Whedon’s sequel Avengers: Age of Ultron. And while the prospect of that seemed uncontrollably exciting leading up to the film’s release, I now have to wonder if we’ve already experienced too much of a good thing now that I’m on the other side of things.
The film picks up after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier with our favorite heroes working together to hunt down the last remaining agents of Hydra and recapture Loki’s scepter which is powered by a gem of unspeakable power. They succeed in this mission and then Tony Stark (who is for some unexplained reason back in the superhero business after destroying all of his armored suits at the end of Iron Man 3) takes possession of said scepter to work with Bruce Banner to create the ultimate piece of artificial intelligence in hopes of someday saving the world from extraterrestrial threats.
What Banner and Stark create though can best be described as a monster. Named Ultron (voiced deliciously by James Spader), this intense piece of software finds a way to manifest itself as a physical robot and sets out with a plan to kill the Avengers and ultimately destroy most of life on our planet.
The plot gets a little more complicated than that with a host of new characters including Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen), Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), and The Vision (Paul Bettany) getting involved, but since most of the film’s genuine surprises revolve around them the less I say here the better. In a nutshell though, this is a movie about a bad guy trying to destroy the world – not exactly original or captivating stuff on a strictly story level.
Joss Whedon does an impossibly good job at juggling the seemingly infinite different characters populating the story but we’ve now reached a point where simply having them together isn’t enough to make a completely satisfying movie. As an audience we demand something new beyond adding yet more characters. Instead of thematic or structural curve balls we essentially just get more of the same with teases for even more movies tossed in to tickle fanboys in all the right places. But even the much-anticipated end credits scene felt redundant this time around with almost no surprise element to get us squealing in our seats.
All of this is not to say that the movie is a total drag. There are actually plenty of things in it to make you giggle like a schoolboy or daydream about taking flight to personally battle an army of robots (Hulk vs Iron Man in his Hulkbuster armor comes to mind as the film’s geektastic highlight) but the heart never soars quite like it did three years ago when the gang got together to avenge the death of a friend in the streets of New York City.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a truly wonderful thing that I can’t wait to see continue unfolding with new characters and worlds introduced, but this particular entry just doesn’t quite hit the mark in the way I was hoping. Here’s hoping Ant-Man can end Phase Two on a really high note…
OH, AND LET’S NOT FORGET ONE LAST SPOILER-FILLED GRIPE BEFORE I WRAP THIS UP…
Seriously stop reading if you haven’t seen the movie yet…
Still here?
Okay…here goes… [Click to expand the spoilers]
[su_spoiler title=”Avengers: Age of Ultron SPOILERS” style=”fancy”]HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KILL QUICKSILVER AND LEAVE HAWKEYE ALIVE AND WELL?!?! Sure, Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye earns a little more love and respect this time around but the movie’s big emotional payoff is killing off a new character who has maybe five lines throughout the whole movie prior to a final act of bravery?! Nope. Shoulda been Hawkeye taking those bullets. I would have cried my face off.
Quicksilver taking the bullets = indifferent shrug.[/su_spoiler]
Louie Season 5, Episode 4 – “Bobby’s House” Air date: April 30 (10:30pm e/p)
Louie has always had a fondness for subverting expectations both large and small, often pointing out their absurdity in the process. “Bobby’s House” brings back two of the show’s strongest characters while examining the things we do and situations we put ourselves in for the sake of our expected roles.
This episode may have cemented Louie’s brother Bobby as one of my favorite recurring characters. His storyline in “Bobby’s House” is filled with little ridiculous twists and he plays them all perfectly straight. Bobby wakes up Louie with a phone call to ask for a ride to their Uncle Jack’s wake in two hours. Louie was never informed of his death, but Bobby later tells him that he saw the obituary in the papers. They arrive at the wake filled with Asians, but Bobby doesn’t question it: “Bro, he fought in Vietnam.” He’s finally proven wrong when they see a picture of the recently deceased, and they decide to pay their respects rather than immediately leaving.
After getting dropped off, Bobby invites him up to his apartment, where the two brothers attempt to bond. Louie’s uncomfortable reluctance and Bobby’s earnestness (even when he’s way off base) is a great and underrated dynamic on the show, and the conversation they have might be my favorite scene of the season. Bobby attempts to bond with Louie, expressing pride in Louie’s accomplishments and ultimately confessing his dissatisfaction with his own life. In the confusing, frustrated conversation that follows, we learn of Bobby’s infertility (despite not being in a relationship or planning for children) and that he apparently thinks he’s the older brother in the relationship. Annoyed but inconsolable, he can’t quite articulate his frustrations and the scene ends with him clinging to the most recent version of the truth: “You’re my older brother man, you should be looking out for me!”
Louie later finds himself beaten up by a woman on the street, and finds himself embarrassed to admit it to his daughters. They can’t help but laugh at him, even as he tries to be the responsible father and reason that women can be strong. Here, as it was with Bobby, expectations and our adherence to them are hard to shake even when we know better. Pamela, naturally, also gets a kick out of the situation even as she helps him put on makeup to cover up his bruises before a show.
The traditional gender roles and dynamics have always been inverted in Louie’s relationship with Pamela, and if it hasn’t been obvious before, it certainly is now. In contrast to most relationships depicted on television, Louie’s the sensitive and insecure one while Pamela is more aloof and noncommittal. There are similarities one could draw to the manic pixie dream girl–a term writer Nathan Rabin later regretted coining as a reductive oversimplification. Pamela represents much of the same qualities for Louie–he fixates on her as a manifestation of all the spontaneity, confidence, and love he so desperately desires in his own life. But of course Pamela’s more than that, and her breaking up with Louie follows every film and television cliché in the books while still making sense for her character.
Pamela is a regular, independent person whose life isn’t defined by her relationship to Louie, and there’s really no reason a person like that would want to hang around a clingy sad-sack like him. That isn’t to say she’s heartless or doesn’t care about him, but she knows that the relationship won’t work out due to their differing expectations of it. It’s nothing revelatory or groundbreaking, but the swapping of the traditional gender roles adds a nice twist to the tired old relationship tropes normally depicted on-screen.
“You got a beautiful wife, you got a divorce, you got part-time custody of two beautiful kids…”
“What’d you do that for?” “What? I didn’t kill them!”
This week Dancing With the Stars aired back-to-back night episodes, with the regular Monday episode, followed by the 10th Anniversary Special, which highlighted not only 10 YEARS but also 20 – yes TWENTY seasons!!! I told you – this show is on 47 times per year! It never goes away! There’s a lot to cover, so let us begin. The regular episode was “Era Night”, where each pair was assigned an era or decade time period, and choreographed a number to it. There was also a “Dance-Off” which paired couples against one another, each dancing to the same music and dance style, back to back. Can somebody please check to see if Len is still awake?
Riker / Allison: They had the 1920s, and did the Quickstep. It was a baseball themed dance, and he played the major league player going after the girl . He also desperately wanted the ten score from Len, and he got it. Len called the dance “a field of dreams”, and Horny Carrie Ann and Julianne both had oddly matching plunging necklines on their dresses. Scores were 9/10/9/9.
Farmer Dull / Witney: They did a Foxtrot to Frank Sinatra, and their era was the 1940s. Storyline was that he was a sailor going off to war, and they had one last dance. She said in rehearsals that her strategy was going to be using his personality – I almost laughed myself out of my chair. Personality? WHAT personality? The man has the excitement level and persona of styrofoam. So, good luck with that. Julianne thought the dance was awesome, and Bruno made the most hilarious comment with: “Well hello, sailor! I think you are turning ….. into a dancer!” He is so funny, and out of his mind. Scores were 8/7/8/8.
Rumer / Val: During rehearsals, dad Bruce Willis stopped by to cheer his daughter on and visit her. “I’m so proud of her. She makes me cry”, he said. As for Rumer, she was emotional this week, feeling like her body was breaking down and like she was totally exhausted. Carrie Ann thought their dance “felt too safe”, and Len called them “a great pair.” Scores were 8/9/9/9.
Noah / Sharna: When talking about last week’s footage that showed Sharna in a negative light, Noah told her “You’re amazing. You’re the only one who could work with me , and so I’m very protective of you.” Awwwww ….. Noah also met Amy Purdy this week, who stopped by rehearsals, and they shared with each other the challenges of performing on the show with missing limbs. She told him it is about putting your soul and personality into the dance. Their style was Jazz and their era was the 70s, so they did a pretty epic dance where he was the leader of a gang, and she sported the craziest afro-wig of all time. There were tons of cool and smooth and slow arm and hand movements, and it was really hip and modern. Carrie Ann stood up and literally started screaming like a maniac “What? What? What? What? Oh my …. What? What?” Lady, what the F are you on??? I guess she liked the dance. Julianne said it was some of the most fun she has had while sitting at the judges table. Bruno called it “bad-ass hot. I want to join that gang!” Scores were 10/8//9/9.
Robert / Kym: They had the 80s, and the Argentine Tango. During rehearsals Kym explained and showed Robert what a HOT and sexy dance this is, and he complied 100%, telling her “I think we need more rehearsal.” Then they got on the dance floor and showed us all how much they lust after each other, through this dance. Bergeron had the comment of the night with: “and that was our ‘Get a room!’ dance of the night!” Scores were 7//8//8/8.
Nastia / Sasha / Derek: A threesome. So Derek became injured during rehearsals for the Dance-off, and Sasha, who has spent much of the season in a crab suit, had to step in and do this dance with Nastia. But Derek hates sitting on his butt NOT dancing, so not only did he choreograph the number, he was also in it. The routine took place on the subway and was a Charleston. Derek made himself one of the subway riders and did some “sit down dancing” to be part of the fun. The dance was clever and the choreography was outstanding. Carrie Ann got out of her seat and gave Nastia a creepy hug that lasted longer than any of Cher’s past faces. Scores were 10/9/9/10.
Willow / Mark: They did a Ninja number to Jazz, and Mark referred to it as ‘nin-jazz”. Weird creepy masks on, and a very clever number as far as choreography goes. Bruno talked about his little crouching tiger now being a Master (is that what he calls it?), and Carrie Ann started talking loudly in some weird Japanese language. (Nobody knew what she was saying.) Scores were 9/9/10/10.
Then there was the Dance-off. 3 couple pairings, competing against one another, winners getting points added to their overall scores. In the three pairings, the winners were Willow and Mark, Noah and Sharna, and Rumer and Val.
But it barely mattered, because minutes later, WILLOW AND MARK were sent home from last weeks votes. Really? So Farmer Blah STILL gets to stay there and be cardboard? I don’t get it. Anyway, Willow cried because she really didn’t want to leave, and Mark told everyone how incredible she is and how proud he is.
Ten Years of Mirror-Ball Madness: Then it was time to celebrate 10 years and 20 seasons of the show, with an all-star cast lineup of past performers and winners. There was a “trip down Mirror Ball lane”, courtesy of Bergeron and his awesome puns. Lots of past champs danced, such as first season winner Kelly Monaco, Amber Riley, Kelli Pickler, and more. There were clips and memories, judges comments , and then Maks and Len on a bicycle built for two – with both of their faces inside of a heart. Last years champs, Witney and Alfonso, danced for us, and then a clip was shown of the time when Witney accidentally hit Alfonso in his nuts, forcing him down to the floor and wincing like a child. In the footage, he is hurting and grabbing his area in pain, and Witney says “Are you alright? What do you need? A snack?” Tom Bergeron with the line of the night:
“When you’re hit in the sac, just get a snack.” – Tom Bergeron
The return of supercouple Maks and Meryl was fun to watch, and the best part was when the show embarrassed Maks with the showing of his audition tape for the show over 10 years ago. The 7 NFL stars that have danced on the show all did a combined Paso, and Patti LaBelle sang Lady Marmalade with Amber and Lil Kim . In the end, it was a night of pure entertainment and cheese.
NEXT WEEK: Somebody else who ISNT Farmer Boy will probably go home. Actually, next week is double elimination, so more chance for Farmer Dull to be the last one standing.
The plot has certainly thickened on USA Network’s event series “Dig,” as the final two episodes prepare to shed long-awaited light upon the core mysteries surrounding Tad Billingham’s (David Costabile) religious agenda, Ambassador Ridell’s (Regina Taylor) nefarious involvement and how it all connects to the 2,000 year-old secrets being uncovered in Jerusalem.
In this exclusive preview clip from Thursday’s penultimate episode, “Jehoshaphat,” Peter (Jason Isaacs) and Golan (Ori Pfeffer) witness the arrival of a private jet carrying Billingham, acolyte Faye (Angela Bettis) and “chosen one” Josh (Zen McGrath), but it’s not the passengers who take the detectives by surprise. Rather, it’s the presence of Ambassador Ridell and her behavior toward young Josh that has them saying what viewers will likely echo themselves:
“Holy sh–!”
Get a sneak peek at “Jehoshaphat” below, and share your thoughts on all things “Dig” in our comment section!
Don’t miss the final two episodes of “Dig,” Thursdays at 10/9c on USA.
